Post by estarr on Apr 11, 2008 0:05:45 GMT -4
While some people might find it funny that things can change so drastically in the space of 2 years, Jake Ruby doesn't. Two years ago, he was living on a potato farm, yearning for a change. That change would come about as a result of his hard work and determination. Not to mention, his God-given talent as the greatest e-fedder in the world. Two years ago, Jake Ruby was winning world title after world title, and there wasn't anyone who could stop him at the time. Now, he's moved onto the real thing, and if the past is anything to go by, he is destined to main event this company. If the past has anything else to offer, it's that in 6 months, he'll have a face change, bulk up by 50lbs, and learn a whole new move list.
When a person is handed an opportunity like Jake was, there can be one of two outcomes. They can fall to the side of the road, or they can become a stronger person from it. Having gone through e-company after e-company after e-company, Jake Ruby knows what it takes to succeed in the wrestling business. He's written thousands of roleplays, written for hundreds of hours, and even done away with spell-check. All the while, he's had to deal with that pesky real world – all the personal schtick that goes with it too. If only things were as easy as 'block and delete'.
Now that Jake is debuting, he's wondering how many years he wasted, watching from the e-sidelines. He knew that he was better than anything the real wrestling world could muster up for a long time. He knew when he won a 5-limit post, 25-man battle royal with a single post. He knew he was better than anyone else in the real ring when he wrote an entire card's worth of 2,000 word matches that saw him win the Match of the Year, Pay Per View of the Year, and Results Writer of the Year in 2003. Sure, he's had his problems along the road, but there's nothing that he couldn't overcome with sheer determination and ridiculous skill. And besides, facing down against the problems (whether they be post limits or last-hour posters) is what determines an e-fedder – and a man.
Now we get to the man himself. In a dark corner, somewhere in the arena, there is a pile of crates, unoccupied for the moment. It looks like a great place to have a think, a moment to yourself. Suddenly, the room is lit up as the camera turns around to Jake Ruby, standing half-way through the door, hand on the light switch. He looks around. The camera looks around too. Among the crates is a dumpster, 7 trash cans, and a bag of something that is leaking all over the floor, pooling in the center of the room.
Jake: What the hell is that smell? Who would debase themselves so much as to step foot in here? I could understand a homeless person, maybe even some of the jobbers in this company. But seriously ...
Jake kicks one of the crates, then nods his head to outside of the room, getting the cameraman to follow. Up he gets and tags along with Jake, walking the halls of Sydney Entertainment Center. He gives the camera a few quick glances now and then, until they find an appropriate area for a promo. Jake smiles with excitement and looks at the camera.
Jake: Every now and then, a person finds themselves at a crossroad; a fork in the road; a moment in their life; a moment in time; a hard decision; a life changing decision; a dead end; a glass ceiling; on a road to nowhere; lost in life; at the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning; facing the facts; staring down truth; can I fit any more clichés into that sentence?
Jake stops, thinks, and shakes his head.
Jake: No I cannot. Anyway, I find myself at any one of them tonight. You see, it's my debut match. The match that will dictate my future in this business, this sport, this profession, this job, this career, this wage-earning task of wrestling. My debut match is that thing in my life that will determine if I have “it” or if I don't. I know I have it.
How do I know? Because of my story. I grew up in humble beginnings. On a spud farm in Idaho, where the workers would pick taters day in, day out, except during the winter. That's when they'd all take to whittling. Oh, the grand old whittling days, when we'd sit around the dining room, whittling our pieces off wood. *Jake scoffs a laugh* Those days were crap! I wasn't no spud farmer, and I definitely ain't no whittlin' Jake! I was busy living a real life – I was busy roleplaying, and e-fedding, and writing promos for my weekly matches. Living a real life. Then it all got too much for me. I was being stifled, I was being strangled, my creativity and my skill was being wrung out of me like my jeans and the clothes wringer my mother always used. Damn that woman should have upgraded to a dryer!
Anyway, I had to get out of there. Away from my potato growing father, away from my clothes-wringing mother. I took to the streets, rather than being around that “abuse”. I knew where I was going though – to wrestling school. That was my home for a while. It was my fortress of solitude. My rock. My dock. My all. My castle. My home sweet home. My humble abode. And while leaving that no-good spud farm was probably the first adult decision after leaving home – or even in my whole life – joining that wrestling school was that defining moment in my life that screamed out “Jake! Drop and give me twenty!”. The teacher had also been in the military.
A group of crew members walks into camera shot, coming to a stop between Jake and the camera. Jake politely waits for them to move along, but they just stand there and talk. He tries to get their attention with a cough, then a louder one, and then finally ...
Jake: Excuse me. You're in the way.
Crew guy 1: Of what?
Jake: My promo. For my match. My debut match. Maybe you've heard about it. Jake Ruby's debut. It's going to be huge, phenomenal, massive, great, fantastic ...
All the crew give him a look over, sizing him up, and then looking at one another. Finally one breaks the silence.
Crew guy 2: You're a wrestler? As in, professional wrestler?
Jake: Damn right I am. 'The E-Star' Jake Ruby. I'm debuting tonight, and this *Jake points to the camera* is my debut promo. So if you don't mind ...
Crew guy 1: Sorry buddy, we just thought you were with one of those charities that brings people to their favourites things before they, you know ...
Jake: Before they what?
Crew guy 2: ... die.
The crew begins to head off as Jake looks peeved off.
Jake: Now that they've gone, where was I? *Jake thinks* This is a little harder than back what I'm used to. If only I could scroll back ... anyway ... I was fortunate enough to be backstage for last week's Overdrive tapings. What a show it was! There was violence and mayhem and this and that. It was a real eye-opener. We got to see the Church of Kaos start up. That was impressive, though, if I could offer some advice. Maybe the Kult of Kaos would have been better? Alliteration goes a long ways to getting you a victory. Then the stable's initials would have been KoK – still the same word, and still an apt description of each member! Zing!
Jake looks pleased with himself, though he has probably signed on for his first beating. If only he knew how much attack promos actually hurt – more than pride. He'll find out soon enough though if he keeps that up. Sure, that stable might have some serious bad-asses in it with weird-ass nicknames ('The Dark Paladin of Violence' might want to hook up with Jake 'Stage 3 Mage of Wrestling' Ruby one day for a little D&D after a match, eh?), but ... I've got nothing. Moving on now.
Jake: Anyway, what I saw backstage was encouraging. The first match of the night was the Xtreme Title Match, where the now lonely Trevor Blackwell engaged in some 'brotherly love' with Tony Blackwell. That was the opening match of the night. And it was great. And everyone loved it. It was just as good as the main event ... maybe. Anyway, look who they put in the first match this week? That's right. Jake Ruby. They put me in the opening match. The match that will start the night. I'm in the first thing that the audience will see ... after the classification rating, and the warning to not try anything at home, and then the introduction, then the commentators talking about ... stuff, and then the announcer introducing me. But after all that, the audience is going to see me first. The first match – what some might consider the most important match of a card. That's a lot of faith being put into me – to carry the entire show on my back. It's a burden, but a burden I'm willing to wear.
Boss Jeff, he has made a good decision. He's put someone with 15 years of experience in that match. With 225 world titles under his ... uhhh ... belt. Who's spent more time around wrestling than anyone else here. I spent so much time playing Smackdown vs. Raw that my parents called the police, telling them I was missing! I remember every combo and ever button combination. This sort of knowledge is invaluable, and I've got it now. Can you imagine how deadly I'll be when I'm in the ring, for the first time, with all this wealth of knowledge at my disposal? It's like having Batman and Spiderman all rolled up into some sort of combo-man. Wait, I've got it, I'll call him a 'Superman'! Wait ...
Jake stops, thinks, and realises he's probably broken a copyright law somewhere in there. But it was a good idea while it lasted. Moving on now.
Jake: Unfortunately, there is someone that has to face me in that match. Unfortunate for them! Because they have to face the wrath of Jake Ruby and his limitless fountain of wrestling knowledge. Her name: Katrina Olivetti. Now, normally I would object to watching a man fight a woman. But this will be the first time I've been in the ring with a woman, and I don't discriminate. Actually, it will be the first time I've been this close to a woman ever who isn't related to me. Mother always used to say I should go out and meet girls. I told her I knew plenty, but she said online ones don't count.
Now, I checked out the stats of my opponent, and to be honest with you, I'm even more excited about my match. Not for anything other than all her moves are named after games! There's the 'Sonic & Tails', Grand Theft Auto, Space Invaders, and another classic with Pac-Man, Solid Snake, and a personal favourite, Super Tetris. What a lady! It takes someone special (some might say nerdy) to do something like that. I'm wondering if I've actually met this person before – maybe at Comic-Con, or the Sci-Fi Convention. Anyway, what a real swell girl she must be.
But I have to make a good impression on everyone with my first match, and you're my first opponent. You'll be the one who gets a taste of everything Jake Ruby. The whole package. The kit and caboodle. The whole show – the whole f'n show. The main event. Mr. Wrestle. The patriarch of wrestling. And that's what my first match is about – showing everyone just what I'm capable of. I'm sorry you have to be the guinea pig for that Katrina, but that's how the 12-sided dice falls. And there isn't any an additional rules supplement that gives you +3 avoid match. This is Jake Ruby, signing off.
When a person is handed an opportunity like Jake was, there can be one of two outcomes. They can fall to the side of the road, or they can become a stronger person from it. Having gone through e-company after e-company after e-company, Jake Ruby knows what it takes to succeed in the wrestling business. He's written thousands of roleplays, written for hundreds of hours, and even done away with spell-check. All the while, he's had to deal with that pesky real world – all the personal schtick that goes with it too. If only things were as easy as 'block and delete'.
Now that Jake is debuting, he's wondering how many years he wasted, watching from the e-sidelines. He knew that he was better than anything the real wrestling world could muster up for a long time. He knew when he won a 5-limit post, 25-man battle royal with a single post. He knew he was better than anyone else in the real ring when he wrote an entire card's worth of 2,000 word matches that saw him win the Match of the Year, Pay Per View of the Year, and Results Writer of the Year in 2003. Sure, he's had his problems along the road, but there's nothing that he couldn't overcome with sheer determination and ridiculous skill. And besides, facing down against the problems (whether they be post limits or last-hour posters) is what determines an e-fedder – and a man.
Now we get to the man himself. In a dark corner, somewhere in the arena, there is a pile of crates, unoccupied for the moment. It looks like a great place to have a think, a moment to yourself. Suddenly, the room is lit up as the camera turns around to Jake Ruby, standing half-way through the door, hand on the light switch. He looks around. The camera looks around too. Among the crates is a dumpster, 7 trash cans, and a bag of something that is leaking all over the floor, pooling in the center of the room.
Jake: What the hell is that smell? Who would debase themselves so much as to step foot in here? I could understand a homeless person, maybe even some of the jobbers in this company. But seriously ...
Jake kicks one of the crates, then nods his head to outside of the room, getting the cameraman to follow. Up he gets and tags along with Jake, walking the halls of Sydney Entertainment Center. He gives the camera a few quick glances now and then, until they find an appropriate area for a promo. Jake smiles with excitement and looks at the camera.
Jake: Every now and then, a person finds themselves at a crossroad; a fork in the road; a moment in their life; a moment in time; a hard decision; a life changing decision; a dead end; a glass ceiling; on a road to nowhere; lost in life; at the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning; facing the facts; staring down truth; can I fit any more clichés into that sentence?
Jake stops, thinks, and shakes his head.
Jake: No I cannot. Anyway, I find myself at any one of them tonight. You see, it's my debut match. The match that will dictate my future in this business, this sport, this profession, this job, this career, this wage-earning task of wrestling. My debut match is that thing in my life that will determine if I have “it” or if I don't. I know I have it.
How do I know? Because of my story. I grew up in humble beginnings. On a spud farm in Idaho, where the workers would pick taters day in, day out, except during the winter. That's when they'd all take to whittling. Oh, the grand old whittling days, when we'd sit around the dining room, whittling our pieces off wood. *Jake scoffs a laugh* Those days were crap! I wasn't no spud farmer, and I definitely ain't no whittlin' Jake! I was busy living a real life – I was busy roleplaying, and e-fedding, and writing promos for my weekly matches. Living a real life. Then it all got too much for me. I was being stifled, I was being strangled, my creativity and my skill was being wrung out of me like my jeans and the clothes wringer my mother always used. Damn that woman should have upgraded to a dryer!
Anyway, I had to get out of there. Away from my potato growing father, away from my clothes-wringing mother. I took to the streets, rather than being around that “abuse”. I knew where I was going though – to wrestling school. That was my home for a while. It was my fortress of solitude. My rock. My dock. My all. My castle. My home sweet home. My humble abode. And while leaving that no-good spud farm was probably the first adult decision after leaving home – or even in my whole life – joining that wrestling school was that defining moment in my life that screamed out “Jake! Drop and give me twenty!”. The teacher had also been in the military.
A group of crew members walks into camera shot, coming to a stop between Jake and the camera. Jake politely waits for them to move along, but they just stand there and talk. He tries to get their attention with a cough, then a louder one, and then finally ...
Jake: Excuse me. You're in the way.
Crew guy 1: Of what?
Jake: My promo. For my match. My debut match. Maybe you've heard about it. Jake Ruby's debut. It's going to be huge, phenomenal, massive, great, fantastic ...
All the crew give him a look over, sizing him up, and then looking at one another. Finally one breaks the silence.
Crew guy 2: You're a wrestler? As in, professional wrestler?
Jake: Damn right I am. 'The E-Star' Jake Ruby. I'm debuting tonight, and this *Jake points to the camera* is my debut promo. So if you don't mind ...
Crew guy 1: Sorry buddy, we just thought you were with one of those charities that brings people to their favourites things before they, you know ...
Jake: Before they what?
Crew guy 2: ... die.
The crew begins to head off as Jake looks peeved off.
Jake: Now that they've gone, where was I? *Jake thinks* This is a little harder than back what I'm used to. If only I could scroll back ... anyway ... I was fortunate enough to be backstage for last week's Overdrive tapings. What a show it was! There was violence and mayhem and this and that. It was a real eye-opener. We got to see the Church of Kaos start up. That was impressive, though, if I could offer some advice. Maybe the Kult of Kaos would have been better? Alliteration goes a long ways to getting you a victory. Then the stable's initials would have been KoK – still the same word, and still an apt description of each member! Zing!
Jake looks pleased with himself, though he has probably signed on for his first beating. If only he knew how much attack promos actually hurt – more than pride. He'll find out soon enough though if he keeps that up. Sure, that stable might have some serious bad-asses in it with weird-ass nicknames ('The Dark Paladin of Violence' might want to hook up with Jake 'Stage 3 Mage of Wrestling' Ruby one day for a little D&D after a match, eh?), but ... I've got nothing. Moving on now.
Jake: Anyway, what I saw backstage was encouraging. The first match of the night was the Xtreme Title Match, where the now lonely Trevor Blackwell engaged in some 'brotherly love' with Tony Blackwell. That was the opening match of the night. And it was great. And everyone loved it. It was just as good as the main event ... maybe. Anyway, look who they put in the first match this week? That's right. Jake Ruby. They put me in the opening match. The match that will start the night. I'm in the first thing that the audience will see ... after the classification rating, and the warning to not try anything at home, and then the introduction, then the commentators talking about ... stuff, and then the announcer introducing me. But after all that, the audience is going to see me first. The first match – what some might consider the most important match of a card. That's a lot of faith being put into me – to carry the entire show on my back. It's a burden, but a burden I'm willing to wear.
Boss Jeff, he has made a good decision. He's put someone with 15 years of experience in that match. With 225 world titles under his ... uhhh ... belt. Who's spent more time around wrestling than anyone else here. I spent so much time playing Smackdown vs. Raw that my parents called the police, telling them I was missing! I remember every combo and ever button combination. This sort of knowledge is invaluable, and I've got it now. Can you imagine how deadly I'll be when I'm in the ring, for the first time, with all this wealth of knowledge at my disposal? It's like having Batman and Spiderman all rolled up into some sort of combo-man. Wait, I've got it, I'll call him a 'Superman'! Wait ...
Jake stops, thinks, and realises he's probably broken a copyright law somewhere in there. But it was a good idea while it lasted. Moving on now.
Jake: Unfortunately, there is someone that has to face me in that match. Unfortunate for them! Because they have to face the wrath of Jake Ruby and his limitless fountain of wrestling knowledge. Her name: Katrina Olivetti. Now, normally I would object to watching a man fight a woman. But this will be the first time I've been in the ring with a woman, and I don't discriminate. Actually, it will be the first time I've been this close to a woman ever who isn't related to me. Mother always used to say I should go out and meet girls. I told her I knew plenty, but she said online ones don't count.
Now, I checked out the stats of my opponent, and to be honest with you, I'm even more excited about my match. Not for anything other than all her moves are named after games! There's the 'Sonic & Tails', Grand Theft Auto, Space Invaders, and another classic with Pac-Man, Solid Snake, and a personal favourite, Super Tetris. What a lady! It takes someone special (some might say nerdy) to do something like that. I'm wondering if I've actually met this person before – maybe at Comic-Con, or the Sci-Fi Convention. Anyway, what a real swell girl she must be.
But I have to make a good impression on everyone with my first match, and you're my first opponent. You'll be the one who gets a taste of everything Jake Ruby. The whole package. The kit and caboodle. The whole show – the whole f'n show. The main event. Mr. Wrestle. The patriarch of wrestling. And that's what my first match is about – showing everyone just what I'm capable of. I'm sorry you have to be the guinea pig for that Katrina, but that's how the 12-sided dice falls. And there isn't any an additional rules supplement that gives you +3 avoid match. This is Jake Ruby, signing off.
