Post by Phil Atken on Dec 20, 2012 20:21:26 GMT -4
We find ourselves in what I must admit are some swank accommodations in old New York City, New York in a hotel room that seems to have almost been redesigned to be some kind of careful planning War Room. A giant monitor looks down upon a giant conference table, the television appears to be playing clip after clip of Sally Talfourd's interviews and matches as four men watch the old telly box from the comfort of their office-style chairs. Sitting at the head of the table, facing the television dead on was the dapper dressed Philip Martin Atken. At his side to the left, his personal Chief of Security, the sexual beast that is Hank and next to Hank, Phil's long time friend, agent, manager and personal valet depending on the occasion, Dirk Dickwood. To Phil's right sits new member of the esteemed Atken Posse, Phil's personal lawyer, Saul Slendamin. Yes, it was a party indeed.
Atken: There must be something in here Dirk, there's always something. I mean sure, I have a technical victory over her already but I doubt I'd manage to sneak Callahan down again to smack her upside the jaw with a bat. Plus, it's a lot of effort to roll someone back into the ring, all the lifting can really do a number on your back.
Dickwood: Look Phil, we both know what Sally's weakness is. She's shown it ever since she won that World Heavyweight Championship, it's been like a damn beacon calling out “Weakness! Weakness! Weakness!”.
Atken: Well true, but can we really expect her ever swelling head to explode mid-match? I mean she's survived this long without that big thing popping, even after a solid shot to it.
Phil pivots around to face Saul.
Atken: Saul, what are our legal options here? Surely this Four Pillars thing can be used to our favour. We must've got some support for the cause.
Slendamin: Well Phil, things were looking good, we had a steady stream of support, then Knuckles and Kash saw each other and that one went to pot.
Atken: So no glaring weaknesses?
Dickwood: No glaring weaknesses, just personality defects. I'm sure that'll trip her up a little during the match.
Atken: And no legal strong-arming Reginald?
Slendamin: Sorry to say it Phil but I don't think we can influence the match in our favour with our current level of support. It's a non-starter.
Phil leans back in his fancy-do-dandy chairman's chair and begins to silently contemplate the situation.
Atken: Well, we have no other option, I'm just going to have to make Herr Talfourd tap out in the middle of the ring.
Dickwood: That's the most fun option anyway.
Phil drums his fingers on the desk, as if pondering something in a ponderous manner.
Atken: Still, I could always use some moral support. I think all three of you should stand in my corner. Y'know, give me a confidence boost, remind me why I'm there, all that good jazz.
Dickwood: Do you want support...
Dirk uses some airquotes.
Dickwood: ...or “support”.
Atken: Support Dirk, just support. What do you think I am? Some kind of lawless ragamuffin? Of course I just want moral support. I want my closest compatriots there to cheer me on to my inevitable World Heavyweight Championship victory. The best kind of victory there is.
Dirk looks to Hank a little bit confused, then back to Phil, then back to Hank before muttering to Hank “we'll discuss this later”.
Atken: Saul, you're more than welcome to join us. You and that big briefcase stacked full of legal mumbo jumbo.
Saul twitches a little, straightening his tie in the process.
Slendamin: Would I really need to take my briefcase to ringside?
Atken: Of course! You never know what important legal matters might arise mid match. Sally Talfourd is known for all kinds of horrific rule bending and breaking, best to have a legal council armed and ready in the event that she plays one of her tricks. Of which she has many.
Hank raises his hand.
Atken: No those kind of tricks, Hank.
Hank puts his hand back down.
Atken: C'mon Saul, it'll be fun. Just a good old time, supporting your buddy Phil as he becomes the master of Asylum's domain, as he becomes the man who controls the soul of the show, as he leads Asylum into a bright new year, the dawning of the new era as life begins anew in the year two aught thirteen.
Slendamin: I'm not so sure about this...
Atken: It'll be fun!
Slendamin: It's just...
Atken slams both of his palms down on the desk, slowly rises out of his chair and glares down at his legal representative.
Atken: It. Will. Be. Fun.
Saul slinks down in his chair a little.
Slendamin: Sure Phil! Anything for you!
Phil breaks into a toothy smile.
Atken: Well then, we're sorted! Everyone will be there to morally support me in my conquest to dethrone Asylum's greatest fraud of a champion since the time Jason Kash used a blow-up replica of himself for a title defense against Johnny Knuckles and speaking of dear Ms. Sally.
Phil hops up out of his chair and physically grabs the camera to follow him around the room, until his is standing all by his lonesome in front of a large promotional poster for his Christmas Chaos bout.
Atken: Glad you could join my in this little corner.
Dickwood (Voice/Over): YOU GRABBED HIM.
Atken: Not the time for technicalities Dirk! Save that kind of pedantry for Sunday! Still, I do have a few thoughts to get out of this ole noggin of mine before the Christmas Chaos festivities to follow. You see, I'm not a man who goes of that dear series of tubes called the innanet that often, never really been keen on it, full of people taking pictures of their penis and sending it through cyberspace, just not my kind of scene. I did notice however, the other day, going through the wonderful APW website that all manner of Megastar using a thing called the tweeters. So many tweeters, so much needless bitching, it's a surprise the King of the Internet hasn't tried to unplug it knowing what it has become.
Still, I couldn't help but notice that Sally Talfourd's Four Pillars colleagues, Christopher Q. Strikington put up one of 'em tweets talking about how after he and Sally won some kind of match in Bumblebee, Idaho or wherever... honestly I don't pay attention to these things, Dirk has an empire to run and I have to spend valuable time leeching off of that. Still, I couldn't help but notice that he viewed this as a warning shot of things to come from the Pillars. “Fair enough” I thought to myself, a little egocentric but you got to admire the spirit of the man. That's not what caught my attention though, what caught my attention was the Queen of Bullshit herself, the Hype Merchant, the biggest fraud that APW has ever seen, and I include that ring crew member who stole the petty cash jar, Sally Talfourd saying that the Four Pillars had already made their impact. I just had to wonder, what impact was that Sally? What impact did you and your lackies make?
Was it you and Anthony Bailey losing to me and the (Phil takes a weird gulp before the next word rolls off his tongue) esteemed Michael Callahan in a tag team bout? Was the giant impact the Pillars made when their leader maliciously assaulted an APW official in a desperate stunt to retain their World Heavyweight Championship against the bright and vibrant Aubrey J. Parker, the new Sally Talfourd as many people are already calling her, leaving people to question her very legitimacy as champion? If that's leadership by example Sally, I know why Chris Strike lost two shows straight to Johnny Knuckles, I know why the only thing that Keaton Saint and TJ have successfully achieved since the formation of the Pillars is an exciting and intense coin flip battle. Truly epic stuff, real game changers all of them. If that's the future of Asylum, I'm out of a job by March because it's going to bloody well KILL the show.
Let's do a little bit of real talk Sals, you know how much I love real talk, I'm a man who deals in the truth, the truth is my industry even when it runs counter to whatever fictional universe my opponent, in this case the Goebbels of wrestling, tries to paint. You've not been on such a hot streak since the formation of the Pillars, maybe this God like adulation you're seeking to save a show that does not need healed is the root of that issue, I'm sure some of your critics would say as much. I'm smarter than that though, I'm really quite a wise man... probably the one with the gold... especially by the end of Christmas Chaos anyway. I know what the Four Pillars is really about Sally, it's not about some kind of drive to give the fans “a show”...
Yes, Phil did do him some air quotes. It's a air quotes party tonight.
Atken: …it's about protecting that title of yours. You've rounded up a posse of lackeys to protect your title reign. I think we can all see that. You certainly didn't round them up due to their achievements. If you were truly wanting to include people who live, breathe and bleed Asylum, you would've went to Johnny Knuckles, you would have went to Jason Kash, you would have broken down the barriers and even approached Michael Callahan because if you truly believed that lie your spitting in everyone's soup, you would put away the petty feuds of old to improve the Asylum of now. You didn't do that though, did ya Sally? Ya didn't bother your arse even approaching a man like me, a man like Kash... you went for your little boy toys. Yes men, that's what they are, men who would not question you, men you can control with a wink and a flick of the hair, that's what the Four Pillars is. It's not some kind of grand master plan to put Asylum centre stage in APW, it's a grand master plan to protect Sally Talfourd's World Heavyweight Championship. They are your muscle, nothing more. I mean, we already went through their records since this little congregation was put together but hell, if we delve into their histories, it's even more depressing.
TJ's biggest moment in APW so far was almost but not quite being able to beat Julius Farquhar with all the odds stacked in his favour.
Keaton Saint? I think Hank has won more matches that Keaton Saint has this year. Again, the man is best known for losing, losing to our current Undisputed Champion sure but losing none the less.
Chris Strike? S'yeah, there's a man just oozing Asylum, fresh off the boat and already losing to Johnny Knuckles, I'd say more but I think that point stands for itself.
I understand the desperation Sally, you're finally dealing with a man who actually sees through you, sees through the schtick. You can't make me your little lovable puppy like you did to Anthony Bailey. I mean after you attacked that poor referee at the last Asylum show, I wouldn't be surprised for a second to see TJ running down the ramp the minute I have you locked in a Figure Four in the centre of the ring. That's the real you Sally, that's what you really are. You hide behind it with that wide smile of yours and your delightful comments on how you're a “wrestler” here to “wrestle” but in reality, you're a bigger manipulator than even I. If I was wearing I hat right now, I'd tip it to you because you have achieved some I never could, I could never lie to the fans. It's why they don't seem particularly keen on me, the truth's an uncomfortable thing.
Phil pauses for a second to take in a deep breathe and compose himself, his cheeks are noticeably red, sweat is dripping from his brow.
Atken: You probably won't remember this Sally, after all, you consider me beneath you. Sure, you'll throw around your little cliché “he's tough but I'm better” interview any minute now but we know what that's code for. I bet you didn't even bat an eyelid when I pinned Anthony Bailey in the middle of the ring. To you, making Jason Kash tap out just wasn't of much interest. Two former World Heavyweight Champions, two men, I may add with victories over you, went down to me Sally yet I'm sure you'll bring out that old tired interview you do for every match none the less.
Still, when I earned this title shot and I stress the point that I earned it over two of your boys and a whole host of other of Asylum's best and brightest, it was then that I stood backstage with Jack Spade and I let Jack know what this match was going to be. I knew exactly what this match was. It was a battle for the very soul of Asylum. I just didn't realise then how correct I was.
Christmas Chaos, it's a big show. There's a lot on the line, not just for me but for every single Megastar who works on the Asylum brand. We must stand together in a line of defense against the tyranny of the Four Pillars. Jason Kash, Johnny Knuckles, you must see past your petty wars of the past and stand together to ensure that Chris Strike does not leave Madison Square Garden with the Suicidal Championship, you don't do it out of ego or greed, you do it for Asylum. The REAL Asylum not the one that the Pillars are trying to force upon us.
Julius Farquhar, you must endeavor to defy the odds and defend your Tap Out Championship once more, like the many times you have before. I have stood in the ring against you and have fallen victim to your wiles, if ever there was a time to bring them out full force then that time is now. You must not let it get into the filthy grips of TJ or Keaton Saint for that way ruin lies.
And me, I must view Medusa herself in my shield, I must ready myself and take her head clean off, I will gladly claim my reward, the World Heavyweight Championship, not out self-gratification but a hero does deserve his just rewards
We must do this not for our own selfish needs but for the needs of Asylum, we must stop this fascist regime before it is allowed to take true power. Sally Talfourd wishes to consume this show and remodel it in her image, we must not allow this to happen. We must stand together and bring a sledgehammer to the pillars, we must send their Asylum crumbling to the ground.
For all our sakes.
Atken: There must be something in here Dirk, there's always something. I mean sure, I have a technical victory over her already but I doubt I'd manage to sneak Callahan down again to smack her upside the jaw with a bat. Plus, it's a lot of effort to roll someone back into the ring, all the lifting can really do a number on your back.
Dickwood: Look Phil, we both know what Sally's weakness is. She's shown it ever since she won that World Heavyweight Championship, it's been like a damn beacon calling out “Weakness! Weakness! Weakness!”.
Atken: Well true, but can we really expect her ever swelling head to explode mid-match? I mean she's survived this long without that big thing popping, even after a solid shot to it.
Phil pivots around to face Saul.
Atken: Saul, what are our legal options here? Surely this Four Pillars thing can be used to our favour. We must've got some support for the cause.
Slendamin: Well Phil, things were looking good, we had a steady stream of support, then Knuckles and Kash saw each other and that one went to pot.
Atken: So no glaring weaknesses?
Dickwood: No glaring weaknesses, just personality defects. I'm sure that'll trip her up a little during the match.
Atken: And no legal strong-arming Reginald?
Slendamin: Sorry to say it Phil but I don't think we can influence the match in our favour with our current level of support. It's a non-starter.
Phil leans back in his fancy-do-dandy chairman's chair and begins to silently contemplate the situation.
Atken: Well, we have no other option, I'm just going to have to make Herr Talfourd tap out in the middle of the ring.
Dickwood: That's the most fun option anyway.
Phil drums his fingers on the desk, as if pondering something in a ponderous manner.
Atken: Still, I could always use some moral support. I think all three of you should stand in my corner. Y'know, give me a confidence boost, remind me why I'm there, all that good jazz.
Dickwood: Do you want support...
Dirk uses some airquotes.
Dickwood: ...or “support”.
Atken: Support Dirk, just support. What do you think I am? Some kind of lawless ragamuffin? Of course I just want moral support. I want my closest compatriots there to cheer me on to my inevitable World Heavyweight Championship victory. The best kind of victory there is.
Dirk looks to Hank a little bit confused, then back to Phil, then back to Hank before muttering to Hank “we'll discuss this later”.
Atken: Saul, you're more than welcome to join us. You and that big briefcase stacked full of legal mumbo jumbo.
Saul twitches a little, straightening his tie in the process.
Slendamin: Would I really need to take my briefcase to ringside?
Atken: Of course! You never know what important legal matters might arise mid match. Sally Talfourd is known for all kinds of horrific rule bending and breaking, best to have a legal council armed and ready in the event that she plays one of her tricks. Of which she has many.
Hank raises his hand.
Atken: No those kind of tricks, Hank.
Hank puts his hand back down.
Atken: C'mon Saul, it'll be fun. Just a good old time, supporting your buddy Phil as he becomes the master of Asylum's domain, as he becomes the man who controls the soul of the show, as he leads Asylum into a bright new year, the dawning of the new era as life begins anew in the year two aught thirteen.
Slendamin: I'm not so sure about this...
Atken: It'll be fun!
Slendamin: It's just...
Atken slams both of his palms down on the desk, slowly rises out of his chair and glares down at his legal representative.
Atken: It. Will. Be. Fun.
Saul slinks down in his chair a little.
Slendamin: Sure Phil! Anything for you!
Phil breaks into a toothy smile.
Atken: Well then, we're sorted! Everyone will be there to morally support me in my conquest to dethrone Asylum's greatest fraud of a champion since the time Jason Kash used a blow-up replica of himself for a title defense against Johnny Knuckles and speaking of dear Ms. Sally.
Phil hops up out of his chair and physically grabs the camera to follow him around the room, until his is standing all by his lonesome in front of a large promotional poster for his Christmas Chaos bout.
Atken: Glad you could join my in this little corner.
Dickwood (Voice/Over): YOU GRABBED HIM.
Atken: Not the time for technicalities Dirk! Save that kind of pedantry for Sunday! Still, I do have a few thoughts to get out of this ole noggin of mine before the Christmas Chaos festivities to follow. You see, I'm not a man who goes of that dear series of tubes called the innanet that often, never really been keen on it, full of people taking pictures of their penis and sending it through cyberspace, just not my kind of scene. I did notice however, the other day, going through the wonderful APW website that all manner of Megastar using a thing called the tweeters. So many tweeters, so much needless bitching, it's a surprise the King of the Internet hasn't tried to unplug it knowing what it has become.
Still, I couldn't help but notice that Sally Talfourd's Four Pillars colleagues, Christopher Q. Strikington put up one of 'em tweets talking about how after he and Sally won some kind of match in Bumblebee, Idaho or wherever... honestly I don't pay attention to these things, Dirk has an empire to run and I have to spend valuable time leeching off of that. Still, I couldn't help but notice that he viewed this as a warning shot of things to come from the Pillars. “Fair enough” I thought to myself, a little egocentric but you got to admire the spirit of the man. That's not what caught my attention though, what caught my attention was the Queen of Bullshit herself, the Hype Merchant, the biggest fraud that APW has ever seen, and I include that ring crew member who stole the petty cash jar, Sally Talfourd saying that the Four Pillars had already made their impact. I just had to wonder, what impact was that Sally? What impact did you and your lackies make?
Was it you and Anthony Bailey losing to me and the (Phil takes a weird gulp before the next word rolls off his tongue) esteemed Michael Callahan in a tag team bout? Was the giant impact the Pillars made when their leader maliciously assaulted an APW official in a desperate stunt to retain their World Heavyweight Championship against the bright and vibrant Aubrey J. Parker, the new Sally Talfourd as many people are already calling her, leaving people to question her very legitimacy as champion? If that's leadership by example Sally, I know why Chris Strike lost two shows straight to Johnny Knuckles, I know why the only thing that Keaton Saint and TJ have successfully achieved since the formation of the Pillars is an exciting and intense coin flip battle. Truly epic stuff, real game changers all of them. If that's the future of Asylum, I'm out of a job by March because it's going to bloody well KILL the show.
Let's do a little bit of real talk Sals, you know how much I love real talk, I'm a man who deals in the truth, the truth is my industry even when it runs counter to whatever fictional universe my opponent, in this case the Goebbels of wrestling, tries to paint. You've not been on such a hot streak since the formation of the Pillars, maybe this God like adulation you're seeking to save a show that does not need healed is the root of that issue, I'm sure some of your critics would say as much. I'm smarter than that though, I'm really quite a wise man... probably the one with the gold... especially by the end of Christmas Chaos anyway. I know what the Four Pillars is really about Sally, it's not about some kind of drive to give the fans “a show”...
Yes, Phil did do him some air quotes. It's a air quotes party tonight.
Atken: …it's about protecting that title of yours. You've rounded up a posse of lackeys to protect your title reign. I think we can all see that. You certainly didn't round them up due to their achievements. If you were truly wanting to include people who live, breathe and bleed Asylum, you would've went to Johnny Knuckles, you would have went to Jason Kash, you would have broken down the barriers and even approached Michael Callahan because if you truly believed that lie your spitting in everyone's soup, you would put away the petty feuds of old to improve the Asylum of now. You didn't do that though, did ya Sally? Ya didn't bother your arse even approaching a man like me, a man like Kash... you went for your little boy toys. Yes men, that's what they are, men who would not question you, men you can control with a wink and a flick of the hair, that's what the Four Pillars is. It's not some kind of grand master plan to put Asylum centre stage in APW, it's a grand master plan to protect Sally Talfourd's World Heavyweight Championship. They are your muscle, nothing more. I mean, we already went through their records since this little congregation was put together but hell, if we delve into their histories, it's even more depressing.
TJ's biggest moment in APW so far was almost but not quite being able to beat Julius Farquhar with all the odds stacked in his favour.
Keaton Saint? I think Hank has won more matches that Keaton Saint has this year. Again, the man is best known for losing, losing to our current Undisputed Champion sure but losing none the less.
Chris Strike? S'yeah, there's a man just oozing Asylum, fresh off the boat and already losing to Johnny Knuckles, I'd say more but I think that point stands for itself.
I understand the desperation Sally, you're finally dealing with a man who actually sees through you, sees through the schtick. You can't make me your little lovable puppy like you did to Anthony Bailey. I mean after you attacked that poor referee at the last Asylum show, I wouldn't be surprised for a second to see TJ running down the ramp the minute I have you locked in a Figure Four in the centre of the ring. That's the real you Sally, that's what you really are. You hide behind it with that wide smile of yours and your delightful comments on how you're a “wrestler” here to “wrestle” but in reality, you're a bigger manipulator than even I. If I was wearing I hat right now, I'd tip it to you because you have achieved some I never could, I could never lie to the fans. It's why they don't seem particularly keen on me, the truth's an uncomfortable thing.
Phil pauses for a second to take in a deep breathe and compose himself, his cheeks are noticeably red, sweat is dripping from his brow.
Atken: You probably won't remember this Sally, after all, you consider me beneath you. Sure, you'll throw around your little cliché “he's tough but I'm better” interview any minute now but we know what that's code for. I bet you didn't even bat an eyelid when I pinned Anthony Bailey in the middle of the ring. To you, making Jason Kash tap out just wasn't of much interest. Two former World Heavyweight Champions, two men, I may add with victories over you, went down to me Sally yet I'm sure you'll bring out that old tired interview you do for every match none the less.
Still, when I earned this title shot and I stress the point that I earned it over two of your boys and a whole host of other of Asylum's best and brightest, it was then that I stood backstage with Jack Spade and I let Jack know what this match was going to be. I knew exactly what this match was. It was a battle for the very soul of Asylum. I just didn't realise then how correct I was.
Christmas Chaos, it's a big show. There's a lot on the line, not just for me but for every single Megastar who works on the Asylum brand. We must stand together in a line of defense against the tyranny of the Four Pillars. Jason Kash, Johnny Knuckles, you must see past your petty wars of the past and stand together to ensure that Chris Strike does not leave Madison Square Garden with the Suicidal Championship, you don't do it out of ego or greed, you do it for Asylum. The REAL Asylum not the one that the Pillars are trying to force upon us.
Julius Farquhar, you must endeavor to defy the odds and defend your Tap Out Championship once more, like the many times you have before. I have stood in the ring against you and have fallen victim to your wiles, if ever there was a time to bring them out full force then that time is now. You must not let it get into the filthy grips of TJ or Keaton Saint for that way ruin lies.
And me, I must view Medusa herself in my shield, I must ready myself and take her head clean off, I will gladly claim my reward, the World Heavyweight Championship, not out self-gratification but a hero does deserve his just rewards
We must do this not for our own selfish needs but for the needs of Asylum, we must stop this fascist regime before it is allowed to take true power. Sally Talfourd wishes to consume this show and remodel it in her image, we must not allow this to happen. We must stand together and bring a sledgehammer to the pillars, we must send their Asylum crumbling to the ground.
For all our sakes.
