Post by Phil Atken on Dec 8, 2012 16:22:13 GMT -4
As you can often do on a cold winter's eve, we find ourselves in the nice, warm, cozy and welcoming company of Phil Atken himself in the ole Atken War Room with his long time best pal and personal lawyer, Saul Slendamin. Saul, as he has become accustomed to be doing is looking through large reams of paper, circling and highlighting like the mad man that he is not.
Phil stands behind Saul, pacing back and forth as Saul continues to review his correspondence, Phil looking visably concerned about the mutterings and utterings coming forth from his lawyer.
Atken: Saul, are we ready to go? It's now or never, this has to go down on Sunday's show. We have to hold all the cards, we have to make the match that favour us, we deserve it Saul. Me, you, Hank, Dirk, we all deserve to have that night on the town after Christmas Chaos and now more than ever, I need you to weave that lawyer magic.
Slendamin: Phil, I gotta be honest, we're looking a little light. If you want to leverage this to your advantage, we need a lot more than what we've got right now.
Atken: Light? Reginald now throws around title matches to anyone with a functional vagina and we're looking light in the irate members of the roster department? We're looking light after 6 men put their bodies through hell for a mere shot at Sally Talfourd while AJP has just been handed one for the mere existence of her double X chromosomes? How the hell can that be Saul, how can we not find any damn person in a rage to support us? I have a damn title match against Talfourd and possibly Ms. Parker and I'm outraged about it. Sure, I may not have had my bones crushed, I may not have been tossed off a fifteen foot ladder but that was due to my intellect and wiles, not due to my genes. Then again, Keaton Saint and TJ have already been turned into braying little pups by Herr Talfourd.
Slendamin: I warned you about this before Phil, people don't like to fight city hall. It doesn't matter if they want to align with her or not, no one wants to fight management. It could mean their jobs.
Saul continues to flip and circle his way through his pile of paper as Phil shakes his head in despair.
Atken: Ah, so we're saying people like Julius Farquhar are cowards now are we? Actually... that makes a lot of sense. Still, Johnny Knuckles, Jason Kash, Michael Callahan... they're all perfectly happy at this blatant disregard for the Equal Opportunities act?
Slendamin: All I'm saying is they don't want to sign up for your call to arms against Reginald. I reached out to all of them and more.
Atken: We'll find a way. We need to Saul. We need to make sure that Christmas Chaos is OUR show, that this Four Pillars nonsense ends before it begins. I'd be tempted to reach of to Mr. Kash if we weren't drawn together on Sunday night.
Slendamin: Is this the bit where you talk about Kash?
Atken: Sure is!
Slendamin: I'm going to get some coffee.
Saul walks away from his stack of paper, we can only assume he's off to get some coffee, leaving Phil alone with his favourite object in the world, the camera.
Atken: Ah Jason Kash, I suppose sooner or later we were bound to clash in the ring. After all, you are everything that Asylum shouldn't be, you are crass, you are juvenile, you enjoy the occasional illegal treat and worst of all you endorse the mentality of brutality. You are the kind of man I wish to purge from Asylum, you are exactly the man that I've been campaigning against week after week and yet I can't help but feel a level of kinship with you Jason. You see, much like me, you can see through that false veneer that Sally Talfourd puts up, you can see what the Four Pillars really are, a group that doesn't wish to better Asylum like I do, they are a group who wish to take control. They are power hungry. They aren't out for our interests Jason, they're out for their own selfish needs. You can see that, I know you can and I can certainly see it.
So, keeping in mind the we have the Fuhrer of the Four Pillars herself as our wonderful Special Guest Referee, I think that maybe, just maybe we should put this little battle on back burner for a few weeks, just until I become World Heavyweight Champion because I'd be more than willing to prove my validity as this show's champion by stomping more of those rotting teeth out of that foul mouth of yours. That's a future match, a future clash for two people with some passionate views about Asylum to take each other to the test but for now Jason, for now, perhaps we shouldn't ignore the immediate threat like some of our other roster compatriots would rather do. Perhaps, rather than focusing on each other like those in authority would like us to do, we should turn our attention to the lady in the striped shirt.
Saul walks back in with a mug brimming with coffee, looking noticeably concerned about Phil's current plot.
Slendamin: It won't work that way Phil, you still have to perform your contractual duties and you are contractually bound to face Kash, not Sally.
Atken: Sally is free to disqualify me or Kash as we stomp the snot out of her scheming little nose. I'll show up to the ring, I'll stand across to ring from Jason Kash, I'll let Sally signal for the bell, I will let the match officially take place but why can't me and Jason, two intelligent men... well... I shouldn't go overboard, one and a quarter intelligent men not lay a few boots in to the woman who wishes to take over our beloved show with her pretty boy muscle. I'll still be technically fighting Kash, I'm just too wise to FIGHT Kash.
Slendamin: There is no way that Reginald will let that stand Phil. I know how these guys work, if you don't give Kash a fight, I bet you dollars to donuts that he will find a way to strip you of your World Heavyweight Championship bout. It's like I said Phil, people don't want to fight City Hall. At this point, you should just let sleeping dogs lie and get ready for Kash.
Atken: I have to fight City Hall Saul, I have to put my foot down. If I don't stop this takeover in its tracks, if I don't stand up against this even cabal that Sal Pot has put together then who will? Who will stop this madness if it's not I, the voice of the sane and rational.
Slendamin: You have time for that at Christmas Chaos. You have to take one thing at a time Phil, I'm advising you, as your lawyer, to show up and fight Kash but that's the only way I can guarantee that there won't be repercussions. You need to go in there and give it your all Phil, that's my advice and I think you know that I keep you in the right.
Atken: So no grand beat down on Asylum's Cult Leader?
Slendamin: Not until Christmas young man.
Atken: I suppose a change of messaging is needed then.
Phil looks down at the floor and kicks his feet sheepishly. Saul gives him a reassuring pat on the back which he shrugs off. Saul then hands Phil a mug of warm coco which he gladly accepts, after a quick sip of coco, Phil perks back up.
Atken: It's funny, the situations you sometimes find yourself in. Now, I would have thought that Sunday night was a prime opportunity to stop Sally before she assumes control of the show, which I think everyone know is her ultimate goal but alas, not to be. I must play my role in the puppet show of Asylum one last time before I become their champion and it is my will that is enforced. Still, can't blame a guy for trying.
Slendamin: Well you could.
Atken: Thank you Saul, that's quite enough. Still, two weeks ago on Sunday night, I stood in the ring with my arm raised high by one of Asylum's esteemed officials... I'm not sure which one, they all seem to same to me, striped shirts, low tolerance for pain, prone to being knocked out, still whoever it was, they raised my arm up high after I pinned former World Heavyweight Champion, Anthony Bailey bang in the certain on the ring. A man who thought I wasn't good enough, a man who thought I didn't deserve my spot, who felt like I was still some kind of joke on the brand... he was pinned fair and square. Now for some reason, possibly due to her selfish and calculating nature, Sally didn't lift a damn finger to stop Anthony Bailey, a supposed friend and ally, from being defeated by a far more talented wrestler.
Slendamin: Well, Michael Callahan used his baseball...
Atken holds up his hand to Saul without looking at him.
Atken: THANK YOU! SAUL! The point is, Sally just didn't care to help out Bailey nor did she approach Mr. Bailey to join her little posse. Almost as if now that Anthony is no longer champion, Sally doesn't want to play house. Perhaps he outlived his usefulness to her without that shiny trinket around his waist. Obviously, spurned by this, Bailey started his own band of jokers but that's neither here nor there. The point is, two weeks ago, I pinned a former champions shoulders to the mat and yet people still doubt me. People always doubt me, it doesn't matter what I have achieved, it doesn't matter what I'm about to achieve in a few mere weeks, people look at me, they look at my body and they throw out all manner of interesting phrases. I'm not a “scrapper”, I'm not a “brawler”, I don't have enough “fight” in me, I lack the “passion” and “drive” to become a success on Asylum and yet I'm already a success. I defeated six of the best men this rosters has in a ladder match, I defeated Anthony Bailey and Sally Talfourd in tag team action, I destroyed and crippled Johnny Knuckles, I drove Shane Borderland to drinking his ass out of Asylum. I have achieved time and time again through intellect and not strength and yet people still doubt me, they still doubt the power of calculation over passion.
People like you Kash, people like you still doubt me because I don't fit your mold of what a wrestler should be. It makes you uncomfortable to see me challenging for the belt you held at the start of the year, doesn't it? You just can't concieve how a guy who looks and acts like I do could even come close to wearing the same Heavyweight Championship that you won in the Elimination Chamber a year ago, that you battled back from Nathaniel Havok. Yet, I'm fighting for Asylum's biggest prize while you find yourself in another weapons affair for a championship that has already been tainted by Michael Callahan's ooze. That's got to eat you up Kash, got to stir some jealousy in you. After all, you're the man who bleeds Asylum. You're the party loyalist, you toe the line whatever that line may be yet this time, maybe you think Reginald has went too far. How could I possibly be a competitor for the title?
Well, to let you in on that secret Jason would be to spoil the surprise that you're about to find yourself in for on Sunday night but I'll give you a hint. It's to do with something that you are lacking by the bucket load, intelligence. You've never really grown up, have you Kash? You're still that high school goof, that class clown that just wants to get some attention. It's why you have cameras follow you when you poop, it's why you're still obsessed with such juvenile ideas as prank wars. You're afraid to grow up, you're afraid to join the adult world. You're afraid you might turn in to a man like me, aren't you Kash? Yet, to turn in to me, that's not something to be feared, that's something to be embraced.
Atken embracing himself for a brief moment, as if to emphasis the point.
Atken: Asylum is in a battle for its very soul at the moment. I am leading the charge to ensure that the change we see is for the better and when I'm motivated Kash, I'm dangerous. I can't be seen to lose to a man like you, what kind of message would that send to those who believe in me, who believe in a better future and a safer wrestling industry. I would be going down to the man who epitomises everything that is wrong with modern day wrestling, a man who thinks that he's still a little naughty school boy and encourages others to act in the same way.
Yet, I feel that if I defeat you, I can make you better Kash. I feel that by losing to me, by tapping out in the middle of the ring while Sally Talfourd has no other option but to ring the bell, well I feel like that's just the cure you need Kash. You need that wake up call, you need to realise what is happening on Asylum and you need to join the adult world. You need to join me Kash, you need to answer my call to arms. You may not realise that yet but you will soon enough, even if I have to prompt you along the way.
It's time for prank pulling Kash to be a thing of history, it's time to toss the fecal obsession in the dumpster with the hemp supply. Now, the only way I can see this sinking in Jason is to regrettably defeat you in the ring. To make you realise that the man you can't conceive of being victorious is the true conqueror, a man far above your station, a man far above your abilities. That he is your better and that he should be followed, not ignored. Only by losing to me will you be able to listen to me. Defeat allows you to absorb my wisdom and to join me in saving Asylum.
The pillars must be stopped and Sunday we will begin the resistance Jason, you and me together. You just don't realise it yet.
Phil stands behind Saul, pacing back and forth as Saul continues to review his correspondence, Phil looking visably concerned about the mutterings and utterings coming forth from his lawyer.
Atken: Saul, are we ready to go? It's now or never, this has to go down on Sunday's show. We have to hold all the cards, we have to make the match that favour us, we deserve it Saul. Me, you, Hank, Dirk, we all deserve to have that night on the town after Christmas Chaos and now more than ever, I need you to weave that lawyer magic.
Slendamin: Phil, I gotta be honest, we're looking a little light. If you want to leverage this to your advantage, we need a lot more than what we've got right now.
Atken: Light? Reginald now throws around title matches to anyone with a functional vagina and we're looking light in the irate members of the roster department? We're looking light after 6 men put their bodies through hell for a mere shot at Sally Talfourd while AJP has just been handed one for the mere existence of her double X chromosomes? How the hell can that be Saul, how can we not find any damn person in a rage to support us? I have a damn title match against Talfourd and possibly Ms. Parker and I'm outraged about it. Sure, I may not have had my bones crushed, I may not have been tossed off a fifteen foot ladder but that was due to my intellect and wiles, not due to my genes. Then again, Keaton Saint and TJ have already been turned into braying little pups by Herr Talfourd.
Slendamin: I warned you about this before Phil, people don't like to fight city hall. It doesn't matter if they want to align with her or not, no one wants to fight management. It could mean their jobs.
Saul continues to flip and circle his way through his pile of paper as Phil shakes his head in despair.
Atken: Ah, so we're saying people like Julius Farquhar are cowards now are we? Actually... that makes a lot of sense. Still, Johnny Knuckles, Jason Kash, Michael Callahan... they're all perfectly happy at this blatant disregard for the Equal Opportunities act?
Slendamin: All I'm saying is they don't want to sign up for your call to arms against Reginald. I reached out to all of them and more.
Atken: We'll find a way. We need to Saul. We need to make sure that Christmas Chaos is OUR show, that this Four Pillars nonsense ends before it begins. I'd be tempted to reach of to Mr. Kash if we weren't drawn together on Sunday night.
Slendamin: Is this the bit where you talk about Kash?
Atken: Sure is!
Slendamin: I'm going to get some coffee.
Saul walks away from his stack of paper, we can only assume he's off to get some coffee, leaving Phil alone with his favourite object in the world, the camera.
Atken: Ah Jason Kash, I suppose sooner or later we were bound to clash in the ring. After all, you are everything that Asylum shouldn't be, you are crass, you are juvenile, you enjoy the occasional illegal treat and worst of all you endorse the mentality of brutality. You are the kind of man I wish to purge from Asylum, you are exactly the man that I've been campaigning against week after week and yet I can't help but feel a level of kinship with you Jason. You see, much like me, you can see through that false veneer that Sally Talfourd puts up, you can see what the Four Pillars really are, a group that doesn't wish to better Asylum like I do, they are a group who wish to take control. They are power hungry. They aren't out for our interests Jason, they're out for their own selfish needs. You can see that, I know you can and I can certainly see it.
So, keeping in mind the we have the Fuhrer of the Four Pillars herself as our wonderful Special Guest Referee, I think that maybe, just maybe we should put this little battle on back burner for a few weeks, just until I become World Heavyweight Champion because I'd be more than willing to prove my validity as this show's champion by stomping more of those rotting teeth out of that foul mouth of yours. That's a future match, a future clash for two people with some passionate views about Asylum to take each other to the test but for now Jason, for now, perhaps we shouldn't ignore the immediate threat like some of our other roster compatriots would rather do. Perhaps, rather than focusing on each other like those in authority would like us to do, we should turn our attention to the lady in the striped shirt.
Saul walks back in with a mug brimming with coffee, looking noticeably concerned about Phil's current plot.
Slendamin: It won't work that way Phil, you still have to perform your contractual duties and you are contractually bound to face Kash, not Sally.
Atken: Sally is free to disqualify me or Kash as we stomp the snot out of her scheming little nose. I'll show up to the ring, I'll stand across to ring from Jason Kash, I'll let Sally signal for the bell, I will let the match officially take place but why can't me and Jason, two intelligent men... well... I shouldn't go overboard, one and a quarter intelligent men not lay a few boots in to the woman who wishes to take over our beloved show with her pretty boy muscle. I'll still be technically fighting Kash, I'm just too wise to FIGHT Kash.
Slendamin: There is no way that Reginald will let that stand Phil. I know how these guys work, if you don't give Kash a fight, I bet you dollars to donuts that he will find a way to strip you of your World Heavyweight Championship bout. It's like I said Phil, people don't want to fight City Hall. At this point, you should just let sleeping dogs lie and get ready for Kash.
Atken: I have to fight City Hall Saul, I have to put my foot down. If I don't stop this takeover in its tracks, if I don't stand up against this even cabal that Sal Pot has put together then who will? Who will stop this madness if it's not I, the voice of the sane and rational.
Slendamin: You have time for that at Christmas Chaos. You have to take one thing at a time Phil, I'm advising you, as your lawyer, to show up and fight Kash but that's the only way I can guarantee that there won't be repercussions. You need to go in there and give it your all Phil, that's my advice and I think you know that I keep you in the right.
Atken: So no grand beat down on Asylum's Cult Leader?
Slendamin: Not until Christmas young man.
Atken: I suppose a change of messaging is needed then.
Phil looks down at the floor and kicks his feet sheepishly. Saul gives him a reassuring pat on the back which he shrugs off. Saul then hands Phil a mug of warm coco which he gladly accepts, after a quick sip of coco, Phil perks back up.
Atken: It's funny, the situations you sometimes find yourself in. Now, I would have thought that Sunday night was a prime opportunity to stop Sally before she assumes control of the show, which I think everyone know is her ultimate goal but alas, not to be. I must play my role in the puppet show of Asylum one last time before I become their champion and it is my will that is enforced. Still, can't blame a guy for trying.
Slendamin: Well you could.
Atken: Thank you Saul, that's quite enough. Still, two weeks ago on Sunday night, I stood in the ring with my arm raised high by one of Asylum's esteemed officials... I'm not sure which one, they all seem to same to me, striped shirts, low tolerance for pain, prone to being knocked out, still whoever it was, they raised my arm up high after I pinned former World Heavyweight Champion, Anthony Bailey bang in the certain on the ring. A man who thought I wasn't good enough, a man who thought I didn't deserve my spot, who felt like I was still some kind of joke on the brand... he was pinned fair and square. Now for some reason, possibly due to her selfish and calculating nature, Sally didn't lift a damn finger to stop Anthony Bailey, a supposed friend and ally, from being defeated by a far more talented wrestler.
Slendamin: Well, Michael Callahan used his baseball...
Atken holds up his hand to Saul without looking at him.
Atken: THANK YOU! SAUL! The point is, Sally just didn't care to help out Bailey nor did she approach Mr. Bailey to join her little posse. Almost as if now that Anthony is no longer champion, Sally doesn't want to play house. Perhaps he outlived his usefulness to her without that shiny trinket around his waist. Obviously, spurned by this, Bailey started his own band of jokers but that's neither here nor there. The point is, two weeks ago, I pinned a former champions shoulders to the mat and yet people still doubt me. People always doubt me, it doesn't matter what I have achieved, it doesn't matter what I'm about to achieve in a few mere weeks, people look at me, they look at my body and they throw out all manner of interesting phrases. I'm not a “scrapper”, I'm not a “brawler”, I don't have enough “fight” in me, I lack the “passion” and “drive” to become a success on Asylum and yet I'm already a success. I defeated six of the best men this rosters has in a ladder match, I defeated Anthony Bailey and Sally Talfourd in tag team action, I destroyed and crippled Johnny Knuckles, I drove Shane Borderland to drinking his ass out of Asylum. I have achieved time and time again through intellect and not strength and yet people still doubt me, they still doubt the power of calculation over passion.
People like you Kash, people like you still doubt me because I don't fit your mold of what a wrestler should be. It makes you uncomfortable to see me challenging for the belt you held at the start of the year, doesn't it? You just can't concieve how a guy who looks and acts like I do could even come close to wearing the same Heavyweight Championship that you won in the Elimination Chamber a year ago, that you battled back from Nathaniel Havok. Yet, I'm fighting for Asylum's biggest prize while you find yourself in another weapons affair for a championship that has already been tainted by Michael Callahan's ooze. That's got to eat you up Kash, got to stir some jealousy in you. After all, you're the man who bleeds Asylum. You're the party loyalist, you toe the line whatever that line may be yet this time, maybe you think Reginald has went too far. How could I possibly be a competitor for the title?
Well, to let you in on that secret Jason would be to spoil the surprise that you're about to find yourself in for on Sunday night but I'll give you a hint. It's to do with something that you are lacking by the bucket load, intelligence. You've never really grown up, have you Kash? You're still that high school goof, that class clown that just wants to get some attention. It's why you have cameras follow you when you poop, it's why you're still obsessed with such juvenile ideas as prank wars. You're afraid to grow up, you're afraid to join the adult world. You're afraid you might turn in to a man like me, aren't you Kash? Yet, to turn in to me, that's not something to be feared, that's something to be embraced.
Atken embracing himself for a brief moment, as if to emphasis the point.
Atken: Asylum is in a battle for its very soul at the moment. I am leading the charge to ensure that the change we see is for the better and when I'm motivated Kash, I'm dangerous. I can't be seen to lose to a man like you, what kind of message would that send to those who believe in me, who believe in a better future and a safer wrestling industry. I would be going down to the man who epitomises everything that is wrong with modern day wrestling, a man who thinks that he's still a little naughty school boy and encourages others to act in the same way.
Yet, I feel that if I defeat you, I can make you better Kash. I feel that by losing to me, by tapping out in the middle of the ring while Sally Talfourd has no other option but to ring the bell, well I feel like that's just the cure you need Kash. You need that wake up call, you need to realise what is happening on Asylum and you need to join the adult world. You need to join me Kash, you need to answer my call to arms. You may not realise that yet but you will soon enough, even if I have to prompt you along the way.
It's time for prank pulling Kash to be a thing of history, it's time to toss the fecal obsession in the dumpster with the hemp supply. Now, the only way I can see this sinking in Jason is to regrettably defeat you in the ring. To make you realise that the man you can't conceive of being victorious is the true conqueror, a man far above your station, a man far above your abilities. That he is your better and that he should be followed, not ignored. Only by losing to me will you be able to listen to me. Defeat allows you to absorb my wisdom and to join me in saving Asylum.
The pillars must be stopped and Sunday we will begin the resistance Jason, you and me together. You just don't realise it yet.
