Metrosexual/Homosexual… What’s the Difference?

[tuhoa]

The Plan Extraction VIII
Metrosexual/Homosexual… What’s the Difference?

As Turner and I sat there talking, I couldn’t believe that everything I’ve been working towards for far too long, was right ahead of me. My future, not only in my hands, but also within arms reach. Turner told the world that I was hot on the heels of the APW North American Champion, and he was as right as he ever could be. If you as me, I am set on the fact that I named myself number one contender, last Monday when I proved once and for all that Donald Deruty could NEVER measure up to me and my ability. But for some reason, I couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that he gets yet another shot at me, this Monday night. All be it with a tag team partner, but he gets another shot nonetheless. But why? You see, this was the question that had been racking my brain all day. I couldn’t believe that they were actually giving him another fight with me! As far as I’m concerned, I showed the world that Donald Deruty should be opening the show, no televised for that matter!

Throwing him a tag team partner, isn’t going to help him any. The powers that be think that they might have something going between Deruty and myself, but they can’t ignore the facts for too long. The only reason I didn’t beat his ass the first time, is because Logan Alexander didn’t want a winner. He’s afraid of Tuhoa Valo, and would be insulted to have to defend against a talent like Deruty!

…Ha, Donald Deruty’s name and the word “talent”, should actually never be used in the same sentence together.

But it didn’t take me two attempts to beat him, it took me two attempts for me to get a fair contest with him. And when I did get that fair one on one match, everybody found out that Donald Deruty is NOT meant for the APW roster. He just doesn’t fit, and he needs to be handed his walking papers. But instead of dwelling on this, maybe I should just see the positives. Maybe I should just see this as another shot to show professional wrestling, what a REAL professional wrestler looks like. Damn the secrets, damn the rumors, and most of all, damn the acts of injustice, brought on by a punk ass champion, posing as a referee! It’s time to lay all of this to rest once and for all, and I have the right partner to do it with.

Turner had said something, but I had drifted off while he was on one of his rants. It never fails, I always end up tuning him out…

The Finnish Phenom
Wait, what did you say?

Mr. Turner
Why do I ever bother talking to you, you never listen! I said… Do you think he’ll even show up?

The Finnish Phenom
Show up? Yeah, he’ll be there. Think about it, Turner… He was stupid enough to come back for seconds. And after the knees to the head he got last week, the brain damage that I inflicted guarantees that he’ll be back for thirds. I mean, the pretty boy has to try and reclaim some of his manhood. But no need to worry, because I’m not going to let that happen.

He knew I was right. Donny boy has had two chances thus far to take me out, and he was unsuccessful both times. Sure, I didn’t win the first one either. But the second time, I left him laid out cold in the middle of the ring.

The Finnish Phenom
I know this guy, I know him better than I do anybody else on the Meltdown roster. He’s the only one that I’ve been in the ring with on more than one occasion, and I’ve already kicked his ass from pillar to post once before! Having a tag team partner on his side isn’t going to make any bit of difference, especially since I’ve got one of my own! But even if I didn’t, I do believe that I proved in my Meltdown debut that I can take out more than one person at a time.

Mr. Turner
True, true… But how much do you know about this Evans chick? I mean, she’s gunning for the North American Championship too.

The Finnish Phenom
Kaylyn is just as business as I am, when it comes to this match. We both know what we have to do, and we’re going to do it. From bell to bell, Ms. Evans and myself are going to take “Donny Boy” and “Roy Speedy in Bed” to their respective breaking points. And if after the final bell sounds, she decides to get fresh with me, then I’ll address it when it happens. However, I’ve already had myself a little chit chat with Kaylyn… Trust me, we’re on the same page. She wants the win just as bad as I do, she’s one tough chick. Not to mention, she’s quite the competitor. I admire that, I really do.

Mr. Turner
Are you sure that it isn’t something else about her, that you’re admiring?

The Finnish Phenom
No, not at all. She messes with Jason Kash, and you know how I feel about him.

There was a brief pause, as I knew Turner was trying to avoid talking about Jason Kash. There are just some things that we need not discuss, and Jason Kash being one of them. Well, for right now anyways.

The Finnish Phenom
I’ll tell you what, though… It feels pretty God damn good, being this close to the North American Championship. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out, people are starting to talk! They’re starting to speculate… Maybe I should have waited a bit longer before I started calling this little bit of news a “bombshell”. Then again, maybe not. Regardless of what they think, I still have them talking. And when you have the people talking in this business, you know you’re doing something right.

Mr. Turner
That’s neither here nor there, this week. Right now, the tag team match is what is most important. It’s not like Roy or Donald could ever incapacitate you enough to pull the mask off. And if you have trust in Evans, then I’d say that you’re at least safe for another week. But you are right about something, that Kaylyn is ferocious!

I couldn’t help but laugh. Nobody knows Turner like I do, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. By ferocious, Turner really meant to say that he’d like to get her in the sack.

The Finnish Phenom
Keep your panties on, loverboy. Right now, Ms. Evans and myself have a few other heartthrobs to take care of. Roy and Donny, kind of a match made in heaven, don’t you think? I’ve got a good idea for a tag team name for them, how about the “New Kids on the Block”? I mean, they look like a couple of boy band singers, don’t they? Maybe they should pull a “3-Count”, and do the boy band gimmick!

Mr. Turner
Actually boss, there’s another promotion out there who’s already ripping off that gimmick. Wouldn’t want to bring any of that to APW, would you?

The Finnish Phenom
…it was just a though.

Okay, so maybe I’m not an expert at pairing boy bands… But I know I’m right. Roy Speede and Donald Deruty are just metrosexual enough to pull it off! Metrosexual… Homosexual… What’s the real difference?

The Finnish Phenom
Nevertheless, I really can’t wait to make Deruty look like a bitch again! I mean, he keeps losing matches to yours truly, and he might never make it off the Meltdown roster! And besides that, I’d have yet another fool to make fun of, being the man that ruined his wrestling career! And can you believe what he said to me last week, saying that I don’t give good reasons as to why I belong at the forefront of the North American Championship picture!?!? I mean, LOOK AT ME! Take a good hard look at him, and then take a good hard look at me… THERE’S NO COMPARRISON! In my career, I’ve taken out far better garbage than him, and what has he done? Plucked his eyebrows, shaved his chest hair, done a few thousand crunches… And has done absolutely nothing else. And this guy seems to think that he’s some kind of God?

Mr. Turner
Everybody around here knows who the god is, boss. And with that being said, we have some other business to discuss.

The Finnish Phenom
Not this week, Turner. Besides, I thought that we agreed to put a stop to all proceedings until after the big reveal…

Mr. Turner
We did. But there are a few things that cannot wait any longer. People are waiting for you command… Powerful people. And you know as well as I do that you don’t leave these kind of people waiting too long. They tend to go against the grain, if you do. That could cause problems. I mean after all, they are counting on you. They’ve put their faith and trust into you once again, and they’ve…

The Finnish Phenom
They can at least wait until after I leave Maine on Monday night. Which by the way, besides Ms. Evans and I beating the piss out of Roy and Don, WILL be the second best part of my Monday. But nevertheless, they can wait.

Mr. Turner
I don’t think that you understand the magnitude of…

The Finnish Phenom
I don’t think that you understand the magnitude of what I have going on in Action Packed Wrestling, right now! I’m as close as I’ve ever been to that APW North American Championship, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow anybody, or anything stand in my way! I’m sick of hiding behind this mask, sick of speaking in code, and I’m sick of all the questions! A win this Monday night against Donald Deruty and Roy Speede this Monday night, will eliminate them from the running, almost completely! Donald Deruty won’t have a leg to stand on, and he’ll go back to jerking the curtains! With those two out of my way, I can look forward to getting my shot as soon as humanly possible, and at that point, I’ll be able to drop my bombshell on the world.

Kaylyn and myself have an understanding, this match is about our advancement in Action Packed Wrestling. We will work together for a common goal, and then go our separate ways. It’s that simple, Turner. By the time we’re done with Roy Speede and Donald Deruty, the world will know who the true contenders are. And like I told you earlier… If Kaylyn James Evans would like to dispute the fact that I am the rightful number one contender to the North American Championship, then she can openly express her concerns AFTER our tag team match. I have no problem with her doing so, and I WILL BE READY. But as far as the tag team match itself is concerned, Kaylyn and I WILL be ready. Further, Kaylyn and I WILL come out victorious. A win is a win, and regardless of how it happens, or what goes down after the match, I will be walking out of Monday Night Meltdown, with yet another win added to my already illustrious resume.

Mr. Turner
Not to mention, you’ll be walking out as the rightful number one contender.

I couldn’t help but smirk, thinking to myself that what he said was very true.

The Finnish Phenom
Yeah, that too.