Post by Rick Stevens on Sept 15, 2008 20:40:53 GMT -4
(We are brought to a rather large parking lot, there are old, dirty cars parked taking up most of the parking lot. There are crowds of people exiting their vehicles and they all seem to be walking toward the same thing. They seem to be getting pulled in like mindless zombies, there seems to be some sort of force pulling them in. Whatever it is has to be a source of massive unheard of power. The day is hot; you can tell by the sweat racing down the people’s skin, it’s almost too hot to be outside. Still, this does not dissuade the masses of people from their target destination. However, there is one man walking unlike the others. This man does not look like a zombie at all, he is dressed rather casually, he has a plain white T-shirt on, with a pair of white shorts. He seems to be about 6 feet tall, and in rather phenomenal shape. Not the kind of good shape that the average person who works out is in. This is a different kind; you can tell this man dedicates every single day to being physically fit. As the man and the mass of people walk further down the parking lot, a very large sort of building can be seen in the distance. The man and the people grow closer, and a large building finally comes into visible view.)
Wal-Mart
(That is the text that is shown on the front of the building. The man enters the building through the automatic doors; we can now see that the man is none other than Martial Arts master Rick “The Dick” Stevens, though part of his face is being covering by a pair of rather expensive looking sunglasses. As he comes through the other side of the automatic door, he is greeted by a man who is clearly very old, and possibly has alzheimers disease. The old man has no hair on the top of his head, and the hair just above his ears is completely white. He is wearing a large pair of spectacles, and seems to be asleep until Rick Stevens is about 5 feet passed him.)
Old Man: Welcm…..WALmrrrt
(Rick Stevens, hearing the mans pitiful attempt at speaking, stops in his tracks, waits a second, then slowly turns around.)
Rick Stevens: Huh?
(The old man gazes into Rick’s eyes. Rick’s eyes are blue, a very powerful blue, as you look into his eyes you can see his entire soul, and they are glimmering in the light, and look sensitive and passionate.)
Rick Stevens: Who the hell are you talking to OLD MAN?
(The old man gains a sad look across his face, puts his head down and begins staring at the ground. Rick Stevens turns back around and continues a powerful walk into the store, all the while with a large smile on his face. He finds himself in the electronics section of the store, looking at all different kinds of televisions. He turns toward the camera.)
Rick Stevens: These prices. Wow. You just can’t beat them. This is quite possibly the greatest store of all time. I come here all the time, I once got FIVE movies here for twenty dollars! It is just so amazing. I’m sorry for holding you guys up but I had to stop here to get some new weights.
(Rick Stevens continues to travel through Wal-Mart. All around there are disgusting looking individuals, with dirt on their clothing, teeth missing, partially balding, it is an awful sight. After walking through several aisles, Rick Stevens looks around for a moment.)
Rick Stevens: Hmm. I’m going to have to ask one of these employees for help, I can’t seem to find the weights.
(Rick Stevens approaches a female employee of Wal-Mart, who is behind a counter filing her nails. He reaches the counter, and the woman continues to file her nails.)
Rick Stevens: Excuse me.
Woman:…
Rick Stevens(As he jams his face into hers): EXCUSE ME
(The woman is Latino, and quite young. She looks up at him.)
Woman: Yeeaaa?
(Upon hearing this word Rick Stevens gets very annoyed. He does not like the attitude of the employee. After all, if you’re working as an employee, and it is your job to help people, shouldn’t the employee be happy, or at least act happy, to help people? This puzzles Rick and makes him very upset. However, he decides he is not going to make anything of it, and is going to remain peaceful, regardless of the utter disrespect this woman is showing him.)
Rick Stevens: Could you possibly direct me to the weights?
Woman: …
Rick Stevens: Like lifting. Lifting weights, weight lifting?
Woman: …
Rick Stevens: Listen tequila tits I don’t have time for your asinine behavior. You’re not getting back at society by being a bitch working at wal mart. Its not my fault fate has dealt you such a cruel hand… I’m truly sorry your face has to look like this but PLEASE tell me where the hell the weights are.
(Rick Stevens slowly starts to realize the woman is deaf)
Rick Stevens: …. Oops….
(Rick Stevens slowly turns from the counter and walks away.)
Rick Stevens: I guess we should get this “interview” going then I guess. Follow me; I know what we can do.
(Rick Stevens begins walking toward one end of the massive store. They reach the furniture section, and there is a table and two chairs on display. Rick Stevens walks over and takes a seat in one of the chairs.)
Rick Stevens: Alright, let’s do this.
(The interviewer walks into camera sight and sits across from Rick Stevens on the furniture display.)
Interviewer: Alright let’s get this underway.
(The interviewer looks very afraid, most likely at the fact that the interview is being done inside a Wal-Mart store. He keeps looking around, as if he is doing something wrong. He is wearing very thick glasses and a business suit, with his hair combed to the side.)
Interviewer: Well Rick. You’re new here in APW, and we want to know what it is you hope to accomplish while here…What are your goals?
(Rick Stevens stares at the man for a second.)
Rick Stevens: I know what your saying, thank you for repeating yourself though. What it is that I want to do here in APW is quite simple…I am a wrestler, it’s what I do, it’s what I love to do, and I am damn good at doing it. I am here because I like to challenge myself…not that my opponent THIS week is any sort of challenge!
(The interviewer immediately bursts into an obviously forced laugh. He continues to stretch it out… almost gagging now, until he finally vomits onto a passing customer)
Rick Stevens:………. Um……
(A very unhappy looking woman screams out in disgust as the vomit fly’s into her chest)
(Over the loudspeaker the words “Cleanup in isle 4” can be heard)
Rick Stevens: So uh.
Interviewer: Yeah… Let me just go to the next question then. You’re having your debut match this week with none other than Jason Richoshit?… am I reading this right?
(The interviewer looks around at the other crew members and then shows the card to Rick Stevens)
Rick Stevens: Yes.
Interviewer: Yes, what are your thoughts on this upcoming match, your DEBUT match?
Rick Stevens: Well let me just say first, this is only my debut match in THIS federation. I have been a professional for quite some time now, and I am by no means new to this sort of scene. As for the actual the actual match, As for you Mr. Shit, if you’re done sucking on Shawn Micheals penis, maybe we can get down to business here. Go ahead, I’ll give you time to clean up… Maybe it would have less embarrassing if you actually took the time to find out who it is I am. Former United States Champion, Former Tag Team Champion. Who the hell are you? Also I’m, afraid I don’t have any kids… nor am I married, nor do I currently hold a membership at any “gym”…. I guess you’re just stupid… sorry. I’m sorry that you seem to have suffered some brain damage in your last match, and it has somehow made you think you’re important. You wrestled to a draw with some nobody. According to Mr. Shits, I will “always be an average superstar” and I will never be “making it to the main events”…what? I guess you’re just on a ROLL Jason. Actually, I have been in several main event matches, and have sold out arenas all over the country, and in many other countries as well. The United States, the UK and Japan are the ones that immediately come to mind. I hope someone who is as severely misinformed as you are about their opponent doesn’t expect to actually have a chance at winning their match this week.
(The interviewer opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something)
Rick Stevens: He looks forward to crossing paths with Carl again? But, oh no, he has “more pressing matters”? Oh no it’s Rick Stevens! Wait, management has failed to place him against a “worthy opponent”… wait a second, I could have sworn... oh yes so what he’s saying is his “more pressing matters” is an opponent that is NOT worthy…I’m not a “worthy” opponent? How many matches have you been in? Oh… 1…hmmm, and did you win that one? OH….hmm okay. So, you like to say my name is Rick “Suck my Dick” Stevens. Its pretty clever how you turned that one around on me… wait a minute… Why do you want to suck my dick? I’m not surprised…
Interviewer: Hmm, well, that was embarrassing. Anyway, I believe that’s all the time we have for today, thank you for taking to the time to talk to us Rick.
Rick Stevens: Any time!
(Music starts to play and the camera slowly fades out as the two figures get up from their seats and begin to walk away.)
Wal-Mart
(That is the text that is shown on the front of the building. The man enters the building through the automatic doors; we can now see that the man is none other than Martial Arts master Rick “The Dick” Stevens, though part of his face is being covering by a pair of rather expensive looking sunglasses. As he comes through the other side of the automatic door, he is greeted by a man who is clearly very old, and possibly has alzheimers disease. The old man has no hair on the top of his head, and the hair just above his ears is completely white. He is wearing a large pair of spectacles, and seems to be asleep until Rick Stevens is about 5 feet passed him.)
Old Man: Welcm…..WALmrrrt
(Rick Stevens, hearing the mans pitiful attempt at speaking, stops in his tracks, waits a second, then slowly turns around.)
Rick Stevens: Huh?
(The old man gazes into Rick’s eyes. Rick’s eyes are blue, a very powerful blue, as you look into his eyes you can see his entire soul, and they are glimmering in the light, and look sensitive and passionate.)
Rick Stevens: Who the hell are you talking to OLD MAN?
(The old man gains a sad look across his face, puts his head down and begins staring at the ground. Rick Stevens turns back around and continues a powerful walk into the store, all the while with a large smile on his face. He finds himself in the electronics section of the store, looking at all different kinds of televisions. He turns toward the camera.)
Rick Stevens: These prices. Wow. You just can’t beat them. This is quite possibly the greatest store of all time. I come here all the time, I once got FIVE movies here for twenty dollars! It is just so amazing. I’m sorry for holding you guys up but I had to stop here to get some new weights.
(Rick Stevens continues to travel through Wal-Mart. All around there are disgusting looking individuals, with dirt on their clothing, teeth missing, partially balding, it is an awful sight. After walking through several aisles, Rick Stevens looks around for a moment.)
Rick Stevens: Hmm. I’m going to have to ask one of these employees for help, I can’t seem to find the weights.
(Rick Stevens approaches a female employee of Wal-Mart, who is behind a counter filing her nails. He reaches the counter, and the woman continues to file her nails.)
Rick Stevens: Excuse me.
Woman:…
Rick Stevens(As he jams his face into hers): EXCUSE ME
(The woman is Latino, and quite young. She looks up at him.)
Woman: Yeeaaa?
(Upon hearing this word Rick Stevens gets very annoyed. He does not like the attitude of the employee. After all, if you’re working as an employee, and it is your job to help people, shouldn’t the employee be happy, or at least act happy, to help people? This puzzles Rick and makes him very upset. However, he decides he is not going to make anything of it, and is going to remain peaceful, regardless of the utter disrespect this woman is showing him.)
Rick Stevens: Could you possibly direct me to the weights?
Woman: …
Rick Stevens: Like lifting. Lifting weights, weight lifting?
Woman: …
Rick Stevens: Listen tequila tits I don’t have time for your asinine behavior. You’re not getting back at society by being a bitch working at wal mart. Its not my fault fate has dealt you such a cruel hand… I’m truly sorry your face has to look like this but PLEASE tell me where the hell the weights are.
(Rick Stevens slowly starts to realize the woman is deaf)
Rick Stevens: …. Oops….
(Rick Stevens slowly turns from the counter and walks away.)
Rick Stevens: I guess we should get this “interview” going then I guess. Follow me; I know what we can do.
(Rick Stevens begins walking toward one end of the massive store. They reach the furniture section, and there is a table and two chairs on display. Rick Stevens walks over and takes a seat in one of the chairs.)
Rick Stevens: Alright, let’s do this.
(The interviewer walks into camera sight and sits across from Rick Stevens on the furniture display.)
Interviewer: Alright let’s get this underway.
(The interviewer looks very afraid, most likely at the fact that the interview is being done inside a Wal-Mart store. He keeps looking around, as if he is doing something wrong. He is wearing very thick glasses and a business suit, with his hair combed to the side.)
Interviewer: Well Rick. You’re new here in APW, and we want to know what it is you hope to accomplish while here…What are your goals?
(Rick Stevens stares at the man for a second.)
Rick Stevens: I know what your saying, thank you for repeating yourself though. What it is that I want to do here in APW is quite simple…I am a wrestler, it’s what I do, it’s what I love to do, and I am damn good at doing it. I am here because I like to challenge myself…not that my opponent THIS week is any sort of challenge!
(The interviewer immediately bursts into an obviously forced laugh. He continues to stretch it out… almost gagging now, until he finally vomits onto a passing customer)
Rick Stevens:………. Um……
(A very unhappy looking woman screams out in disgust as the vomit fly’s into her chest)
(Over the loudspeaker the words “Cleanup in isle 4” can be heard)
Rick Stevens: So uh.
Interviewer: Yeah… Let me just go to the next question then. You’re having your debut match this week with none other than Jason Richoshit?… am I reading this right?
(The interviewer looks around at the other crew members and then shows the card to Rick Stevens)
Rick Stevens: Yes.
Interviewer: Yes, what are your thoughts on this upcoming match, your DEBUT match?
Rick Stevens: Well let me just say first, this is only my debut match in THIS federation. I have been a professional for quite some time now, and I am by no means new to this sort of scene. As for the actual the actual match, As for you Mr. Shit, if you’re done sucking on Shawn Micheals penis, maybe we can get down to business here. Go ahead, I’ll give you time to clean up… Maybe it would have less embarrassing if you actually took the time to find out who it is I am. Former United States Champion, Former Tag Team Champion. Who the hell are you? Also I’m, afraid I don’t have any kids… nor am I married, nor do I currently hold a membership at any “gym”…. I guess you’re just stupid… sorry. I’m sorry that you seem to have suffered some brain damage in your last match, and it has somehow made you think you’re important. You wrestled to a draw with some nobody. According to Mr. Shits, I will “always be an average superstar” and I will never be “making it to the main events”…what? I guess you’re just on a ROLL Jason. Actually, I have been in several main event matches, and have sold out arenas all over the country, and in many other countries as well. The United States, the UK and Japan are the ones that immediately come to mind. I hope someone who is as severely misinformed as you are about their opponent doesn’t expect to actually have a chance at winning their match this week.
(The interviewer opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something)
Rick Stevens: He looks forward to crossing paths with Carl again? But, oh no, he has “more pressing matters”? Oh no it’s Rick Stevens! Wait, management has failed to place him against a “worthy opponent”… wait a second, I could have sworn... oh yes so what he’s saying is his “more pressing matters” is an opponent that is NOT worthy…I’m not a “worthy” opponent? How many matches have you been in? Oh… 1…hmmm, and did you win that one? OH….hmm okay. So, you like to say my name is Rick “Suck my Dick” Stevens. Its pretty clever how you turned that one around on me… wait a minute… Why do you want to suck my dick? I’m not surprised…
Interviewer: Hmm, well, that was embarrassing. Anyway, I believe that’s all the time we have for today, thank you for taking to the time to talk to us Rick.
Rick Stevens: Any time!
(Music starts to play and the camera slowly fades out as the two figures get up from their seats and begin to walk away.)
