And you're a DOCTOR???

[Arcadia]

Katrina "Arcadia" Olivetti
Frequently Closed Captioned by SAP

The camera fades in to a wide shot of a long, dim hallway. At the end is an imposing, oak door. The corridor is empty, until a small figure creeps into the right-hand corner of the screen. A short, blonde-haired woman is seen sneaking down the hall with a black duffel bag, keeping her body pressed close to the wall. Her face is masked, but then again, it always is, as she tip-toes towards the room at the end of the hallway. The camera follows and the woman presses her ear against the door. The audience can now read the words "Dr. Matt" written on a brass plaque nailed to the entrance. Apparently hearing nothing, she tries the knob, jiggling it in her hand. She slips an ID card into the doorjam, carefully covering the picture before the camera can zoom in and slides it down the crevice, maneuvering the small piece of plastic in and out until, with a small click and a creak, the door opens slightly. She looks surreptitiously around before, realizing no one has seen her, she enters the room and shuts the door behind her.

As her eyes adjust to the gloom, Katrina "Arcadia" Olivetti quickly drops the duffel. She glances around Dr. Matt's locker room, pleased to note that he isn't so much of a slob that this should prove too difficult. Arcadia unzips the bag and removes a pair of surgical gloves, snapping them into place around her wrists. She walks quickly over to Dr. Matt's liquor cabinet, removing all of the bottles and bringing them into the bathroom with her. She dumps the contents of each down the sink. Reaching into her duffel once again, she pulls out a few brown bottles with gold labels which read 'Spice Barn Bourbon Flavoring', 'Spice Barn Whiskey Flavoring', 'Spice Barn Scotch Flavoring' and 'Spice Barn Vodka Flavoring'. Katrina adds a bit of each to their corresponding bottles, along with the proper food coloring (or lack therof) and fills them back up to where they were with water.

Player One replaces the bottles, and starts rifling through the drawers in the room. When she finds a small baggie full of white powder and a rolled up one-hundred-dollar bill, she brings both to the bathroom. She dumps most of the contents of the bag down the toilet and flushes, replacing the powder with finely ground Table Salt from her duffel bag. Katrina looks at the hundred and, shrugging, rinses it off in the sink and places it in her wallet. She rapidly moves through the rest of the room, but Dr. Matt appears to be a smarter than that. The rest of his stash must be somewhere else...Perhaps on his person, but more probably in a safe somewhere. Katrina removes any evidence of herself before picking up her bag of tricks and saying to the camera, "Let's see what happens when Dr. Matt is good and sober for a match for once." She listens at the door for sounds of people outside and when she doesn't hear anything, she and the cameraman, someone other than Frank, both exit, Katrina locking the door behind her.

Arcadia drops the duffel bag in the Gen Pop locker room and discards the gloves before taking the route to President Jeff's office with the camera following behind. As she walks, she speaks to the camera without turning her head, "Dr. Matt, you seem to be a smart man. You have a PhD, and various degrees in other areas. Which is why I was so surprised to hear you say that I couldn't beat you...because of my size?! Where did your education go? Out a vein while you were shooting up? How could you think that weight has anything to do with it? You yourself said that you have taken hits from people three times the size of me. Wouldn't it stand to reason that I, too, would be able to do the same?" She reaches Jeff's office and stops at the Dry-Erase board that has the Overdrive card written on it. Grabbing a marker, she starts to wipe away the card with her forearm. "I've decided you need a refresher course in physics, Doctor."

"Let's start simple." Arcadia turns towards the camera. "Weight is the amount of gravitational force exerted on an object. Hence why I own the air. Every person I have faced is heavier than I am, except for perhaps FyreAngel, but we will never know because she is too embarrassed to say exactly how fat she is. As a side note, just last week I defeated Jason "The Sensation" Richochet. He happens to equal your weight, pound for pound. On the other hand," Katrina draws a big "M" on the board, "MASS is something entirely different. It is how much matter is in an object." She taps the M and goes on to draw an "I". "Inertia is the tendency of objects to resist any change in motion. The more MASS, not weight, an object has, the harder it is to stop or start. Now, momentum, the quantity of motion, equals mass times velocity of an object." She illustrates this by writing the formula "P=mv" on the board underneath her former writings.
"In case you aren't understanding this, Doctor, that means the amount of motion one can achieve is directly related to the amount of matter, also called energy, in the person, multiplied by the speed they are traveling."

The Hardcor-a Luchadora tosses her braid over her shoulder and goes on with her physics lesson. "Now, I'm sure you remember Sir Isaac Newton's Laws of Motion, but just in case you have forgotten high school as well as college, I'll remind you. Newton's first Law of Motion states that objects continue to move in a state of constant velocity unless acted upon by an external force. That means that unless something contributes to or interferes with the speed of an object, it will continually travel at that speed. Now lots of things could contribute to the speed of an object. For example, I can change my velocity by twisting my body, or Corkscrewing, the same way a fish changes its velocity by moving its tail." She draws a picture of a fish with small movement lines around the fins, followed by a stick figure with what appears to be a cyclone surrounding it. Frowning, Arcadia mumbles to herself, "Maybe I need to take lessons from Dr. Matt..."

"Anyway, Newton's second Law, " Arcadia writes F=d(mv)/dt, "states an unbalanced force acting on an object will result in the object's momentum changing over time. Is this coming back to you yet? Oh, well then I'll explain in simpler words." Arcadia speaks slowly, as if talking to a child, "If the ring ropes give me THRUST, in will cause more MOMENTUM, which will increase my VELOCITY. Now, force," She writes F=ma on the now cramped Dry-Erase board. "Is defined as anything that can cause an object with mass to accelerate. Like the FORCE of the ropes."

She turns towards the camera apologetically, "This is where it's about to get complicated. But hey, you're like, a genius, right? So Newton's third Law of Motion states that any force that is applied to object one due to the action of object two is automatically accompanied by a force applied to object two due to the action of object one, basically stating that forces always occur in action-reaction pairs. You've heard the phrase 'Every action has an equal and opposite reaction? Not exactly true...In the case of a collision between two bodies, one of which is much more massive than the other, the lighter body ends up moving in the opposite direction with twice the original speed of the more massive body." She writes 2Mv=M2v on the board, followed by another F and a converse sign with a slash in it, and finally >F. Then she scribbles it all out and writes WTF over the formula. "All that bullshit comes down to this. No matter what you do to try and stop me, either you're going to get hurt by the transfer of FORCE or you will make me even faster and twice as hard to beat by adding to my momentum, making it even harder for you to stop me. It will become necessary for you to exert even more force to do so, but sadly, here comes the rest."

"Energy is the ability to do work. Although the total energy of a system does not change with time, its value may change depending on the frame of reference. The frame of reference here is you and me in the ring together." Arcadia draws a giant "E" inside of what might be a wrestling ring, or a cube, or a cardboard suitcase with a four handles. She sighs and continues speaking, "I will introduce only two types of energy now. The two that are important to our lesson are POTENTIAL ENERGY, energy without motion, and KINETIC ENERGY, energy during motion." Player One writes Ep and Ek on the board. "When I say the value of the energy changes, it is because energy is transferred from potential energy to kinetic energy and then back to potential energy constantly. This is referred to as conservation of energy. Since energy can not be created or destroyed, the initial energy and the final energy will always be equal to each other, regardless of whether it is potential or kinetic."

She turns back to the board and draws another stick figure and a large blob with hair on it which she labels "CELL". "Biological energy...that would be what humans run on, is responsible for growth and development of a biological cell or an organelle of a biological organism. Energy is thus often said to be stored by cells in the structures of molecules of substances such as carbohydrates and lipids, all things we eat, which release energy when reacted with oxygen." Arcadia draws some arrows between the CELL and the stick figure, while explaining what she just said. "So, Dr. Matt, that means that in order to use the energy that is in our bodies, we need to breathe. However, you must have also forgotten Health class, unfortunate for a doctor. What, did you get your degree out of the back of some magazine? You see, in seventh grade, we are taught about using energy to be active, and how that effects our bodies. When we exert energy, or exercise, it forces your body to use oxygen. Once you have reached the threshold where the lactic acid in your blood is being produced faster than it can be metabolized, called the ANAEROBIC THRESHOLD, your kinetic energy level will be transferred back to potential energy as your body takes the time to recover a more appropriate amount of oxygen into your system, to metabolize the detrimental lactic acid accumulating in your muscles."

"Now, you, Dr. Matt, have much more muscle MASS than I do, not weight. Weight is irrelevant as I have already explained. Because of this, your body will produce much more lactic acid than mine, causing you to tire far quicker than I." Katrina turns around and frowns at the camera. "What was my point?...OH YEAH! So all of this," She waves her hand at the board, "means that I have SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN that as soon as I move once, all that will continue to happen is every time you try and stop me, you will only add to my speed. And you will only cause yourself to lose energy as well. All good things for me, bad things for you. The more you interfere, the quicker you will cause your own demise, Doctor. And THAT is basic science." Katrina places the marker back down in its cradle with a decisive snap.

"Oh, and I spoke to Trevor Blackwell. I know why you have a problem with him. I guess I would, too, if my last encounter with the man had left me bloody in the shattered ruins of a porcelain sink. It must be humiliating to know you hired all that protection and wasted all that money only to have your worst fears come true and be left prone and half conscious on the bathroom floor like one of those crack whores you usually fuck."

"You know, I had no idea you were so nasty until you mentioned it...I'm actually afraid to make you bleed, in case I end up catching Syphagonnaherpallis Version III. You sound like you are a Walking STD! You say you would wreck me in bed, and that's probably because you would give me AIDS. Doc, I wouldn't fuck you with Lively's dick and Kenny Lambardo pushing! I'm going to do this company a favor and take you out of this Elimination Chamber before you can infect the entire top tier of APW with the Clap."

At that moment, President Jeff opens the door to his office and steps out, looking far worse for the wear due to his match at Aftershock. He looks over at the board and says, "What the hell is this? Is that a fish? What's that next to it?" He leans closer and squints his non-black eye at the Dry-Erase board. "Is that stick figure with the spiral supposed to be Twister? Where is the Overdrive card? Katrina, when I come back I want the card back up!"

Katrina puts her head down and says, "Yes, President Jeff."

The camera fades as Katrina erases the formulas and starts writing, "Overdrive Card: October 6, 2008..."[/center]