Amy Zing

[amyzing]

So what do you think of her so far character wise?

[Lord Raab]

Link is needed for your RP here dude. Hey LOL just noticed that you are a male RPing as a female character and I am a female RPing as a male character. That's kind of funny.

[T-Marv]

I just wanted to say this real quick so you didn't think I was ignoring you.

I can't exactly judge your character in general yet cause you haven't been around that long and I really don't have a feel for the Character itself.

What I real say is I love the descriptions in rps. They really paint the picture for me.

On the down side, The trash talk was a little lacking. It seemed almost similar for each opponent you were talking about.

Don't take that too hard, the trash talk will come with more time. I think you have the outline of a successful character, just keep it up.

hope that helps.

[Michael Callahan]

So, generally people will be anal about making sure you post a link to your RP. I on the other hand? I'm just gonna' pick your PPV one and give scrutinise you heavily for it.

So here goes. Ready?

PRO'S
-Pretty much what T-Marv said. Really good descriptive. Less so trash talk. You've got a good length to your work too which is always good. A lot of new comers vastly miss the mark of word limits and just write 'til they're done which while good in that they're not writing for the sake of a word limit, usually leads to not much substance in the writing. You got this down pat.

-What T-Marv didn't say about your trash-talking which I did like (and this maybe the fact that T-Marv doesn't do this ever) is that you sold people beautifully. One of the things I love to see in a person's promo is making people sound good, make your opponents look like a threat, build up anticipation. If you say "Oh, I'm gonna' smush them like bugs because they are completely inferior to me" it doesn't build up any tension. Whereas if you go "Shit the bed, that guy is going to stave my head in. I'm gonna' need to pull out every trick in the book to win this one" you build up a lot of intrigue and hype.

-I like your catch-phrase. I think you should mix it up though. I can see you doing a vignette, Mr. Perfect style and then at the end saying... "Now that Hulk Hogan? That's Amy Zing." before spitting out some gum.

NEGATOROS
-Paragraph your stuff man. Break up long sections into separate chunks for easier reading. There was one in there which was twenty five lines down and that's far too big. That could be broken up into three different chunks at least.

-Pick yourself a colour code (either use one that's not used by people already from the dropdown list). Long chunks of white text isn't always easy to digest so pick yourself a nice colour.

May I suggest pinkish red, with the colour code C12267?

And away you go.

[T-Marv]

That's just cause I don't see the realism in a cocky son of a bitch who thinks he's god trying to sell his opponent when he's about to mentally rip them apart.

With that said, I do occasionally like when somebody does a good job selling their opponents, so bravo on that.

[SalTal]

In my ONiH feedback I said I wanted to see the Amy Zing (the wordplay which I only just now understood haha!) character take off. Rather than commenting on the character, generally, when you've posted for Meltdown this week, throw up a feedback comment and I'll speak to the promo specifically.

Deal?

[Phil Atken]

Nov 3, 2012 19:06:59 GMT -4 T-Marv said:

That's just cause I don't see the realism in a cocky son of a bitch who thinks he's god trying to sell his opponent when he's about to mentally rip them apart.

With that said, I do occasionally like when somebody does a good job selling their opponents, so bravo on that.

I just said in a previous thread that I think there's two levels of thinking of that one.

- If you trash talk with the aim to basically not put anything about your opponent over no matter if you're new or established, what's the point in it all? Possibly it's where it depends on whether you want to compare our hobby to the real thing or not. If you just bury everyone all the time, what do you even get out of winning? If you are cocky, I think it's fine to be arrogant but generally you should still acknowledge your challenge you face. It's stupid I know but sooner or later, everyone fears The Undertaker because if you no-sell a creepy undead zombie, who the fuck cares about the match?

- If you no-sell your opponents in trash talk, what happens when you lose? What happens if you lose a lot? There's a value to changing up the tact you take for each opponent.

Sorry to off track but yeah, Amy, it's early doors to say how much the character can develop, or even what the true potential is. If you put one of these up after Christmas Chaos, I think we can offer you more perspective.

[amyzing]

Amy isn't usually a trash talker. When I developed her, I thought "what if I made her humble?". It made her different from other characters I played, who were heel and arrogant for different reasons (spoiled, entitled brat tag team and legendary wrestler type heel). I basically went the opposite of what I used to play, making her a humble, respectful, kind person.

Another that was pointed out, which was made into Amy's character, was i could spend all week trash talking and totally lose the match.

The ability to trash talk is there, but it takes some doing to make it happen.

[Pat Stay]

I think you should take the coloring of your speech advice from Callahan

[SalTal]

As promised, feedback on your Meltdown promo. I was actually keen and excited (strangely enough) to read the promo and then come up with some feedback, because I love the idea of the character.

The Good [/b]
The character angle is good. She’s a face, though not a babyface, so you need a good angle to really sell that. I feel that you have found it - humble/reflective. Wondering what it takes to win, to get ahead, and if she has it. It’s not the most unique of things (unfortunately, it’s been done by every face imaginable I imagine!) but it’s a good start before you find that voice and that angle to really ground the character in.

I think you’re starting to, as a result of finding that angle, get out what you need to be. Hmmm, that sentence isn’t getting out what I’m trying to say, so I’ll have another go. I think you are covering all the topics you intend to with the proper approach and voice. You certainly had a good control of where the speech was going, what you wanted to say, and how you wanted to say it. There are ways that you could improve this (coming up) but, as a whole, you’re in a position now to really push ahead and strike out with the character.

Overall, good trash talk. It’s difficult to really cover this many people in a promo. It sucks when you have to say fleeting things about someone, but you’e done it well enough. You really had a good insight into your team, too. Also difficult to write about someone you’ve yet to really engage with. But you did it well enough. I would be happy with this level of trash if I were producing it consistently with a face. It’s not too insulting that it breaks the gimmick and the alignment, but it’s significant enough.

What To Work On[/b]
Yes, colouring parts of your speech. This is something that helps read through it, but also in giving feedback.

The voice of the character, while there, does seem a bit stiff. A bit academic/formal. Moreso in the dialogue than the actions. I would go and have a read of some of the OverDrive and Asylum “top people” and read their character’s dialogue. It’s smoother, more flow, more natural. Contractions, slang, specific vernacular. These make up a character voice. Heck, drop in some Cantonese to really stand out.

Character actions. They really should mean something, add to what’s being said and that. Do not read my promos for a good example. Recently, character actions have just been filler between my speech paragraphs. My philosophy (which I’m breaking at the moment) is that it should all count towards what’s being said. Something like this:

:“The Hong Kong Sensation” falls on her back, looking up and the ceiling. She sighs and pulls herself into a seated position.

I mean, literally what we’re watching there is someone laying down ... sighing ... then sitting back up. Ok, the sighing is the important part there. Focus on that without the distracting actions around it. That intro that you had to the promo, the panning of the pictures and the Buddha statue - good, but ultimately not helpful because the important part of it (the statue) was in amongst all these other highly detailed things. I get that part of your message was that material desire leads to suffering, but you’ve just shown off Amy’s material possessions ... so I’m left wondering what’s her suffering?

By the way, Buddhist here: Your better message with with the first Noble Truth. Life means suffering. Life is suffering. Dukkha. It’s the message of the first teaching. I’m not going to criticize you for that too much, just though I’d give you a friendly hand for your next promo.

Overall

You have a great start here. A great character and a strong ability to get that character out there. I would be focusing on, for the next few weeks, that dialogue (making it real, distinct, and natural) as well as the actions (making them important and making them count). If you do this, you have a very strong base from with to grow with even more depth. Keep it up! I want to see the character become a fixture here!