Post by Level-Two on Nov 21, 2012 21:09:05 GMT -4
The following is a public announcement. I repeat, the following is a public announcement! Didn't you hear? The year 1999 is the new 2012 and Level-One with the aid of space monkeys and giant turkeys from planet gooblesnookins has developed the groundbreaking art that has NEVER EVER been seen before! He calls it: The talking talk trash!
Pass the gravy and join us in protest for today, a revolution begins...
Ones the first dimension
To all whom this may concern, I demand your full attention. What I am about to say here today is going to be imperative to your survival this Thursday. If you can sit through an hour of Biggs repetitive bullshit and not dig your eyes out with your toe nails then you can sit down, shut the fuck up and heed my words whether you like them - or not.
This week there is no intro. There is no goddamn graphics. And my show this week? It will air on television but not on APW.com. I took my product and I told those sons of bitches in the highest office of this promotion that they can't have it until they learn to appreciate it! These goddamn cameras, I let them follow me all day. I let them document my life and how does the APW and it's fans repay me? By tearing it apart. By judging me. Their articles in so many words telling me that I as a person, I don't matter. In so many ways - telling the world that the story of Level-One means jackshit!
To them? I'm just a blood bag. A big name they can throw on their less then par cards and hope that it's good enough to carry their ticket sales. Our stories? It doesn't matter. Our backgrounds? It's just filler, an added bonus... no, what they REALLY care about is how we sell their matches. To them it's all about the bottom line, show em' the money! It's all about getting in front of a camera, looking into it with your dead eyes and doing this right here.
So, I'm going to do it.
You want to be unique Evan Envi? Unique? What does unique get you around here, you idiot!? You've spent so much time developing your persona and trying to market yourself off being entertaining and it's literally amounted to nothing. Last week, you were exposed in front of the whole world, Envi. You thought that if you could get down on both knees and tell us how much winning meant to you, you'd score the mind and hearts of the same people that boo, jeer and who stand against you every week but little did you know no matter how much emphasis you added to your words it is never about what you had to say as much as it is about who is saying it.
The fact that your name wasn't Biggs; by default, you words meant less. Though, can you blame them? How are people supposed to believe you when you say your going to knock off two off two of the biggest names in APW history when you couldn't even retain a title held at lowest priority against an opponent who's even beneath that? In what fucked up world - are we the people meant to take your threats seriously when week in and week out you rarely - if ever - actually carry them out? In a world where your words carry zero weight all you really had to rely on was your in ring ability and that got you laid out flat on your back Biggs and resulted in a skid mark on my record.
You know, you may not be in this match directly but last week... you hurt my stock, Envi. Your inability to survive long enough so I could have the honor of pinning your shoulders square to the canvas meant that Biggs is one step closer to the undisputed title and further strengthens his unjust title shot at Christmas Chaos. Though, you can rest knowing you gave the APW EXACTLY what they want you corporate pawn. I hope you give yourself a big ol' pat on the back knowing that you've helped further this bullshit facade that makes Biggs look like everything except the undeserving piece of crap I KNOW he is! Congratulations, Envi. Your purpose in life has been fulfilled, now run along...
Oh, and don't forget to finally watch one of my matches - yeah? Ignorance is never pretty, especially on a face like yours...
Speaking of ignorant how about Nick Watson? Last week as I documented several events backstage with my very own camera apparently you were issuing a statement to the APW about how you're going to show the world how great of a champion you are! A noble cause Nicky but if you wanted to prove you weren't pathetic you'd re place that piece of trash back into the can in which it has emerged and wipe your hands free of all the dirty, filthy, trash bag juice that useless title representing a dead, played out concept that nobody with self respect, respects.
I mean, you've had more then one champion refuse to use weapons in their match. Essentially - showing their outright disdain for what the title stands for. Fact is, nobody noticed you weren't being a good champion until you brought it up. Nobody thinks the title needs it's prestige restored to it either because no such word has ever been associated with that useless title belt in the first place. This is just another one of your ploys to make the fans think your more important then you actually are...
At this point the only thing you could do is place that title in the middle of the ring and set it a light. There is no greater fate for such a useless division. That title has and will forever represent the lowest common denominator. Any self proclaimed grand slam champion needs to be spat upon and laughed at for even stooping to those lows in hopes of experiencing the high. The fact that you settle for such unimportance speaks to you as a competitor. You are not on my level and you'll probably never be - not until you grow up and realize that meddling in the affairs of trashcore wrestling isn't ever going to get the respect your looking for, Nick.
I mean at least I can look at a guy like Mark Mania and see a man who's finally done some good for himself! Unfortunately, he took my advice and didn't give me any credit. I didn't receive a text message, a tweet... even would've settle for a postcard by mail if the old man was unfamiliar with the technology but did I receive any of that? Nope. Even in the season of thanks, I doubt I will receive anything but disrespect from such an ungrateful prick but I guess that's what makes Mark Mania so... special.
The truth is Mark, I made you better. The facts show it. I shared my theory on evolution and then I put it to practice and you like the wise man you are; you took a few notes and you applied to yourself. Your recent stint of success is in direct correlation with our last match together - ever since then, it's as if everything is going right for you. You got yourself some new friends, you got yourself a brand new title and I don't know what your status is with the carpet munching immigrant from Mexico but I say if she isn't down for some procreation then no green card and she can pack her shit and get to hopping that cute little ass back over the border. Point is, life is good at Mark Mania's enterprise...
And it's all thanks to me.
Though, don't get me wrong Mark - if we were in the ring together, I'd show everyone the difference between an Overdrive champion and four time undisputed king! Every day you wake up, pull yourself out of your bed and strap that title around your waist; upon looking at yourself in the mirror you are resigned to the fact that your better days are forever behind you and this is as good as it's going to get.
You see, guys like Evan Envi and Nick Watson? They still have untapped potential that could one day see them with their first undisputed title rein but old men like you? No hope, Mania. You're an old dog and I'm your owner with the whip reminding you that although your becoming more pathetic and weak with every passing day, you still have a sharp enough bite to inflict some damage! I'm proud of you Mark because you've managed to catch yourself a nice little bone.
Oh, how I loathe the day I am going to finally have to put you down my old dog. Until then, however... I enjoy the fact that it was you who was a first hand witness in watching me grow into the biggest star in professional wrestling! And as long as you're here to meddle around in my realm and thereby testify in the name of my greatness then the case I make for being the greatest wrestler dead or alive remains stronger then ever. Come on, say it with me Mark...
Level-One is the best. The best. Best.
And the fact that Biggs has managed to thrive off shady match making practices, poor decision making and bad refereeing does not change that fact. I have never once said Biggs doesn't have the talent to hold the undisputed championship but I have put his wins under the microscope for closer evaluation and his wins are more impressive on paper then they are in all actuality. I don't know what staffer Biggs has been in bed with or the route Ellie has taken to run her tricks like the whore she is but whenever it leads is no where good and I don't like it one bit.
Am I screaming corruption? You're damn right I am. You have NO business being in the ring with Terry Marvin and you know it! Fuck, the APW knows it. It's why they have done their best to manipulate match out comes for the past two weeks by weighing me down with John Dionysus against you and CJ Gates or throwing Envi into the match banking on the fact he'd be the fall guy rather then yourself. If the kingmakers in the APW had any spine at all, they'd cut out the middle men and give these people what they really want to see and we can put the back and forth behind us once and for all but that won't it happen. It can't happen.
I will rip away your fucking facade and let it wither away in the wind, Biggs. You're not a credible contender much like you were a barely credible undisputed champion one whom which couldn't even successfully defend his title. As a result, the APW is doing everything it's power to build you up as some threat to the throne of Terry Marvin who welcomes you as his opponent with open arms. As much as your jumping for joy at hearing this - the fact is, Terry Marvin is already looking past you. He's already scouting his next defense slated for Rasslemania and he's more then justified in doing so. The moment this farce of a match was booked at Christmas Chaos, he already won in his mind.
And Biggs, whether or not his belief is correct it doesn't change the fact that nobody but yourself is buying into this hype. Those fans may boo me but they aren't blind to the truth, either. They know that for the past two weeks I've been used to help build you up and I have been sabotaged and booked to fail! If the APW doesn't like me airing their dirty laundry, then they can fine, sue or punish me! You think I give a shit, Biggs!? For someone who has embraced the art of the ''shoot'' you sure have a lot of boundaries on what you feel should or shouldn't be said, don't you!?
Well, Biggs... a corporate guy like you probably wouldn't understand as there probably has never been a line you didn't tow that didn't somewhat resemble a butt crack. However, a rebel like me - a man that has led more then one revolution around here isn't afraid to say what's on his mind and offer up some commentary with a bit of color! It's safe to say, you haven't been to a PROTEST in your life but PROTESTS are meant to DISRUPT, DISTURB and make it's OPPONENTS feel extremely uncomfortable! And until my demands are met and some semblance of equality has been restored to this brand, I am going to spit my venom until I lose my voice or this camera battery dies - is that understood?
You see, I'm done playing games with you people. I'm done biting my tongue in fear of offending people, losing viewers or offending those vapid liberal morons who circulate Hollywood like triangles and pentagrams! I am the STAR of this show and I play by MY rules - so here's what we're going to do. My so called ''team mates'' this week? Well, I am no longer apart of their team. I am declaring myself a sovereign. I don't owe them shit. In fact, I hereby create my OWN team. This so called team I WAS a part of can get straight FUCKED; all of you, FUCKED.
I know as of late Kurt Noble has been an angry little boy but I swear to god if that asshole gives me the cut eye I will walk over and sock him straight in his goddamned mouth without warning. Kurt Noble needs to learn a thing or two about controlled anger before he's rocking back and forth in his bedroom slitting his wrists listening to slipknot because his life didn't pan out quite the way he thought it would.
It's funny that Johnny Rebel would put me on a team with Kurt Noble and actually expect me to work with him? Yeah, right. If I tag Kurt Noble into this match in any capacity, it'll be cross the face or him bent over my knee like the little bitch he's become! In fact, if I tag any of these guys it's because I am not going to carry their asses to the finish line because they got their bellies swollen on thanksgiving dinner! Speaking of which, ten bucks says... Kurt Noble has a conversation with the turkey, unbeknownst to him - Amy Noble is actually the one getting stuffed...
By Chris Hart!
Oh, man. You make this too easy, Kurt! My question is - what fucked up past life did you live to receive all this HORRIBLE karma!? I mean, your whore wife screws you out of an undisputed championship - then she's screwing your best friend, just in case you didn't know! And then top it all off your friend runs off to team with your biggest rival where they play dress up, lose miserably and pretend to be Mexicans?
No comprendo!
You know sometimes I question if this right here, all this... is even real? I don't know but if your asking me, I think you could only ever write something as ridiculous as this.
If there is one person in this match I have to look to in the name of success that person would be Micheal Callahan without question. He maybe a liar, a snake oils salesmen with skeletons wearing dresses in his closet but he's a politician and I expect that from him. At least Mr. Callahan deals in the realm of realism and understands the free market of ideas rather then fawning over the corporate hand outs given by this corrupt establishment which as of late, Biggs has been the biggest beneficiary of.
What that means is I'm not going to have to worry about Mr. Callahan doing anything other then what he's out there to do, win. A guy like Terry Marvin is going to try to rally us all together as a ''team'' so he can ride the wave to another title belt to pad his already inflated ego. I rather be surrounded by a man who readily admits he'll plunge the knife into your back rather then a man who says he's just holding it to butter your bred.
Though, I ensure that Mr. Callahan will not be walking out this match the final victor. While you maybe an Overdrive caliber Mega Star your allegiance still lies with ASlum that inferior brand and as long as you choose to work for that treacherous brand with more corruption then Johnny Rebel's overdrive could ever dream of; you will never have the full respect of the people - or me - and my opinion really is the one that matters, Mikey.
Lastly, our self appointed team captain and the worlds false idol - Terry Marvin! Oh, I'm sorry. Is that not the introduction you were looking for? Too bad, Terry. You already have it far too good. The fact that you aren't booed and jeered louder than I am on a weekly basis is disgusting. Shit, the fact you aren't littered with trash like the streets of a dingy third world country is a complete and utter shame. Though, in history the moronic public often falls head over heels for their tyrants dressed in sheep clothing and your no different, Terry.
You can sling your words and act like you despise me infront of the camera but we all know the truth, Terry. It was only a few weeks ago that you were by my side singing my praise, weren't you? Yet here we stand now and you now seem to be singing a different tune with it's familiarity being lost upon these ears. What exactly is that? I digress. You sit back and you mock me with an ignorant hum but in reality you know I am your greatest threat. In the back of your head you can't help but question if I am going to let you walk out title in hand the next time we meet. You see Biggs and you ask yourself - how the fuck did he really do it? You try to tell yourself that your destiny is in your own hands but you know there is a greater force behind Biggs... molding and crafting himself into a threat he's not.
For someone who's so famous for recreating the age old concept of a screw job - you sure like to pretend that you can't see one coming down the pipe. The difference is though when you were screwing Keaton Saint over or taking advantage of the Sindicate's connections, it was all on you. The corporate machine that is currently behind Biggs pushing the false narrative of a worthy contender? Well, that's much more powerful then just you and I, Terry.
Though, as I sit down and think about it I can't help but throw you into the same low down category as Biggs. Perhaps them falsely building him up as the next great contender is only so he can falter at your throne and so you can hold the crown. Perhaps, Biggs is completely irrelevant to the fact he is being used as a pawn in a larger scheme. From a business perspective, it makes perfect sense. These days it's like your the only credible ''babyface'' anyone can get behind - as CJ Gates stock is looking like a facebook IPO at this point. Biggs? Sure he can wrestle a five star match but his personality makes him the edgy 12 year old in the trailer park.
At the end of the day, I don't care which one of you is the chosen one nor do I care about the odds of overcoming what has best been described as two man horse race. As far as tonight is concerned if you look to me for a tag, I will laugh in your fucking face. I refuse to work with you. I will not have your back. You can forge a working relationship with another one of my rivals... I hear Kurt Noble is all by his lonesome at his one person tea party, good luck trying to swindle him into buying whatever your selling.
Fuck you, Terry Marvin.
As far as my so called team goes, I have said everything I needed to say. They can accept it or they can grasp their ass cheeks and enjoy the butt hurt, either way... you still got fucked.
However before I move forward there is a special someone I need to address and he goes by the name of CJ Gates! Listen, CJ... what happened last week? That wasn't my fault! I had every intention on hitting Terry Marvin over the head with my trusty camcorder but you like always, you needed to stick your overgrown nose into affairs that was beyond your pay grade and as a result you fell victim to a horrible accident.
I don't owe you an apology so you can fuck right off but I do at least owe you an explanation! CJ Gates, I know you'll be seeking revenge for an assault you think did occur but I have proof contained in a video cartage that could hold up in the court of law and so you should go on about your day and forget last week ever even happened! I am trying to be the bigger man here CJ Gates and I hope you can find it in your heart to appreciate that.
Though, I've been criticized because I didn't help you up and I've been criticized because I blamed you for breaking my camera but the fact is... YOU DID! I'm sorry I am missed out on your pity party but I am the victim of this situation here. I do enough shit I take full blame for and I don't need you giving me undue credit, CJ! We are professional wrestlers. I assumed that if you could kick out of a darkness shine, you'd be able to pick yourself up off the canvas on your lonesome. As for the camera? My lawyer will be contacting yours about paying at least half of the damages you caused to MY property as the result of having an uncanny big head and the inability to move out of the way. I mean... are we really surprised I DIDN'T miss it!? IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
Finally in closing to celebrate the season of giving thanks - I figured, I'd dedicate this outro to all those who have not yet earned the right to bathe in my saliva with a tongue lashing of their own.
I'd like thank Delikado for making me smile and single handily proving to the rest of the world that they are humorless, miserable people who'd much rather hear me speak for an hour on end.
I'd like to thank Yarmouth for being the litmus test for being rock bottom, pathetic.
I'd like to thank Shadow for showing the world that no matter how many times you prove you don't deserve a spot on the Overdrive roster... they'll give you another opportunity to embarrass yourself anyways.
I'd like to thank Buckson Gooch for the squirrel casserole but seriously - no thanks, dude.
I'd like to thank Germaine Krunk Williams for finally making his presence known - apparently he's been wrestling in the APW for several months? #themoreyouknow
I'd like to thank Aubrey J. Parker for providing me wank material on the road; you know, my tour bus does have a kitchen you could occupy? Think about it, beautiful.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Azreal Goeren for stuffing his turkey at the right end this year, I think. Those damn Europeans!
As for you? I don't need your thanks; greatness is just what I do, it's who I am. So, I'll pass the gravy and we'll get this feast started.
You all are going to LOVE what your about to be served.
Pass the gravy and join us in protest for today, a revolution begins...
Ones the first dimension
To all whom this may concern, I demand your full attention. What I am about to say here today is going to be imperative to your survival this Thursday. If you can sit through an hour of Biggs repetitive bullshit and not dig your eyes out with your toe nails then you can sit down, shut the fuck up and heed my words whether you like them - or not.
This week there is no intro. There is no goddamn graphics. And my show this week? It will air on television but not on APW.com. I took my product and I told those sons of bitches in the highest office of this promotion that they can't have it until they learn to appreciate it! These goddamn cameras, I let them follow me all day. I let them document my life and how does the APW and it's fans repay me? By tearing it apart. By judging me. Their articles in so many words telling me that I as a person, I don't matter. In so many ways - telling the world that the story of Level-One means jackshit!
To them? I'm just a blood bag. A big name they can throw on their less then par cards and hope that it's good enough to carry their ticket sales. Our stories? It doesn't matter. Our backgrounds? It's just filler, an added bonus... no, what they REALLY care about is how we sell their matches. To them it's all about the bottom line, show em' the money! It's all about getting in front of a camera, looking into it with your dead eyes and doing this right here.
So, I'm going to do it.
You want to be unique Evan Envi? Unique? What does unique get you around here, you idiot!? You've spent so much time developing your persona and trying to market yourself off being entertaining and it's literally amounted to nothing. Last week, you were exposed in front of the whole world, Envi. You thought that if you could get down on both knees and tell us how much winning meant to you, you'd score the mind and hearts of the same people that boo, jeer and who stand against you every week but little did you know no matter how much emphasis you added to your words it is never about what you had to say as much as it is about who is saying it.
The fact that your name wasn't Biggs; by default, you words meant less. Though, can you blame them? How are people supposed to believe you when you say your going to knock off two off two of the biggest names in APW history when you couldn't even retain a title held at lowest priority against an opponent who's even beneath that? In what fucked up world - are we the people meant to take your threats seriously when week in and week out you rarely - if ever - actually carry them out? In a world where your words carry zero weight all you really had to rely on was your in ring ability and that got you laid out flat on your back Biggs and resulted in a skid mark on my record.
You know, you may not be in this match directly but last week... you hurt my stock, Envi. Your inability to survive long enough so I could have the honor of pinning your shoulders square to the canvas meant that Biggs is one step closer to the undisputed title and further strengthens his unjust title shot at Christmas Chaos. Though, you can rest knowing you gave the APW EXACTLY what they want you corporate pawn. I hope you give yourself a big ol' pat on the back knowing that you've helped further this bullshit facade that makes Biggs look like everything except the undeserving piece of crap I KNOW he is! Congratulations, Envi. Your purpose in life has been fulfilled, now run along...
Oh, and don't forget to finally watch one of my matches - yeah? Ignorance is never pretty, especially on a face like yours...
Speaking of ignorant how about Nick Watson? Last week as I documented several events backstage with my very own camera apparently you were issuing a statement to the APW about how you're going to show the world how great of a champion you are! A noble cause Nicky but if you wanted to prove you weren't pathetic you'd re place that piece of trash back into the can in which it has emerged and wipe your hands free of all the dirty, filthy, trash bag juice that useless title representing a dead, played out concept that nobody with self respect, respects.
I mean, you've had more then one champion refuse to use weapons in their match. Essentially - showing their outright disdain for what the title stands for. Fact is, nobody noticed you weren't being a good champion until you brought it up. Nobody thinks the title needs it's prestige restored to it either because no such word has ever been associated with that useless title belt in the first place. This is just another one of your ploys to make the fans think your more important then you actually are...
At this point the only thing you could do is place that title in the middle of the ring and set it a light. There is no greater fate for such a useless division. That title has and will forever represent the lowest common denominator. Any self proclaimed grand slam champion needs to be spat upon and laughed at for even stooping to those lows in hopes of experiencing the high. The fact that you settle for such unimportance speaks to you as a competitor. You are not on my level and you'll probably never be - not until you grow up and realize that meddling in the affairs of trashcore wrestling isn't ever going to get the respect your looking for, Nick.
I mean at least I can look at a guy like Mark Mania and see a man who's finally done some good for himself! Unfortunately, he took my advice and didn't give me any credit. I didn't receive a text message, a tweet... even would've settle for a postcard by mail if the old man was unfamiliar with the technology but did I receive any of that? Nope. Even in the season of thanks, I doubt I will receive anything but disrespect from such an ungrateful prick but I guess that's what makes Mark Mania so... special.
The truth is Mark, I made you better. The facts show it. I shared my theory on evolution and then I put it to practice and you like the wise man you are; you took a few notes and you applied to yourself. Your recent stint of success is in direct correlation with our last match together - ever since then, it's as if everything is going right for you. You got yourself some new friends, you got yourself a brand new title and I don't know what your status is with the carpet munching immigrant from Mexico but I say if she isn't down for some procreation then no green card and she can pack her shit and get to hopping that cute little ass back over the border. Point is, life is good at Mark Mania's enterprise...
And it's all thanks to me.
Though, don't get me wrong Mark - if we were in the ring together, I'd show everyone the difference between an Overdrive champion and four time undisputed king! Every day you wake up, pull yourself out of your bed and strap that title around your waist; upon looking at yourself in the mirror you are resigned to the fact that your better days are forever behind you and this is as good as it's going to get.
You see, guys like Evan Envi and Nick Watson? They still have untapped potential that could one day see them with their first undisputed title rein but old men like you? No hope, Mania. You're an old dog and I'm your owner with the whip reminding you that although your becoming more pathetic and weak with every passing day, you still have a sharp enough bite to inflict some damage! I'm proud of you Mark because you've managed to catch yourself a nice little bone.
Oh, how I loathe the day I am going to finally have to put you down my old dog. Until then, however... I enjoy the fact that it was you who was a first hand witness in watching me grow into the biggest star in professional wrestling! And as long as you're here to meddle around in my realm and thereby testify in the name of my greatness then the case I make for being the greatest wrestler dead or alive remains stronger then ever. Come on, say it with me Mark...
Level-One is the best. The best. Best.
And the fact that Biggs has managed to thrive off shady match making practices, poor decision making and bad refereeing does not change that fact. I have never once said Biggs doesn't have the talent to hold the undisputed championship but I have put his wins under the microscope for closer evaluation and his wins are more impressive on paper then they are in all actuality. I don't know what staffer Biggs has been in bed with or the route Ellie has taken to run her tricks like the whore she is but whenever it leads is no where good and I don't like it one bit.
Am I screaming corruption? You're damn right I am. You have NO business being in the ring with Terry Marvin and you know it! Fuck, the APW knows it. It's why they have done their best to manipulate match out comes for the past two weeks by weighing me down with John Dionysus against you and CJ Gates or throwing Envi into the match banking on the fact he'd be the fall guy rather then yourself. If the kingmakers in the APW had any spine at all, they'd cut out the middle men and give these people what they really want to see and we can put the back and forth behind us once and for all but that won't it happen. It can't happen.
I will rip away your fucking facade and let it wither away in the wind, Biggs. You're not a credible contender much like you were a barely credible undisputed champion one whom which couldn't even successfully defend his title. As a result, the APW is doing everything it's power to build you up as some threat to the throne of Terry Marvin who welcomes you as his opponent with open arms. As much as your jumping for joy at hearing this - the fact is, Terry Marvin is already looking past you. He's already scouting his next defense slated for Rasslemania and he's more then justified in doing so. The moment this farce of a match was booked at Christmas Chaos, he already won in his mind.
And Biggs, whether or not his belief is correct it doesn't change the fact that nobody but yourself is buying into this hype. Those fans may boo me but they aren't blind to the truth, either. They know that for the past two weeks I've been used to help build you up and I have been sabotaged and booked to fail! If the APW doesn't like me airing their dirty laundry, then they can fine, sue or punish me! You think I give a shit, Biggs!? For someone who has embraced the art of the ''shoot'' you sure have a lot of boundaries on what you feel should or shouldn't be said, don't you!?
Well, Biggs... a corporate guy like you probably wouldn't understand as there probably has never been a line you didn't tow that didn't somewhat resemble a butt crack. However, a rebel like me - a man that has led more then one revolution around here isn't afraid to say what's on his mind and offer up some commentary with a bit of color! It's safe to say, you haven't been to a PROTEST in your life but PROTESTS are meant to DISRUPT, DISTURB and make it's OPPONENTS feel extremely uncomfortable! And until my demands are met and some semblance of equality has been restored to this brand, I am going to spit my venom until I lose my voice or this camera battery dies - is that understood?
You see, I'm done playing games with you people. I'm done biting my tongue in fear of offending people, losing viewers or offending those vapid liberal morons who circulate Hollywood like triangles and pentagrams! I am the STAR of this show and I play by MY rules - so here's what we're going to do. My so called ''team mates'' this week? Well, I am no longer apart of their team. I am declaring myself a sovereign. I don't owe them shit. In fact, I hereby create my OWN team. This so called team I WAS a part of can get straight FUCKED; all of you, FUCKED.
I know as of late Kurt Noble has been an angry little boy but I swear to god if that asshole gives me the cut eye I will walk over and sock him straight in his goddamned mouth without warning. Kurt Noble needs to learn a thing or two about controlled anger before he's rocking back and forth in his bedroom slitting his wrists listening to slipknot because his life didn't pan out quite the way he thought it would.
It's funny that Johnny Rebel would put me on a team with Kurt Noble and actually expect me to work with him? Yeah, right. If I tag Kurt Noble into this match in any capacity, it'll be cross the face or him bent over my knee like the little bitch he's become! In fact, if I tag any of these guys it's because I am not going to carry their asses to the finish line because they got their bellies swollen on thanksgiving dinner! Speaking of which, ten bucks says... Kurt Noble has a conversation with the turkey, unbeknownst to him - Amy Noble is actually the one getting stuffed...
By Chris Hart!
Oh, man. You make this too easy, Kurt! My question is - what fucked up past life did you live to receive all this HORRIBLE karma!? I mean, your whore wife screws you out of an undisputed championship - then she's screwing your best friend, just in case you didn't know! And then top it all off your friend runs off to team with your biggest rival where they play dress up, lose miserably and pretend to be Mexicans?
No comprendo!
You know sometimes I question if this right here, all this... is even real? I don't know but if your asking me, I think you could only ever write something as ridiculous as this.
If there is one person in this match I have to look to in the name of success that person would be Micheal Callahan without question. He maybe a liar, a snake oils salesmen with skeletons wearing dresses in his closet but he's a politician and I expect that from him. At least Mr. Callahan deals in the realm of realism and understands the free market of ideas rather then fawning over the corporate hand outs given by this corrupt establishment which as of late, Biggs has been the biggest beneficiary of.
What that means is I'm not going to have to worry about Mr. Callahan doing anything other then what he's out there to do, win. A guy like Terry Marvin is going to try to rally us all together as a ''team'' so he can ride the wave to another title belt to pad his already inflated ego. I rather be surrounded by a man who readily admits he'll plunge the knife into your back rather then a man who says he's just holding it to butter your bred.
Though, I ensure that Mr. Callahan will not be walking out this match the final victor. While you maybe an Overdrive caliber Mega Star your allegiance still lies with ASlum that inferior brand and as long as you choose to work for that treacherous brand with more corruption then Johnny Rebel's overdrive could ever dream of; you will never have the full respect of the people - or me - and my opinion really is the one that matters, Mikey.
Lastly, our self appointed team captain and the worlds false idol - Terry Marvin! Oh, I'm sorry. Is that not the introduction you were looking for? Too bad, Terry. You already have it far too good. The fact that you aren't booed and jeered louder than I am on a weekly basis is disgusting. Shit, the fact you aren't littered with trash like the streets of a dingy third world country is a complete and utter shame. Though, in history the moronic public often falls head over heels for their tyrants dressed in sheep clothing and your no different, Terry.
You can sling your words and act like you despise me infront of the camera but we all know the truth, Terry. It was only a few weeks ago that you were by my side singing my praise, weren't you? Yet here we stand now and you now seem to be singing a different tune with it's familiarity being lost upon these ears. What exactly is that? I digress. You sit back and you mock me with an ignorant hum but in reality you know I am your greatest threat. In the back of your head you can't help but question if I am going to let you walk out title in hand the next time we meet. You see Biggs and you ask yourself - how the fuck did he really do it? You try to tell yourself that your destiny is in your own hands but you know there is a greater force behind Biggs... molding and crafting himself into a threat he's not.
For someone who's so famous for recreating the age old concept of a screw job - you sure like to pretend that you can't see one coming down the pipe. The difference is though when you were screwing Keaton Saint over or taking advantage of the Sindicate's connections, it was all on you. The corporate machine that is currently behind Biggs pushing the false narrative of a worthy contender? Well, that's much more powerful then just you and I, Terry.
Though, as I sit down and think about it I can't help but throw you into the same low down category as Biggs. Perhaps them falsely building him up as the next great contender is only so he can falter at your throne and so you can hold the crown. Perhaps, Biggs is completely irrelevant to the fact he is being used as a pawn in a larger scheme. From a business perspective, it makes perfect sense. These days it's like your the only credible ''babyface'' anyone can get behind - as CJ Gates stock is looking like a facebook IPO at this point. Biggs? Sure he can wrestle a five star match but his personality makes him the edgy 12 year old in the trailer park.
At the end of the day, I don't care which one of you is the chosen one nor do I care about the odds of overcoming what has best been described as two man horse race. As far as tonight is concerned if you look to me for a tag, I will laugh in your fucking face. I refuse to work with you. I will not have your back. You can forge a working relationship with another one of my rivals... I hear Kurt Noble is all by his lonesome at his one person tea party, good luck trying to swindle him into buying whatever your selling.
Fuck you, Terry Marvin.
As far as my so called team goes, I have said everything I needed to say. They can accept it or they can grasp their ass cheeks and enjoy the butt hurt, either way... you still got fucked.
However before I move forward there is a special someone I need to address and he goes by the name of CJ Gates! Listen, CJ... what happened last week? That wasn't my fault! I had every intention on hitting Terry Marvin over the head with my trusty camcorder but you like always, you needed to stick your overgrown nose into affairs that was beyond your pay grade and as a result you fell victim to a horrible accident.
I don't owe you an apology so you can fuck right off but I do at least owe you an explanation! CJ Gates, I know you'll be seeking revenge for an assault you think did occur but I have proof contained in a video cartage that could hold up in the court of law and so you should go on about your day and forget last week ever even happened! I am trying to be the bigger man here CJ Gates and I hope you can find it in your heart to appreciate that.
Though, I've been criticized because I didn't help you up and I've been criticized because I blamed you for breaking my camera but the fact is... YOU DID! I'm sorry I am missed out on your pity party but I am the victim of this situation here. I do enough shit I take full blame for and I don't need you giving me undue credit, CJ! We are professional wrestlers. I assumed that if you could kick out of a darkness shine, you'd be able to pick yourself up off the canvas on your lonesome. As for the camera? My lawyer will be contacting yours about paying at least half of the damages you caused to MY property as the result of having an uncanny big head and the inability to move out of the way. I mean... are we really surprised I DIDN'T miss it!? IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
Finally in closing to celebrate the season of giving thanks - I figured, I'd dedicate this outro to all those who have not yet earned the right to bathe in my saliva with a tongue lashing of their own.
I'd like thank Delikado for making me smile and single handily proving to the rest of the world that they are humorless, miserable people who'd much rather hear me speak for an hour on end.
I'd like to thank Yarmouth for being the litmus test for being rock bottom, pathetic.
I'd like to thank Shadow for showing the world that no matter how many times you prove you don't deserve a spot on the Overdrive roster... they'll give you another opportunity to embarrass yourself anyways.
I'd like to thank Buckson Gooch for the squirrel casserole but seriously - no thanks, dude.
I'd like to thank Germaine Krunk Williams for finally making his presence known - apparently he's been wrestling in the APW for several months? #themoreyouknow
I'd like to thank Aubrey J. Parker for providing me wank material on the road; you know, my tour bus does have a kitchen you could occupy? Think about it, beautiful.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Azreal Goeren for stuffing his turkey at the right end this year, I think. Those damn Europeans!
As for you? I don't need your thanks; greatness is just what I do, it's who I am. So, I'll pass the gravy and we'll get this feast started.
You all are going to LOVE what your about to be served.
