Post by Jules on Dec 8, 2012 20:00:09 GMT -4
Inside his luxurious mansion, the current APW Tap Out Champion, Julius Farquhar, took five minutes out of his busy schedule to address his army of tea-supping fans. Holding his prized possession, the Tap Out Championship belt, in his arms, Jules began his little speech.
Jules: Those who have followed my career will know that in everything I do I strive to attain the highest of standards. Those who support the righteous cause of the Quintessentially English Empire know how this championship belt has come symbolise the success and the unbending willpower of Quintessentially English Justice.
Jules: While some among the tyrannical mass of simpletons that we call ‘the audience’ mock and pour scornful vitriol, like a river of hot tar, all over our cause for justice, what cannot be denied is what this belt means: it tells of how I, Julius Farquhar, Quintessentially English Emperor, have advanced the Empire, and the cause that propels it, by bending and twisting wrestlers like pastry chef manipulates his dough, and breaking their bones like match sticks. It has become an eternal symbol of conquest, therefore it is one I do not intend on letting go without the sternest defence.
Jules strokes the belt lovingly for a few moments before continuing his address.
Jules: It is a commonly held thought that the Quintessentially English Empire is an alien force in America whose targets are external to its own civilisation. This is a grave mistake. Quintessentially English Justice extends to all people, even the English. There may be a temptation for one to think that in Keaton Saint I find a kindred spirit born of patriotism, but such a thought could not further from the truth that if the thought was represented by our planet and truth were to be found at the outer extremities of our ever expanding universe.
Jules: Keaton Saint is no kin of mine. In this man I see nothing of the Quintessentially English spirit, but only weakness and cowardice. Here is a man who has fought without success for months to achieve Overdrive success, but he has squandered the undeserved opportunities that have been thrown his way, while success stories like myself, a decorated athlete and a shining beacon of righteousness, have been forced to live on scraps for months. To be English means to conquer, to be a bosom buddy with success, to have intimate knowledge of nobility, and an unquenchable thirst for crushing the spirits of weaker folk. Keaton Saint embodies none of these properties and therefore does not deserve my esteem, but instead Quintessentially English Justice demands I twist some sense into his fragile being this week.
Jules pauses briefly and smirks as he continues his speech.
Jules: And then there is TJ. The man who for four months stretched every sinew in his body to breaking point in order to try and defeat me, and ultimately failed in doing so. Here is a man who the biggest and boldest promises and failed to deliver on every single one. This is a man whose body and spirit I have broken on numerous occasions. I’m sure that big brute will drag himself out his cave, beat his chest and once again shout from the hilltops how he will finally defeat me. Well I say bring it you ugly, senseless dinosaur, because I’ll make sure I drink an extra cup of tea this week to give me the energy to hold on and break both your legs all over again.
Jules: I am going to end 2012 as the dominant submission wrestler in the world, and this week will offer just a brief snapshot of the carnage I intend on unleashing on four men at Christmas Chaos.
Jules smiles and the scene fades.
Jules: Those who have followed my career will know that in everything I do I strive to attain the highest of standards. Those who support the righteous cause of the Quintessentially English Empire know how this championship belt has come symbolise the success and the unbending willpower of Quintessentially English Justice.
Jules: While some among the tyrannical mass of simpletons that we call ‘the audience’ mock and pour scornful vitriol, like a river of hot tar, all over our cause for justice, what cannot be denied is what this belt means: it tells of how I, Julius Farquhar, Quintessentially English Emperor, have advanced the Empire, and the cause that propels it, by bending and twisting wrestlers like pastry chef manipulates his dough, and breaking their bones like match sticks. It has become an eternal symbol of conquest, therefore it is one I do not intend on letting go without the sternest defence.
Jules strokes the belt lovingly for a few moments before continuing his address.
Jules: It is a commonly held thought that the Quintessentially English Empire is an alien force in America whose targets are external to its own civilisation. This is a grave mistake. Quintessentially English Justice extends to all people, even the English. There may be a temptation for one to think that in Keaton Saint I find a kindred spirit born of patriotism, but such a thought could not further from the truth that if the thought was represented by our planet and truth were to be found at the outer extremities of our ever expanding universe.
Jules: Keaton Saint is no kin of mine. In this man I see nothing of the Quintessentially English spirit, but only weakness and cowardice. Here is a man who has fought without success for months to achieve Overdrive success, but he has squandered the undeserved opportunities that have been thrown his way, while success stories like myself, a decorated athlete and a shining beacon of righteousness, have been forced to live on scraps for months. To be English means to conquer, to be a bosom buddy with success, to have intimate knowledge of nobility, and an unquenchable thirst for crushing the spirits of weaker folk. Keaton Saint embodies none of these properties and therefore does not deserve my esteem, but instead Quintessentially English Justice demands I twist some sense into his fragile being this week.
Jules pauses briefly and smirks as he continues his speech.
Jules: And then there is TJ. The man who for four months stretched every sinew in his body to breaking point in order to try and defeat me, and ultimately failed in doing so. Here is a man who the biggest and boldest promises and failed to deliver on every single one. This is a man whose body and spirit I have broken on numerous occasions. I’m sure that big brute will drag himself out his cave, beat his chest and once again shout from the hilltops how he will finally defeat me. Well I say bring it you ugly, senseless dinosaur, because I’ll make sure I drink an extra cup of tea this week to give me the energy to hold on and break both your legs all over again.
Jules: I am going to end 2012 as the dominant submission wrestler in the world, and this week will offer just a brief snapshot of the carnage I intend on unleashing on four men at Christmas Chaos.
Jules smiles and the scene fades.
