Check Up!

[Dr. Wacko]

Large room are not usually associated with intimacy or confinement but perhaps it is the seriousness in the air, or the tight camera shots, but this scene despite the very large room it is shot in, is the very epitome of uneasiness. It is quiet and cold, the walls are white and the furniture cheap. Three psychiatrists sit facing the door behind a large brown table, each with their notes and folders displayed in front of them. There is one male, one female, and the last male looks to be just an intern, taking notes. This is one of the many rooms in the Metropolitan State Hospital in Norwalk, California. The sound of an old clock pounds into our ears like the wallow of a timpani. Across from the doctors sits a very melancholy looking Dr. Wacko. He wears dark pants, a t-shirt that his mostly covered up by his large white coat. His hair is messed up and he desperately needs a shave. He legs cross at the top of his feet, and his arms are in his lap, hands folded. There is someone operating the camera, getting shots of the three psychiatrists and Dr. Wacko. Based on glances from those four, there seems to be someone else in the room, but he’s off camera and tends to walk in and out of the room. Finally the silence is broken. Dr. Wacko speaks they way you'd imagine if Mr. Peepers (Chris Katan Saturday Night Live sketch character) and the Jokers love child would sound like. The emotion and tone go up and down like a wave. His inflection is choppy and often speaks in a stream of conscious sort of way.

Dr. Wacko: How 'bout those Mariners?

Male Psychiatrist: We are not here to talk sports Lesley, but as I recall they have one of the worst teams this season.

Dr. Wacko: Oh...I love them! And please, call me doctor, doctor.

Female Psychiatrist: You are here, because you were released from this hospital under, well, questionable terms, so we are obligated to check on your status.
Male Psychiatrist: Tell us what you have been up to?

Dr. Wacko leans in as if to whisper.

DW: Me? What have I been up to? Well, as you know I was once a promising psychologist, but that done with. I work for [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION] now.

The two psychiatrists and the intern both look past Wacko at the man off camera, and then at the camera.

DW: As you know I spent a few years in this hospital seeking help after a few "incidents". I thought I was better, but you folk said I just got worse. Well after, HE came and took me from this place I began training. Hmm, yes that's right, I have been trained to be a professional wrestler! I'm going to start working for none other than APW! Home of the LEGENDARY White Lion.

Dr. Wacko stands up abruptly and opens his jacket revealing a Michael Lively t-shirt. He stares off into space with a grin imagining working with his idol.

Male Psych: Please Lesley, sit down.

Female Psych: We originally recommended that you not be around violence and definitely not around anything that we have deemed one of your, well obsessions.

Dr. Wacko: Don't worry, as much as I want to get my hands all over Michaels tight body, [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION], won't allow me. He even says it will be a distraction to me now. He says I have a job to do, to pave the way, to build the road to his inevitable return to the ring! I am a tool, ha-ha. A tool.

Male Psych: Have you found since you've been released, any urges to visit playgrounds, schools or parks?

Dr. Wacko: I love swings and the merry-go-round, but I am busy now. I have my work cut out! I have a question, have you ever had smoked cheese? I hear it is a common thing, but I had it for the first time, and it was so delicious. I mean, with crackers and maybe sliced apples, was such a great treat. Sometimes I can hear or just...know that the television screen is on, even if the cable box is off and there is no picture.

The two psychiatrists just look at each other and shake their heads as they all write notes on their paper.

Dr. Wacko: You know what the best part is; there are other doctors in APW. I'm not alone! Dr. Matt and Dr. Phate! I haven't personally met them, but I've been a huge fan of APW and both of their careers. [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION] doesn't like Dr. Phate at all, and says [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION]. But he hasn't even met the guy so all this talk about [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION] is confusing to me. [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION] says that Dr. Phosphate and Hurricane Jeff are corrupt and the balance of power needs to be in balance, but he also says I shouldn't worry about that, because I am just the beginning, the Genocide, or was it Genesis?

Male Psychiatrist: Tell us about more people from APW and how they make you feel.

Dr. Wacko: So far everyone has been great, I mean, yeah, they are amazing performers...well...they are excellent entertainers...uh and their bodies are in top condition. They are no Michael Lively, but they do okay. My next opponent, well first, is...hmm.

Dr. Wacko's face frowns, but it is more of a confused look than a sad or angry one. He looks down at his feet and then up at the ceiling. He looks behind him where the man standing off camera watches.

Dr. Wacko: He's sort of an idiot to be honest. Well...he's a moron...yeah...an oxymoron, you see, he uh contradicts himself really. His name is Steven Hawkens, but he calls himself "Dangerous" Steven Hawkens, but, um, yeah, there is uh, nothing, uh, dangerous about him. He is..hmm. I don't know. Boring?

Female Psych: We've done some research on APW and it seems their performers use videos to document their lives and progress before and after matches. We assume you may want to use this tape as well? We also realize that this would be your first video and many previous wrestlers like to "show their credibility" by fighting or beating people up. Would you like to get any frustrations out by fighting one of our "anger dolls."

Dr. Wacko: ha-ha, I've never been much of a fighter, even after all my training. Besides, I couldn't hurt you people after all you've done for me in this...miserable place. Besides, I like doctors, I am one! Ironically, [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION] hates doctors, but then again, I think he just hates people in general. He told me he wanted to kill you. All of you...

The cameraman quickly turns the camera to show the man who employs Dr. Wacko, but he has already charged the cameraman and is too close and out of focus to get an image of who he is. The man knocks the cameraman down and begins to beat his face in, like an animal he instinctually jumps from one prey to the next. He leaps over the table taking down the two physiatrists and the intern like he was born to do it. As they go down they try to shout for security, but it is to no avail. Dr. Wacko is jumping from his chair, running around in circles clapping his hands.

Dr. Wacko: I love it! I love it! Hit them with your signature move, the [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION]! Or better yet, I want to do Michael Livelys move, but I will call it, the Doctors BITE! Give 'em here, Give 'em here!

Dr. Wacko attempts, but botches the move, hurting the recipient probably even more so than if the move went according to plan. Wacko continues to clap as his employer continues to beat down on the others. Wacko runs over to the light switch and begins flipping it on and off.

Dr. Wacko: For the folks at home! This is for cinematic effect, ha-ha!

He goes and picks up the camera and points it directly at his face and smiles big.

Dr. Wacko: I did not know, that I got to send in videos! Starting next week I will host my own show! I will call it....Dr. 90210's Grey Anatomy House of ER! And I will have special guests! And music! And smoked cheese! Viewer discretion is frowned upon!

Fade to black

Fade from black

Dr. Wacko sits on a stool in what appears to be in front of a bar in someone’s apartment. The shot is close and not much about his surroundings is revealed or appear to be important. Dr. Wacko appears to be upset or frustrated.

DW: So, I kind of feel bad about earlier. [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION] says I shouldn't worry, and that I should stop saying his name. Oh oops. He doesn't like to have to go through and edit information that could be linked to him...ha-ha. But anyway, he says I need to learn how to make homos...uh wait sorry, promos. So here it goes!

DW adjusts himself in his chair.

DW: Steve Hawkens, you not dangerous. Yes. In fact, you have lost your last three matches. But what have you learned? You see, I learned that women like it when men play with kids, but I also learned that the state and federal government don't always agree! I've learned that animals need to be fed as much as humans or else they sleep all the time and start to smell. I have also learned that you have to ask a woman or pay her $40 before she shows her utters and you must belong to a club of gentlemen. You sir have been taught for the past three weeks very important lessons, but it doesn't seem like you've been paying much attention. I have noticed that you really love to show us all your past matches from some federation you once belonged to. I once belonged to an institution, but no one wants to see videos of that, unless they are in to seeing grown men defecate on themselves! I know what you are thinking, "gross". But worry not, I had already showered that day, so the next day, that was pretty much all I had to wash off. You sir, Hawkens, the dangerous Steve, should have learned that you shouldn't play with fire, that you shouldn’t underestimate female wrestlers, especially well...black chicks, like Black Kristina. Oh, and stay off the streets. Especially Wilson Street, it’s a tough neighborhood. The dark alleys of Wilson Street may swallow you whole. Steve Hawkens, you scream "everyday" to me, what’s that word...hmm, yes mundane. Added the prefix, "dangerous" just makes you sound like an afternoon cartoon. I have trouble reading, so when I read that you were the Master of Air, I thought it said Master of Flair, and I just saw you working at Chili’s, Fridays, or as some bartender in San Francisco serving Mojitos to hot men, that can only be topped by Michael Lively!

DW: Speaking of which, you are no Michael Lively. You're a lackie remember? And Michael Lively the son of Kaos, is a great man, who you should strive to be more like. You see, I am a disciple of Kaos because any church Lively belongs to, I will pay tithes! Hawkens, I believe this is your first APW ppv, as it is mine. This will not be match of the year, it won't even be match of the day, or even the hour. It is going to consist of you living in a fantasy world where you are a success, and it’s going to consist of me, jumping on top of you, beating you, slobbering all of over you with blood sweat and tears, maybe even finishing you off with my hands. What? What did I say? C'mon [EDITED OUT IN POST PRODUCTION], that isn't what I meant. Anyway, I honestly, am happy to be here, and my match with you means next to nothing compared to that, and compared to the moment when I announce to the world that my employer is stepping into the ring again to do what he does best. I will forget about you Steve Hawkens, you will never be remembered for anything because you are crap. You don't do anything worth while. You don't do anything that anyone cares about. If you were to leave APW right now. No one would remember you. I find myself thinking about other things right now, and not even focusing on this, because to be honest, I don't care enough about you to even talk about you. You should quit. You are so boring people are going to think that I just cut a promo at Shockwave, they will think my debut match is on Overdrive. I don't hate you, don't get me wrong, I just don't think you matter. In a world with so many great athletes, you just don't measure up. Why don't you just wake up one day and tell yourself to not suck? I don't expect myself to be the next Lively, but as much as I watch his tapes, which is ALOT, I am sure that I will get better. And soon make him proud of me, the way I am proud of him. Maybe...he will look into my eyes, with the same devotion, I see in him...I want to watch APW "Apocalypse" again. Bye for now...

The camera zooms out and Dr. Wacko gets off of his chair. His kitchen is covered in "White Lion Memorabilia", "Michael Lively Magnets", and a photoshopped picture of Dr. Wacko and Michael Lively on it with text, reading, "APW Tag Team Champions".