Back to School

[Arcadia]

Katrina "Arcadia the Divine" Olivetti
frequently closed captioned by SAP

The scene opens in a large, brightly lit room. The cold, brick walls are painted a pale yellow. As the camera pans, rows of desks come in to view. They are all almost identical, with four steel legs, light brown pressboard tops, and dark blue, metal chairs attached to them, with small, steel baskets under the seats. Gayly decorated bulletin boards line the walls with posters on them that shout, "School is cool", "Brains + Drive = Success!"
and "Reading opens new worlds!" outlined with bold borders that show pictures of apples and smiling pencils.

The light clicking of women's high heels on tile is heard as a petite, curvacious woman enters the room. She comes into view of the camera, the black blazer of her dress suit muting the shimmering, silver, low-cut, silk blouse underneath. She turns her back to the camera, giving the audience a delicious veiw of her knee-high skirt encased backside, her shapely stocking-clad calves, and a single, long, shining, platinum braid.

The woman picks up a piece of chalk from the lip of the blackboard facing her and writes in elegant script above her head, "Miss Olivetti" underneath which she chalks out, "Pro Wrestling for the Gender Impaired". She places her chalk back on the board and pivots on her heel to face the camera. Katrina Olivetti smiles brightly at the lens from behind her black luchadore mask and says, "Good morning, class!"

Arcadia the Divine crosses out from behind the teachers desk, sliding a ruler off of the surface and sits down on the desk, in the front, crossing her legs at the knee. She twirls the ruler in her right land, while leaning on her left hand. Her voice carries out across the room, the acoustics pulling it towards the back in ringing, dulcet tones, where the slackers, sleepers, jokers, and tokers would be sitting.

"Everybody open your notebooks and get out a blue or black pen. I want you to take thorough notes, there might be a pop quiz coming soon." Katrina happily smiles as she waits for her invisible class to open their books. After a sufficient amount of time has passed she chirps, "Okay, everyone is ready? Good."

The camera zooms up the aisle, cutting all the desks but the teacher's from view, focusing on Miss Olivetti perched on it.

"The Icon" Dr. Phate. Or would you rather be called The Twisted Schoolgirl this week?" Katrina looks down at her blank attendance roster laying by her hip and frowns. "Dr. Phate will have to do, I suppose, until we see your uniform at Overdrive this week." She looks back up at the camera and says, "Well, Dr. Phate, I have a math problem for you to solve. If Johnny has two personalities, and Sarah has a secret identity, and niether Johnny nor Sarah knows who is actually in the ring, but Johnny has years more experience than Sarah but the ratio of Sarah's sanity is completely equal to that of Johnny's experience and thrice the amount of Johnny's sanity, and they both look great in a skirt, and one leaves from Chicago at 6 while the other leaves from Oregon at 2:30, how many apples are left?"

Arcadia taps her ruler against her hand briskly as she waits. "No answer? Hmmm. Dr. Phate, I think you need to stay after school for extra help. The correct answer is NO ONE CARES." She leans forward on the desk, drawing her eyebrows together as she states to the camera, "It doesn't matter to me what your personal history is or was or will be. It matters that you step your game up in the ring with me if you want to play. You have quite a career behind you. And I'll admit you've pulled off some incredible feats in your past matches, but it's time to look at the career ahead of you. You are talented, you are comical, and you can kick some ass in a pleated skirt well enough to impress any woman who has ever had to do the same. But I am better."

The One-Winged Angel hops off the desk and adjusts her skirt while walking up the aisle towards the camera. "I have never disappeared, I have never taken a vacation, I have never retired. I've also never lost. I have been wrestling since I was five and my training shows. And anyone who saw Mayhem can tell you that I don't go down, or at least, no one knows exactly how much it takes to lay me out." She shakes her head firmly as she subconsiously massages her ribs for a moment and says, "I don't plan on letting you find out, either. I have the strength and the perseverance to beat you and I will, whether you're in a skirt or a suit or a diaper, or a double assed horse costume. All I care about is the W in my column and an L in yours.

You had an amazing match last week. But so did I. Your not fighting a debut-er this time. Do not underestimate me, and do not run and hide behind your skirt. Get ready to play and make sure you bring it like a man...(Arcadia looks puzzled, and frowns)...in a dress. You need to go back to school, because you missed two of the most important lessons you could learn."

The Hardcor-a Luchadora walked back to the chalkboard and wrote; "You're all out of lives" bringing her arm back to sweep the chalk across the board once more, she writes underneath; "You don't have any more tokens". She turns back to the camera and says, "Get a good night's sleep, there's a big test tomorrow. A test for the best. And while you're good, I'm better, so make sure you've got as much going for you and you can. School's out."

Arcadia walks to the door of the classroom and shuts the lights on her way out. The camera fades to black.[/center]