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Post by "The Welsh Dragon" Dan White on Nov 4, 2012 16:09:05 GMT -4
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Post by "The Welsh Dragon" Dan White on Nov 9, 2012 21:12:00 GMT -4
Third RP: www.apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=meltdownrp&thread=12867Annoyed as I had to cut 1000 words off it as I'd accidentally gone way over the word count, so I had to delete entire scenes and paragraphs. Still, I somehow worked a three-scene RP into 2000 words, so hopefully it puts a few messages across. Also thoughts and words on my first two RPs would be greatly appreciated... |
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Post by Buckson Gooch on Nov 9, 2012 23:49:46 GMT -4
I know I'm your opponent this week, but I'm a fan of your style so I don't feel that would be fair for me to not give you feedback when I feel that it is warranted. I'm confident in my work, as you should be. You did a great RP.
In all my years of fedding, I've seen some characters try to do what you do and you do it with remarkable ease. You've adjusted a character that some could go into hyperbole and you've calmed, humanized, and embodied EXACTLY what you are going for without cheap gimmicks. You really have a unique character.
Pertaining to style, some guys can't do something with a story they are running with and also do a decent RP that addresses their opponents. One guy I used to RP against would do a trash talk section and address his opponent and then in his RP did his own story. I hated it. You were able to do both did so splendidly and fluidly. I like the dark overtones were smooth and hokey. You've got your character under good control. I really, really enjoyed it.
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Post by Jason Cashe on Nov 10, 2012 0:24:53 GMT -4
Give me a few days to fully read these rps from the new signings and I will give you all feedback. Folks usually are iffy with new people asking for feedback because so many come in, lose a match and leave just as quickly. Give it time and you'll get the full treatment. Just remember to keep doing your thing, push forward through any losses and/or victories because being involved is what gets you into the fun zone. We've got crab cakes in the fun zone!
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Post by "The Welsh Dragon" Dan White on Nov 10, 2012 10:45:31 GMT -4
Thanks for the kind words and don't worry, I'm not that competitive, just like an outlet to write. You'll only find me not writing if I find no time for it!
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Post by "The Welsh Dragon" Dan White on Nov 21, 2012 16:46:05 GMT -4
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Post by Jason Cashe on Nov 21, 2012 17:14:58 GMT -4
From what I've read and it's really only been like 3 I've read from you so far. I've been so busy with work and home shit to really dig into the feedback more. However I'll give you where I see you could improve to what I like. Opinions vary so maybe you can just say fuck off to me and seek better feedback.
I use to HATE scenes in an rp. However it's grown on me a bit thanks to people in APW who do use them properly. Yours seem to come off as too short and too many. At least in that last one posted. Maybe do 2-3 tops and just run that scene so you aren't running out of options in later rps. Scenes to me used that many at once might drain you of having something new to use later when you've become established. Again just my view.
Another thing is maybe add some color to the talking parts. Lets people know when you're speaking out loud and it's not just a italics thought or scene. Small but again, something maybe only a few share and do. So who am I to judge. I have plenty of flaws myself so.
One thing I really like? Famory dislikes Knuckles and that makes him A-Okay in Kash's book!
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Post by "The Welsh Dragon" Dan White on Nov 21, 2012 17:34:59 GMT -4
Scenes? You mean basically bring up only one or two points in an RP?
If that is what you mean, it's basically because I came from a fed where you write small but often. The average RP/Segment was about 500-1500 words but we wrote up to four each for each show. Filling 3000 words is mammoth to me.
If you mean basically sticking two RPs together, then again that's part again so I can get the word count to a respectable level, and part so I can get two points across without resorting to doing a House Show RP. If I can do Character Development and talk about my match in the same RP then I thought that might have been a safe bet!
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Post by Jason Cashe on Nov 21, 2012 19:27:52 GMT -4
No I mean more in one section you're at this place, then in another you're here or it's this time. When I think of a Promo in Pro Wrestling. I remember when you'd have Jake The Snake looking around in a dark "Haunted House" like place and the Undertaker popping out. Or seeing Ultimate Warrior rambling on forever and Mean Gene just standing there with the mic held out probably wishing he could do something else at that moment. Segments might come with multiple scenes and places through out a show per say but a "Promo" for eWrestling just makes more sense TO ME in the form of one shoot, upload for the fans to watch.
Again though, Scenes happen and are done well. I'm not saying stop doing them but maybe cutting down a few. Have a couple and have more conversation or ranting. Just my view though, #ImAFool
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Post by Michael Callahan on Nov 21, 2012 19:29:49 GMT -4
No I mean more in one section you're at this place, then in another you're here or it's this time. When I think of a Promo in Pro Wrestling. I remember when you'd have Jake The Snake looking around in a dark "Haunted House" like place and the Undertaker popping out. Or seeing Ultimate Warrior rambling on forever and Mean Gene just standing there with the mic held out probably wishing he could do something else at that moment. Segments might come with multiple scenes and places through out a show per say but a "Promo" for eWrestling just makes more sense TO ME in the form of one shoot, upload for the fans to watch. The problem is that there's only a limited amount of ways in which you can say "Fuck you" politely. No matter how good you are, if you carry on doing the same thing week in and week out you'll get stale and you'll start losing matches. |
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Post by Jason Cashe on Nov 21, 2012 19:36:39 GMT -4
This is where difference comes into play. I did that, do that in a sense still. The thing I'm learning now and you're right it does get stale. But in that "Rant" you can go into many things that are relevant to the match and your character. The journey you've been on, the goals you have, the things that you crave from a match overall. So it's not always a "Fuck You" but sometimes just giving your story that can sell an rp without having to make it filled with nothing but CD. There is creative writing for that, if it is gonna win a WRESTLING match, shouldn't it have more Reference to that than a personal story taking place on your own? Do you but do it around the match and/or feud you're involved with.
That's just how I see it based on feedback, guides I've had through feedback from people like Noble who gave me feedback like when he got here and I still have it and have still learned from it everytime I sit and write. I'm Match Based in writing. Some are more CD Based and to me, that's what I like about Asylum.
EDIT: Some of this stuff I have also picked up talking with Chris Hart in chat a while back. He gave me some excellent pointers and I have taken them and installed them slowly into my writing. I build my character as well and show his progression or falling apart as I go.
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