Post by Michael Callahan on Oct 13, 2012 20:46:04 GMT -4
“Confront them with annihilation, and they will then survive; plunge them into a deadly situation, and they will then live. When people fall into danger, they are then able to strive for victory.”-Sun Tzu
A buzzing, droning sound unlike anything you could ever consciously hear until the divine light of clarity pierces the darkness. Coherence activates, the gears begin to whir and suddenly the pieces fall into place. For Michael Callahan, these sensations were the ones he felt as he struggled once again with the firm hand of GOP authority around his throat.
Michael... MICHAEL. Are you listening to me?
Evidently not. Surprising when considering that the voice belongs to none other than Colby Stark, organiser of West Coast affairs for the Republican National Committee. As one of the key players in the GOP he had significant responsibility for the progression of Callahan's career, a power which regrettably lead to Callahan's demotion as Young Republicans ambassador. An event which made all of his other current life problems such as; fiancé leaving, heart break at the hands of Sally Talfourd and a woman he'd never slept with going to the press about Callahan's supposed appreciation for “Secret Butthole Pleasures” seem like just the tip of a very unconservative iceberg. Yet somehow Colby, an aged former Colonel of the United States Army wasn't wielding the same authority over Michael that he used to.
Michael Callahan: Ueruehga, yeah. What? What?
Colby Stark: Michael, you need to shape your act up and you need to do so quickly. This is a delicate matter. You're a rogue element here and we can't have you running your mouth about civil rights in what is a very critical time and place for American foreign policy. It is of the essence to keep China on board for the time being and rest assured, if you are to let your mouth wander it'll cause great problems for the nation and the ruination of your political career.
Callahan idly span in his chair, rolling his eyes as he clutched the BlackBerry Bold to his ear listening to Colby's pleas for compliance deafly.
Michael Callahan: There are people suffering Mr. Sta-... Colby. Colb. Colbers. There are people suffering out there and it needs to be reminded out there that democracy is not an option. It's the only fair way of living. It's what these people are crying out for. For too long the injustices of China have gone unheard, the screams of the tortured and executed reverberating through those walls never to be heard by sympathetic ears. It's a nightmarish state and as an advocate of democracy the only option would be for me to tear down the walls and state the facts as only I can.
Tempers are beginning to flare as Stark becomes increasingly frustrated with the gaudy Michael Callahan's total unwillingness to consider the greater good.
Colby Stark: We at the party understand your concern Michael. We're idealists before pragmatists and the concepts of morality, sticking to your guns and living by a higher code is what we stand for. Yet sometimes you have to compromise and your total unwillingness to compromise along with your fixation on being an obnoxious, stubborn and unreasonable trouble-maker is the reason you haven't made mayor and the reason you're not senator in waiting from the moment you turn thirty. You're your own worst nightmare.
Michael Callahan: You hear flak all the time about how us politicians are liars, sweet-talking people into votes and not being representative of their real interests and ideas. People want the truth Colb, people are starting to get fed up of everything being sugar coated for them. Already people are drawing up charts about the similarities between Romney and Obama's policies. Both Harvard graduates, both have no military experience, both support universal health care, both think that the TSA violating our private parts constitutes doing a good job. I've got an entire list here. Want me to run through with it?
Colby sighed and could be heard audibly slamming a fist on his mahogany desk, the crockery rattling with the vibrations. As much as Callahan himself would argue his case, there was no denying from anyone that knew Callahan that he was stubborn as they came. What made him more irritating though was the way he was so calm and snarky about it just to get under someone's skin that little bit more.
Callahan pulled out a piece of lined paper from his folder labelled “Doodles” containing a roughly drawn draft table of comparisons between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama's policies. Some people watch pornography, play video games and comfort eat when they get bored. Callahan wasted his time with fact finding missions.
Colby Stark: Let me put it to you this way Michael. Do you love your country?
Michael Callahan: My blood runs red, white and blue.
Colby Stark: Also the colour of France but I get your point. Do you want to see your party, The Good Old Party in charge? Better us than the ass right?
Michael Callahan: Well I guess leadership of the country has its perks.
Colby Stark: And do you want to see yourself, so long as you behave yourself in your entertainment career fast-tracked towards a place in senate and made once again ambassador of the Young Republicans of Washington, with a place on the National Committee?
Michael Callahan: What're you saying?
Colby Stark: We're saying... I'm saying that this is important to you. But it's important to us too. This is bigger than you Michael. We need as much help as we can going into this election and a party that can't control it's personnel from mouthing off about how bad a foreign country is while in said foreign country isn't the medicine the doctor ordered. You keep your mouth shut, show some tact for once in your life and don't embarrass us on a global stage and I personally promise you that we'll make a future leader out of you yet. You've got to remember, you're not going just as a wrestler. The eyes of the world are on you, an ambassador of the American people and of the Republican party so its' paramount to make sure that you keep things sweet. Do you think you can manage that for us... for me... for yourself?
Michael Callahan: ... I'll think about it.
Colby Stark: Just remember Michael, you became a wrestler to pay the bills while you found your way into office. Don't let that trivial non-sport consume you.
Michael Callahan: Let me tell you Colby Stark, that having stepped into that ring once a fortnight since January, been put against some of the nastiest brutes that would make members of our own armed forces quake in their boots and been subject to primitive beatings and the most form of abject torture, I take great offence to you calling this a “non-sport” and I would outright challenge you to step into the ring with some of the shakers and movers that are at the peak of their abilities in this little industry I call home. Now if you'll excuse me, the people of Beijing await me.
Colby Stark: Wai-
Callahan hung up his Blackberry Bold and took one look at the illuminous screen before he put it down on the make-shift desk he had in his Beijing locker room. Two hundred and fifty six missed calls, over one thousand unread texts and a number of missed voice mails so numerous that the display on the phone simply referred to it as “99+”. How important was this to Colby Stark and his crones at RNC? “That important”, Callahan mused as he ho-hummed idly. As Callahan flipped open his laptop to check the latest news he made a mental memo not to check his emails as the flooding of his private account might just lead to his Apple Macbook having a meltdown and burning a hole through his teak desk.
No sooner has the computer loaded he was like a rocket to his homepage (what else but FOX News?) and lo and behold, there's a small section under Entertainment for Action Packed Wrestling venturing into China. He started to read looking to tear apart the meat and bones of what little they had to say but his chance to catch up on the reporting of the most reliable press in America was post-haste interrupted by a knock on the door.
Michael Callahan: Come in.
Enter Steve Fukuyama who's in unusually high spirits despite the laborious demands being asked of him.
Michael Callahan: Oh excellent. Steve, we're officially here in China. How's your Mandarin?
Steve Fukuyama: You've asked me this for every country we've been in on this tour of Asia. Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I speak all the languages. It's a huge place with lots of different countries. Hire a god damn translator.
Michael Callahan: We're nearly at the end of the tour. I'm not renting a translator. So wait, you're Asian and you say there's lots of different countries. Which one do you come from?
Steve Fukuyama: I was born in America.
Callahan shot Steve that condescending look, a wry smirk and scrunched up nose of disbelief. His intentions couldn't have been more obvious unless he'd twirled his fingers around like a tombola and cocked his head forward to invited him to carry on, which he did. Steve simply rolled his eyes at the blatant insensitivity and caved to his questioning look.
Steve Fukuyama: I consider myself American, I was born in California and I grew up there but my parents moved here from Japan. I'm Japanese-American.
Michael Callahan: One Night In Hell is in Japan.
Steve Fukuyama: Yeah but I don't speak the language. Or at least not a lot of it. My family had no intention of going back there so they didn't bother teaching me.
Again Callahan canted his head forward with a goofy expression on his face and the tumbling fingers of invitation.
Steve Fukuyama: … Ittekimasu, Michael-san.
Michael Callahan: What does that mean?
Steve Fukuyama: It means I'm leaving. Shane West will be here to interview you shortly.
Michael Callahan: Cool. Whip up a sushi platter for us will you? My new thing that I'm going to do along with my cooking show is treat interviewers to a meal.
Steve Fukuyama: I don't know how-
From under the desk Callahan pulls out a red and white gift-wrapped package tied together with blue ribbon which he hands over to a confused Steve Fukuyama with a mile wide smile on his face.
Michael Callahan: Merry Christmas.
Fukuyama stares bemusedly at Callahan's grinning monkey face then back down at the present. He rips off the paper and lo and behold in Steve's hands there's a beginners guide to sushi preparation.
Steve Fukuyama: … Are you serious?
Michael Callahan: Deadly.
Steve Fukuyama: Ignoring the fact that it's only October, why would you buy me a sushi cookbook?
Michael Callahan: Well, I saw you in the garage once doing karate moves with a cleaver in your hand. Y'know, just goofing around? And I couldn't help but think that maybe you'd wanna learn how to be one of those super fast sushi chefs like in the movies. Genuinely wasn't an issue of race when I bought this. I just thought you'd like to learn how to cook something exotic.
Steve Fukuyama: Well... thanks for the consideration... I guess. Thought that counts?
Michael Callahan: Absolutely. Now go, I have guests coming.
Moments later and Shane West is in the makeshift office of Michael Callahan, the two men happily tucking into a tray of California rolls prepared rather hastily by Fukuyama who himself is not invited to sample his own wares. Such is the cruel power imbalance in their relationship.
Shane West: This is great stuff Callahan, that TV chef gig is really adding to your impressive level of hospitality.
Callahan stared Fukuyama into a baited breath silence as he answered West.
Michael Callahan: I'm a gentleman and a scholar Mr. West. This should be clear by now.
Shane West: Mmm, yeah. Now, I know we've got not long left. We've got a camera there, a tape recorder in my hand and eye witnesses. Asylum will be your first ever foray into the beautiful nation of China. You've got a tag team match with Johnny Rebel as your partner against Sally and Bailey, the four of you being the Elimination Chamber competitors that couldn't beat Phil Atken's time in the Beat the Clock challenge. What do you think? Break it down while I munch on these California rolls.
Michael Callahan: Well, it's simple Shane. Phil Atken pulled the longest straw. He got a solid win, there's no denying that but now it comes down to the four of us, the left overs now that Borderland is gone to fight amongst us over who's going to have that all important momentum going into the Extreme Elimination Chamber. It's a shame that this is a tag match and not a four-way dance because I'm sure that's what this will devolve into. Instead though I'm forced to saddle with my fallen idol who can't stand the sight of me and team up with him against two people who whether it be a romantic gesture or a physical one simply can't keep their hands off each others heaving carcasses. The question really will be is which of us will be the first team to crack?
Shane West: My money is on you and Johnny Rebel.
Michael Callahan: Really? You think? I wouldn't let Johnny Rebel stand in my way. If our match had been allowed to reach it's full conclusion I have no doubt in my mind that I would've finally taught Rebel some respect with my patented Victory Lock. Instead I sit here, distraught at the fact that I have to team with this miserable, no good son of a gun who curses the ground I walk on and hope that he won't try and stab me in the back just like does to all of his other friends. Sally Talfourd and Anthony Bailey are on shakier foundations than Japan and with Anthony being more froggy than ever lately, losing his cool and physically accosting me just this past week on Asylum I have no doubt in mind that he'll snap on his partner yet again.
Shane West: Final question, how do you think as an American ambassador you're going to go down in China? Do you think they'll like you?
Michael Callahan: I am not answering that question. Thank you Shane but I believe you must be leaving now. I'll bag you some sushi and you can go. Thank you very much for your time, and please, send a message to your friend Sally and let her know that three is the magic number and as standard, she will fall prey to my Victory Lock. Good night.
Fade.
A buzzing, droning sound unlike anything you could ever consciously hear until the divine light of clarity pierces the darkness. Coherence activates, the gears begin to whir and suddenly the pieces fall into place. For Michael Callahan, these sensations were the ones he felt as he struggled once again with the firm hand of GOP authority around his throat.
Michael... MICHAEL. Are you listening to me?
Evidently not. Surprising when considering that the voice belongs to none other than Colby Stark, organiser of West Coast affairs for the Republican National Committee. As one of the key players in the GOP he had significant responsibility for the progression of Callahan's career, a power which regrettably lead to Callahan's demotion as Young Republicans ambassador. An event which made all of his other current life problems such as; fiancé leaving, heart break at the hands of Sally Talfourd and a woman he'd never slept with going to the press about Callahan's supposed appreciation for “Secret Butthole Pleasures” seem like just the tip of a very unconservative iceberg. Yet somehow Colby, an aged former Colonel of the United States Army wasn't wielding the same authority over Michael that he used to.
Michael Callahan: Ueruehga, yeah. What? What?
Colby Stark: Michael, you need to shape your act up and you need to do so quickly. This is a delicate matter. You're a rogue element here and we can't have you running your mouth about civil rights in what is a very critical time and place for American foreign policy. It is of the essence to keep China on board for the time being and rest assured, if you are to let your mouth wander it'll cause great problems for the nation and the ruination of your political career.
Callahan idly span in his chair, rolling his eyes as he clutched the BlackBerry Bold to his ear listening to Colby's pleas for compliance deafly.
Michael Callahan: There are people suffering Mr. Sta-... Colby. Colb. Colbers. There are people suffering out there and it needs to be reminded out there that democracy is not an option. It's the only fair way of living. It's what these people are crying out for. For too long the injustices of China have gone unheard, the screams of the tortured and executed reverberating through those walls never to be heard by sympathetic ears. It's a nightmarish state and as an advocate of democracy the only option would be for me to tear down the walls and state the facts as only I can.
Tempers are beginning to flare as Stark becomes increasingly frustrated with the gaudy Michael Callahan's total unwillingness to consider the greater good.
Colby Stark: We at the party understand your concern Michael. We're idealists before pragmatists and the concepts of morality, sticking to your guns and living by a higher code is what we stand for. Yet sometimes you have to compromise and your total unwillingness to compromise along with your fixation on being an obnoxious, stubborn and unreasonable trouble-maker is the reason you haven't made mayor and the reason you're not senator in waiting from the moment you turn thirty. You're your own worst nightmare.
Michael Callahan: You hear flak all the time about how us politicians are liars, sweet-talking people into votes and not being representative of their real interests and ideas. People want the truth Colb, people are starting to get fed up of everything being sugar coated for them. Already people are drawing up charts about the similarities between Romney and Obama's policies. Both Harvard graduates, both have no military experience, both support universal health care, both think that the TSA violating our private parts constitutes doing a good job. I've got an entire list here. Want me to run through with it?
Colby sighed and could be heard audibly slamming a fist on his mahogany desk, the crockery rattling with the vibrations. As much as Callahan himself would argue his case, there was no denying from anyone that knew Callahan that he was stubborn as they came. What made him more irritating though was the way he was so calm and snarky about it just to get under someone's skin that little bit more.
Callahan pulled out a piece of lined paper from his folder labelled “Doodles” containing a roughly drawn draft table of comparisons between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama's policies. Some people watch pornography, play video games and comfort eat when they get bored. Callahan wasted his time with fact finding missions.
Colby Stark: Let me put it to you this way Michael. Do you love your country?
Michael Callahan: My blood runs red, white and blue.
Colby Stark: Also the colour of France but I get your point. Do you want to see your party, The Good Old Party in charge? Better us than the ass right?
Michael Callahan: Well I guess leadership of the country has its perks.
Colby Stark: And do you want to see yourself, so long as you behave yourself in your entertainment career fast-tracked towards a place in senate and made once again ambassador of the Young Republicans of Washington, with a place on the National Committee?
Michael Callahan: What're you saying?
Colby Stark: We're saying... I'm saying that this is important to you. But it's important to us too. This is bigger than you Michael. We need as much help as we can going into this election and a party that can't control it's personnel from mouthing off about how bad a foreign country is while in said foreign country isn't the medicine the doctor ordered. You keep your mouth shut, show some tact for once in your life and don't embarrass us on a global stage and I personally promise you that we'll make a future leader out of you yet. You've got to remember, you're not going just as a wrestler. The eyes of the world are on you, an ambassador of the American people and of the Republican party so its' paramount to make sure that you keep things sweet. Do you think you can manage that for us... for me... for yourself?
Michael Callahan: ... I'll think about it.
Colby Stark: Just remember Michael, you became a wrestler to pay the bills while you found your way into office. Don't let that trivial non-sport consume you.
Michael Callahan: Let me tell you Colby Stark, that having stepped into that ring once a fortnight since January, been put against some of the nastiest brutes that would make members of our own armed forces quake in their boots and been subject to primitive beatings and the most form of abject torture, I take great offence to you calling this a “non-sport” and I would outright challenge you to step into the ring with some of the shakers and movers that are at the peak of their abilities in this little industry I call home. Now if you'll excuse me, the people of Beijing await me.
Colby Stark: Wai-
Callahan hung up his Blackberry Bold and took one look at the illuminous screen before he put it down on the make-shift desk he had in his Beijing locker room. Two hundred and fifty six missed calls, over one thousand unread texts and a number of missed voice mails so numerous that the display on the phone simply referred to it as “99+”. How important was this to Colby Stark and his crones at RNC? “That important”, Callahan mused as he ho-hummed idly. As Callahan flipped open his laptop to check the latest news he made a mental memo not to check his emails as the flooding of his private account might just lead to his Apple Macbook having a meltdown and burning a hole through his teak desk.
No sooner has the computer loaded he was like a rocket to his homepage (what else but FOX News?) and lo and behold, there's a small section under Entertainment for Action Packed Wrestling venturing into China. He started to read looking to tear apart the meat and bones of what little they had to say but his chance to catch up on the reporting of the most reliable press in America was post-haste interrupted by a knock on the door.
Michael Callahan: Come in.
Enter Steve Fukuyama who's in unusually high spirits despite the laborious demands being asked of him.
Michael Callahan: Oh excellent. Steve, we're officially here in China. How's your Mandarin?
Steve Fukuyama: You've asked me this for every country we've been in on this tour of Asia. Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I speak all the languages. It's a huge place with lots of different countries. Hire a god damn translator.
Michael Callahan: We're nearly at the end of the tour. I'm not renting a translator. So wait, you're Asian and you say there's lots of different countries. Which one do you come from?
Steve Fukuyama: I was born in America.
Callahan shot Steve that condescending look, a wry smirk and scrunched up nose of disbelief. His intentions couldn't have been more obvious unless he'd twirled his fingers around like a tombola and cocked his head forward to invited him to carry on, which he did. Steve simply rolled his eyes at the blatant insensitivity and caved to his questioning look.
Steve Fukuyama: I consider myself American, I was born in California and I grew up there but my parents moved here from Japan. I'm Japanese-American.
Michael Callahan: One Night In Hell is in Japan.
Steve Fukuyama: Yeah but I don't speak the language. Or at least not a lot of it. My family had no intention of going back there so they didn't bother teaching me.
Again Callahan canted his head forward with a goofy expression on his face and the tumbling fingers of invitation.
Steve Fukuyama: … Ittekimasu, Michael-san.
Michael Callahan: What does that mean?
Steve Fukuyama: It means I'm leaving. Shane West will be here to interview you shortly.
Michael Callahan: Cool. Whip up a sushi platter for us will you? My new thing that I'm going to do along with my cooking show is treat interviewers to a meal.
Steve Fukuyama: I don't know how-
From under the desk Callahan pulls out a red and white gift-wrapped package tied together with blue ribbon which he hands over to a confused Steve Fukuyama with a mile wide smile on his face.
Michael Callahan: Merry Christmas.
Fukuyama stares bemusedly at Callahan's grinning monkey face then back down at the present. He rips off the paper and lo and behold in Steve's hands there's a beginners guide to sushi preparation.
Steve Fukuyama: … Are you serious?
Michael Callahan: Deadly.
Steve Fukuyama: Ignoring the fact that it's only October, why would you buy me a sushi cookbook?
Michael Callahan: Well, I saw you in the garage once doing karate moves with a cleaver in your hand. Y'know, just goofing around? And I couldn't help but think that maybe you'd wanna learn how to be one of those super fast sushi chefs like in the movies. Genuinely wasn't an issue of race when I bought this. I just thought you'd like to learn how to cook something exotic.
Steve Fukuyama: Well... thanks for the consideration... I guess. Thought that counts?
Michael Callahan: Absolutely. Now go, I have guests coming.
Moments later and Shane West is in the makeshift office of Michael Callahan, the two men happily tucking into a tray of California rolls prepared rather hastily by Fukuyama who himself is not invited to sample his own wares. Such is the cruel power imbalance in their relationship.
Shane West: This is great stuff Callahan, that TV chef gig is really adding to your impressive level of hospitality.
Callahan stared Fukuyama into a baited breath silence as he answered West.
Michael Callahan: I'm a gentleman and a scholar Mr. West. This should be clear by now.
Shane West: Mmm, yeah. Now, I know we've got not long left. We've got a camera there, a tape recorder in my hand and eye witnesses. Asylum will be your first ever foray into the beautiful nation of China. You've got a tag team match with Johnny Rebel as your partner against Sally and Bailey, the four of you being the Elimination Chamber competitors that couldn't beat Phil Atken's time in the Beat the Clock challenge. What do you think? Break it down while I munch on these California rolls.
Michael Callahan: Well, it's simple Shane. Phil Atken pulled the longest straw. He got a solid win, there's no denying that but now it comes down to the four of us, the left overs now that Borderland is gone to fight amongst us over who's going to have that all important momentum going into the Extreme Elimination Chamber. It's a shame that this is a tag match and not a four-way dance because I'm sure that's what this will devolve into. Instead though I'm forced to saddle with my fallen idol who can't stand the sight of me and team up with him against two people who whether it be a romantic gesture or a physical one simply can't keep their hands off each others heaving carcasses. The question really will be is which of us will be the first team to crack?
Shane West: My money is on you and Johnny Rebel.
Michael Callahan: Really? You think? I wouldn't let Johnny Rebel stand in my way. If our match had been allowed to reach it's full conclusion I have no doubt in my mind that I would've finally taught Rebel some respect with my patented Victory Lock. Instead I sit here, distraught at the fact that I have to team with this miserable, no good son of a gun who curses the ground I walk on and hope that he won't try and stab me in the back just like does to all of his other friends. Sally Talfourd and Anthony Bailey are on shakier foundations than Japan and with Anthony being more froggy than ever lately, losing his cool and physically accosting me just this past week on Asylum I have no doubt in mind that he'll snap on his partner yet again.
Shane West: Final question, how do you think as an American ambassador you're going to go down in China? Do you think they'll like you?
Michael Callahan: I am not answering that question. Thank you Shane but I believe you must be leaving now. I'll bag you some sushi and you can go. Thank you very much for your time, and please, send a message to your friend Sally and let her know that three is the magic number and as standard, she will fall prey to my Victory Lock. Good night.
Fade.
