Delikado Gets Maniacal As Shit

[Delikado]

Some-Kinda-Something-Productions presents
B O S S
RABID EDITION
Episode 21 – “Delikado Gets Maniacal As Shit”

Previously in dreamland…

Delikado: It’s time that the company comes to realize that we ARE the best and most unstoppable pair in the history of wrestling history, and nobody will break us, nor even stop us. No, no, dear delicious Title, action is to be taken, and bitches ARE about to recognize that Delikado’s reign has merely BEGUN!

The Overdrive Championship closes its eyes in a happy manner and smiles widely. The belt nods in acceptance of this and wiggles energetically in the Cuban’s hands.

Overdrive Championship: I understand. Throooow meeeee!

Limping toward the canyon, Delikado proceeds to hoist his Overdrive Championship into the air…and then throw the belt into the canyon!

Overdrive Champion: Wheeeee! Ha-haaaaaaa! But even without my physical display on your waist, and even without my presence guiding yoooou, you still must ruuule in the name of Overdrive glooooooryyyyyyyy! Take no prisoners and destroy all, Delikado. Like a Bawse! Like. A. Baaaaaaaawse!

Echoing this call, the belt plunges into the abyss and disappears from all view as Delikado stares down, panting heavily with crazed eyes. Suddenly, a voice growls behind him.

?: Pitiful French-Cuban, your “rule” is at an end, and your legacy is to be reigned over by another!

Hearing this demonic voice, Delikado slowly looks over his shoulder and he finds a shadowy figure approaching him. The Cuban Bawse’s eyes narrow in surprise as he snarls aggressively.

Delikado: No! None shall rule what Delikado called ruler-ship over! Law of claimsies, sucka! Delikado will either rule this APW as its leader in ALL aspects, or he shall destroy it all! LIKE A—

The figure grabs the withered Delikado by his wrinkly skin and shoves him back. Delikado loses his balance and falls backward, plunging into the canyon with a horrified screech as he claws at the air.

Delikado: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The scene fades in. We are deep in the belly of the canyon Delikado was thrown into. It is dark, water is heard dripping in the distance, but it is otherwise dead quiet. Suddenly, a groaning is heard followed by the shifting of weight, which disturbs some rocks. It is revealed to be Delikado, lying face-first in a puddle, bubbling on the puddle’s surface, revealing he lives. The Cuban mumbles softly and incoherently as he rolls over, his face glistening with water as a tiny glimmer of sunlight shines down into the canyon from high above. Delikado licks his lips as he dreams…within his dream--Dreamception, sucka—and continues to mumble in his sleep.

Delikado: Mmmmm….just….just the face. The face! Don’t get that shit in Delikado’s hair, Uncle Tim-Tim. No…NO! You’re not Uncle Tim-Tim, you’re…Father Humphry?! Nooooooo!!

Delikado zips up with a wide-eyed, shocked awakening.

Delikado: Delikado molested the wrong guy! Wait…..wait…where the fuck are me?

He shakes the cobwebs and nightmares out of his noodle before looking around the abyss he has been sent to. Nothing but rock after rock after rock is visible to the eye, quickly boring Delikado as he lifts himself up.

Delikado: What did Mark Mania do to Delikado this time? Where has he sent me? Is there where his fanbase lives or something? Seems like the sort of shithole goblins like his masses upon masses of great FAN would hang out. Nice one, Deli. Why thank you, Deli. But now, we need to find a way out of—

Overdrive Championship: Deliiiiiiii!

Delikado’s head snaps up in the direction of the high-pitched, cartoony, gay voice, finding the Overdrive title belt hanging from a single tree branch that protrudes out of the rocky wall.

Delikado: Title? What are you doing up there?

Overdrive Championship: Oh, juuuuuuuust hanging like a brother.

Delikado: Whoa, Title, that’s racist. Usually Delikado wouldn’t mind, hell, he’d actually approve of such off-color comedy on color…but now’s not the time. We need to get out of here! One Night in Hell is SURELY around the corner, and Delikado must get there in time to squash that little BITCH Mark Mania, for giving us the rabies!

Overdrive Championship: Oh <BLEEP!> that guy! Do you not seeeeee, Deli?! Your madness against that little runt has all but killed. Killed aaaaaall! Killed meeeeeee! Killed yooooou. You’ve had sooooooo many more rabies put on you, it’s ridiculousness! You’re clearly gonna die at One Night in Hell, so why ruuuuuush?

Delikado’s eyes narrow as he steps forward, unsure of what to make of his blue-eyed title’s comments.

Delikado: But Title! We’re supposed to be invincible, you and me! We’re APW’s power couple, bro! We squash all who get in our way, Delikado makes you look like the best baby-chomping title belt in APW history, and in exchange you feed Delikado everlasting glory and awesomeness. Uber-Delikado! That’s what we talked about! And it’s only started! Now c’mon. We CAN’T let Mark Mania of all people ruin our plans!

Overdrive Championship: I knooooow, I knoooow…it’s just clear to meeeee that energies have aligned against you in your APW, Deli. Energies that won’t give a <BLEEP!> if you beat Mania. Energies that won’t give TWO <BLEEPS!> if Mania beats YOU!

Delikado: Title! Such blasphemy!

Overdrive Championship: Energies that will look to destroy you no matter WHAT you dooooo!

Delikado: We can beat him, hell—Delikado can and WILL defeat Mark Mania, retain your shiny self, obtain newfound glory, and claim vengeance on the chunky ass of everyone in APW who was part of giving me the rabies! That’s not an opinion, Title, but a FACT! made for, paid for, and approved for by Deli-fucking-kado!

Overdrive Championship: I want to beliiiieeeeeve….and yet…..I—

CAW! CAW!

That’s when an eagle flies from above and snatches the Overdrive Championship, soaring away with it!

Delikado: TITLE!

Overdrive Championship: Wheeeeeee! It’s the Mark Mania eagle, Deli! He’s come to take me to a new home! Yaaaaaaaay!

Delikado: Noooooooooo! Not that turkey!

Delikado rushes with all his willpower and tries to grab the eagle as it flies away, but it’s just too high. The enraged Cuban snarls as he stops in his tracks, listening to his title “Wheeee!” with joy as it’s carried away.

Delikado: No Mark Mania eagle’s gonna take away MY Overdrive title!

Delikado jerks his open hand out.

Delikado: Gun! Materialize!

Nothing happens. The eagle flies higher and higher, becoming a mere speck.

Delikado: Grrr! Rocket launcher! Materialize!

Again, nothing. Deli’s pissed now.

Delikado: Damn it all! Squirtle! USE FIREBALL! USE FUCKING FIREBALL! TITLE! COME BACK! COME BAAAACK!

?: Why don’t you use that shovel there?

Delikado spins around in a confused huff.

Delikado: Squirtle?!

The deep, villainous, borderline devilish voice comes from a shadowy figure sitting on a collection of rocks. The same person who pushed Delikado into the canyon, but Delikado misses that fact entirely. Instead, the Cuban focuses on a shovel resting against the wall that wasn’t there before. Delikado’s eyes initially show confusion.

Delikado: Use…..shovel….?

Delikado then gets it!

Delikado: Of course! Canyons hold water under them! If Delikado digs deep enough, this canyon will flood and the water will carry Delikado all the way to the top, where he’ll catch up with that stupid Mark Mania eagle, reclaim his Title, and all will be well with the world!

?: Ummmmmmm…..okay? Sure, yeah, why not.

Delikado: I is so intelligent!

Delikado grabs the shovel and begins to dig with all his energy. He groans and pants heavily as he breaks ground. Meanwhile, the shadowy figure chuckles.

?: That’s right. Just keep digging that hole deeper, “Bawse”.

Delikado: I will! Delikado will dig SO HARD! This is my time! Delikado got everything going in his favor now, why shouldn’t this?! Soon Mark Mania’s gonna fall, then we’ll kill Jeff or something, it’s gonna be pretty freaking sexy, tell you that much shadowy evil person.

Delikado digs faster and faster, finding only more dirt as he shovels.

?: And let me guess. Then “your” APW will be saved? Deli Tee Vee will bring about the Renaissance, with Overdrive Champion Delikado as the forerunner? Everyone will bow, and those who don’t, like Mania and Jeff, will crumble under the weight of your in…credible…feet? You think closing these doors will open much more promising ones, simply because closing the door on Dionysus played in your favor? I think not. You’re going to some heavy places to win this time, Deli, to stand in your own vision of “Bawseness”, and I think sooner, rather than later, your Cuban fireball’s going to implode on itself. And then *I* will pick up the pieces. Your rabid vengeance will be the catalyst to your doom.

Delikado looks up and pulls out his earplugs. Music can be heard blaring from them as he looks on innocently.

Delikado: Sorry, Delikado was listening to “Turtle” by Parry Gripp. You say something?

The shadowy figure looks baffled by this as it sits awkwardly.

?: I…I…where did you get music…oh, fuck it. Just keep digging your grave…

Delikado: My wha—

Delikado’s shovels slams down into something and a metal “CLANK!” sound is heard, setting off a nuclear explosion. Everyone vanishes in the light and everything turns white!!

Overdrive Championship (voice): Yaaaaaaaay! The Mark Mania eagle is feeding me to her baaaaaaaabies!

Sofia Monzón (voice): Are you SURE he’s not dead…?

Dr. Apartment (voice): Positive, my lady.

Sofia (voice): Well then wake him up. He should at least be in attendance for this.

Water splashes onto Delikado’s face, instantly awakening the Cuban, this time to the real world. The Overdrive Champion, clutching his title belt in his arms like a teddy bear as he lies in his bed, looks around as his right-hand-lady Sofia and Dr. Apartment stand by his bedside.

Dr. Apartment: Good evening, Bawse.

Sofia: I thought you’d like to know we’re bringing Raymond Caravelle up now.

Delikado shakes himself to an alert status as he nods and sits up in his bed.

Delikado: Hells yeah. Let’s do this. It’s time to punish the first of these plotters who gave Delikado the rabies!

Dr. Apartment brings Delikado his wheelchair throne and the Cuban makes his way into the chair, while Sofia looks on silently.

(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)

A door is kicked open and the Carringtons enter the room, guiding a large wheelbarrow that contains a near-500pound mass of flesh known as Raymond Caravelle inward. Chained up, the fat man tilts his head around and stammers in fright.

Raymond Caravelle: R-Release me!

Whatever he said falls on deaf ears as the Carringtons and several other DTV staffers push the deadweight into a lavish dining room. Sitting at the head of the table, of course, is Delikado. His Overdrive Championship rests in the seat next to him, in a high-chair, while Dr. Apartment, Sofia, Delikado’s girlfriend Ariel Hassle, and a few other no-names (see: Ron Reynolds) are seated and spread across the decorated, food-covered table, observing the sight as the man accused of engineering the plot to give Delikado rabies is brought forward in the wheelbarrow. Delikado cocks an eyebrow as he stares at Caravelle, the conspirator he’s waited some time to get ahold of, with a small grin arcing his lip upward. The obese Italian, former owner of the “Something LOUD and OBNOXIOUS” tabloid Deli now owns/presently occupies, turns his frightened eyes to the Bawse. He jiggles and breaks out into a sweat just by talking.

Caravelle: Bawse, Mister Cuba, your grunts treated me so meanly! I nearly pee myself, I am so startled. Please unchain me. It’s so uncivilized, and I thought us a Twinkie pack!

Delikado chuckles as a dark look passes across his features for just a split second, then fades.

Delikado: Delikado admits there’s not much funnier a sight than seeing a whale chained up against its will, but Delikado will release you. We need to talk, fat man, and your chains rattling will only piss me off.

The Cuban snaps his fingers and the Carringtons both work to remove his chains. After some struggling that involves swearing, pulled muscles, a sledgehammer, and two 8 gallon-barrels of butter, the chains are off of Caravelle and the obese man is pulled from the wheelbarrow. He hobbles over to the table as Delikado slides a plate of steak and mashed potatoes toward Caravelle, who sits on a chair that cries out in agony from the weight slammed onto its weak body, and chows down greedily and messily. He grabs the whole steak with his hands and lifts it toward his mouth.

Delikado: There’s a bone in—

Caravelle bites directly through the steak, taking off over half of it in his slobbering food-hole.

Delikado: *mumbling* Aaaaand he ate the bone. Jabba McGross Fat over here…

Looking up and wiping saliva off his chins, Caravelle quickly realizes he’s the only one eating.

Caravelle: You no want any?

Delikado: Sadly, such enjoyments as eating are not agreeing with Delikado lately.

Caravelle: Nom, nom, nom, you are sickly?

Delikado: Oh, just under the weather with some rabies.

Caravelle: I see, nom, nom, so sad, nom, you are the APW’s Overdrive Champion, yes? I hope your sickness doesn’t keep you from fighting for it. You are on the path, nom , nom, to recover?

Delikado smiles weakly as he strokes his Overdrive Championship.

Delikado: Thankfully it appears so. As a matter of FACT!, Delikado is about to have a Pay-Per-View match in Tokyo with a man for this very Overdrive Championship. Mark Mania, to be more precise and vomit-inducing…

Caravelle: Ooooeeeeeee! I LOVE that guy! You know, perhaps I can borrow your new tabloid here and hype up the match between you two! *laugh* Wort, wort, wort!

Delikado: You would hype up Delikado’s Caged Trap match for his Overdrive Championship against Mark Mania…using your former business here…?

Caravelle: Nom, even BETTER, wouldn’t your Cubanness agree? Mmmmmm…Jell-O!

Caravelle grabs an entire bowl of Jell-O, meant for the whole table, and begins to scoff it down. Delikado tries, and fails, to hide his desire to smack the man to death with his own giant hand. He is able to calm himself, find a happy place, and grin at the fatty as he gorges himself.

Delikado: Yes…though this place HAS fallen into a bit of a shamble since you left…

Caravelle looks around and snickers jollily.

Caravelle: *laugh* Wort, wort, wort! Yeah, I guess I kinda left it a mess before I left. Oh well, blame my Mexican cleaning crew for not doing their job! Wort, wort!

Delikado chuckles alongside Caravelle, though with a sinister edge to his laugh.

Delikado: Yesssssss….let’s blame the Mexicans[/u] for all this…….[/color]

Delikado folds his hands together and props his elbows up on the table, looming toward the unsuspecting Caravelle. The fat Italian slurps down some wine as the conversation carries on for a few minutes.

Caravelle: So Deli, you seemed to have done quite well for yourself since joining APW. Set up your Deli Tee Vee business, claimed that Overdrive title of yours, and then came to acquire my business, which, to some bias, I think we can admit was your truest gain yet in this company! I should hope you’ll treat it all well as you head into this “One Night in Hell” against Mark Mania. Once more, I would just LOVE to help you out.

Delikado is leaning back in his wheelchair throne now, playing the cool, calm, calculated side of his Bawse workings. He admires the Overdrive Championship resting in the highchair next to him, muttering to it as Caravelle rambles.

Delikado: *to Title* Delikado can see why this guy and Mania worked so well together to give Delikado the rabies. Neither knows when to shut the fuck up, Title!

Caravelle: I imagine it will be quite an awe-inspiring performance from both of you. I confess I kept track of you after you took over my business; quite the tale you’ve told in this past month or so, especially in the fallout of that successful Scramble Match for your title at Shockwave.

Delikado: And yet here Delikado stands on the eve of One Night in Hell, in an Overdrive title match facing one of his opponents in that Shockwave Scramble, Mark Mania. Clearly the tale has not reached its climax, but Delikado has plans to get us over that mountain.

Caravelle: Oh I bet, but you surely realize that Mark Mania’s not the type to surrender by any means. He’s back in style after so long away, like the McRib; his form—mmmuaah!—tip top. Your Overdrive Championship would be just the thing he needed to secure a place among APW’s elite, and he knows that now more than ever after his previous attempts to stop you.

Delikado pulls his Overdrive Championship from its highchair and settles it comfortably on his shoulder.

Delikado: That’s exactly the bullet-point that’s leading us to the end of this little episode. Marky boy failed to stop Delikado so many times at this point, it’s impossible to even say we’re close to the same level. He is APW’s royal fool, while I am its Bawse who kicks him around. It happened when Delikado gained the Overdrive title. It happened at Shockwave when Delikado kept his Overdrive title. Even in matches that have less value to them, like the most recent Overdrive, Mark failed to stop Delikado and his Overdrive reign of awesome. So many fuck-ups are the CLEAR sign of a fool who has no credibility, no strength he can use to buff up his claims to my title, no evidence he can use to say he has what it takes to stop Delikado. Delikado is unstoppable, FACT! At this point, he is lucky Delikado allows this match to happen, but keeping track of the knowledge that he helped give Delikado the rabies, it’s plain old JUSTICE to see that his evil’s ended, his title hunt finished for good, and that swift, wrathful vengeance by Deli is issued all upside his loser face! My belt will NEVER go to him, and the elite class, the good guys of APW, will forever be spared the choking little BITCH that is Mark Mania joining our ranks. He’s going into that cage, and then, just for good measure, Delikado might chuck him into a river where he can get bitten by a rabid dolphin! Or, fuck it, we’re gonna be in Japan, might as well feed him to a rabid Godzilla. CHOKE ON SOME RADIATION RABIES, YOU COCKSUCKER!!! *random Japanese screaming*

Having slowly fueled up in a red-eyed, rabies-induced rage, Delikado seethes and snarls, foams at the mouth even, until Dr. Apartment injects him with a syringe to soothe the savage Deli-beast. Delikado exhales and shakes off some sweat as Caravelle stares at him with half a taco in his mouth.

Caravelle: *laugh* Wort, wort, nom, you are quite the crazy Cuban! Crazy like my dietitian telling me to eat salads without gravy, or-or crazy--

Delikado: Pssht, screw your ideas of crazy. Delikado’s more like crazy with the adrenaline of a BAWSE who’s all about the Overdrive title! Crazy with the rabies, and the desire to unleash the mistress Vengeance on the ones who gave him this plague! Crazy with a savageness that has since made mincemeat of FOOLS who doubt Delikado and his APW! You would not understand, Mr. Tabloid FATASS, because you only see the immediate details of what Delikado has done! You then take them and hold them up against the likes of his opponent, Mr. Mania Motherfucker, coming up with the BATSHIT CRAZY idea that we’re somehow on a level that will make this an even-sided battle in a dirty war. Well screw you and scratch that, because big-picture talking, Delikado’s still got PLENTY of shit he’s going to with this Overdrive title around his sexy waist. I’m talking eons of stuff that’s gonna go down, and it’s a FACT! that Delikado will withstand the test of time no matter WHERE things seem to be in the here and now. Mania’s not so lucky. He’ll be gone, dead in a WEEK if you try to gear him up for the big picture. He’s too small, too little fish and too ugly. TOO. UGLY!

Caravelle: *SNORT!* But even the ugliest of people can achieve greatness. It makes for quite the story sometimes. Like…the story of how butter was first put on the roll. Mmmmmmmm…But yes, with the assistance of “Something LOUD and OBNOXIOUS”, perhaps your story can still continue as you see fit.

Delikado: Hmmm. Well, you DID run this place at one time. Perhaps you will show Delikado the full force of its powers.

Caravelle: I’d love to! Our cafeteria, heh, it has this secret compartment that has soooooo many cakes I keep hidden there. They’ll give you a sugar rush like you wouldn’t believe and—

Delikado chuckles softly as he leans across the table.

Delikado: Actually…Delikado was looking to work on his muscle tone a little. You know, keep it in perfect condition as always, make it presentable for One Night in Hell and all? And for that, he was looking to make use of your gymnasium.

Caravelle, who was about to stuff an entire chicken leg in his mouth, stops as he hears this last word. When he sees the dark look in Delikado’s eyes, he becomes noticeably hesitant.

Caravelle: The…the gymnasium…?

Delikado’s grin widens as the darkness becomes ever more present in his crazed eyes.

Delikado: Delikado also knows of your little mannequin displays. What the figures are composed of: people who incurred your Pillsbury Doughboy wrath. How your gymnasium worked men down to their bones, quite elaborately and unlike anything Delikado has yet seen, and then you’d shove them into mannequins that represented figures in history. Recently, Delikado has taken note of your Washington Crossing the Delaware…and he feels it would do his mind wonders to see the process of how all of that was made……..Starting with your gym.

Delikado leans across the table and takes a twist of Caravelle’s manboob, causing the not-so-jolly man to flinch.

Caravelle: Y-You want to see the….the…the process…?

Delikado bears his teeth in a fiendish grin as he snaps his fingers and DTV staffers converge onto Caravelle, who is wide-eyed in horror.

Caravelle: EEEEEEEEK!

(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)

Minutes later, we’re in the gymnasium. Delikado is being pushed by Dr. Apartment in his wheelchair throne while Sofia and the Carringtons drag Caravelle past the various machines. The fat man is blubbering as his rolls of fat bounce all over the floor in his efforts to resist. Delikado cuddles with his Overdrive title belt as he signals for everyone to stop at a treadmill.

Delikado: And what do you call THIS, Raymond CaraFatty?

Caravelle: *sobbing* It…it’s a treadmill! You walk on it!

Delikado: Hmmmm…how exotic. Delikado will definitely need to see it in use, to know if the walking on this “treadmill” will aid his feet for when he kicks your friend Mark Mania in his face.

Delikado snaps his fingers and the group moves further down to an exercise machine for back workouts and core.

Delikado: Oooh, pretty! What about that one?

Caravelle is practically choking on his own tears now as he is hoisted from the ground to stare at the machine.

Caravelle: *crying* I…I…I….oooooooohhhhh……hack…..it’s the Roman Chair Machine…I want some…..I want some chocolate…and my mommy!

Delikado: Maybe later. First tell Delikado was this lovely device does.

Caravelle: *bawling* Waaaaah…it…it…

Sofia smacks Caravelle on his face and grips his many chins as she forces him to look at the machine. Snot on his face and shooting tears like a waterfall, Caravelle responds without any control as a dark mark appears around his groin, spreading.

Caravelle: *wailing* It…it trims the waistline….and works your cooooooore!

Delikado: Ah, so it would sharpen Delikado’s sexy, sexy waist for when he is to wrap the Overdrive Championship around it after he retains his belt at One Night in Hell! This one DEFINITELY needs to be tried first…

With a cold and deranged look on his face, Delikado has the defenseless and hysterical Raymond Caravelle dragged toward the Roman Chair Machine by his minions, but we cut to black before we see what happens next. You can bet your sweet ass it won’t be pretty, that much is obvious…

(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)

Please ignore any screams you may be hearing in the background as Delikado records his thoughts.

All you need to know is this: one conspirator is down…and now there is you, Mark Mania. It begs the question, this evening of amusement, as to just what the fates will have in store for YOU when Delikado finally gets his hands on you. You and your pals gave Delikado the rabies, and now begins the process of Delikado’s vengeance. But before we get to that, let’s look back at the path that led us to this upcoming day. Ever since Shockwave, no, even BEFORE Shockwave, there was you, Mark Mania. The desperate loser who could not get girls except the lesbian who probably plays the man in the relationship anyhow. Before Shockwave, some weeks prior, there had been you trying to outmaneuver Delikado in obtaining the Overdrive Championship. You failed, of course. But that didn’t stop you. However, here’s the underlying truth, the “in-between the lines” statement about what Delikado just said. You see, when Delikado says your failure to defeat me for the Overdrive title the first time didn’t stop you, he didn’t mean the loss inspired you to seek out strength within yourself. It didn’t mean you shaped up and bettered yourself in every possible way, so that on the day we possibly met again, you could MAYBE last five minutes against the greatness that is Delikado.

No. None of that.

What you did, Mark Mania, when you lost and you didn’t want it to stop you, was you went to Cher-resident Jeff and begged, no, GROVELED for a second chance. You made up all these BULLSHIT claims about how you “deserved” Delikado’s title, or at least “deserved” a second chance to get it. You whined about how you were “screwed”, but let’s admit this straight up, Marky. I’m an adult here, and you’re you. You didn’t get “screwed” on any margin the first time we faced for Delikado’s title. You just choked. You just broke under the pressure of fighting in an actual ring with a wrestler who was, let’s face it, a billion times more awesome and powerful than you could ever be, even if you had the rest of APW at your side. But you ignored that FACT! as you got on your knees and sucked a second opportunity out of Jeff to face me. All along the path to Shockwave, you acted like that wasn’t the case, but let’s face it, Delikado sees all and knows all, and buddy…

You done gargled some Jeffrey Ballsack.

So that’s what made shit so much worse for you when you choked again at Shockwave. This time the pressure was so intense, it drove you to madness. Clearly. How so, Mr. Mark Maniac Crazypants? Afterwards, despite breaking under the weight that Delikado’s in…CREDIBLE…talents mounted upon you, you took up the coat of arms that announced “I didn’t win, but I had the title, like, five or six times!” As if the outcomes of those little “wins” in the Scramble match meant anything. They don’t, and you were as much a fool for believing that as you are if you still think yourself capable of stopping Delikado at One Night in Hell! Let Delikado put it into perspective for you, your second act of choking:

You didn’t win the Overdrive title off me when the match ended, but you were proud to admit you had “won” the belt several times throughout the match, moreso than anyone else. But here’s the thing, bro. If you stick forty grapes in your mouth and choke to death afterwards, people aren’t going to care that you got forty grapes in your mouth. They’ll always focus on the FACT! that you choked and are now dead. You “won” the Overdrive title a few times during the Scramble match, but didn’t have it when the bell rang to end the match? Then nobody gives a FUCK! You CHOKED to death...ON ME! Now it’s clear such comprehension is beyond you, and so your little descent into madness or whatever, Delikado will willing to let it slide. Let you go around proclaiming to have been a “technical” five-time Overdrive Champion, when the truth is you’re just a forever-time retard. Yeah, I said it, and Deli will spell it for ya!

R
E
E
T
A
W
R
E
D

How’s that sound, Marky? Well someone else must’ve gotten it to you first, leading to your third, and perhaps most malicious and selfish and evil plot yet: YOU GAVE ME RABIES! As your THIRD attempt to gun for Delikado’s Overdrive title, you worked in cahoots with Caravelle and Jeff and fuck knows who else and you all gathered together to try to SCREW ME! WITH RABIES! BIOLOGICAL WARFARE! AL-QAEDA! THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE, MARK! YOU’RE THE WRESTLING VERSION OF ADOLF HITLER! SHAVE THE EDGES OFF YOUR STACHE, AND DELIKADO MIGHT AS WELL THROW YOU A JEW-KILLING SALUTE AS YOU BOMB 9/11! SCUMBAG! MOTHERFUCKER!

And now, oh ho ho hoooooo….now you think your evil plan will succeed? That by giving Delikado rabies after you failed to stop him the first two times, you’ll somehow get the magical douche fairy, your Fairy DoucheMother, to bless you with the power to stop me, to overcome my great in-ring ability, and rob me of my Overdrive Title? Neh-eh! Not gonna happen. Life doesn’t work that way, and if you think it does, you may as well come down to the “Something LOUD and OBNOXIOUS” building and take a glance at what’s in store for your little reality of life! But to be fair…to be fair…you’re gonna get worse. SO MUCH WORSENESS ON YOUR HEAD!

Mark the words, Mark: The trifecta of your failures to stop Delikado is coming. One Night in Hell is still a few nights away, and Delikado intends to use them wisely, for you see, Delikado is a SMART plotter in his plots. He has one or two tricks left for you, something special he cooked up for you but never used. Dating all the way back to our first battle for this title. Snuggle up closely with your dike pal, Marky…because Delikado’s just getting warmed up…
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