Post by Nasir on Oct 6, 2008 18:51:33 GMT -4
The scene begins at the top of a small flight of stairs we can hear calls of ‘SIX!’ being repeated over and over each time more aggressive and louder. As we creep down the stairs we reach the door which is pushed open revealing Jason ‘the sensation’ Ricochet and his ‘new friend’ from the air port with the private jet Scott. Jason is wearing his own ‘sensational’ t-shirt and shorts, the sizable man he is knelt next is wearing head band and tank top with a pair of shorts that get lost somewhere up his ass crack. Jason is calling out the number six over and over as his companion is attempting to complete a press up, Jason’s patience looks to be wearing thin. He has an idea and pulls out a small cake from somewhere and places it directly under the obese man is the path of his large mouth. He again tries to do a true press up but falls flat on his face causing the cake to spread all over his mouth and face. As Jason jumps up in anger cursing the man under his breath, the fat man takes a moment to lick the remainder of the cake of his face as happy as a sand boy. Jason takes a big sigh before noticing the ever invading camera man who seems to catch every second of his life, usually he would question the camera man if it was really necessary for him to be here but instead he is glad to see someone else other than his ‘new friend’. As he approaches the camera man dying to laugh but holding back to spare the large mans feelings, Jason stretches out his right hand to greet him with a hand shake. His hand is very warm and sweaty giving the impression he has also been working out, the camera man keeps quiet though as he can see Jason’s temper is about to flair at any moment. Jason put his hands on his hips as he explains.
See last week I promised that fat embarrassment of a man that we could hang out, and you know me I love to work out so I suggested that we could train a bit together. He jumped at the chance insisting he use to work out, he forgot to mention this meant ten minutes walk to and from his old job at the company he now owns. Never the less this cake junkie has given me a few laughs today but still I felt like kicking his larger than life ass a number of time today, I feared I may loose my foot forever though so decided to keep calm.
The fat man stands up all flushed and sweaty and walks over to Jason who suddenly shuts up at the risk of loosing his ‘affluent’ pal. The man places his huge right hand on Jason’s shoulder with a grin on his face as he explains.
Thought I was going to loose you a few times back there Jay, lucky I helped you out when you needed it really isn’t it. You where struggling with them squats for a moment.
Jason removes the perspiring hand from his shoulder with a false smile before reassuring the man who bends down to pick up his bottle of water revealing his canyon of an ass crack. Jason’s blood boils and he is close to breaking point so he hints that Scott should leave. He eventually agrees and heads outside wishing Jay and everyone watching behind the camera a good bye. When he shuts the door Jason begins to speak.
I swear I’m going to kick his ass eventually but what can I do you can’t just ditch a ‘friend’ like him I mean he could buy my house and everyone on this street! Anyways sit down over there man your just in time to catch my NEW Gillette commercial. The two head over to two stool-like seats as the commercial plays, the camera zooms in for a clear picture of Jay’s TV.
The advert begins with Jason stood celebrating a victory in a previous fed it plays in slow motion and in black and white. As he stands proud on the top turnbuckle his narration begins to play over the top along with some cheesy music which can be best described as ‘victorious’ music. His narration is as follows ‘‘I’m a great athlete…..some say ‘sensational’, myself I say I’m thee best a man can be’’. The scene now shows Jay sat looking away from the camera, his body is greased up and it looks as if he has been touched up with a little make up. The cheesiness of the whole thing is enough to make you sick; the advert now has a shot of his face as he talks once more. ‘’I may be sensational and possibly the best a man can be but I’ am not the best a man can get…..that responsibility belongs to Gillette!’’. It finishes with a frozen shot of Jay with his ‘posing’ face displayed and the Gillette symbol next to him, he turns to face the camera as he speaks.
So what do you think, pretty impressive isn’t it for my first attempted (he switches off the TV and becomes a lot more serious as the conversation changes). To serious matters now though and my match tonight at Over Drive against John Green, this punk is the only thing that stands between me and the chamber at One Night in Hell. This is without doubt the biggest match I’ve faced so far in APW this is where shit gets serious, a chance to be involved in APW’s biggest match in its short history and no one is going to stop especially the ‘whipping boy’ of APW. I must admit when I read the card and noticed you where involved in the qualification matches I prayed that it would be you I would get to destroy. You see around here not one of the roster rate you, no one could give a flying fuck about your dreary and meaningless career - least of all me. The way in which you are abused by Jeff, used week in week out to face all the nobodies and fellow shit wrestlers in boring ‘warm up’ matches for the real athletes here. What motivates you to get out of bed in the morning and turn up to work? I know I’m amongst the highest paid here but a jobber such as you can’t be on too much. Tell me you’ve been here getting your ass kicked on a weekly basis for nearly a whole year, doesn’t it get tiresome? This is also the biggest match of your career thus far, so when you found out you’d be facing the ‘sensational one’ you must have broke into tears. I mean me ‘the extraordinary specimen’ I jumped out of my seat as I saw you placed up against me, to be brutally honest I nearly launched it through the air in happiness.
He sits forward gesturing with his index finger for the camera man to also come closer.
You are my front row ticket to the main event at One Night In Hell the shame of the APW roster but don’t worry I’ll play the game like a true champ doe’s beating you around the ring in every department. Giving you false hope to entertain the crowd before I put you away, clearly wrestling isn’t your thing you should really take a look in your local news paper at the job pages. In fact you should follow your assigned mission in life and maybe become more ‘green’ save some whales or go and protect some trees (laughs). Perhaps your punk ass could even make it as a Goth; you have no friends, no fans and nothing to cheer about. When your name is announced ahead of a match the look of confusion upon the crowds face is hilarious, as well as the look on the faces of those few who know who you are. Eleven long months, accomplishing jack shit - it must be annoying standing in the back with your cheap ass locker room that you share with the other nobodies that pollute the back stage area. I’ll tell you what after I kick your ass and scar you for life with the Tear Jerker maybe I could take you into my large dressing room show you around a real stars locker room and maybe an autograph. Then when you crawl back under the rock you came from back in good ol’ Georgia you’ll have something to shout about after an other wise worthless career.
He bursts into laughter before putting on a strong southern hill billy type voice, as he mocks Green with a poor impression.
Look momma I met The Sensational Jason Ricochet, He beat my ass black and blue before he gave me this piece of paper! I just wish my dumb ass could read so I could tell what it says! Maybe I could ask Uncle Billy-Bob-Joe Green if he can read it to me, Oh Boy! Wait is he my uncle or my niece? Never mind I’ll wait for him to climb out of his bath of pig shit and ask him.
He bursts into laughter at his own joke, just at that moment Scott reappears brandishing a new bottle of water and some chocolate. He sits next to a confident and playful Jason who demands they all watch his commercial once again. The camera man puts up a fight as he tries excuse after excuse to talk his way out of the torture. It eventually works and he leaves in a hurry as the commercial plays in the background with added commentary from the excited Jason Ricochet. The scene ends as the camera man literally runs out of the gym and back up the stairs.
