Call Me a Prophet

[tuhoa]

The Plan Extraction VII: Call Me a Prophet

Shane West
Hello wrestling fans, and welcome to this Action Packed Wrestling online exclusive! Here in APW, we pride ourselves on entertaining all of you, the fans of professional wrestling. One of our most recent acquisitions, the Finnish Phenom Tuhoa Valo, also prides himself on “cleaning up the sport of professional wrestling”. He’s been plugging away in the few short months that he’s been with APW, taking out Megastar after Megastar, on his way to the main event scene of Monday Night Meltdown. With his eyes on the APW North American Championship, and a lot more up his sleeve… Today, I welcome him to this online exclusive, via satellite. Tuhoa, thank you for joining us today.

The Finnish Phenom
It’s a pleasure, Shane. Well, seeing your face makes it a little less pleasurable, but it’s a pleasure nonetheless.

Shane West
It’s nice to see you too, Mr. Valo. Anyhow, it’s been nice to see how far you’ve come since you’ve been in APW. It’s almost as if this history you speak of, actually exists. But I have to get down to the facts, and the facts are that your history is very sketchy. Do you care to elaborate any, on the claims that you’ve made thus far? I mean, you claim to have a rich history… A history that no one can find! Any thoughts?

The Finnish Phenom
Why should I have to explain anything to you, Shane West? Furthermore, why should I have to explain myself to any wrestling fan? The truth is that I don’t! I don’t have to explain myself to ANYONE! The Finnish Phenom indeed has a storied past, a history in this business that even so-called “legends” could never duplicate! I need not carry on with explaining my history, just as much as you need not carry on about its existence! My track record on Meltdown should be more than enough for you to accept what I say as fact. If not, then that’s your problem, not mine. You can believe me, and I’ll be fine with that. You can decide to go against what I say, and I’ll be fine with that as well. But the fact is that I could care less what you or anybody else has to say about the Finnish Phenom. The only opinion ABOUT Tuhoa Valo that matters TO Tuhoa Valo, is THAT of Tuhoa Valo. No one else could say anything that I would even remotely care about.

Shane West
You do make a good point, there. Since you’ve been in APW, you’ve certainly made a name for yourself on the American professional wrestling scene. Your claims of “cleaning up American professional wrestling”, have been spearheaded by your talents in the ring. Do you think that your point has been made yet? Does American professional wrestling look anymore appealing to you, and have you given any thought to what you’re going to do when and if you accomplish these goals?

The Finnish Phenom
I’m never finished with my goals, Shane West. When you have nothing to reach for, you have nothing to work or live for. Therefore, I always continue to reach higher in whatever spectrum I’m working in. Now as far as “cleaning up professional wrestling in America”, I have my work cut out for me. Truth be told, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to complete the task… But I’m damn sure going to try. The problems I have with professional wrestling, not only in America, but in the better part of North America, is that nobody appreciates the SPORT anymore. This business used to be about athleticism, heart, and determination. Your popularity wasn’t based on how you pandered to the fans, but on how hard you worked inside the ring. Your career wasn’t based on how much the fans liked you, or how many tickets you could sell. It used to be based on will and desire, on how bad you wanted to be the best. Tuhoa Valo is determined to be the best. Hell, Shane West, Tuhoa Valo IS the best! There’s not a man or woman in Action Packed Wrestling that has been able to defeat me thus far, and I’m going to continue to show the world that no one can beat me this Monday night, when I walk all over Donald Deruty for the second week in a row! But to sum up my response Shane West, I have no other agenda, because a job this strenuous, could very well take my entire career to complete… If not longer. I might have to stick around, even after I’m unable to compete anymore. Maybe in some kind of backstage capacity because lets face it, the new generation coming through, doesn’t look too promising.

Shane West
A lot of what you just said Mr. Valo, is very confusing. First of all, you have lost in APW already. The APW North American Champion Logan Alexander has given you your one and only loss thus far, on his way to becoming the number one contender. Also, you just said that the new generation coming in doesn’t look too promising… Aren’t you apart of that new generation?

The Finnish Phenom
Shane West, how many times do I have to say it? I NEVER TAPPED OUT! That referee jumped the gun, thinking that I was giving up to Logan Alexander’s weak submission hold, that couldn’t even make a pig squeal. Now, when I breeze past Donald Deruty, I’ll get another chance to prove that. I’ll kill two birds with one stone. I’ll show the world that I never gave up, and I’ll win the APW North American Championship, both at the same time! I say these things, because neither Donald Deruty, nor Logan Alexander, can measure up to me in any way, shape, or form. I am head and shoulders above both of these so-called “men”, and will easily make both of them look like amateurs! I’ll start with Donald Deruty this Monday, where I will once and for all solidify myself as the number one contender to MY North American Championship. Then, when I finally get my shot, I’ll show the world that Logan Alexander isn’t really championship material at all. After I beat him for the title, he’ll be sent on to another brand, where he’ll undoubtedly fail, being sent sailing up shits creek, never to be heard from again. It’s inevitable, and right now, he’s only delaying it. But have no fear, Tuhoa Valo will assist him, on accelerating his fate soon enough.

And as far as this “new generation” goes… What don’t you get about it, West? Tuhoa Valo doesn’t place himself in any category with any professional wrestler, not even the so-called “legends”. Why? Because I am better than any and all of them! I am a new breed, a breed that classifies himself as a new school wrestler with an old school work ethic. Furthermore, as you well know, there’s a lot about the Finnish Phenom, that nobody knows quite yet. But don’t worry, once I win the North American Championship, I’ll drop a bombshell on APW, that will make all of this make more sense. Soon, it will all be crystal clear!

Shane West
Wait, what do you mean by…

The Finnish Phenom
These young bucks on the come-up right now, they only care about the money. They’re in the gym one day looking for a quick way to make millions, they see a professional wrestling magazine, and then they decide to invade our business. It started with men like Terry Bollea and Jim Hellwig, and it continues with men like Logan Alexander and Donald Deruty. Men who come into this business with nice bodies, make the fans believe that they’re here for them, sell a ton of tickets, boost the ratings, and milk this business for all it’s worth! They continue to bleed this business dry, taking everything they want right out from under the TRUE professional wrestlers. While men who have a passion for this business continue to bust their asses and get nowhere, men like Donald Deruty continue to benefit from it! Donald Deruty has no passion for this business! He’s a pretty face looking to make a quick buck! Me on the other hand, this business means EVERYTHING to me! I live and breath for this business, and if I have it my way, I’ll die in the middle of a wrestling ring, FOR this business! Do you honestly think that Donald Deruty could claim the same? Furthermore, if he did, do you ever think that anyone would ever believe him?

That’s why I’m going to take a ton of pleasure in beating him Monday night. Because when I do that, I’ll show everyone how useless he is for the WRESTLING business. He might sell tickets, he might even put assess in the seats, but he’s no professional wrestler. And after I’m finished tarnishing the little bit of a legacy that he has, he can go on to pose for GQ magazine, and make his “quick buck” elsewhere. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow men like him to bleed this business dry, when guys like myself want nothing more than to make this business better.

Shane West
But what about this bombshell, Mr. Valo? You say that you’ve got a bombshell to drop on APW? What exactly do you mean by that?

The Finnish Phenom
Where have you been, Shane? Have you not been paying a damn bit of attention to anything that I’ve said since my arrival in APW? I’ve continually told the world that I have a bombshell to drop. Maybe not in those exact words, but I’ve been saying it since I debuted! The only way that bombshell drops, is if I win the APW North American Championship. And until that happens, you’re just going to have to sit back and wait like the rest of the world.

Shane West
Come on, Tuhoa… Can’t you just give me a little hint?

The Finnish Phenom
What makes you so special, Shane? What makes you think that out of all the people in the world to tell my “dirty little secret” to, that I would choose you? To me, you’re nothing but a wannabe professional wrestler that couldn’t hack it in a wrestling ring. So what did you decide to do? You did the next best thing, and got yourself a journalist job FOR a professional wrestling company. Therefore I ask you again, what makes you so special, Shane West? What makes you think that I would ever trust you to keep my secret? All you’re doing, is looking for another big story. Isn’t interviewing Tuhoa Valo enough for you? I mean normally, I wouldn’t even give you the time of day! Hannah Storm would be my choice, if I had one!

Shane West
That’s enough, let’s carry on.

The Finnish Phenom
That’s what I thought. Once someone starts tearing your down, you want to shift the focus onto something else. So do your damn job, and continue this interview. If you’ve got anymore questions, you might want to ask them. Because to be honest, I’m getting a bit tired of looking at your smug facial expressions. Hell, even Donald Deruty knows how to show more passion than you! Maybe you should work on that, you little jerk off!

Shane West
Lets keep in mind that this interview is not a judgmental tirade on my character or facial expressions. This is about you and I working together to hype your rematch with Donald Deruty this Monday night.

The Finnish Phenom
You and I working together would NEVER happen, Shane West. Quite frankly, I would probably end up putting your pathetic existence to an abrupt end. But if hyping this match is your ultimate goal, then please, let’s continue the hyping…

Shane West
Okay… Well… What do you think is going to be different this time around, as you step into the ring once again with Donald Deruty? Last time, it didn’t exactly end as you had planned it. You and Mr. Deruty fought to a double count out last week. This week, do you think you’re going to have what it takes to get the job done, and become the number one contender to the North American Championship?

The Finnish Phenom
What’s going to be different? The fact that Logan Alexander isn’t going to be there to mess everything up! That’s going to be the deciding factor this week. Well, that, and the fact that I’m tired of wrestling pretty boys! Donald Deruty is not competition for Tuhoa Valo. As a matter of fact, I’m fairly certain that Donald Deruty could get into the ring with Mr. Dangerous, and still not be any sort of competition. Nevertheless, I’ll do what I have to do to become the number one contender. Last time, Logan Alexander didn’t want a winner, and that’s what he got. Truth be told, he didn’t want a winner, because he knows that he’s just a paper champion. He’s holding the title, for a legit contender to come and take it. And trust me, that legit contenders name is not Donald Deruty! Donald Deruty is just another obstacle in the way that Tuhoa Valo will run down, on his way to embarrassing Logan Alexander, and winning the APW North American Championship.

That championship means everything to me, because it’s what I need to move forward with my plans. Remember that bombshell we were talking about, Shane? Trust me… When I win that championship, and I WILL win the championship… I promise to drop that bombshell just seconds after. So if it’s a juicy story that you’re looking for Shane, you might want to become a HUGE fan of Tuhoa Valo… And you might want to start cheering me on sooner rather than later. I need that title, and Donald Deruty has no idea what’s coming his way, JUST because he’s standing in my way. He might very well just be a victim of circumstance, but he’s a victim nonetheless. And this Monday night, I’m going to become the number one contender at his expense. And shortly after… I’ll win the championship, as I continue to watch his career spiral downward out of control. Thus, proving my words to be words of prophecy. So go ahead and call me a prophet, Shane… Because I promise you that my words will come to pass, leaving you and the rest of the wrestling world scrambling and trembling with anticipation… Waiting for me to drop my bombshell!

Shane West
So it’s safe to say that you’re going into this match full of confidence? You’re not only facing an ancient history and artifact “buff”, but you’re facing a man who fought his way into this situation, much like yourself.

The Finnish Phenom
You want an ancient artifact? Go talk to Mrs. Deruty, Donald Deruty’s momma! I’d tell you to talk to his dad, but wait… YOU CAN’T!

Shane West
That’s not right, Valo! How dare you…

The Finnish Phenom
Shut the hell up, Shane. I’m trying to prove a point, here!

Shane West
And what in the hell could you be trying to prove, by talking about the poor mans dead father?

The Finnish Phenom
I’m proving to the world that Tuhoa Valo has no feelings, no remorse, for ANY soul… Dead or alive, no one is off limits! And this ancient history “buff” that you’re talking about, he’s going to be viewing his professional wrestling career as ancient history, after I’m done with him this Monday night! I’m tired of waiting for my chance to fight for the North American Championship. I got screwed the first time around, and now everyone thinks that I tapped out to Logan Alexander… WHICH I DIDN’T! The second time around, Logan Alexander screwed me over again, but this time he was playing referee, instead of being a fighting champion! Well, the third time is the charm, Shane West! This time around, I will NOT be denied my shot at the APW North American Championship! Donald Deruty is just going to have to wait his turn, because I refuse to lose to the likes of this pretty boy, only looking to put the gold around his waist, because it would look good in an 8x10 photo! Unlike Deruty, I want to hold that championship, so that I can change history! I want to bring honor to that championship, putting my name at the top of the list as the best APW North American Champion in the history of Action Packed Wrestling!

In a world full of false prophets and so-called heroes who are secretly out for their own personal gain… I will play the role of the great antihero, and I will turn Meltdown into the best show that Action Packed Wrestling has to offer! To hell with Overdrive and Asylum! With the Finnish Phenom at the top of Meltdown, representing the show as its champion… Meltdown will once and for all make the jump over the other shows, becoming the best show on the APW television circuit! So there you go, Shane… You wanted to know part of my plan? Well, part of my plan is to make Meltdown the top show in APW. Becoming champion is the first goal. The second goal, would be getting you the hell away from the commentating table! Without you foaming at the mouth, the show would start climbing the ratings mountain at a high rate of speed, trust me!

Shane West
You know what, I’ve had enough of this! I don’t deserve to… Hey… HEY! Where in the hell did Valo go?

The satellite feed has been lost, leaving Shane West unable to defend himself, as the scene fades to black.