Professor Odakiled Visits APW’s Ghetto!

[Delikado]

Some-Kinda-Something-Productions presents
B O S S
Episode 24 – “Professor Odakiled Visits APW’s Ghetto!”

The scene opens with a close-up shot of the APW Tag Team Championship belts as a narration plays to patriotic music.

Professor Odakiled: The APW Tag Titles. Illustrious and top-tier titles, recently vacated and abandoned like a plague-stricken African child by an insane, post-traumatic-stress-disorder stricken cripple and his feminine, pinkly boy sidekick, which are now up for grabs in a Tag Team Tournament!

The shot switches from the belts to an examination of the brackets for the Tag Team Tournament. Our camera slowly zooms in on one of the first brackets in the top-left corner.

~Young Mannie & William D Williams Jr. vs. EnviKado (Evan Envi & Delikado)~

Odakiled: And one of the first battles to be held in this tourney of decisive tag team-fervor can be found between the unitary dominating force of Boss Delikado and Evan Envi against what could be deemed the merging of a Blood and a Crip, Young Mannie and William D. Williams Jr.

We get a shot of Mannie and Williams which slowly goes from color to black and white, ominously.

Odakiled: But the question at hand is THIS: Are these brothers—sorry, BRUTHAS--ready for tag team gold, or are they even worthy of being in this tourney with legends? Some critics say “no”, while others say “no” as well!

The scene changes to a video of a black man sitting in his car at the red light, waiting patiently and peacefully. The camera rushes for him as panting is heard and we get right up next to the black man.

Odakiled: Hey, Young Mannie! Can we talk about your upcoming tag team tournament match?

The black man turns his head and cocks a confused eyebrow.

Black Man: What’d you call me, man?

Odakiled: Sorry, sorry, I must’ve mistaken you for someone else in the darkness of it being 12 o’clock noon on this bright, sunny day. William D. Williams, are you ready for your first chance at actual glory since joining the APW?

Black Man: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Odakiled: Come now, will.i.am, modesty will not get you far in this tournament against so many badasses, particularly the top badasses you are going to face this very week, Envikado! Now get out of your car and let’s have a quick chat in that dark alley over there.

Black Man: Yeeeaaaah, no thanks…

The man speeds off, leaving smoke in his wake as the camera turns and watches him disappear around a corner.

Odakiled: Such ungratefulness for all his opportunities. Just WHAT does it say for our children’s future if hostile men like Williams or his homie Mannie get hold of the APW Tag Titles?!

A quick-cut to an interview room where Boss Delikado---UHHH, Professor Odakiled—spins around in a rolling chair to meet us. He sits in his lab-coat with a microphone in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.

Odakiled: That’s what I’m here to find out---TODAY! I am APW correspondent interview-man, Professor Odakiled, and my job is to get down to the bottom of the truths inside the APW’s dark, black underbelly! This is week one of a series we hope to bring to you, the viewers, during the coinciding Tag Team Tournament. It’s sure to be an eye-opening, spine-tingling, pants-wetting looksee experience. Join throughout the weeks ahead, as I meet up with these men, and some women, comprising these matches, interview them, and provide the un-bias, un-tainted evidence to let YOU make the decision on whether they are worthy of the APW Tag Team Championships. Week one brings us… "Mr. 420" Young Mannie and Mr. William D. Williams Jr. – “The Smooth One”!

Odakiled sips the tea, then frowns.

Odakiled: This tea is absolute shit.

~Week 1: Mannie/Williams~

Professor Odakiled now sits in his rolling chair opposite two black men in gang-like clothing.

Odakiled: Thank you for joining me for this interview, Young Mannie and William Williams. And thanks also for not making me have to bring you here in chains…that would have looked ESPECIALLY awkward for the cameras. Now, you two hoodies are set to team up and wrestle in Round 1 of the tournament for the APW Tag Titles this week on Meltdown. Quite the chance to prove yourselves you’ve been handed it would seem, especially for being so tough and seamy-looking. Some would beg the question of whether you two are RIGHT to be in this tournament, however. Some believe you wouldn’t do the tag titles proud if you held them, and after our most recent tag champions’ fall from grace, who can blame them for looking for people who aren’t absolute CRIMINALS? Mannie, Williams, you were put together to fight in this tournament for the APW Tag Team Championships and to represent your ghetto brand. Tell me how it feels.

One of the black men, wearing a suit, squints at the comment.

”Williams D. Williams”: “How it feels?” It feels GREAT, that’s how it feels!

Odakiled: You don’t say?!

”WDW”: It feels good to know we’re getting our deserved chance at those belts, a chance that starts when we BREAK Envikado and throw their useless asses back to shame on Overdrive!

Odakiled: Oh, but this isn’t your game of “basketball”—there’s no throwing in wrestling!

”WDW”: We WILL, me and Mannie! We’ll throw them and hurt them!

Odakiled: You’re losing me with your Emancipation Proclamation. Please smarten up your lingo for the people, sir.

The other black man stops his partner from speaking further with a wave of his hand.

”Young Mannie”: It don’t matter. We don’t need words, haven’t so far. Our actions on Meltdown have spoken PERFECTLY for us and how our futures are set in this company. This tournament, winning the tag titles, that shit’s gonna put us on the map where we belong! It’ll show psychotic egomaniacs like Evan Envi and Delikado that they’re not the top dogs, that they’re WACK compared to us!

Odakiled: *gasp!* Evan Envi and Delikado, two halves of the whole of the mighty Envikado?! Ohhh, those two are GODLY! Infamous and longtime LEGENDS of APW if there’s ever been such a pair! And so, so, SO sexy! You get to face them FIRST?! My, my, what a reward for you both! Let me just scribble this down…

The Professor jots down something on his notepad, nodding and flexing his lab-coat-covered chest.

Odakiled: There’s never been a greater team to end your career by facing. *puts hand to ear* Actually, I’ve just been told Envikado has sent a clip over to accommodate this interview, a message to you two. Let’s go to the tape—

Static covers the screen before we cut to Evan Envi and Boss Delikado standing before the APW banner.

Evan Envi: Hey Mannie, Williams. We want to keep this brief as we know you two want to cram in all the training you can before you face us, so here’s some quick words for ya:

The two men pose, shouting in unison.

Envikado: FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!

Static. We return to the interview room where Odakiled has been handed a piece of paper.

Odakiled: Oh, it seems they sent a hand-written-letter to go along with it. Lemme just see if I can’t make this out. Ahem…” FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!”

”Mannie”: Maaaaaan, fuck them guys! They ain’t got OUR swag, no matter WHAT they and their bullshit video wanna say!

”WDW”: We’re gonna run ALL over them. Write THAT down!

Odakiled: I’m not going to waste paper on that. Besides, your reactions clearly show that you’ve been bugged by them. Are they under your skin?! All they’re doing is pointing out the cramming of your training, which to be fair, you don’t need much of on a brand like Meltdown.

”Mannie”: We bust our ASSES out there week in and week out! Meltdown’s not just some JOKE show like they seem to think it is. There’s talent! Talent that’s going to bust the skulls of all the Asylum and Overdrive guys in this tournament!

Odakiled: No, there’s not Envikado talent. Not Overdrive talent. Not even Asylum and or Michael Harris talent.

”WDW”: We’ll be the proof that says otherwise. When we leave those has-beens bleeding and begging for the beatings to stop, the entire APW will be taking a much closer look at this team and the show it headlines.

Odakiled: Oh you and you guys with your brand of people with stupid names, I’ll be happy when Delikado and Evan Envi get you fired for your hilarious performances. But back to the story at hand! With your journey to Round 1 of the tournament, what will be your stratagem?

”Mannie”: Win.

Odakiled: Sticking to that story…

”Mannie”: And then we’ll beat them all. Them tag belts are OURS!

Odakiled: But you don’t even have a team name! What sort of insanity would that be, making you tag champions?! Perhaps you’re not knowledgeable of the rules of tag team wrestling, boys…

”WDW”: We’ll lock down ANY fools who try to stop me or Mannie, man! And our names—team name or not--will be ALL up in lights!

Odakiled: Or maybe just graffiti back in your gangsta locker-room at the unlit end of the building. Or perhaps all your hopes and dreams will remain in your journal. Is that what makes you so tough and sure of yourself, writing in a DIARY, Mr. Williams?

”WDW”: M-My w-WHAT!? I-I-*scoff*, I don’t have a JOURNAL!

Odakiled: I’m pretty sure I saw it and read it when I broke into your house the other day. But that’s not the point. The point is your IMAGE, boys! The idea you put into people’s heads is not one that sees you holding the Tag Team Championships, much less any other belt. Especially when you’re put up against a team of über-awesomeness as Delikado and Evan Envi, both men who have held a variety of championships in dominating fashion.

”Mannie”: It don’t matter what they did THEN! This is NOW! This week! This isn’t about their stupid “goodness” or any other garbage they’ve spouted about “elevating” championships or returning the APW to the better days! This is right here, balls to the wall, take no prisoners, hardcore FIGHTING for all the marbles!

Odakiled: Stop turning your uzi sideways, Mannie, and recognize the facts of Envikado’s mission to revitalize the corrupted legacy this company has achieved lately under the thugs of the before times.

”Mannie”: It’s a bunch of garbage they can spew elsewhere, because WE are taking this tournament and the tag titles back to Meltdown when it’s all said and done.

Odakiled: You know, you serve something of an example of the overwhelming arrogance Envikado is fighting to extinguish in their heaven-sent, awe-inspiring, world-changing reformation of wrestling. Starting with the tag titles, Envikado’s gonna change the whole flipping world!

”WDW”: Tough shit. I’ll squash that rabid Cuban dog—

Odakiled: Okay, Vick.

”WDW”: --and Mannie’ll wring that family-abuser’s neck, before all of Pennsylvania.

Odakiled: Well if you’re referring to the Pennsylvania which houses Philadelphia, location of the movie “Philadelphia”, starring your black brother Denzel Washington, then I really don’t know what that has to do with anything--except you playing a race card, maybe--but it sounds to me like you’re stalling. Stalling is not what many perceive Tag Team Champions as being able to do. Tag Team Champions fight and—

”Mannie”: We ARE going to fight!

Odakiled: I don’t think you are. I think you and your Chocolate Rain Wasted friend here are in over your heads and will be manhandled and put on display for all the rest of the tournament to see, of which you fear for obvious reasons. But fear no more, Smoothie and 411, for at least your manhandling comes from the super bedazzling Envikado—

”WDW”: We—

Odakiled: Best team eva. Such sexy mofos, I’d let them do anything they wanted to me! Ditch Obama and make them Presidents. For really reals, you guys, just come out and admit it that you love them!

”Mannie”: Hell no—

”Mannie” stands up to say something when the Professor presses a button on his watch.

Odakiled: He’s got a gun, bring in the sharpshooters, this interview’s over!

The interview cuts to black and we suddenly hear gunshots before everything goes dead…silent.