|___________| + :( = Emptiness

[J-Hop]

MAXED OUT
“Highs & Lows”

(…hours after SN Asylum…)


Beep … beep … beep … beep …

They say reaching for the highest of the high, you’ll soon overcome all doubt, you’ll finally reach that very plateau. The skies will finally break their barrier and open up…

It was complete bullshit.

I reached the highest of the high, fucking twice in a three week span and now look at me, a broken figure, laid up in a hospital once again, tubes, all kinds of monitors and bandages. I’m starting to feel like a bird who has wings but can’t fly worth a shit. Keep trying and trying but can’t overcome the tough obstacle. Jason Kash, failed … Reedeming myself in that scramble ladder match on Asylum, complete failure.

The thoughts of losing to Kash, suffering from the pain and misfortune, I saw Keaton Saint as my ‘outlet’ and I wound up paying for it … BIG TIME.

Beep … beep … beep …

To fall from that height, go through that much shit and still able to breathe and function, obviously the direction to the ‘Upper Room’ is voided. No matter how hard I hustled, there’s no heaven for a gangsta. To say I’m simply blessed is an understatement. I’m SO FUCKING blessed to even be able to show motion.

Karin, who just sat there by the bed, head pointed downwards towards the glossy tiled green and white flooring, she was shaking her head. Thoughts pretty much about me, this career and what a fucking mistake it must be trying to be by a man’s side who seems to want to live a life ‘on the edge’ every single week. It’s the nature of this business, but what does she know … she just work at a fashion boutique store in Brooklyn. She has no clue what it’s like to try and gameplan, visualize and try to make due on that visualization and strategy when ‘game time’ approaches. She’s just a girlfriend who’s nerves are wrecked because of her current relationship and the stress involved.

I can sense turmoil. I can’t let that happen. She’s been too good to me. She’s been in the middle of this shit, she PROTECTED me from getting my head bashed in with that goddamn tire iron in that Parking Lot Brawl at ONIH.

“What’s the matter, mama’?” I asked gently as I tried to sit up with my back supported against the pillows.

“I have a lot of things roaring through my brain. I can’t even begin to explain.” She said as she held her head, as she still had it aimed towards the floor.

“Talk.” I said, one word … all she had to do was …talk.

She took a long, deep sigh.

“Baby, I know how much we love and support each other … BUT, I don’t think I can keep it up.” It felt like a much-needed dump as her eyes altered in its expression after saying that.

“Huh? Whatchu’ trying to say, Karin?” I said, pretty much ‘Cleo’ing’ this move.

Her face grew a smile, a sad smile as she shook her head, not wanting to say it again.

“Baby, my blood pressure has been sky high these past few weeks. I need to get away for a few. A bit of space, you could say.”

In what seemed like reality, the heart monitor had stopped. I was in a freeze. Space?

“Space?”

I pretty much just echoed the ending of my thought.

“Space? Damn love, all the shit we’ve gone through … You want to leave me when I’m all ‘broke the eff’ up?”

She looked even worst…to the point, I really didn’t even need her to answer the question.

“My doctor said it would be the best move. To not over-stress, over-think … All it will do is increase the unwanted ending. I don’t need that at all. It’s only a few weeks, maybe.” She said, trying to make it sound less impactful.

How can you make something less impactful when it’s already destroyed the foundation.

“Maybe?” Again, echoing.

“Don’t make this any harder than what it is. I love you with all my heart but I need some … space.”

As long as we had been together, I thought this ‘hump’ was crossed a long time ago. She knew I wanted in this business. She knew the joy and pain it would bring with it. It’s nothing different from living in the environment we already have to deal with on a daily basis. You know what … fine, just fine.

“Fine, I’ll let you have the apartment. I’ll get my stuff once I’m released and I’ll just take to the road for a bit. Maybe things will grow better in week’s time. Maybe it won’t but that’s the thing with taking chances.”

Trying to find a way not to let the floodgates open and keep this somewhat somber expression alive, it was difficult. I had to receive this news at the worst time. It couldn’t wait. I just …I just didn’t know what to fucking do right now.

“You can leave now.” I said in a soft voice, as I got back into my normal position, resting my eyes up onto the acoustic ceiling and the recessed lighting. It was the only thing that didn’t grow dim on me.

“Take Care …” She said as she was about to spill over in tears it seemed. At this moment, I just really didn’t care right now. She wanted her space…

She just received it.

WHAT ELSE COULD HAPPEN?
“Unreal”
Promo vs. Yarmouth/McDonald

Haha, luck.

My luck has been unfortunate. I haven’t hit the gold ceiling, been close enough to sniff it but as far as touching it, non-existent. Half of it is my fault, over-judging things and other times, it’s just life. Life can be great and it can be the cruelest son of a bitch. Lucky for me, I’ve gotten the best of both worlds. Been gifted with the ability to learn a way of art in the form of combat, wrestling perhaps. I’ve been gifted with opportunities to advance, earned multiple shots at gold. Unfortunately, I’m zero for three, I’ve taken some pretty nasty-ass falls from trying to do too much and oh yeah … my girl just decided she needed “space”, like out of nowhere.

Haha … it just proves that when you’re broke, everything else breaks along those fine-cracked lines. However, I can’t be bothered with it. While I appreciate her saving my ass on numerous occasions, I can handle it. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

I get to prove it on the stage where it all began for me and the many faces who begun their career there. The first taste of a thing called ‘spotlight’. Some adapted well, others flailed. My buddy, my partner, my friend … Anthony Bailey, we get to give back to the Meltdown fans who want to see a “fight”. I get to give back to those who willed me through with support when I was on Meltdown. I get to give back to all who made up crazy signs, supporting me every week. It’s not everyday you get to comeback to your old ‘stomping grounds’ to put on a top-notch show. It’s our debut tag team match but I’m sure it will roll out smoothly. There will be the obvious bumps and bruises through, but we learn quickly from our mistakes. This tournament will be tough, overlooking or misjudging one soul will be the costliest mistake of your career. I’ve done it a shitload of times, and I guess that’s why I’m in this damn hospital room now.

I look to rebound from all of this damage. I look to regain confidence and once again perform to my usual, leaving everything out there, but being smart about it. It’s all the rough challenges of being a rookie, rough edges and all.

Going up against Yarmouth again, it will be a different experience. The last time, he was uniformed with Stefan Raab as a part of this ‘European Invasion’ but it quickly exploded onto each other and that was the end. Now he’s seemingly back on track, looking for a fresh restart with a chance here to down the two of us. I’m sure he’s looking at it as an upset. Bailey, fresh off from taking an ‘L’ at One Night In Hell as well as me getting my ass handed to me both that night and last week on Asylum. That sickening fall from the heavens and through those tables. Yeah, he’s looking at us, knowing even though we are there, we are far away from one hundred percent.

Again, judging can be a friend to you and it can be a downright, evil bitch. You have to be careful with assuming one’s this or that because it can cost you. I’m sure he knows it but his intentions tell him that we are somewhat of ‘easy pickings’. We may hold chemistry as far as knowing each other but as far as tagging, it’s a different game. He had that experience of tagging as a team. It’s the only thing he and his partner has going for him. His partner is a newcomer.

Oh, I remember that first match, thrown into the fire against a wily veteran who had pretty much done it all, a Hall of Fame stable and tag team member, looking to roll in singles. Evan McDonald is being put to the test, he’s about to touch the flames of the intense fire. He’s going to be put in a prime spot to battle and know how to do certain things. Like Yarmouth may be cold-cocked and out of it, Evan’s going to need to take over and lead his team to victory. He’s raw and smelly behind those ears, just like I was. Hard work and practice makes perfect. He’ll be a successful prodigy one day.

Evan, you are a man of power, one who likes to move boulders out of your way with any chance you get to show your strength off. You can’t let your ego override your career. We already have one Jason Kash and one Evan Envi, I believe that is enough ego for this company. You and Yarmouth should win this on strength and power alone, but you are smart enough to know that matches can’t be determined on power and strength. I look forward to meeting you in that ring as you will get a crash course against some stout competition.

Evan is in a tough spot because being that he’s new here, he’s never seen or heard of Yarmouth and already he has a target on his back if he doesn’t follow suit. That right there, you know you have to be on your “P’s and Q’s” because anything could happen. Your faith and trust in a person sitting as your partner gradually falls.

The way I see it, everyone in this tournament is standing on longneck beer bottles, hoping not to fall to the drifts of occasional breeze. This is a huge opportunity for all parties. Once I get out of here, it may not be a full-week of practice but I’m going to put in the work needed to help my partner and myself advance to the next stage. You never want to lose a match, nevertheless, a major title like the World title. There’s this funny thing called ‘bounce back’ and after a rough loss, it can be a complete turnaround and for both of us, it’s much needed. They say people change after being successful or grabbing gold. Bailey is the same, either or without title. It’s a rariety in this industry. He’s helped me continually through the process, I look to help him advance to the next round.

We are family, and I got my brothers with me…

Family is hard to find when you’re in this industry. Everyone likes to be ‘back-stabbers’. The core I hang around, I don’t think I’ll have a problem anytime soon.

TEAMWORK!!!