Post by chaos lite on Dec 22, 2012 19:48:32 GMT -4
dec.11.twelve
I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out my best friend... Aubrey. I’ve seen her at her absolute worst. I’ve seen her do things to people that you guys couldn’t imagine her doing today. You see, Aubrey always loved the business.
She was only scary when the business loved her back.
It’s been a while, guys. For those of you that forgot: I’m Cassandra McPherson. I try to be one of the constants in my friend’s life, but with her travels, it hasn’t always been possible lately. I may be Aubrey’s and Logan’s accountant-- and trust me, it pays handsomely-- but sometimes my career doesn’t allow and me to travel across the country with Aubrey. We had an understanding, long ago, but it wasn’t until recently that this happened...
Now she’s upset. I don’t think she’s upset with me, but I could produce a damn good guess at why she is. Oh, what a shame... One of the requirements of being a best friend is being a verbal punching bag at times, isn’t it?
”No, Cass, I don’t even want your opinion. You weren’t even fucking there. There’s no way you could possibly understand what happened last week by watching a recording off of your fucking goddamn DVR.”
”Sorry?”
”They attacked me and Logan like a bunch of sickening little pet German Shepherds or something and they cost him his match. And it’s going to happen again. I know they’re going to stick their nose in the Tag Team Title match on Sunday. Motherfuckers.”
I sighed. I felt awkward... And if you’re asking yourself why, let me describe the scenery to you.
We were in Toys R Us, buying Christmas gifts for Aubrey’s two-year-old nephew. Our faces were unmistakably red as we endured sharp glares from parents that skirted by with their children.
”And why wouldn’t they? Sienna and Duvall would HATE to see M&M as the Tag Team Champions. They made the match Falls Count Anywhere for a reason. You think it was a fucking coincidence that they didn’t feel like speaking when the reporters asked if we had anything to do with the stipulation? I’m all for a Falls Count Anywhere match, Cassandra, but this is bullshit. This is designed to FUCK US.”
More glares. I pressed my hands over my eyes as we progressed down the aisle with a shopping cart which was already stuffed with action figures and blu ray discs. I could only groan disapprovingly as she continued.
”I don’t get it. Why does everybody have to be involved in our careers?”
I nearly bumped into her, lowering my hands as she brought the cart to a stop. She had turned to one of the few mirrors in the store (I guarantee she memorized where each one was) and took the time to blindly adjust a few strands of hair.
”Why does everybody need to interfere in our business? Why did Phil Atken have to DQ Sally last Sunday over nothing and keep me out of the World Title match? Why did Kane, and Black, and Evans have to attack Amy and Logan last week on Meltdown?”
”I don’t know. Is that rhetorical...?”
”Ha, I don’t know.”
She scoffed at that. Guess she wasn’t in the mood for indecisiveness today.
”Do I give off bad vibes or something?”
”I don’t think so, but then again, maybe I’m the wrong person to-”
”Because everybody sure seems to really fucking hate Aubrey J. Parker these days.”
She turned away from the mirror and stomped past a petrified looking mother who was with two twin girls that couldn’t have been more than five, but they looked entirely amused at Aubrey’s tirade. I pushed the cart in her path and mouthed an apology to the mother as I passed, cursing Aubrey for my red face each step of the way.
”This is why people get hurt, Cass. You can push somebody, but only so far. After a certain point, you really start to get fed up and you start to push back. From experience, let me tell you...
People don’t like it when you push back.”
”What are you going to do?”
”Like you said earlier, I don’t know.”
She turned to me with this strange smile that looked like it was on her face by mistake. We were making our way to the checkout lines now and I was admittedly thankful for it.
”Am I ever going to get another World Title match? I don’t know.
Are Logan and I going to win the Tag Team Titles? I don’t know.
Are we going to get screwed out of the titles on Sunday? I don’t know.
What am I going to do? What happens when AJP gets pushed too far and all the smiles and all the high fives come to an end, and I decide that what I want more than anything isn’t to do the right thing, but to take what I deserve which includes many things including... the Tag Team Championships? What happens when I get pushed there?”
She turned to me, still smiling and laughed a little before giving me a little shrug.
”Don’t know.”
dec.18.twelve
Over a week later, it’d be safe to say things calmed down a little. We were at my home in Pleasanton, wrapping gifts-
Well, let me correct myself.
I was wrapping gifts. Aubrey was seated on the couch, rotating a video camera in her hands, looking straight ahead at the Christmas tree, but not for the same reasons I might stare at it... No, Aubrey was looking through it.
I looked up from an oblong gift that had already been wrapped; a model broom from the Harry Potter films if you must know. I considered asking her if she was going to record soon, but I knew she was. She had been silent all day... soon, she’d speak her mind. I considered asking her if she was going to record a pleasant video. I considered asking if she would watch her tongue, and treat her opponents with the respect they deserved. After all, it was the holiday season. Why be a Grinch?
But I already knew the answer.
dec.20.twelve
Suddenly, we cut to an empty room with Aubrey J. Parker. We could only see her from the waist-up, seated, giving us a view of the vibrant, violet colored custom t-shirt which read “I <3 Real Refs.”
”Throughout my entire time here in APW, I thought one thing was pretty transparent about Logan and myself... we were going to be the Tag Team Champions.
And no, I did not say ‘we wanted to be the Tag Team Champions.’ We will become the Tag Team Champions. It’s been our goal for four months, and we’ve finally been given the opportunity after defeating teams like Storm Front and War Ensemble. And that’s... something we can’t pass up.
What that means for you Roy Speede, Donald Deruty, Jair Hopkins, Anthony Bailey, and whoever else decides they want to get involved, is that M&M is going to walk into Madison Square Garden with one motive, and if we know anything about any of you... it’s that we’re going to have to hurt you... seriously hurt you if we want to walk away with the Tag Team Titles.
What that means for us is...”
She looked up at the camera and gave a playful wink.
”It sucks to be you.”
She raised her hand as if there was a need to interrupt an opposing argument.
”And that isn’t me being arrogant, but I know what Logan Alexander is capable of when he’s ready to really fight for something. I also know what I’m capable of.
In APW, I’ve thrived in hardcore environments like the one we’re going into on Sunday, and there hasn’t been a tag team able to directly beat Logan and I since we came here. Can you say the same thing, Bailey? Hopkins?
No. You can’t, because you guys lost to the War Ensemble last week. And Roy Speede and Donald Deruty, you can’t make that claim either. Sure... Speede, you and your tag team partners, Donald Deruty, and the ring ropes may have beaten Envikado, and even the current Xtreme Champion which you remind us of so often, but how impressive are those feats?
You had to cheat to beat Envikado. And Nick Watson? He’s wrestling in the middle of the card on the Meltdown Super Show while we’re all on the pay-per-view. What does that say about Nick Watson’s legitimacy as a champion?
Go ahead. I’ll wait.
...Besides...
You guys couldn’t beat Kaylyn James Evans and Tuhoa Valo. They’re not even a tag team. They’re just two people. Yet, I’m supposed to sit here and smile and continue to play nice when you guys are telling the world that you’re not impressed with us and that you’re the team to look out for come Christmas Chaos.
Roy, you have the least business talking to anybody like that because AND CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, you haven’t been able to do anything impressive in this company that doesn’t involve you hiding behind your computer screen. And yeah, I am disregarding your win over Envikado because it doesn’t impress me that you cheated to beat two people in a match that SHOULD have been a big deal to you and should’ve been wrestled with some class and dignity.
Neither one of you has an idea what idea what it takes to legitimize yourself as stars, and you think that a fluke three count, a blog that nobody cares about, and two guys with the worst microphone skills this side of George W. Bush are going to get the job done.
This is where I tell you that you’re wrong. This is why I tell you why I can’t stand the accidental team of Speede and Deruty, and what I’m going to do to stop you from winning the Tag Team Titles.”
Aubrey pointed two fingers at the camera and then guided them back toward her own eyes, instructing the viewer to look at her.
”I can’t fucking tolerate Donald Deruty, and I can’t find a single redeeming quality about Roy Speede. And do you know why that is? I’m asking YOU two.
...Because you look so goddamn promising and do all of these fancy, high-flying moves for the kids, but... you’re god awful boring. Both of you.
Roy, you don’t even talk, and when you do, everything that comes out of your mouth is horse shit that nobody wants to listen to.
And you, Mr. Deruty, also known as ‘D-Day’, you speak exactly in this manner, and on the night of December the twenty-third in that squared circle that so many warriors have shed their blood in, so many times before in the very, illustrious building known as Madison Square Garden in the heart of the city also called the Big Apple--
Shut the fuck up.
I can’t believe even YOU are a fan of yourself because I’ve never even been able you or anything you’ve done for more than thirty seconds, because it’s atrocious to listen to. You’re talking to wrestlers, Donald. Fans. You’re uncomfortable in front of them, and it reflects when you’re in the ring. What business did you have losing to the Phenom, especially with your partner at your side?”
Aubrey laughed a little and added in a soft tone.
”But I’m not surprised. Because you have a lot in common with our other opponents, the Dying Breed.
Like Speede and Deruty... Hopkins, Bailey, you guys haven’t been able to get the job done in tag team action either. And like them, you guys think you’re going to walk out of Madison Square Garden with M&M’s Tag Team Titles.”
Her face fell and she gave the camera a coldly uncomfortable look.
”I respect what you’ve done here in just a year, Anthony. I think you’re one of the most inspirational young wrestlers... ever. You’re the ‘how to’ when it comes to success over on Asylum and I hope I can make the same impact you’ve made, but Anthony, when it comes down to it, no matter how many weeks you held the World Championship and no matter who you ask to be your tag team partner... I’m a better wrestler than you are.
Our similarities end long before there, but that’s a big checkpoint, I think. And while I could go on about the things I’ve been able to do better than you in singles’ competition, that doesn’t matter because it’s the tag team competition that matters. And-
Oh.
Shucks.
I trump you there too.”
Aubrey snapped her fingers as if disappointed.
”While Logan and I HAD to beat War Ensemble to make it to the finals of the Tag Team Title tournament, you and Jair Hopkins couldn’t even do that in a throwaway match. The only reason that match existed was to give us a taste of what to expect at Christmas Chaos, guys. And I think we may have gotten a really good glimpse into the future...
Michael Callahan destroys Anthony Bailey and punishes him in the ring, sure, but more importantly, Hopkins and Bailey flounder and suffocate when the pressure is on as a tag team. And trust, the pressure is on. This is the only time any of us are GUARANTEED a tag team title match.
Jair, I know you know what it’s like to mess up an opportunity like this, ha. You were poised to win the Suicidal Title from Kash at One Night in Hell, just like Bailey beat him for the World Title in the summer, but you... couldn’t. And you didn’t get that shot again. You never saw that next Suicidal Title match and the same thing could happen to you, or Speede and Deruty, or any of us if we don’t walk away with the championships on Sunday...
So Logan and I are going to make sure we don’t leave without them.
I don’t care what stipulations are put in place. Give us a bell, and we’ll give you the fight of your lives.
From now on, my fate lies in my own hands, and I’m comfortable with putting some of that responsibility in the hands of my partner, Logan Alexander. Until our time’s up, we’re always going to be looking out for one another. Always.
Speede and Deruty? You guys are only a team because Duvall said it was so. You don’t care about each other and you don’t care about the tag team division. When you lose- that’s it. You lose each other.
The Dying Breed? If the Tag Team Tournament didn’t exist, you guys wouldn’t have either. You guys were brought together because of circumstance. What would it take to break you up?
What are THOSE circumstances?
Hell, I don’t know.”
Aubrey smiled at the camera and blew her opponents a kiss.
”It’ll be quite a fight, boys, but Logan and I are coming ready. We’re coming angry, and starved. So get ready.
This is going to be the worst Christmas of your fucking lives.”
fin.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out my best friend... Aubrey. I’ve seen her at her absolute worst. I’ve seen her do things to people that you guys couldn’t imagine her doing today. You see, Aubrey always loved the business.
She was only scary when the business loved her back.
It’s been a while, guys. For those of you that forgot: I’m Cassandra McPherson. I try to be one of the constants in my friend’s life, but with her travels, it hasn’t always been possible lately. I may be Aubrey’s and Logan’s accountant-- and trust me, it pays handsomely-- but sometimes my career doesn’t allow and me to travel across the country with Aubrey. We had an understanding, long ago, but it wasn’t until recently that this happened...
Now she’s upset. I don’t think she’s upset with me, but I could produce a damn good guess at why she is. Oh, what a shame... One of the requirements of being a best friend is being a verbal punching bag at times, isn’t it?
”No, Cass, I don’t even want your opinion. You weren’t even fucking there. There’s no way you could possibly understand what happened last week by watching a recording off of your fucking goddamn DVR.”
”Sorry?”
”They attacked me and Logan like a bunch of sickening little pet German Shepherds or something and they cost him his match. And it’s going to happen again. I know they’re going to stick their nose in the Tag Team Title match on Sunday. Motherfuckers.”
I sighed. I felt awkward... And if you’re asking yourself why, let me describe the scenery to you.
We were in Toys R Us, buying Christmas gifts for Aubrey’s two-year-old nephew. Our faces were unmistakably red as we endured sharp glares from parents that skirted by with their children.
”And why wouldn’t they? Sienna and Duvall would HATE to see M&M as the Tag Team Champions. They made the match Falls Count Anywhere for a reason. You think it was a fucking coincidence that they didn’t feel like speaking when the reporters asked if we had anything to do with the stipulation? I’m all for a Falls Count Anywhere match, Cassandra, but this is bullshit. This is designed to FUCK US.”
More glares. I pressed my hands over my eyes as we progressed down the aisle with a shopping cart which was already stuffed with action figures and blu ray discs. I could only groan disapprovingly as she continued.
”I don’t get it. Why does everybody have to be involved in our careers?”
I nearly bumped into her, lowering my hands as she brought the cart to a stop. She had turned to one of the few mirrors in the store (I guarantee she memorized where each one was) and took the time to blindly adjust a few strands of hair.
”Why does everybody need to interfere in our business? Why did Phil Atken have to DQ Sally last Sunday over nothing and keep me out of the World Title match? Why did Kane, and Black, and Evans have to attack Amy and Logan last week on Meltdown?”
”I don’t know. Is that rhetorical...?”
”Ha, I don’t know.”
She scoffed at that. Guess she wasn’t in the mood for indecisiveness today.
”Do I give off bad vibes or something?”
”I don’t think so, but then again, maybe I’m the wrong person to-”
”Because everybody sure seems to really fucking hate Aubrey J. Parker these days.”
She turned away from the mirror and stomped past a petrified looking mother who was with two twin girls that couldn’t have been more than five, but they looked entirely amused at Aubrey’s tirade. I pushed the cart in her path and mouthed an apology to the mother as I passed, cursing Aubrey for my red face each step of the way.
”This is why people get hurt, Cass. You can push somebody, but only so far. After a certain point, you really start to get fed up and you start to push back. From experience, let me tell you...
People don’t like it when you push back.”
”What are you going to do?”
”Like you said earlier, I don’t know.”
She turned to me with this strange smile that looked like it was on her face by mistake. We were making our way to the checkout lines now and I was admittedly thankful for it.
”Am I ever going to get another World Title match? I don’t know.
Are Logan and I going to win the Tag Team Titles? I don’t know.
Are we going to get screwed out of the titles on Sunday? I don’t know.
What am I going to do? What happens when AJP gets pushed too far and all the smiles and all the high fives come to an end, and I decide that what I want more than anything isn’t to do the right thing, but to take what I deserve which includes many things including... the Tag Team Championships? What happens when I get pushed there?”
She turned to me, still smiling and laughed a little before giving me a little shrug.
”Don’t know.”
dec.18.twelve
Over a week later, it’d be safe to say things calmed down a little. We were at my home in Pleasanton, wrapping gifts-
Well, let me correct myself.
I was wrapping gifts. Aubrey was seated on the couch, rotating a video camera in her hands, looking straight ahead at the Christmas tree, but not for the same reasons I might stare at it... No, Aubrey was looking through it.
I looked up from an oblong gift that had already been wrapped; a model broom from the Harry Potter films if you must know. I considered asking her if she was going to record soon, but I knew she was. She had been silent all day... soon, she’d speak her mind. I considered asking her if she was going to record a pleasant video. I considered asking if she would watch her tongue, and treat her opponents with the respect they deserved. After all, it was the holiday season. Why be a Grinch?
But I already knew the answer.
dec.20.twelve
Suddenly, we cut to an empty room with Aubrey J. Parker. We could only see her from the waist-up, seated, giving us a view of the vibrant, violet colored custom t-shirt which read “I <3 Real Refs.”
”Throughout my entire time here in APW, I thought one thing was pretty transparent about Logan and myself... we were going to be the Tag Team Champions.
And no, I did not say ‘we wanted to be the Tag Team Champions.’ We will become the Tag Team Champions. It’s been our goal for four months, and we’ve finally been given the opportunity after defeating teams like Storm Front and War Ensemble. And that’s... something we can’t pass up.
What that means for you Roy Speede, Donald Deruty, Jair Hopkins, Anthony Bailey, and whoever else decides they want to get involved, is that M&M is going to walk into Madison Square Garden with one motive, and if we know anything about any of you... it’s that we’re going to have to hurt you... seriously hurt you if we want to walk away with the Tag Team Titles.
What that means for us is...”
She looked up at the camera and gave a playful wink.
”It sucks to be you.”
She raised her hand as if there was a need to interrupt an opposing argument.
”And that isn’t me being arrogant, but I know what Logan Alexander is capable of when he’s ready to really fight for something. I also know what I’m capable of.
In APW, I’ve thrived in hardcore environments like the one we’re going into on Sunday, and there hasn’t been a tag team able to directly beat Logan and I since we came here. Can you say the same thing, Bailey? Hopkins?
No. You can’t, because you guys lost to the War Ensemble last week. And Roy Speede and Donald Deruty, you can’t make that claim either. Sure... Speede, you and your tag team partners, Donald Deruty, and the ring ropes may have beaten Envikado, and even the current Xtreme Champion which you remind us of so often, but how impressive are those feats?
You had to cheat to beat Envikado. And Nick Watson? He’s wrestling in the middle of the card on the Meltdown Super Show while we’re all on the pay-per-view. What does that say about Nick Watson’s legitimacy as a champion?
Go ahead. I’ll wait.
...Besides...
You guys couldn’t beat Kaylyn James Evans and Tuhoa Valo. They’re not even a tag team. They’re just two people. Yet, I’m supposed to sit here and smile and continue to play nice when you guys are telling the world that you’re not impressed with us and that you’re the team to look out for come Christmas Chaos.
Roy, you have the least business talking to anybody like that because AND CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, you haven’t been able to do anything impressive in this company that doesn’t involve you hiding behind your computer screen. And yeah, I am disregarding your win over Envikado because it doesn’t impress me that you cheated to beat two people in a match that SHOULD have been a big deal to you and should’ve been wrestled with some class and dignity.
Neither one of you has an idea what idea what it takes to legitimize yourself as stars, and you think that a fluke three count, a blog that nobody cares about, and two guys with the worst microphone skills this side of George W. Bush are going to get the job done.
This is where I tell you that you’re wrong. This is why I tell you why I can’t stand the accidental team of Speede and Deruty, and what I’m going to do to stop you from winning the Tag Team Titles.”
Aubrey pointed two fingers at the camera and then guided them back toward her own eyes, instructing the viewer to look at her.
”I can’t fucking tolerate Donald Deruty, and I can’t find a single redeeming quality about Roy Speede. And do you know why that is? I’m asking YOU two.
...Because you look so goddamn promising and do all of these fancy, high-flying moves for the kids, but... you’re god awful boring. Both of you.
Roy, you don’t even talk, and when you do, everything that comes out of your mouth is horse shit that nobody wants to listen to.
And you, Mr. Deruty, also known as ‘D-Day’, you speak exactly in this manner, and on the night of December the twenty-third in that squared circle that so many warriors have shed their blood in, so many times before in the very, illustrious building known as Madison Square Garden in the heart of the city also called the Big Apple--
Shut the fuck up.
I can’t believe even YOU are a fan of yourself because I’ve never even been able you or anything you’ve done for more than thirty seconds, because it’s atrocious to listen to. You’re talking to wrestlers, Donald. Fans. You’re uncomfortable in front of them, and it reflects when you’re in the ring. What business did you have losing to the Phenom, especially with your partner at your side?”
Aubrey laughed a little and added in a soft tone.
”But I’m not surprised. Because you have a lot in common with our other opponents, the Dying Breed.
Like Speede and Deruty... Hopkins, Bailey, you guys haven’t been able to get the job done in tag team action either. And like them, you guys think you’re going to walk out of Madison Square Garden with M&M’s Tag Team Titles.”
Her face fell and she gave the camera a coldly uncomfortable look.
”I respect what you’ve done here in just a year, Anthony. I think you’re one of the most inspirational young wrestlers... ever. You’re the ‘how to’ when it comes to success over on Asylum and I hope I can make the same impact you’ve made, but Anthony, when it comes down to it, no matter how many weeks you held the World Championship and no matter who you ask to be your tag team partner... I’m a better wrestler than you are.
Our similarities end long before there, but that’s a big checkpoint, I think. And while I could go on about the things I’ve been able to do better than you in singles’ competition, that doesn’t matter because it’s the tag team competition that matters. And-
Oh.
Shucks.
I trump you there too.”
Aubrey snapped her fingers as if disappointed.
”While Logan and I HAD to beat War Ensemble to make it to the finals of the Tag Team Title tournament, you and Jair Hopkins couldn’t even do that in a throwaway match. The only reason that match existed was to give us a taste of what to expect at Christmas Chaos, guys. And I think we may have gotten a really good glimpse into the future...
Michael Callahan destroys Anthony Bailey and punishes him in the ring, sure, but more importantly, Hopkins and Bailey flounder and suffocate when the pressure is on as a tag team. And trust, the pressure is on. This is the only time any of us are GUARANTEED a tag team title match.
Jair, I know you know what it’s like to mess up an opportunity like this, ha. You were poised to win the Suicidal Title from Kash at One Night in Hell, just like Bailey beat him for the World Title in the summer, but you... couldn’t. And you didn’t get that shot again. You never saw that next Suicidal Title match and the same thing could happen to you, or Speede and Deruty, or any of us if we don’t walk away with the championships on Sunday...
So Logan and I are going to make sure we don’t leave without them.
I don’t care what stipulations are put in place. Give us a bell, and we’ll give you the fight of your lives.
From now on, my fate lies in my own hands, and I’m comfortable with putting some of that responsibility in the hands of my partner, Logan Alexander. Until our time’s up, we’re always going to be looking out for one another. Always.
Speede and Deruty? You guys are only a team because Duvall said it was so. You don’t care about each other and you don’t care about the tag team division. When you lose- that’s it. You lose each other.
The Dying Breed? If the Tag Team Tournament didn’t exist, you guys wouldn’t have either. You guys were brought together because of circumstance. What would it take to break you up?
What are THOSE circumstances?
Hell, I don’t know.”
Aubrey smiled at the camera and blew her opponents a kiss.
”It’ll be quite a fight, boys, but Logan and I are coming ready. We’re coming angry, and starved. So get ready.
This is going to be the worst Christmas of your fucking lives.”
fin.
