MY RP for the match is up!

[evanmcdonald1]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=gotopost&board=meltdownrp&thread=12864&post=78139

Unfortunately my Laptop doesn't have Notepad in it so I can't be sure if the errors that showed up in my app and my debut RP have showed up again, if they have let me know even though I didn't see the errors when I reread the RP on the board.

Anyway, feedback please?

[Phil Atken]

I'll give a few quick points:

Quickly on the bad points:

- I'd avoid mentioning the WWE entirely. Think of it existing in another universe.
- I don't know how much longevity you can get out of just talking about how great and sexy you are all the time but fuck, look at Marv I still feel that Evan is slightly two dimensional in that regard. I know you went out to answer some of the question I left you to think about in the RP but I felt they were they to be brushed off, not really to give them thought to the character motivation.
- The crowd reactions. I know the temptation is always there but... eurgh, just to have everyone fawning over your character and reacting exactly how your character wants them to react. Just to deal with a heckling fan in the crowd, to have a lady not finding Evan gods gift, anything would add some real dimension.

The Good:

- The errors weren't there this time around and making an RP readable is really half the battle.
- There's a voice for the character there, it's not strong to me but I think that if you keep working away at it, the character will get stronger. It's a fun character to play around with, that of the Scottish ladies man.
- Narrative wise, as much as I don't like 100% completely and totally flawless in a character, I can't complain about.

I really think the more you RP here, the better you will get. I already felt there was improvement between your first piece and this RP. Some time on Meltdown will really do you good and I can see you getting a lot stronger from it.

Keep it up dude.