Post by stj on Sept 13, 2008 12:22:28 GMT -4
Sharing space in my head has been getting to be annoying, to say the least. I know who I am, of course, I always know that it is me speaking, me acting, me going through the motions. But there’s something there and I have lost my grip to it, her? them? time and again over the past two months.
This is me speaking, me, Tara Jacobs, no one else. Their voices are background noise but they are loud, it’s like trying to sleep near an airport and hey, since I’ve slept in a doorway near Birmingham International, I know exactly what that is like.
And it was me that beat Victor Brander, me that attacked Hurricane Jeff, me that crucified one of his security guards. Yes, those ideas popped into my head unbidden, but I always knew what I was doing.
And then she died.
But that is something that I cannot afford to dwell upon. It cracked my shell and now I have to rebuild, I have to refocus, and the way I do that is by winning one match at a time.
He did a lot for me, he brought me into the WWC.
I had been walking through the arena, in the darkest corners,
Just thinking. There was going to be a long road ahead, this much I knew. Jeff at Aftershock, that was the match that this is all leading up to, but first he wants to weaken me. He thinks he can...
But if he thought that this would do it when he booked the card, he had another thing coming. I looked up at the camera and gave a sick smile, giggling like a schoolgirl. Not that this is something that I have made it a habit to do in the past few years, or ever.
“So, Jeff, how is it going, Jeff? Are you still looking over your shoulder? Are you paying more attention to the staff now, to the cameramen? Do the faceless in your mind now have faces? I’ve been teaching you a lesson this past month, Jeff, showing you just what happens when you give less than a damn about your fellow man. You didn’t know these people that you employed, I would have stayed under your radar anyway but that made it so much easier. I mean, you even looked directly at me. Twice.”
I took a bottle of water from the inside pocket of my white duster and took a swig, “But these are issues that we can discuss at a later date. Because I have to focus my attention on three men...or two, I don’t really give the first two in that match much more than half a man when I consider them. But I have to pin someone to the mat three times so I guess three men at least in name. You see, two of the men, I just cannot take seriously. Hawkens, melodramatic nickname, but then I can talk, difference is that I back my words up. He is ‘The Dangerous’ Steve Hawkens, he is someone that thinks that we should fear him. He comes in, loses a couple of matches and then...disappears off the radar. If you think that a name alone will beat me, Hawkens, if you think that you can intimidate me, then why,” I gave the camera a sick smile, “You are even crazier than me and that...is very hard to be. Let me tell you something, Hawkens, you are not an obstacle to me in winning this match, you are nothing more than a warmup.”
I turned my attention to Jake Ruby.
“Jake, let me tell you something little boy. When you were writing roleplays, I was putting the work in in the ring. When you were winning your fake world titles, I was earning real, solid Championship gold. When you got your highs reading a poorly typed set of results, I was leaping from fifteen foot ladders. When you became the E-Starr, I was already the Matriarch of UltraViolence. You drop a leg over your opponents from the middle rope, I hit a backflip with full twist travelling against the momentum of my spin from the top. I am a woman that is more dangerous than any man you have ever stepped into the ring with, and I am certainly more dangerous than the fellow weaklings that you roleplayed against. You and your ilk make me sick, Ruby, you think that because you write about something for two years, then you are practically a pro. You think that you are a man when you are nothing but a little boy.”
I glared at the camera and began pacing, back and forth, back and forth. A clock was ticking behind me and it was starting to
Tick, tock, tick, tock, the same message that I have left Hurricane Jeff again and again.
“Ruby, I am going to make a man out of you. And no, I do not mean that you will lose your virginity unless you count being utterly ass-raped. I am going to put you through more pain than you have ever imagined and if, if you come through that pain, if you show up next week, you can say that you have truly achieved something, but then, to do that you will have to pull your way out of your Desecrated Grave. And then there is Lively. I heard your comments, Lively. So I am Pandora, I am Eve, I am Lillith, Isis, Kali. I am the downfall of man, she that releases every plague that you could imagine into the world. I am the desolater, the desecrator, the destroyer of everything that you could ever call yours. I am the first pain you feel ion the morning, I am the cold chill felt before death. I am all this and more and that makes me more powerful than you could ever be. You may be the son of Kaos, you may be the JESUS of the APW...excuse me.”
“That’s better. Lively, you are something very special in the ring, but what you will never be is something primal, you will never be the irresistible force that is the Dark Paladin of Kaos. I am Malace, I am Hatred, I am the primeval force of Kaos, I embody all that you could ever hope to be, and while I respect you, while I back your title reign, your well deserved title reign, I am going to teach you a lesson.” I paused and then whispered, “I am going to teach you the meaning of mortality.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, tearing out a knot, “And then, Lively, when I am done, I will leave a message for Jeff. I will show him that he can stack the deck, but that when he steps into the ring with me, when he tries to contain the forces of Kaos, that he will be utterly destroyed. That he is going to burn in the maelstrom, the forces of the Supernova. And that, Jeff, is a Cold Hard fact. Boys. I will see you in the ring.”
‘Spirit’ Tara Jacobs.
This is me speaking, me, Tara Jacobs, no one else. Their voices are background noise but they are loud, it’s like trying to sleep near an airport and hey, since I’ve slept in a doorway near Birmingham International, I know exactly what that is like.
And it was me that beat Victor Brander, me that attacked Hurricane Jeff, me that crucified one of his security guards. Yes, those ideas popped into my head unbidden, but I always knew what I was doing.
She is so weak, so unsure of herself, don’t you think? Yes, Tara has been there, yes she knows exactly what she has been doing, but the thing that she does not get is that
We run the show.
When someone goes through what dear Tara has been through, when she sees her mother murdered in front of her eyes, when she has to live on the streets...
Do you think for one moment that the girl who let, LET her father beat her could have survived those years?
No, she couldn’t. She had to put that little bit of herself away, she had to build a shell around the little girl, she had to let something else take over. She is...multifaceted. She turned away from us though, she put her faith in friends. She put her faith in Diana Steel.
[/i][/right]And then she died.
But that is something that I cannot afford to dwell upon. It cracked my shell and now I have to rebuild, I have to refocus, and the way I do that is by winning one match at a time.
Jeff has done so much to her over the past four years.
He did a lot for me, he brought me into the WWC.
And then he tried to cut you loose. What was it he called you?
But that is something that we should address in the future, because this week we must fight in a Gauntlet match. Steve Hawkens,
The ‘daaaaangerous’ Steve Hawkens, ooh, I am SO SCARED!
The E-Starr, Jake Ruby.
WEAKLING!
And Michael Lively, APW’s longest running Champion, fellow KaotiK. That would be a pay-per-view worthy match in itself. But hark hark, a camera does lurk.
[/i][/right]I had been walking through the arena, in the darkest corners,
Jumping at your own shadow.
Just thinking. There was going to be a long road ahead, this much I knew. Jeff at Aftershock, that was the match that this is all leading up to, but first he wants to weaken me. He thinks he can...
What he doesn’t know is what it is to be truly broken. Jeff will never do that to her, to us.
But if he thought that this would do it when he booked the card, he had another thing coming. I looked up at the camera and gave a sick smile, giggling like a schoolgirl. Not that this is something that I have made it a habit to do in the past few years, or ever.
But then this was just too funny.
“So, Jeff, how is it going, Jeff? Are you still looking over your shoulder? Are you paying more attention to the staff now, to the cameramen? Do the faceless in your mind now have faces? I’ve been teaching you a lesson this past month, Jeff, showing you just what happens when you give less than a damn about your fellow man. You didn’t know these people that you employed, I would have stayed under your radar anyway but that made it so much easier. I mean, you even looked directly at me. Twice.”
And we had a good laugh at that later.
I took a bottle of water from the inside pocket of my white duster and took a swig, “But these are issues that we can discuss at a later date. Because I have to focus my attention on three men...or two, I don’t really give the first two in that match much more than half a man when I consider them. But I have to pin someone to the mat three times so I guess three men at least in name. You see, two of the men, I just cannot take seriously. Hawkens, melodramatic nickname, but then I can talk, difference is that I back my words up. He is ‘The Dangerous’ Steve Hawkens, he is someone that thinks that we should fear him. He comes in, loses a couple of matches and then...disappears off the radar. If you think that a name alone will beat me, Hawkens, if you think that you can intimidate me, then why,” I gave the camera a sick smile, “You are even crazier than me and that...is very hard to be. Let me tell you something, Hawkens, you are not an obstacle to me in winning this match, you are nothing more than a warmup.”
I turned my attention to Jake Ruby.
The weak little pussbag that he is, he doesn’t deserve our attention.
Then let the lady tell her story.
[/i][/right]“Jake, let me tell you something little boy. When you were writing roleplays, I was putting the work in in the ring. When you were winning your fake world titles, I was earning real, solid Championship gold. When you got your highs reading a poorly typed set of results, I was leaping from fifteen foot ladders. When you became the E-Starr, I was already the Matriarch of UltraViolence. You drop a leg over your opponents from the middle rope, I hit a backflip with full twist travelling against the momentum of my spin from the top. I am a woman that is more dangerous than any man you have ever stepped into the ring with, and I am certainly more dangerous than the fellow weaklings that you roleplayed against. You and your ilk make me sick, Ruby, you think that because you write about something for two years, then you are practically a pro. You think that you are a man when you are nothing but a little boy.”
I glared at the camera and began pacing, back and forth, back and forth. A clock was ticking behind me and it was starting to
GET ON MY LAST FUCKING NERVE!
Tick, tock, tick, tock, the same message that I have left Hurricane Jeff again and again.
And something that he has never quite learned the meaning of. But then we are so much more cerebral than him.
“Ruby, I am going to make a man out of you. And no, I do not mean that you will lose your virginity unless you count being utterly ass-raped. I am going to put you through more pain than you have ever imagined and if, if you come through that pain, if you show up next week, you can say that you have truly achieved something, but then, to do that you will have to pull your way out of your Desecrated Grave. And then there is Lively. I heard your comments, Lively. So I am Pandora, I am Eve, I am Lillith, Isis, Kali. I am the downfall of man, she that releases every plague that you could imagine into the world. I am the desolater, the desecrator, the destroyer of everything that you could ever call yours. I am the first pain you feel ion the morning, I am the cold chill felt before death. I am all this and more and that makes me more powerful than you could ever be. You may be the son of Kaos, you may be the JESUS of the APW...excuse me.”
I spun and ripped that fucking clock off the damn wall. I threw it to the ground and GROUND IT INTO DUST!
[/i][/center]“That’s better. Lively, you are something very special in the ring, but what you will never be is something primal, you will never be the irresistible force that is the Dark Paladin of Kaos. I am Malace, I am Hatred, I am the primeval force of Kaos, I embody all that you could ever hope to be, and while I respect you, while I back your title reign, your well deserved title reign, I am going to teach you a lesson.” I paused and then whispered, “I am going to teach you the meaning of mortality.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, tearing out a knot, “And then, Lively, when I am done, I will leave a message for Jeff. I will show him that he can stack the deck, but that when he steps into the ring with me, when he tries to contain the forces of Kaos, that he will be utterly destroyed. That he is going to burn in the maelstrom, the forces of the Supernova. And that, Jeff, is a Cold Hard fact. Boys. I will see you in the ring.”
We will show Jeff just what it is to fear. We will show him his future on the carcasses of three sacrificial lambs.
He will learn to fear the Matriarch of UltraViolence.
The Damned Dame of the Insane.
[/i][/right]‘Spirit’ Tara Jacobs.
