Post by Johnny Rebel on Oct 6, 2012 16:27:09 GMT -4
Rebel Rousing #8:
"Real Heroes."
“For crying out loud, Mr. PW,” Rebel exclaimed, “Did you forget to pay the electricity again? This is the fourth time this year!”
Mr. PW brushed off Rebel’s comments, grabbing a candle, and holding it by the base, walked around the room digging for flashlights.
“What am I supposed to do now?” Rebel folded his useless laptop over, and slid it in to a briefcase underneath his feet.
“I don’t know, Johnny,” Mr. PW answered back, “Maybe pick-up a book or something? I know it’s hard to believe but people actually read from books from time to time before those fancy smartphones and tablets came about! There is a whole world of knowledge out there but most of it sits on the shelves untapped.”
Rebel glances towards Mr. PW with a confused look on his face.
“Books? Don’t be ridiculous. There isn’t anything on any of your shelves over there that I can’t find within seconds on the Internet. I might be old school, but I know how to work Google.”
“You know,” Mr. PW snapped back, “When the investors told me that we’d be dumping piles of money in to you, I was excited. I figured that we had one of the smartest professional wrestlers around…”
“Yeah?” Rebel quizzed. “What’s your point?”
“I was wrong,” Mr. PW said shaking his head.
“Hey! I resent that!” Rebel argued. “Look, those books haven’t been touched in years! You haven’t read all of these anyway. I’m almost positive that I could pull down any one of these, crack them open, and choke half to death on the dust that I’d kick up! Save your ‘back in my day’ stories for someone who gives a monkeys rear!”
“Go ahead,” Mr. PW prods an arrogant Rebel, “Let’s have a little contest, shall we? You grab your little iPad doohickey, and I’ll use these books, that you have no confidence in and we’ll see who can dig up the answer first. Sound like a fair competition?”
“Of course it isn’t a fair competition!” Rebel shouts. “We don’t have any electricity, ergo, we don’t have Internet for me to use for research!”
“You should have thought about that before you started running your mouth then, Rebel,” Mr. PW smirks at a deflated Rebel.
“You win,” Rebel nods, “You always win. You’re the king of the universe, blah, blah, blah…”
Mr. PW doesn’t appreciate Johnny’s sarcasm, and reaches up to grab a book from the top of his shelf, sliding across the rolling ladder.
“An instant classic,” Mr. PW hands over the book to Rebel.
“I don’t understand,” Rebel responds.
“Good gracious, Rebel,” Mr. PW sighs at Rebel, “It’s called a book. You open it, flip through a few pages, and read the writing. It’s pretty simple…”
Rebel doesn’t budge at the degrading comments from Mr. PW.
“I know what it is…the question is why this particular book?” Rebel scans the front cover of the book, bringing it up to his face and blowing off the dust cover, watching a cloud of particles jump off the page. “Why in the world would I be interested in reading up on American heroes? If I’m not on the front cover of the book, it can’t be that interesting!”
“Broaden your horizons, Rebel,” Mr. PW smirks, plopping down on a black leather chair, and sipping on a glass of scotch.
“Oh, I get it…” Rebel smirks. “You must have been doing a little surfing of your own and saw the Asylum card for this week where I’m matched up against one of my Extreme Elimination Chamber opponents in Michael Callahan and thought a little reading might inspire some motivation.”
“Something like that,” Mr. PW answers. “Mr. Callahan presumes to be an American hero when, quite frankly, he doesn’t hold a candle to some of those who have come before him. He should have done a little more research before he started touting himself as the next big thing.”
“For once, we can agree,” Rebel nods towards Mr. PW. “Callahan’s been running around here without a whole lot of checks and balances. However, I’m starting to notice a coincidence since I made the switch from Overdrive. Our American hero has been in a downward spiral. First, he loses his Pro-Life Championship, after an unprecedented run with the belt, and then he’s scheduled to face me! He’s been looking over his shoulder for “Simply Put” Johnny Rebel since it was made known that I was going to be on his show!”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Mr. PW scolds Rebel.
Johnny grabs the book, sitting down across from Mr. PW, and begins reading the first page.
“A definition of a hero,” Rebel reads, “Someone who acts to help another with no thought for herself or himself. HA! That description fits one of us in this match and it isn’t Callahan! The only thing that is ever coming from his mouth is the same ol’ tired manure that I’ve heard from every other megastar in the APW. It’s some combination of ‘I’m the best’ or ‘Don’t you I’ve never failed at anything?’ I’ve seen how that movie ends and doesn’t go well for our “American Hero!”
“He’s just a young Johnny Rebel, that’s all,” Mr. PW comments as Rebel’s mouth drops.
“A young Johnny Rebel? It’s a little early to start making the plans to send me to the glue factory, dude! I still have a lot of life left in these legs. We don’t need to be crowning my successor any time soon!”
“I wasn’t talking about his career path,” Mr. PW responds, “However, I’ve heard you say all of those things as well, numerous times. What can we say? He’s learned from the best!”
“And I’m the idiot…”
“Yeah, yeah,” Mr. PW says, “Keep reading in that book.”
Rebel continues to flip through pages until the very end, where he lands on a picture of Lance Armstrong.
“In what universe is Lance Armstrong a hero?” Rebel asks. “The guy has one testicle, and won a few bike races here and there. Big freakin’ deal! Oh, wait a second; I see the comparison between the two! Armstrong only has one nut, Callahan only has one nut…”
“I’m not amused,” Mr. PW responds to Rebel’s childish insult, “Lance holds the Tour de France record with seven victories! This was after he went through chemotherapy for testicular cancer, where he had a 50/50 chance of surviving after the cancer spread to his brain and lungs. This is a guy who has inspired people along the way to do things they never thought they could have done! He certainly fits the mold of a hero, and someone that I think you can draw parallels to Michael Callahan!”
Rebel snickers, drawing the ire of Mr. PW.
“I don’t see what’s so funny here, Rebel!”
“Come on,” Rebel chuckles, “You couldn’t have become a billionaire by being so naïve! It’s proven that Lance Armstrong’s success came from an enlarged heart, which allowed him a significant advantage over everyone else that raced…and seriously, dude, we’re talking about bike riding! Even if Armstrong did blaze a few trails, the only person that cares is someone like Callahan, who enjoyed being tickled by the pointy-end of the bike seat!”
Rebel snickers again.
“Plus the man won’t ever admit it, but Armstrong’s records have been whipped clean when he was found doping! I can see now how you’d compare the two together. The only way that Callahan could hope to beat me at Asylum this week is by being in superior physical condition, which we simply know isn’t going to happen, and cheating! That’s it…his only options of winning!”
“Arrogance doesn’t become you, Johnny.”
“It’s not arrogance, if it’s true, brother!” Rebel comments. “I’m bigger, stronger, faster, and I have the experience in my favor to run circles around our so-called hero. How could you blame me for being confident enough to know I have this one in the bag when I’ve had the success that I’ve had over the past few weeks? I’ve pinned our World Heavyweight Champion on three separate occasions now, scored the victory over half of my competitors at One Night in Hell, and defeated the legendary Sally Talfourd!”
“Not without controversy,” Mr. PW adds, “I don’t know if I’d count that as a victory!”
“Callahan doesn’t understand what he’s getting in to this month at One Night in Hell. He’s spent the better part of the year tangled up with guys like Johnny Sykes, Johnny Knuckles and Stefan Raab! It’s a whole new world when having to sit across the ring and stare in to the eyes of someone like me, who will be itching to get out of that pod, and do some serious damage to anybody in my path. We’re not dealing with some kind of secondary championship that is one-step above absolutely worthless, and the no-talent hacks that follow it. He’ll be crawling in to the same foxhole Lance Armstrong currently occupies when it finally sinks in what he’s up against!”
“He also has something that you don’t,” Mr. PW holds his comments over Rebel’s head. “Hunger, drive, determination.”
“That’s three things,” Rebel corrects his boss.
“Regardless, he hasn’t been there yet. You have been and you failed miserably. You know that you didn’t have a snowballs chance in Hades in walking out of RassleMania with the Undisputed Championship! That match had Kurt Noble written all over it and after months of trading shots, he’s officially run laps around you! You settled for an embarrassing tag team championship run with the equally as over-the-hill Level-One and now you’re trying to find where you belong on the Asylum roster.”
“I know where I belong,” Rebel responds. “I’m the savior of this forsaken roster of misfits! Reginald tried to protect his brand by pretending like he didn’t want me here but when the cameras were done rolling, he was high-fiving every single one of his executive team that he could reach! I’m the reason why Asylum is going to be put back on the map, and the reason why Asylum is finally capturing the top-spot on APW megashows! Before I was around, guys like James Chambers and Rico Casteel were lucky enough to be curtain-jerker’s on a show like One Night in Hell. All eyes will be on me when the spotlights finally kick-on, and guys like Anthony Bailey and Michael Callahan won’t be able to get out of that pod out of fear!”
“That better be the case,” Mr. PW says, “We weren’t thrilled with your move to Asylum to begin with…and there is a lot of money riding on you in the Chamber.”
“Believe me,” Rebel confidently reassures Mr. PW, “The tagline under Michael Callahan’s name will read: ‘The above is subject to removal from consideration as an American hero!’ when I’m done with him this week! The opportunity to be the last man out of the pod, to be fresh when my number is called, while the lesser beings fend for themselves is something that I can’t pass up! You think that Callahan is hungry, well, you don’t have a clue as to what the past several months have done to me. I’ve been written off, left on the curb, and don’t have anything to show for myself since RassleMania but a few cheap victories against people that shouldn’t even be in my league!”
Mr. PW hands over a glass of scotch from across the table, as the clink of their glasses resounds in the small office.
“Besides, we’re still good to go with ‘Plan-B’ right? You know…in case things start to go sour?” Rebel asks.
“Asylum doesn’t have any idea!”
“The rise of the age of Rebel begins this week on Asylum! Shane Borderland, Anthony Bailey, Phil Atken, Sally Talfourd, and Michael Callahan will be distant memories, a mere footnote in the grand story of Johnny Rebel!
#SIMPLY
#F’N
#PUT!
