Post by Evan De Parker on Nov 7, 2012 21:59:45 GMT -4
”You know that... That...
“That rare occasion when you cut yourself wide open and you’re bleeding and... And you just don’t feel the pain, or even notice that you’ve done it until you look down and realize you’ve already bled everywhere?
“...Sometimes by the time you see that gaping wound, it’s too late.”
”Yeah, I... Don’t really think I have time to watch a kid.”
We blink into color where Evan Envi stands before us standing in the doorway of the front porch of his uptown Baltimore two-story, single-family home. Our former Xtreme Champion is partially occupied with the straw of a pumpkin-spice flavored milkshake. He looks into the eyes of the woman he sent away just under two weeks ago; the woman he had sent fleeing from his Los Angeles estate in tears, Michelle Weaver.
She looks at him with a look of pure annoyance. Her arms are crossed, partially out of frustration, but perhaps mainly due to the overwhelming cold in Baltimore, Maryland on this particular Wednesday morning.
”Evan, I don’t ask you for shit.”
”I know, right. It’s why I love you.”
She scoffs and shakes her head, turning away from Evan, slightly.
”I’ll come back to pick her up before you leave for D.C. tomorrow. I just need you to do me this one favor.”
”Michelle, I have a huge tag team match coming up. It’s the return of Envikado. Can you grasp that for a second? Does that compute?”
”I--”
”ENVI. KADO. We’ve only wrestled one match and I dare say, we are the most dominant tag team in the history of APW. No! In the history of WRESTLING. Every waking second needs to be dedicated to thwarting the evils known as Nick Watson and Mark Mania.”
”You--”
”Every. Waking. Second.”
Michelle unfolds her arms and turns to Evan, looking up at him with a look in her eyes that Evan Envi may describe as endearingly pathetic. Though, really, how many women come crawling back after they’ve had the C-bomb dropped on them? One. That’s how many. If you asked Evan Envi, he’s damned lucky to have her.
”Okay. Fine. Sorry I bothered you. I forgot that I was asking the almighty MegaStar Evan Envi for a favor and that is just so beyond you.”
”That’s false.”
”Oh, is it?”
”Yes. It’s actually, MegaMegaStar, Evan Envi. I just feel that if you’re going to insult someone, you should do it with a bit of accuracy. I mean, it doesn’t have to be pinpoint, but let’s at least pretend to give a fu--”
”Forget it.”
Michelle pivots and turns, walking off of Evan’s porch. For seconds, Evan is locked in what-- due to his abundance of wit, charisma, and intelligence-- is certain to be an entertaining internal debate. He rests against the doorframe momentarily, allowing Michelle to make it halfway down the driveway before he calls out to her.
”Wait... Wait, wait.”
Michelle stops and turns. Evan walks down the driveway, silently cursing under his breath due to the bitter cold, and stops a few inches from Michelle.
”When do you need to bring her by?”
”Are you going to watch her?”
”Maybe.”
”She’s ten. You don’t need to do much. Stick her in a room, give her some junk food, and make sure there’s a TV in there so she can get her daily fix of Bieber.”
”So I don’t need to change her diaper, or take her out for a walk or...?”
Michelle ignores the question with a sharp glare and reaches into Evan’s pocket, retrieving his phone.
”The hell are you doing?”
”I’m putting the address in your GPS.”
”Oh! And I have to go pick the brat up!”
”Hush. I’ll give you gas money.”
”Oh! You lose one match-- ONE championship, and suddenly you’re a charity case. Thank you very much, Michelle, but I will put my own gas in my vehicle. It’s me. I have money.”
Michelle slides Evan’s phone back into his pocket and takes a step back toward her car.
”Be there by noon, okay? Don’t be late-- she’s very punctual.”
”She’s ten. She hasn’t even developed a sense of time yet.”
”Don’t be late!”
”Yeah, yeah. I won’t be late.”
It’s 12:26 P.M. Evan Envi is late.
As he pulls his silver BMW 760Li into the driveway, he considers walking up to the door-- but finds that honking the horn is much more efficient.
”Tick-tock. Time is money, damnit... Tick-tock...”
Evan cringes a bit as he says the words aloud.
”Can’t even imitate a clock anymore without feeling dirty. Damn you, Noble.”
The front door of the house swings open and Evan looks up as Michelle makes her way down the driveway toward the driver’s side of the door. A bright blue-eyed, blonde-haired pre-teen with her hair pulled back in a ponytail is right on her heels... And Evan is certain that she’s going to grow up to be a Democrat. She reeks of free spirit and Obamacare. Had they been in Colorado, Evan is certain that he’d have been greeted with a partially-burning joint.
Hippies...
”Hey.”
Michelle leans down in the driver’s window, freshly showered and made-up as opposed to her casual appearance earlier in the day.
”Thanks again, so much for doing this. It’s just for the night.”
”It’s not a probl--”
”He’s late.”
Evan arches an eyebrow and turns to the young girl who throws her bag into the backseat and then plops down in the passenger seat, giving Evan a disappointed glance.
”You are late.”
”Hahaha... Evan, meet Chastity. Chastity--”
”We just met. Hi.”
Chastity holds her hand out toward Evan, formally. Evan laughs loudly and turns to Michelle through the window.
”Is this kid for real? Where do you find these people, Michelle?”
”Chastity’s my niece.”
”As if. We’re cousins, at best. Michelle just likes to look down on me because I’m younger than her. ‘Aunt Michelle’ my foot.”
”And she censors herself too.”
Hm. Conceited. Maybe she’d be a Republican.
”You two will get along great.”
”Eh.”
”Call me if you need anything. I’ll be back in the morning.”
”Bye, Michelle.”
Michelle gives Evan a quick peck on the lips and waves to Chastity, turning and jogging back into the house as Evan pulls out.
”Alright, kid... I want you to know something. I’m gonna be spending a lot of time to myself today because I need to record this video for--”
”For what?”
”...Well, if you’d hold on, I’d tell you.”
”I was just being proactive. Obviously, someone in this car can’t be trusted to do certain things according to schedule.”
Evan frowns a bit at the statement, giving the girl a disgusted look out of the corner of his eye before continuing to plow forward, out of the development in the BMW.
”It’s for my match against Mark Mania and Nick Watson.”
”Ah.”
Her “ah” proves to be quite unnerving. Evan glances at her again-- and the kid is simply staring at him, with an eerily omniscient smirk on her face. Evan continues.
”Yeah. I’m teaming with Delikado. It’s-- it’s really a huge deal, ya know. Envikado is the future of tag team wrestling. Really, we’re the future of wrestling in general.”
”So you guys are good?”
”We’re better than good. We’re great.”
”...But you guys both lost at One Night in Hell.”
”Heck. Heck. What-- what is up with your mouth? Who taught you that word? Are your parents Democrats?”
”I don’t see how you expect to beat them when they’ve got everything going for them. Momentum. Skills...”
”Excuse me! Delikado and I have skills.”
”Do you really, though?”
”What the f--YES. We do.”
”Logic just dictates that the guys with the gold are the guys with the skills. Mark Mania beat Delikado. Nick Watson beat you.”
”...Nick Watson is a thief, kid. A cheater. And nobody respects a cheater.”
”There were no disqualifications in the match. He didn’t cheat.”
”My own sister slammed my head into the doorframe.”
”You threw him down the stairs. My daddy said that you fight dirty anyway, and he doesn’t think you know half as much about wrestling as you think you do.”
Evan takes his eyes completely off of the road for a moment to give Chastity a stern glare.
”And who the heck is your father? I bet he’s a Democrat.”
”He used to do promoting for wrestling matches. They--”
”Shows. He did promoting for wrestling shows. This isn’t the 1950’s.”
”Well, he did it. He’s seen the best. He said so.”
”And I suppose he thinks Nick Watson is better than me.”
”No... No he never said that.”
”Good.”
”Mark Mania is though.”
It takes every fiber of Evan’s being to refrain from slamming on the brakes. He passes the minor lapse in moment off as an engine hiccup. He can feel the skin on the back of his neck and his cheeks growing hot. He can hear the hissing and protests in his head. The road seems to disappear for a moment, substituted with a blank, white, empty plane.
”Touchy subject, Mr. Evan? Something I shouldn’t say?”
”Let’s just focus on getting home.”
With that, Evan turns the radio on and the next several minutes are spent in silence. If you were to ask Evan after the car ride, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you any of the songs that played during that thirty-five minute drive from Towson to Baltimore.
He wouldn’t be able to tell you about the disarray that lies around them as they pass several rural areas; the older buildings with bricks torn and ripped straight from the exterior walls, the neglected branches and twigs that had gathered and found a home on the sidewalks, the trees that had been knocked to the ground, straight from their roots...
He could only tell you one thing if you were to even dare interrupt him during that drive:
I am better than Nick Watson and I am better than Mark Mania.
We are better than them. Better than them. Better. Better. Better. Better. Better...
Our next scene is the type of blank canvas Envi had envisioned during his journey back to his Baltimore home. We sit in a completely white room; even the picture frames and furniture are neutral-themed. It becomes obvious soon that we’re in Envi’s bedroom, not entirely an unfamiliar site to the consistent viewer.
Envi pops into frame next and takes a seat before us, with his temporary ten-year-old companion nowhere to be found. It’s evident within seconds that each image is being captured via webcam. Evan looks a bit uneasy at first as he sits before the lens, but begins speaking without much hesitation.
”Mark. Nick. I want to take this opportunity to congratulate you guys. I’m going to be the bigger man here and... Applaud what you guys were able to accomplish at One Night in Hell. I didn’t think that Mark Mania would be walking away with the Overdrive Title and never for a second did I think Nick Watson would be walking away with the Xtreme Title. You guys did what many people in the world simply said you wouldn’t and for that, I commend you.”
Evan chuckles and rubs his eyes with his thumb and index finger.
”Honestly, Nick, I’m still a little bit shocked by it. I wake up every day and I have to laugh at myself a little bit for letting something like this happen.
“I wake up every day and I feel like I’ve failed the forefathers of wrestling because I let my championship fall into the hands of a flash in the pan. It’s not like the gold was put in the possession of a man that’s going to take this industry to the next level, but it was put in the hands of Nick Watson. Perhaps I’m missing something, but what is supposed to be so great about you, Nick? What exactly do you bring to the table that people like Evan Envi and Delikado don’t?
“You weren’t able to beat Kurt Noble. You weren’t able to beat Keaton Saint. You weren’t able to beat A.C. Smith, and until you stole one right out from under me on Sunday, you weren’t able to beat me, and I can say with the utmost confidence that if given the opportunity, you wouldn’t be able to do it again. Not in one-on-one competition, and not in a tag match.
“In case you forgot, Nick, you did exactly what Mark Mania said you were going to do three weeks ago in our tag match-- where you guys even had an extra competitor.
“You choked. You failed. You proved to be the weak link. You cost your team the win.
“I beat you, Nick. Envikado beat you.
“And yeah, when you look back at that footage, it could easily be argued that Delikado did a lot of the heavy lifting toward the end of our match. He’s the one that gave you your Last Call to Cuba and I’m the one that capitalized, but that’s what’s so great about Envikado. A victory for one of us is a victory for us BOTH!
“There are no finer athletes in Action Packed Wrestling. There is no more dynamic tag team in the sport. So when you have the Powers That Be in the back placing you in unsafe work environments, making ludicrous, unfair business decisions every week, naturally, you reach out for somebody that you can trust and that has your BACK when everybody else turns theirs on you. It’s a little interesting that the only man I trust in this entire business is a self-righteous, half-demented, rabid Cuban. But he’s the only one worth trusting.
“Do you trust Mark Mania? Please. You believe that because you have some tainted gold around your waist, he thinks you’re somebody?
“Mark Mania is a man that takes things at face value, Nick. If you didn’t pick up that win, not only would this match probably not be happening, but he wouldn’t even consider you a reliable tag team partner. In fact, the only reason the guy gives you the time of day is because he evidently has some sort of man-crush on Pence Weatherlight. Don’t think for a SECOND that your reign is legitimized because Mark MANIA told you that it was.
“You’re bleeding, Nick. You’re fucking bleeding and you’re too blind to see it.”
Evan laughs to himself a bit.
”You know that... That... That rare occasion when you cut yourself wide open and you’re bleeding and... And you just don’t feel the pain, or even notice that you’ve done it until you look down and realize you’ve already bled everywhere?
“Only then, do you feel that pain rushing through you. It’s not until THEN that you get that feeling of urgency, and that adrenaline rush. If you’re lucky, you’ve caught it already. You’ve caught the problem, bandaged it without so much as a second thought, and carried on. You’re lucky.
“But then again, not all of us have that luxury of fortune on our side. Sometimes by the time you see that gaping wound, it’s too late. It’s too fucking late, Nick.
“So tell me. What happens when I’m no longer in the picture and you’re carrying ten pounds of gold in your hands and you don’t know what to do with it?
“Tell me what happens when I move onto bigger and better things while you dick around in the empty land of Xtreme for the rest of your career.
“What happens when you’re done running my title back through the mud I worked so hard to try to get it out of?”
Evan’s eyes flicker with amusement and he leans forward, speaking in a low tone.
”What happens when you stop sleeping with my sister and she forgets about you too-- and you’re washed away back into obscurity? How steep is that climb back to the middle gonna be, eh? You think about that, Nicholas, and please... Take your time. Meanwhile, I’m gonna focus on partner, the new Overdrive Champion, Mark--!”
”I’m hungry.”
”--Whaaaaaaaaaaat the heck?”
Evan spins around and sees Chastity standing in the doorway, a frustrated grimace on her face.
”I feel that I’d be overstepping my boundaries if I were to start rummaging through your fridge or pantry myself.”
”Did you just say ‘rummaging’? What are you?”
”Food. Feed me. I don’t... Which part aren’t you getting?”
Evan scowls at her. She was so audacious. She was probably going to grow up to be a registered Independent.
”I’m in the middle of this vignette. Ya know? The one I told you about. I don’t have TIME to stop what I’m doing to make you food. Kid.”
Chastity stares blankly at Evan for a moment.
”I’m calling Michelle.”
”No! Let’s take a field trip to the kitchen.”
No one makes peanut butter and jelly quite like Evan Envi.
He watches with general disinterest as Chastity licks the last bits of PB&J off of her fingers, swinging her legs from the comically tall stool at the end of the kitchen’s island.
”Okay. Yum. We’re fed. Now you can go back to watching--”
Evan turns his attention toward the living room where the Animal Planet dominates his television screen. Currently, we’re discovering how African felines reproduce.
”WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!”
”Animal Planet.”
”It’s pornography is what it is! What does your mother think about this? I cannot allow--”
”You called Michelle a ‘cunt’ a couple of weeks ago, right?”
”OH MY GOD.”
”So yes?”
”You’re not a child. You’re a sailor.”
”I don’t know why she didn’t leave you.”
With this, Evan falls silent. He watches as Chastity pushes herself down from the stool and gives him an unimpressed gaze.
”I personally thought you deserved what happened to you, Mr. Evan. What Nick Watson did was right. I know it’s a little out of place for me to say but... I couldn’t help but overhear some of your recording.”
”You’re not very encouraging.”
”No, but everybody else is too encouraging. I mean, you call my cousin a--”
”C-Bomb. Let’s say C-Bomb.”
”And she came back. She’ll never give you real advice on your wrestling though, because she doesn’t care about it. She cares about YOU but not IT. I, however, couldn’t care less about you and the only reason I agreed to stay with you is because, I admittedly think it’s really cool that you wrestle. Nothing more than that. It’s a cool story to tell my friends at school tomorrow.”
Evan looks at her for another few moments spent in silence and sighs, shaking his head.
”You’re reading into it too hard. Do you know what Daddy says the definition of insanity is?”
”Hm?”
”Doing the same thing, over and over, waiting for a different result. If you wanna do better... You’d better do something new.”
She turns and begins to make her way back toward the living room and the graphic nature of the Animal Planet program, but stops only to turn and look at Evan over her shoulder for a second.
”Green party, by the way.”
Should’ve known.
”Do you wanna know one of the key values of the Green Party?”
”...Hm?”
"Sustainability."
”Sustainability.”
Evan laughs a bit to himself as we return to our scene in front of his webcam in his bedroom.
"Sustainability is described as the capacity to endure through renewal, maintenance, and sustenance... Mark, you've done a good job at enduring everything the wrestling world has thrown at you over the years. Whether you've been the favorite heading into a match or you had the odds stacked against you, you're... Still... Here.
"I admire it. I've admired you since day one. I admired you when I saw you arrive on that episode of Monday Night Meltdown, and it was from a distance but there was this buzz. Mark Mania was back in APW. Mark Mania had found his damned mind...
"And then you left. And then you came here. And then you did absolutely nothing of note until a brilliant Cuban fellow named Delikado gave people ONE REASON to give two shits about you and it's around your waist right now. You give me shit for finally getting my foot in the door and taking a little bit longer to live up to everybody's expectations... But what's your excuse, Mark?
"I understand that you have no respect for the North American Championship but while you were on Overdrive doing nothing, I was giving that title prestige. I was quickly becoming one of the most socially acceptable Megastars in this business and now I've got publicity everywhere. Code Red Wrestling, Sin City Wrestling, the Experts. Mark, I became a MegaMegaStar in spite of you.
"Envikado, THE UNDEFEATED TAG TEAM, and the most dominant tag team force in the Western hemisphere are the rightful owners of the Xtreme and Overdrive Championships.
"You know it. Nick knows it. The rest of the world knows it:
"Your reigns are counterfeit. They look good from a distance but when you pay attention to the details, it's undeniable that Delikado and Evan Envi are the people that gave those titles value here on Thursday Night Overdrive. However, the past is the past... And the future looks bright for Envikado.
"We have longevity. We have sustenance. Unlike the fragile team of Nick Watson and Mark Mania, held together by a few pounds of leather and gold and nothing else, Envikado will always have each others' backs. After the bell rings, that doesn't end. After the bell rings, that does NOT change, but I can't say the same for you two.
"Sustainability.
"Mark, I've learned from you... I've learned a lot, just from watching. Watching. And hurting. And losing. But this Thursday, I'm using it all against you.
"We'll see how long you last."
“That rare occasion when you cut yourself wide open and you’re bleeding and... And you just don’t feel the pain, or even notice that you’ve done it until you look down and realize you’ve already bled everywhere?
“...Sometimes by the time you see that gaping wound, it’s too late.”
”True glory takes root, and even spreads; all false pretences, like flowers, fall to the ground; nor can any counterfeit last long...”
”Yeah, I... Don’t really think I have time to watch a kid.”
We blink into color where Evan Envi stands before us standing in the doorway of the front porch of his uptown Baltimore two-story, single-family home. Our former Xtreme Champion is partially occupied with the straw of a pumpkin-spice flavored milkshake. He looks into the eyes of the woman he sent away just under two weeks ago; the woman he had sent fleeing from his Los Angeles estate in tears, Michelle Weaver.
She looks at him with a look of pure annoyance. Her arms are crossed, partially out of frustration, but perhaps mainly due to the overwhelming cold in Baltimore, Maryland on this particular Wednesday morning.
”Evan, I don’t ask you for shit.”
”I know, right. It’s why I love you.”
She scoffs and shakes her head, turning away from Evan, slightly.
”I’ll come back to pick her up before you leave for D.C. tomorrow. I just need you to do me this one favor.”
”Michelle, I have a huge tag team match coming up. It’s the return of Envikado. Can you grasp that for a second? Does that compute?”
”I--”
”ENVI. KADO. We’ve only wrestled one match and I dare say, we are the most dominant tag team in the history of APW. No! In the history of WRESTLING. Every waking second needs to be dedicated to thwarting the evils known as Nick Watson and Mark Mania.”
”You--”
”Every. Waking. Second.”
Michelle unfolds her arms and turns to Evan, looking up at him with a look in her eyes that Evan Envi may describe as endearingly pathetic. Though, really, how many women come crawling back after they’ve had the C-bomb dropped on them? One. That’s how many. If you asked Evan Envi, he’s damned lucky to have her.
”Okay. Fine. Sorry I bothered you. I forgot that I was asking the almighty MegaStar Evan Envi for a favor and that is just so beyond you.”
”That’s false.”
”Oh, is it?”
”Yes. It’s actually, MegaMegaStar, Evan Envi. I just feel that if you’re going to insult someone, you should do it with a bit of accuracy. I mean, it doesn’t have to be pinpoint, but let’s at least pretend to give a fu--”
”Forget it.”
Michelle pivots and turns, walking off of Evan’s porch. For seconds, Evan is locked in what-- due to his abundance of wit, charisma, and intelligence-- is certain to be an entertaining internal debate. He rests against the doorframe momentarily, allowing Michelle to make it halfway down the driveway before he calls out to her.
”Wait... Wait, wait.”
Michelle stops and turns. Evan walks down the driveway, silently cursing under his breath due to the bitter cold, and stops a few inches from Michelle.
”When do you need to bring her by?”
”Are you going to watch her?”
”Maybe.”
”She’s ten. You don’t need to do much. Stick her in a room, give her some junk food, and make sure there’s a TV in there so she can get her daily fix of Bieber.”
”So I don’t need to change her diaper, or take her out for a walk or...?”
Michelle ignores the question with a sharp glare and reaches into Evan’s pocket, retrieving his phone.
”The hell are you doing?”
”I’m putting the address in your GPS.”
”Oh! And I have to go pick the brat up!”
”Hush. I’ll give you gas money.”
”Oh! You lose one match-- ONE championship, and suddenly you’re a charity case. Thank you very much, Michelle, but I will put my own gas in my vehicle. It’s me. I have money.”
Michelle slides Evan’s phone back into his pocket and takes a step back toward her car.
”Be there by noon, okay? Don’t be late-- she’s very punctual.”
”She’s ten. She hasn’t even developed a sense of time yet.”
”Don’t be late!”
”Yeah, yeah. I won’t be late.”
***
It’s 12:26 P.M. Evan Envi is late.
As he pulls his silver BMW 760Li into the driveway, he considers walking up to the door-- but finds that honking the horn is much more efficient.
”Tick-tock. Time is money, damnit... Tick-tock...”
Evan cringes a bit as he says the words aloud.
”Can’t even imitate a clock anymore without feeling dirty. Damn you, Noble.”
The front door of the house swings open and Evan looks up as Michelle makes her way down the driveway toward the driver’s side of the door. A bright blue-eyed, blonde-haired pre-teen with her hair pulled back in a ponytail is right on her heels... And Evan is certain that she’s going to grow up to be a Democrat. She reeks of free spirit and Obamacare. Had they been in Colorado, Evan is certain that he’d have been greeted with a partially-burning joint.
Hippies...
”Hey.”
Michelle leans down in the driver’s window, freshly showered and made-up as opposed to her casual appearance earlier in the day.
”Thanks again, so much for doing this. It’s just for the night.”
”It’s not a probl--”
”He’s late.”
Evan arches an eyebrow and turns to the young girl who throws her bag into the backseat and then plops down in the passenger seat, giving Evan a disappointed glance.
”You are late.”
”Hahaha... Evan, meet Chastity. Chastity--”
”We just met. Hi.”
Chastity holds her hand out toward Evan, formally. Evan laughs loudly and turns to Michelle through the window.
”Is this kid for real? Where do you find these people, Michelle?”
”Chastity’s my niece.”
”As if. We’re cousins, at best. Michelle just likes to look down on me because I’m younger than her. ‘Aunt Michelle’ my foot.”
”And she censors herself too.”
Hm. Conceited. Maybe she’d be a Republican.
”You two will get along great.”
”Eh.”
”Call me if you need anything. I’ll be back in the morning.”
”Bye, Michelle.”
Michelle gives Evan a quick peck on the lips and waves to Chastity, turning and jogging back into the house as Evan pulls out.
”Alright, kid... I want you to know something. I’m gonna be spending a lot of time to myself today because I need to record this video for--”
”For what?”
”...Well, if you’d hold on, I’d tell you.”
”I was just being proactive. Obviously, someone in this car can’t be trusted to do certain things according to schedule.”
Evan frowns a bit at the statement, giving the girl a disgusted look out of the corner of his eye before continuing to plow forward, out of the development in the BMW.
”It’s for my match against Mark Mania and Nick Watson.”
”Ah.”
Her “ah” proves to be quite unnerving. Evan glances at her again-- and the kid is simply staring at him, with an eerily omniscient smirk on her face. Evan continues.
”Yeah. I’m teaming with Delikado. It’s-- it’s really a huge deal, ya know. Envikado is the future of tag team wrestling. Really, we’re the future of wrestling in general.”
”So you guys are good?”
”We’re better than good. We’re great.”
”...But you guys both lost at One Night in Hell.”
”Heck. Heck. What-- what is up with your mouth? Who taught you that word? Are your parents Democrats?”
”I don’t see how you expect to beat them when they’ve got everything going for them. Momentum. Skills...”
”Excuse me! Delikado and I have skills.”
”Do you really, though?”
”What the f--YES. We do.”
”Logic just dictates that the guys with the gold are the guys with the skills. Mark Mania beat Delikado. Nick Watson beat you.”
”...Nick Watson is a thief, kid. A cheater. And nobody respects a cheater.”
”There were no disqualifications in the match. He didn’t cheat.”
”My own sister slammed my head into the doorframe.”
”You threw him down the stairs. My daddy said that you fight dirty anyway, and he doesn’t think you know half as much about wrestling as you think you do.”
Evan takes his eyes completely off of the road for a moment to give Chastity a stern glare.
”And who the heck is your father? I bet he’s a Democrat.”
”He used to do promoting for wrestling matches. They--”
”Shows. He did promoting for wrestling shows. This isn’t the 1950’s.”
”Well, he did it. He’s seen the best. He said so.”
”And I suppose he thinks Nick Watson is better than me.”
”No... No he never said that.”
”Good.”
”Mark Mania is though.”
It takes every fiber of Evan’s being to refrain from slamming on the brakes. He passes the minor lapse in moment off as an engine hiccup. He can feel the skin on the back of his neck and his cheeks growing hot. He can hear the hissing and protests in his head. The road seems to disappear for a moment, substituted with a blank, white, empty plane.
”Touchy subject, Mr. Evan? Something I shouldn’t say?”
”Let’s just focus on getting home.”
With that, Evan turns the radio on and the next several minutes are spent in silence. If you were to ask Evan after the car ride, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you any of the songs that played during that thirty-five minute drive from Towson to Baltimore.
He wouldn’t be able to tell you about the disarray that lies around them as they pass several rural areas; the older buildings with bricks torn and ripped straight from the exterior walls, the neglected branches and twigs that had gathered and found a home on the sidewalks, the trees that had been knocked to the ground, straight from their roots...
He could only tell you one thing if you were to even dare interrupt him during that drive:
I am better than Nick Watson and I am better than Mark Mania.
We are better than them. Better than them. Better. Better. Better. Better. Better...
***
Our next scene is the type of blank canvas Envi had envisioned during his journey back to his Baltimore home. We sit in a completely white room; even the picture frames and furniture are neutral-themed. It becomes obvious soon that we’re in Envi’s bedroom, not entirely an unfamiliar site to the consistent viewer.
Envi pops into frame next and takes a seat before us, with his temporary ten-year-old companion nowhere to be found. It’s evident within seconds that each image is being captured via webcam. Evan looks a bit uneasy at first as he sits before the lens, but begins speaking without much hesitation.
”Mark. Nick. I want to take this opportunity to congratulate you guys. I’m going to be the bigger man here and... Applaud what you guys were able to accomplish at One Night in Hell. I didn’t think that Mark Mania would be walking away with the Overdrive Title and never for a second did I think Nick Watson would be walking away with the Xtreme Title. You guys did what many people in the world simply said you wouldn’t and for that, I commend you.”
Evan chuckles and rubs his eyes with his thumb and index finger.
”Honestly, Nick, I’m still a little bit shocked by it. I wake up every day and I have to laugh at myself a little bit for letting something like this happen.
“I wake up every day and I feel like I’ve failed the forefathers of wrestling because I let my championship fall into the hands of a flash in the pan. It’s not like the gold was put in the possession of a man that’s going to take this industry to the next level, but it was put in the hands of Nick Watson. Perhaps I’m missing something, but what is supposed to be so great about you, Nick? What exactly do you bring to the table that people like Evan Envi and Delikado don’t?
“You weren’t able to beat Kurt Noble. You weren’t able to beat Keaton Saint. You weren’t able to beat A.C. Smith, and until you stole one right out from under me on Sunday, you weren’t able to beat me, and I can say with the utmost confidence that if given the opportunity, you wouldn’t be able to do it again. Not in one-on-one competition, and not in a tag match.
“In case you forgot, Nick, you did exactly what Mark Mania said you were going to do three weeks ago in our tag match-- where you guys even had an extra competitor.
“You choked. You failed. You proved to be the weak link. You cost your team the win.
“I beat you, Nick. Envikado beat you.
“And yeah, when you look back at that footage, it could easily be argued that Delikado did a lot of the heavy lifting toward the end of our match. He’s the one that gave you your Last Call to Cuba and I’m the one that capitalized, but that’s what’s so great about Envikado. A victory for one of us is a victory for us BOTH!
“There are no finer athletes in Action Packed Wrestling. There is no more dynamic tag team in the sport. So when you have the Powers That Be in the back placing you in unsafe work environments, making ludicrous, unfair business decisions every week, naturally, you reach out for somebody that you can trust and that has your BACK when everybody else turns theirs on you. It’s a little interesting that the only man I trust in this entire business is a self-righteous, half-demented, rabid Cuban. But he’s the only one worth trusting.
“Do you trust Mark Mania? Please. You believe that because you have some tainted gold around your waist, he thinks you’re somebody?
“Mark Mania is a man that takes things at face value, Nick. If you didn’t pick up that win, not only would this match probably not be happening, but he wouldn’t even consider you a reliable tag team partner. In fact, the only reason the guy gives you the time of day is because he evidently has some sort of man-crush on Pence Weatherlight. Don’t think for a SECOND that your reign is legitimized because Mark MANIA told you that it was.
“You’re bleeding, Nick. You’re fucking bleeding and you’re too blind to see it.”
Evan laughs to himself a bit.
”You know that... That... That rare occasion when you cut yourself wide open and you’re bleeding and... And you just don’t feel the pain, or even notice that you’ve done it until you look down and realize you’ve already bled everywhere?
“Only then, do you feel that pain rushing through you. It’s not until THEN that you get that feeling of urgency, and that adrenaline rush. If you’re lucky, you’ve caught it already. You’ve caught the problem, bandaged it without so much as a second thought, and carried on. You’re lucky.
“But then again, not all of us have that luxury of fortune on our side. Sometimes by the time you see that gaping wound, it’s too late. It’s too fucking late, Nick.
“So tell me. What happens when I’m no longer in the picture and you’re carrying ten pounds of gold in your hands and you don’t know what to do with it?
“Tell me what happens when I move onto bigger and better things while you dick around in the empty land of Xtreme for the rest of your career.
“What happens when you’re done running my title back through the mud I worked so hard to try to get it out of?”
Evan’s eyes flicker with amusement and he leans forward, speaking in a low tone.
”What happens when you stop sleeping with my sister and she forgets about you too-- and you’re washed away back into obscurity? How steep is that climb back to the middle gonna be, eh? You think about that, Nicholas, and please... Take your time. Meanwhile, I’m gonna focus on partner, the new Overdrive Champion, Mark--!”
”I’m hungry.”
”--Whaaaaaaaaaaat the heck?”
Evan spins around and sees Chastity standing in the doorway, a frustrated grimace on her face.
”I feel that I’d be overstepping my boundaries if I were to start rummaging through your fridge or pantry myself.”
”Did you just say ‘rummaging’? What are you?”
”Food. Feed me. I don’t... Which part aren’t you getting?”
Evan scowls at her. She was so audacious. She was probably going to grow up to be a registered Independent.
”I’m in the middle of this vignette. Ya know? The one I told you about. I don’t have TIME to stop what I’m doing to make you food. Kid.”
Chastity stares blankly at Evan for a moment.
”I’m calling Michelle.”
”No! Let’s take a field trip to the kitchen.”
***
No one makes peanut butter and jelly quite like Evan Envi.
He watches with general disinterest as Chastity licks the last bits of PB&J off of her fingers, swinging her legs from the comically tall stool at the end of the kitchen’s island.
”Okay. Yum. We’re fed. Now you can go back to watching--”
Evan turns his attention toward the living room where the Animal Planet dominates his television screen. Currently, we’re discovering how African felines reproduce.
”WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!”
”Animal Planet.”
”It’s pornography is what it is! What does your mother think about this? I cannot allow--”
”You called Michelle a ‘cunt’ a couple of weeks ago, right?”
”OH MY GOD.”
”So yes?”
”You’re not a child. You’re a sailor.”
”I don’t know why she didn’t leave you.”
With this, Evan falls silent. He watches as Chastity pushes herself down from the stool and gives him an unimpressed gaze.
”I personally thought you deserved what happened to you, Mr. Evan. What Nick Watson did was right. I know it’s a little out of place for me to say but... I couldn’t help but overhear some of your recording.”
”You’re not very encouraging.”
”No, but everybody else is too encouraging. I mean, you call my cousin a--”
”C-Bomb. Let’s say C-Bomb.”
”And she came back. She’ll never give you real advice on your wrestling though, because she doesn’t care about it. She cares about YOU but not IT. I, however, couldn’t care less about you and the only reason I agreed to stay with you is because, I admittedly think it’s really cool that you wrestle. Nothing more than that. It’s a cool story to tell my friends at school tomorrow.”
Evan looks at her for another few moments spent in silence and sighs, shaking his head.
”You’re reading into it too hard. Do you know what Daddy says the definition of insanity is?”
”Hm?”
”Doing the same thing, over and over, waiting for a different result. If you wanna do better... You’d better do something new.”
She turns and begins to make her way back toward the living room and the graphic nature of the Animal Planet program, but stops only to turn and look at Evan over her shoulder for a second.
”Green party, by the way.”
Should’ve known.
”Do you wanna know one of the key values of the Green Party?”
”...Hm?”
"Sustainability."
***
”Sustainability.”
Evan laughs a bit to himself as we return to our scene in front of his webcam in his bedroom.
"Sustainability is described as the capacity to endure through renewal, maintenance, and sustenance... Mark, you've done a good job at enduring everything the wrestling world has thrown at you over the years. Whether you've been the favorite heading into a match or you had the odds stacked against you, you're... Still... Here.
"I admire it. I've admired you since day one. I admired you when I saw you arrive on that episode of Monday Night Meltdown, and it was from a distance but there was this buzz. Mark Mania was back in APW. Mark Mania had found his damned mind...
"And then you left. And then you came here. And then you did absolutely nothing of note until a brilliant Cuban fellow named Delikado gave people ONE REASON to give two shits about you and it's around your waist right now. You give me shit for finally getting my foot in the door and taking a little bit longer to live up to everybody's expectations... But what's your excuse, Mark?
"I understand that you have no respect for the North American Championship but while you were on Overdrive doing nothing, I was giving that title prestige. I was quickly becoming one of the most socially acceptable Megastars in this business and now I've got publicity everywhere. Code Red Wrestling, Sin City Wrestling, the Experts. Mark, I became a MegaMegaStar in spite of you.
"Envikado, THE UNDEFEATED TAG TEAM, and the most dominant tag team force in the Western hemisphere are the rightful owners of the Xtreme and Overdrive Championships.
"You know it. Nick knows it. The rest of the world knows it:
"Your reigns are counterfeit. They look good from a distance but when you pay attention to the details, it's undeniable that Delikado and Evan Envi are the people that gave those titles value here on Thursday Night Overdrive. However, the past is the past... And the future looks bright for Envikado.
"We have longevity. We have sustenance. Unlike the fragile team of Nick Watson and Mark Mania, held together by a few pounds of leather and gold and nothing else, Envikado will always have each others' backs. After the bell rings, that doesn't end. After the bell rings, that does NOT change, but I can't say the same for you two.
"Sustainability.
"Mark, I've learned from you... I've learned a lot, just from watching. Watching. And hurting. And losing. But this Thursday, I'm using it all against you.
"We'll see how long you last."
