Post by iggy on Sept 22, 2008 15:10:24 GMT -4
On the last Monday Night Overdrive, the world finally had the question that everyone wondered but was afraid to ask. What would happen if you tag teamed a drunken frat boy and a drunken Mexican, who is obsessed with talking to his tequila, in a match against a man whose ego is about to make him want to burst and a man whose name means people walk all over him. The answer of course did happen as Sabur and ‘Streets’ Wilson faced off against Twister, the APW World Champion and Iggy The Iguana, the Master of the ‘Drunken Tequila Worm’! Sadly for both Sabur and ‘Streets’ Wilson they both Twister and Iggy The Iguana arrived drunk off their asses and in the normal fashion of the only active undefeated wrestler on Action Packed Wrestling, Iggy The Iguana once again pinned his opponent, ‘Streets’ Wilson in the ring just like many expect Iggy will do when they face off against each other in Aftermath for the APW Extreme Championship, but first the ‘Master of the Drunken Tequila Worm’ must battle against one more opponent before he can get his revenge on the backstabbing ‘Streets’ Wilson first Iggy The Iguana has to face Jack Ruby.
[/center]Driving in a green 1969 Cadillac convertible with a green iguana painted on the hood is a Mexican-American man blaring out of his tripped out stereo system the song ‘Rico Sauvé’ by Geraldo. The man is muscular wearing a black t-shirt with the matching logo to the design on the hood of his car, his short dark chocolate brown hair on his head matches the same from the goatee and mustache from his smile as he pulls into the world famous West Coast Customs. Parking his car taking two spaces so it would not get a scratch on it, the Mexican-American gets out of his car walking over to an African-American man with dreadlocks waiting for him.
[/center]Mexican-American Man: “Hesa! How are you doing my compadre!”
The two men tap fists one on top of the other them left and right then finally ending in a thumb lock as they give each other a quick hug as all good friends do. The African-American man looks over at the Mexican-American man looking over the guy’s car quickly as he smiles seeing his old friend.
[/center]African-American Man: “Iggy, you dog! I have not seen you in ages! So what brings one of APW’s rising stars to want to meet me and the West Coast Customs crew, you don’t need that caddie pimped do you?”
It is then you realize the man that the African-American man is speaking to is none other than Ignacio Ricardo, the professional wrestler known as Iggy The Iguana, ‘The Master of the Drunken Tequila Worm’!
[/center]Iggy: “No! No! Iggy does that himself with help from cousin Maria’s husband’s body paint shop. No Senior Xzibit, Iggy does not need your help. Iggy’s opponent, Senior Jack Ruby needs you help! This is why Iggy is here. Iggy needs you, Senior Xzibit, to Pimp My Opponent!”
It is now you recognize who Iggy is speaking with the actor, rapper and former host of MTV’s Pimp My Ride! The show where they brought in broken down cars from poor people tripping them out so they would have a cool ride.
[/center]Xzibit: “Pimp, your opponent? Iggy your brother Geraldo did not replace your tequila with Minute Maid again did he? You know what happens when you are sober.”
Iggy shakes his head to his friend showing him that beside the driver’s seat that he had an open bottle of tequila still with the worm at the bottom. The brand of tequila that the Ricardo family guards the secret recipe as much as their family’s secret wrestling techniques.
[/center]Iggy: “No, No take a look this is Iggy’s opponent at the upcoming Monday Night Overdrive! Look at him! No chin, no muscles, the glasses, he looks like an even more Nerdy Bill Gates!”
In Iggy’s other hand is a photograph of a tall geeky looking guy with a pair of eyeglasses with brown curly hair. Xzibit takes the picture of the geekest white boy he had ever seen in his life from Iggy. Xzibit swears there is a pocket protector in that photograph!
[/center]Xzibit: “Damn… that is the whitest, white bread I have ever seen in my life! Damn… and he goes out in public like that? What is his name again?”
Iggy nods looking at Xzibit taking a sip of his tequila. Iggy could not believe it that he is facing a pencil necked geek in the ring at the Staples Center here in Los Angeles, California on Monday Night Overdrive.
[/center]Iggy: “Si, he does. He is a thinner and less talented Irwin R. Shyster! His name is Jack Ruby! Iggy cannot be seen wrestling someone with no stature like this before Iggy faces off against ‘Streets’ Wilson for some revenge and the Xtreme Championship at Aftermath!”
Xzibit cannot believe what he is seeing never taking his eyes off the poor sod known as Jack Ruby. That is the whitest cat he has ever known.
[/center]Xzibit: “Damn, that white boy damn… that is the whitest name I have heard of.”
Iggy: “It gets worse he is from Greenleaf, Idaho!”
The shock on the rapper artist face almost turned Xzibit a new shade of paler black but he leans over trying to get the tequila bottle from Iggy.
[/center]Xzibit: “Damn! Idaho and the name is Jack Ruby? Give me some of that tequila! That is the sorriest guy I have ever seen you face!”
Iggy watches his friend drink the tequila as he goes on about Jack Ruby.
[/center]Iggy: “Si, he has only won 3 matches out of 13 he has wrestled in the APW, now Iggy is undefeated at 4-0. No one has beaten the Iguana in the ring, but it seems that facing and beating Senior Jack Ruby is a right of passage in APW. After all, ‘Streets’ Wilson beat Jack Ruby so easily Iggy can beat Jack Ruby without even help from his little friend!”
Hearing that Xzibit hands over the tequila to Iggy quickly making sure that Iggy will continue to drink. There was that one time Iggy had no tequila and that was a different man, that was something that Xzibit and others prefer to call it the Incident in Indiana.
[/center]Xzibit: “Whoa! Whoa! Iggy remember, you sober a bad thing. So what then do you want my help in Pimping up Jack Ruby!”
Iggy takes a deep drink of his tequila very happy to have it back the madre’s milk that was fed to him as his papi thought he was old enough. The start of the training that helped transform Iggy into the dangerous wrestling machine he is today.
[/center]Iggy: “Si, Senior Jack Ruby seems to know more about potatoes than he does professional wrestling. He is a young man who claims he won all these championships and titles but all they are from is Senior Jack Ruby having no life eating potatoes and doing something called e-fedding.”
Xzibit: “What the hell is e-fedding?”
Handing the bottle over to his buddy, Xzibit, Iggy starts to explain what e-fedding is. A strange place where people sit in front of their computers writing matches and stories to be judged to win, that evidently once you do it you can never get it out of your blood.
[/center]Iggy: “Iggy discovered this when researching Senior Jack Ruby. It is an underground hobby where people write stories using wrestlers that they made up many times using posers such as famous people like you Senior Xzibit or even one of the most talented wrestlers in world, Iggy The Iguana! But this is done by pencil necked little geeks who have never kissed a girl and has many, many collectable action figures that children play with! So Senior Jack Ruby did all of this living in his parents basement with no idea how the real world worked so he decided to be a wrestler finding out it is not a place where he can write himself a victory on his typewriter.”
Xzibit pauses wondering what the heck did Iggy say typewriter does anyone even have one now a days? Xzibit takes out his cell phone to take a look at this as he Googles the name e-fedding and what it is.
[/center]Xzibit: “So this white boy with no wrestling background thought that he could enter a professional sport and not get killed. This is not one of those damn video games. What you do out there in the ring is real!”
Nodding again, Iggy does to that taking a sip of his tequila. Iggy wonders if Jack Ruby knows the difference that he can get really hurt! This is why Iggy is here to bring one of his celeberty friends with him as Iggy tries to get Jack Ruby out from under his parents’ basement to meet real people and women. Hot sexy women
[/center]Iggy: “Si! That is why Iggy is here! We need to grab Jack Ruby show him what it takes to be a man! We need to get him out into the real world away from his madre’s basement! We need to show him a night on the town and pick up some chicas so that finally in Jack Ruby’s 24 years he actual gets a chance to sit next to a girl! Unless he is like that Seniorita--- err Senior Dr. Phate! Then Senior Jack Ruby must have his first real drink and let it be tequila!”
Xzibit looks at that picture again of the world class geek that Jack Ruby dresses in. Xzibit shivers thinking that this guy is 24 and never got laid? Probably never kissed a girl either and it seems Iggy wants to help the poor sap.
[/center]Xzibit: “And get him out of those threads, what woman would want to be with a man whose mother dresses him? That boy needs help, a new hair cut, contacts, he needs muscle, damn I can see why you want to Pimp Up Your Opponent, Iggy this Jack Ruby seems kind of weak.”
Iggy: “It is the least Iggy can do because Senior Jack Ruby will not be getting a friendly time in the ring from Iggy The Iguana! This is professional wrestling, the family business of three generations of the Ricardo family have competed in and made a living as professional wrestlers! Iggy The Iguana needs to teach Senior Jack Ruby that this is not a game this is a sport that there are winners and losers. Iggy is also angry at Senior Jack Ruby for a month ago it was Iggy who proved to the world that he could take Senior Wiley in the ring and could win that championship! No, Senior Jack Ruby had to come in and steal Iggy’s glory. A man that had not entered the ring since Iggy arrived in the APW and then Senior Jack Ruby was destroyed a nothing in ring. Then he loses to ‘Streets’ Wilson who thinks losing matches then cheap shooting people from behind is winning? And when Senior Jack Ruby shows up he loses his matches, he wonders why he loses when he is using his typewriter.”
With that shocked look that Xzibit is famous for he looks over at Iggy wondering what he means! He said typewriter again! Does he not know the difference!
[/center]Xzibit: “Iggy…typewriter? I think he uses a PC.”
Shrugging Iggy takes back his tequila bottle taking a sip of the drink looking and admiring the tequila with the floating dead tequila worm at the bottom.
[/center]Iggy: “Well whatever works for Senior Jack Ruby he can go back making money by staring in those Mac and PC commercials for Apple. The only way Senior Jack Ruby is going to defeat the Iguana, the ‘Master of the Drunken Tequila Worm’, he first must understand the Iguana, he must sense what it means to face the only undefeated wrestler in APW right now. The Iguana who beat those that he was told he would never defeat. Now if he brings his typewriter, he should start interviewing real wrestling talent like Iggy The Iguana! Iggy did not spend years learning to write on a typewriter to achieve success, Iggy turned his body into a perfect physical specimen as well as learning the family secrets of the ‘Drunken Tequila Worm Technique’ and understanding my little friend here! What my little friend?”
Now Iggy has his ear next to the tequila worm in the bottle. Xzibit looks over at Iggy as he is doing this perplexed for Iggy seems to be in some sort of trance. Or he really is hearing a dead tequila worm at the bottom of the bottle but that is crazy… isn’t it?.
[/center]Xzibit: “Iggy....”
Iggy’s hand motions Xzibit to stop in midsentence as Iggy finishes listening to the bottle of tequila then looking over at his friend with a big happy smile on his face. Xzibit wonders what Iggy has in mind, he remembers what happened on Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe.
[/center]Iggy: “Forget Pimping My Opponent, Senior Xzibit, my little friend says screw Senior Jack Ruby and let us go hit the city of Los Angeles to get our own chicas! After all after Iggy is done with Senior Jack Ruby in Staples Center, in Los Angeles, California on Monday Night Overdrive! Senior Jack Ruby will be too busy crying to his mommy than wanting to go out to drink, be with women and learn to be a real man!”
Xzibit pats his friend Iggy The Iguana shoulder from behind as Iggy finishes the last of that bottle of tequila downing the worm floating inside.
[/center]Xzibit: “Now that is the best idea, you have had all day besides it would be a miracle to make that dweeb look cool. Let’s get some babes.”
