Post by Jules on Nov 24, 2012 20:51:38 GMT -4
From the heart of the ‘Quintessentially English Empire’ the emperor, aka the world’s greatest submission wrestler, aka the tea lover, aka the APW Tap Out Champion, aka Julius Farquhar, sits alone with his thoughts, which he about to end his tete a tete with and spill his beans to the world.
Julius: People will look at the recent defeat to Sally Talfourd and think the QEE is unravelling, but let me reassure you that London wasn’t built in a day and it would not have become the greatest city in the world if the builders had stopped on the first day of rain. The English Empire would never have become the world’s finest and most imperious without the fortitude of Englishmen in the face of adversity. Ask yourself: would England have prevailed if Edward I simply given in to Celtic barbarianism? Would England have ruled the world if Lord Nelson had been afraid of a few ships, or the English Tommy repelled by the stench of the German army’s sauerkraut breath?
On the counts the answer is a ‘no’ as chunky and flabby as Phil Atken after a night on the haggis. Lest we forget: ‘Quintessentially English’ means dominance, but even the greatest spirits suffer setbacks. Instead of pining over a loss to Sally Talfourd, instead I’ve got my blue hat on and I’m considering the bigger picture. In virtue of this, the great mind realises that in legacy building the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Wins and losses matter, but what is more important is distinguishing between the small battles in which one occasionally suffers losses, and the bigger picture of attaining total victory in the war. I am going to lose occasional matches, but what really matters is that I win the matches that matter.
I would have loved to defeat Sally Talfourd last week and push my fist down that sanctimonious wench’s throat, but I will allow her victory in a meaningless non-title match. The world knows I am a man for the big stage – just look at my pay-per-view record – and my undefeated streak in Championship matches. I know how to win the battles that really matter. I am a big-time player and when the occasion comes that Reginald’s prejudice can no longer hold off the weight of justice I will get my shot and prove once and for all that I am a destiny here on Asylum.
Julius takes a brief pause before changing the topic to the week ahead.
Julius: Speaking of big-time players, my opponent this week used to be one. I remember a time when Jason Kash was something of a something around these parts. In fact, without exaggeration one may even extend to stating the common held belief was that Jason Kash was the face of Asylum. I am never one to yield to the common tomfoolery, but even I will not refuse Jason Kash his fifteen minutes of game. Actually, if I do Mr. Kash any justice at all I must confess that he was part of the reason for transition from Overdrive to Asylum. Back when Mr. Kash was pretending to be a credible World Champion I felt that Asylum needed ‘Quintessentially English Justice’, and as I petitioned for months for a shot at ‘Champion Kash’ it was always with progress in mind because I truly believe Asylum needs a better product, a better calibre of athlete and entertainer than a backstreet brawler with a propensity for sharing his bowl movements with the world.
However, much has changed since then, both in and out of the ring. As I predicted Kash’s reign has been usurped, and meekly too, in the manner beholding of the weak king I analysed him to be. His decline has been so great since then: from main event to being part of the shuffle in a few short months; nay, his status now is synonymous with the crusty and dusty forgotten relics of a more sinister past hidden in the depths of the British Museum. This fact is made evidently clearly by Mr. Kash’s sensational collapse and defeat at the hands of some newcomer who has barely wiped his feet clean.
Oh, I am sure Mr. Kash will think of himself on some kind of Indiana Jones mission to restore the relic to its true glory, but this is real life and not some far-fetched Hollywood movie. If Mr. Kash thinks this is the week to resurrect his career then he should examine his grip on reality. I know he will draw some inspiration from one relic who has recently managed to attain rebirth from the ashes of her former glories, but there is only one problem in this who fanciful notion and that is the rather sizeable bulwark that is the ‘Quintessentially English Empire’. We have met once and Mr. Kash has already paid homage to his knew overlord, and I have no intention of relinquishing my yoke over him.
I’ll give Kash some credit. He may still be about as unpalatable as the American diet, but at least he has seen the woods through the trees. He no longer panders to the infantile morons that are ‘the fans’ like those sycophantic degenerates Anthony Bailey and Sally Talfourd. Kash has finally realised that ‘the fan’s view’ is about as credible as the concept of an honest Scotchman, and has stopped trying to ‘please’ them. Destiny is all that matters and there is nothing a single fan can do to shape that. I congratulate Jason Kash on his sudden enlightenment, but warn him that the challenge he faces to find the peak again is the equivalent of a thousand Everests.
Julius smiles to himself, brimming over with self-satisfaction.
Julius: I know how Kash works. Behind all that ballsy bravado and faux masculinity there is a brooding and emotional teenager. I can see in his eyes the sensitivity in his soul, and all this recently manifest anger is really just a childish response to the fact that he is no longer the number one pick in the playground games. After the loss of his World Champion I saw how he gave in to melancholy and slipped into futile contemplation like a morose Buddhist; now without even that abortion of a Championship he lost I have no doubt he will be crippled by emotion like a spotty teenager writing bad poetry.
With his limited faculties he will try to analyse himself, try to identify what has gone wrong with his life and his career. Well, Mr. Kash, allow me to save you the trouble of complex thought and diagnose the source of all of your problems: your birth. Yes, that event is truly a scourge on your own life and all of those who fight for progress, justice and the superiority of ‘Quintessentially English’ ways. Mr. Kash, I applaud any man who tries to better himself, and I know you are going to approach this match and try to think what you can do differently to our last contest, what you need to do to make you better than you have ever been before.
However, in that task you will fail. Why? Well, like a lumberjack trying to cut down a giant redwood with a chisel you are an agent armed with the wrong tools. In short, you are blunt instrument trying to be incisive against a robust object. Your usual tactic of trying to bludgeon the object to your liking may work against softer targets, but your tactics are futile against a foe with a scientific approach, and the execution like a knife sharp enough to cut God-himself. In short you are navigating fetid waters without a paddle.
Julius amuses himself with this thought, then draws us towards his concluding remarks.
Julius: This week presents a door I must pass through; it is a challenge that is essential for the development of the bigger picture. The bigger picture demands that I give no inch back to those I have already conquered, just as it considers a match that changes nothing of no long-term concern. I have trumped Kash in the past and what better way to show my superiority than to consolidate it with another victory over him. More than that, I plan to use this match to extinguish all hope in Kash’s soul. Not only do I want to be a thorn in his side, but become that symbol of what he can never overcome. That’s Quintessentially English Justice, handed out by the Quintessentially English Empire and its incredible leader: the world’s most dangerous submission wrestler, Julius Farquhar.
The bigger picture also demands this match become an image of foresight for those who dare to challenge me at Christmas Chaos. TJ will be a first-hand witness to what I am capable of, and I want the broken body of Jason Kash to be remonstration to the likes of Keaton Saint et al that victory is impossible, but gut-wrenching and mind-twisting pain is inevitable if you step inside the ring with me.
Like a bag of crisps I will take Jason Kash into my hands, crush him into a thousand pieces and then scatter the remains about the ring for my foes to pour over and scrutinise. The bigger picture sees Jason Kash made into an appropriate example to the wrestling world; the smaller one shows that Jason Kash will once again PAY HOMAGE!
Julius: People will look at the recent defeat to Sally Talfourd and think the QEE is unravelling, but let me reassure you that London wasn’t built in a day and it would not have become the greatest city in the world if the builders had stopped on the first day of rain. The English Empire would never have become the world’s finest and most imperious without the fortitude of Englishmen in the face of adversity. Ask yourself: would England have prevailed if Edward I simply given in to Celtic barbarianism? Would England have ruled the world if Lord Nelson had been afraid of a few ships, or the English Tommy repelled by the stench of the German army’s sauerkraut breath?
On the counts the answer is a ‘no’ as chunky and flabby as Phil Atken after a night on the haggis. Lest we forget: ‘Quintessentially English’ means dominance, but even the greatest spirits suffer setbacks. Instead of pining over a loss to Sally Talfourd, instead I’ve got my blue hat on and I’m considering the bigger picture. In virtue of this, the great mind realises that in legacy building the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Wins and losses matter, but what is more important is distinguishing between the small battles in which one occasionally suffers losses, and the bigger picture of attaining total victory in the war. I am going to lose occasional matches, but what really matters is that I win the matches that matter.
I would have loved to defeat Sally Talfourd last week and push my fist down that sanctimonious wench’s throat, but I will allow her victory in a meaningless non-title match. The world knows I am a man for the big stage – just look at my pay-per-view record – and my undefeated streak in Championship matches. I know how to win the battles that really matter. I am a big-time player and when the occasion comes that Reginald’s prejudice can no longer hold off the weight of justice I will get my shot and prove once and for all that I am a destiny here on Asylum.
Julius takes a brief pause before changing the topic to the week ahead.
Julius: Speaking of big-time players, my opponent this week used to be one. I remember a time when Jason Kash was something of a something around these parts. In fact, without exaggeration one may even extend to stating the common held belief was that Jason Kash was the face of Asylum. I am never one to yield to the common tomfoolery, but even I will not refuse Jason Kash his fifteen minutes of game. Actually, if I do Mr. Kash any justice at all I must confess that he was part of the reason for transition from Overdrive to Asylum. Back when Mr. Kash was pretending to be a credible World Champion I felt that Asylum needed ‘Quintessentially English Justice’, and as I petitioned for months for a shot at ‘Champion Kash’ it was always with progress in mind because I truly believe Asylum needs a better product, a better calibre of athlete and entertainer than a backstreet brawler with a propensity for sharing his bowl movements with the world.
However, much has changed since then, both in and out of the ring. As I predicted Kash’s reign has been usurped, and meekly too, in the manner beholding of the weak king I analysed him to be. His decline has been so great since then: from main event to being part of the shuffle in a few short months; nay, his status now is synonymous with the crusty and dusty forgotten relics of a more sinister past hidden in the depths of the British Museum. This fact is made evidently clearly by Mr. Kash’s sensational collapse and defeat at the hands of some newcomer who has barely wiped his feet clean.
Oh, I am sure Mr. Kash will think of himself on some kind of Indiana Jones mission to restore the relic to its true glory, but this is real life and not some far-fetched Hollywood movie. If Mr. Kash thinks this is the week to resurrect his career then he should examine his grip on reality. I know he will draw some inspiration from one relic who has recently managed to attain rebirth from the ashes of her former glories, but there is only one problem in this who fanciful notion and that is the rather sizeable bulwark that is the ‘Quintessentially English Empire’. We have met once and Mr. Kash has already paid homage to his knew overlord, and I have no intention of relinquishing my yoke over him.
I’ll give Kash some credit. He may still be about as unpalatable as the American diet, but at least he has seen the woods through the trees. He no longer panders to the infantile morons that are ‘the fans’ like those sycophantic degenerates Anthony Bailey and Sally Talfourd. Kash has finally realised that ‘the fan’s view’ is about as credible as the concept of an honest Scotchman, and has stopped trying to ‘please’ them. Destiny is all that matters and there is nothing a single fan can do to shape that. I congratulate Jason Kash on his sudden enlightenment, but warn him that the challenge he faces to find the peak again is the equivalent of a thousand Everests.
Julius smiles to himself, brimming over with self-satisfaction.
Julius: I know how Kash works. Behind all that ballsy bravado and faux masculinity there is a brooding and emotional teenager. I can see in his eyes the sensitivity in his soul, and all this recently manifest anger is really just a childish response to the fact that he is no longer the number one pick in the playground games. After the loss of his World Champion I saw how he gave in to melancholy and slipped into futile contemplation like a morose Buddhist; now without even that abortion of a Championship he lost I have no doubt he will be crippled by emotion like a spotty teenager writing bad poetry.
With his limited faculties he will try to analyse himself, try to identify what has gone wrong with his life and his career. Well, Mr. Kash, allow me to save you the trouble of complex thought and diagnose the source of all of your problems: your birth. Yes, that event is truly a scourge on your own life and all of those who fight for progress, justice and the superiority of ‘Quintessentially English’ ways. Mr. Kash, I applaud any man who tries to better himself, and I know you are going to approach this match and try to think what you can do differently to our last contest, what you need to do to make you better than you have ever been before.
However, in that task you will fail. Why? Well, like a lumberjack trying to cut down a giant redwood with a chisel you are an agent armed with the wrong tools. In short, you are blunt instrument trying to be incisive against a robust object. Your usual tactic of trying to bludgeon the object to your liking may work against softer targets, but your tactics are futile against a foe with a scientific approach, and the execution like a knife sharp enough to cut God-himself. In short you are navigating fetid waters without a paddle.
Julius amuses himself with this thought, then draws us towards his concluding remarks.
Julius: This week presents a door I must pass through; it is a challenge that is essential for the development of the bigger picture. The bigger picture demands that I give no inch back to those I have already conquered, just as it considers a match that changes nothing of no long-term concern. I have trumped Kash in the past and what better way to show my superiority than to consolidate it with another victory over him. More than that, I plan to use this match to extinguish all hope in Kash’s soul. Not only do I want to be a thorn in his side, but become that symbol of what he can never overcome. That’s Quintessentially English Justice, handed out by the Quintessentially English Empire and its incredible leader: the world’s most dangerous submission wrestler, Julius Farquhar.
The bigger picture also demands this match become an image of foresight for those who dare to challenge me at Christmas Chaos. TJ will be a first-hand witness to what I am capable of, and I want the broken body of Jason Kash to be remonstration to the likes of Keaton Saint et al that victory is impossible, but gut-wrenching and mind-twisting pain is inevitable if you step inside the ring with me.
Like a bag of crisps I will take Jason Kash into my hands, crush him into a thousand pieces and then scatter the remains about the ring for my foes to pour over and scrutinise. The bigger picture sees Jason Kash made into an appropriate example to the wrestling world; the smaller one shows that Jason Kash will once again PAY HOMAGE!
