Post by Arcadia on Apr 14, 2008 1:21:55 GMT -4
The camera fades in to see a back shot of Katrina “Arcadia” Olivetti in a hallway staring up at a bulletin board on the wall. To the side of her is a large door with a plaque on it that reads “President Jeff”. Underneath is the HJ insignia as seen from the back of a cape from years and years ago
.
The camera zooms in to see the Overdrive roster list. Kat scans the list for her name and the name of her opponent. Her green eyes widen and the corners of her lips turn down in a confused frown under her mask.
“No es serioso…” Katrina mumbles to herself, as suddenly, the viewers see subtitles scroll across screen which read (He’s not serious.) Arcadia turns around and walks off quickly, with the camera following behind.
“Perdoname….Perdoname…”(Excuse me…Excuse me.)
Katrina tries to stop people in the halls, but nobody pays her any mind except to check out her ass as they pass her by. The masked luchadora sees a janitor emptying a garbage can down the hall
.
“Hombre!” (Man!) “Si?” (Yes?) the apparently Mexican custodian stops working and answers Katrina.
“Donde esta…como se dice…el hombre” (Where is…how do you say…the man) Katrina strikes the I am God pose and continues, “Soy Dios!” (I am God!)
The janitor responds “Ah! Kenny Lambardo! Estas en el oficia del jefe.” (Ah! Kenny Lambardo! He is in the boss’s office.) The janitor points back the way Katrina came and she pauses. “Pregunta? Tienes cuanto numeros del social seguridad?” She asks the man. (Question? How many social security numbers do you have?)
“Tres! Por que? Nessessitas?” (Three! Why? You need?)
Katrina laughs slightly and answers, “No. Tengo Greencard.” (No. I have a Greencard.) She turns and backtracks.
She raps on HJ’s door and says “Kenny! Kenny!” (Kenny! Kenny!) Sgt. Kenny Lambardo looks up at Arcadia over the top of his sunglasses and says, “Yes?”
“Yo nessessito…Yo quiero…como se dice…liability clause?” (I need…I want…how do you say…liability clause?) Katrina says in a rush, very perturbed.
The Ego Crusher laughs and says, “Like I’ve never heard ‘Kenny, Kenny, I need, I want’ out of a woman’s mouth before.” Hurricane Jeff chuckles.
“No comprendes.” (You don’t understand.) Katrina says, “No puedo lucharlo. El muerte!” (I can’t wrestle him. He’ll die!)
“You’re fine, you’re cool, You’re not responsible if anything happens as long as you follow the rules.”
Katrina visibly relaxes and switches to English. “Good. I don’t want to be sued if I Hurricanrana this guy and he doesn’t know how to fall right!”
Hurricane Jeff interjects, “You sound like a young Kenny Lambardo.”
Kenny responds, “Hell, it could be worse. She could give him an Ego Crusher. Don’t give him an Ego Crusher!” He slashes his arm through the air to negate the thought
.
The camera fades to black.
The scene fades back in to yet another capacity crowd of the thousands of screaming APW faithful.
The Titantron shows a "Now Loading..." screen with traveling ellipses from The Devil May Cry. At the same time the crowd hears a familiar voice blaring from the speakers. It's the serene voice of the woman who lets everyone in America know that, "She's sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected," and you should "Please try your call later." She vocalizes the "Now Loading" that is on the Titantron. The woman cuts out after the third time and you hear, "It's time to play the game! Time to play the game!" followed by a strange laugh. The beat drops and the song immediately jumps to the chorus of "When Worlds Collide". As the crowd listens to the lyrics, "Are you ready to go/ Cause I'm ready to go/ What you gonna do baby baby" Arcadia walks into the ring in her black with silver luchadora costume and mask. She looks at the crowd, shrugs lightly and brushes some invisible speck of dirt off of her shoulder.
She calls for a microphone from ringside and puts it to her lips. “Hola, people!” (Hello, people!) “I am Katrina “Arcadia” Olivetti. I am THE luchadora of APW. I have had the best training Japan and Mexico had to offer. I have decimated opponents on my way her, to APW, to wrestle for the fans. I have been at the top of each and every class I have ever taken. I have blown my schoolmates out of the water. I am the personal prodigy of Jushin “Thunder” Liger and “Rey Mysterio Sr.” I’ve been trained by the best to beat the rest.”
The crowd applaudes.
“Escuchame, E-Starr.” (Listen to me, E-Starr.) “Get out now. I will kill you if you get into a ring with me. Your training is a mere slice of what I have. Okay, maybe you took a touch-typing class. What do you do, like 90 words per minute or something? I’m sure that’s impressive in secretary’s school, but this is APW. Do you expect to be able to copy and paste your moves from a professional and simply download them into existence? The real world doesn’t work that way. You can’t control+alt+delete me when I piss you off.
“I’m younger, I’m faster, and I’ve had more exercise. I bet the only reason you’re not some 500 pound behemoth is because your precious Youdaho potatoes can’t pick themselves! By the way…they get the internet in Idaho? Oh yeah!” Katrina reminds herself, “I did that science project in 6th grade! You stick a few wires into a potato and the light bulb turns on! That’s how you did it, huh? Hey, you never have to worry about a blown fuse that way I guess. Just replace the potato and the lights come right back on! Clever little farm boy.
“NO!” Katrina spits out, no longer laughing at the idea of spud-ular energy, “Stupid farm boy! Estas loco (You are crazy) for getting into a ring with me! Hell, you would be crazy for getting into a ring with Lil’ Dick at your level! The sun must have baked your brain like one of your potatoes! Go back to the field, go back to mommy’s basement, go back to your no-sex-unless-with-sheep having life, where the wrestlers are simply in your head and the matches are just some nicely put together paragraphs and the belts are just pixels on a screen.”
Arcadia throws her hand up in disgust, “We don’t even have sheep here for you. Just cows. Then again, desperate times…” She calls out beyond the crowd, “Hey Sabur, I would be careful around this guy!”
The crowd Moos.
Katrina focuses her attention back on the crowd and starts pacing the ring. “You’ve had a year’s worth of training. I have been training for over a decade. You’ve memorized all the codes in Smackdown vs. Raw. I’ve memorized 13 different variations of the Shooting Star Press. I know 17 different ways to throw a Hurricanrana at you. From ANYWHERE in the ring. I know 9 different ways to punch you in the face. I’ve memorized 118 different ways to hit you from mid-air. I know 23 different ways to jump over your head, 6 involving a corkscrew. I’ve memorized 11 different body parts that I can break with 74 different weapons.”
The crowds cheers loudly.
“Your…como se dice…(How do you say…) E-fed? Your E-fed titles mean nothing to me. Spinning a nice story pleasant around the campfire, but the most your body put into them was a mild case of carpal tonal and possibly a headache or two from staring at the screen too long.”
Katrina scoffs at the camera and grins, “Do you know what happens when you join a professional wrestling federation? You end up wrestling…you got it, professionals! As for your backyard wrestling career? Congratulations.” Katrina says in a sardonic voice, “You’re an amateur at best. This isn’t a mud patch in Podunk. You’ve spent a year of your over a quarter-century life wrestling competitively, IF you can even call it that.”
Arcadia assumes a mocking tone and whines, “But three big timers fought over me!” She looks deadpan into the camera and states, “That just shows me how stupid you were to not go for the best in the business right off the bat. But by some MAGICAL stoke of luck, HJ signed you! Unfortunately, as lucky as you were to get with the right Fed, your luck runs out when you meet me in the ring. You don’t hunt dire bear with a toothpick. You don’t send a level 1 pit fighter to kill an Ettin. I’m on my third campaign and you’re still just rolling your stats, Puta!” (Bitch!) You want D&D? You better pray for a blessing because you’re absolutely right. You DON’T get a +3 avoid match.” Katrina turns and stops to add, “And by the way, I’ve never heard anyone brag about a level three ANYTHING! But especially not an outdated roleplay character!”
Katrina “Arcadia” Olivetti speaks again to the crowd, “I am not just some piece of…como se dice…dulce de ojos (how do you say…eyecandy). I am Katrina Olivetti. Video Game Extraordinaire. The only Lucha Libre in this Fed. The first and the only one playing this game. I AM Player One. And the only thing that “E” will stand for is “Emergency Room” because once you step into the ring with me, that’ll be the only place your starring in. You wanted the world to see you, well I see you. I see ICU for you by the time I’m done. This “E-Starr” is about to have his “E”go crushed. Sorry Hombre, (Man) but you’ll need to step your game up if you want to play with me, because you’re out of lives and you don’t have any more tokens. It’s about to be GAME OVER for the E-Starr.”
The crowd cheers wildly as Katrina exits the ring and the camera fades to black.
.
The camera zooms in to see the Overdrive roster list. Kat scans the list for her name and the name of her opponent. Her green eyes widen and the corners of her lips turn down in a confused frown under her mask.
“No es serioso…” Katrina mumbles to herself, as suddenly, the viewers see subtitles scroll across screen which read (He’s not serious.) Arcadia turns around and walks off quickly, with the camera following behind.
“Perdoname….Perdoname…”(Excuse me…Excuse me.)
Katrina tries to stop people in the halls, but nobody pays her any mind except to check out her ass as they pass her by. The masked luchadora sees a janitor emptying a garbage can down the hall
.
“Hombre!” (Man!) “Si?” (Yes?) the apparently Mexican custodian stops working and answers Katrina.
“Donde esta…como se dice…el hombre” (Where is…how do you say…the man) Katrina strikes the I am God pose and continues, “Soy Dios!” (I am God!)
The janitor responds “Ah! Kenny Lambardo! Estas en el oficia del jefe.” (Ah! Kenny Lambardo! He is in the boss’s office.) The janitor points back the way Katrina came and she pauses. “Pregunta? Tienes cuanto numeros del social seguridad?” She asks the man. (Question? How many social security numbers do you have?)
“Tres! Por que? Nessessitas?” (Three! Why? You need?)
Katrina laughs slightly and answers, “No. Tengo Greencard.” (No. I have a Greencard.) She turns and backtracks.
She raps on HJ’s door and says “Kenny! Kenny!” (Kenny! Kenny!) Sgt. Kenny Lambardo looks up at Arcadia over the top of his sunglasses and says, “Yes?”
“Yo nessessito…Yo quiero…como se dice…liability clause?” (I need…I want…how do you say…liability clause?) Katrina says in a rush, very perturbed.
The Ego Crusher laughs and says, “Like I’ve never heard ‘Kenny, Kenny, I need, I want’ out of a woman’s mouth before.” Hurricane Jeff chuckles.
“No comprendes.” (You don’t understand.) Katrina says, “No puedo lucharlo. El muerte!” (I can’t wrestle him. He’ll die!)
“You’re fine, you’re cool, You’re not responsible if anything happens as long as you follow the rules.”
Katrina visibly relaxes and switches to English. “Good. I don’t want to be sued if I Hurricanrana this guy and he doesn’t know how to fall right!”
Hurricane Jeff interjects, “You sound like a young Kenny Lambardo.”
Kenny responds, “Hell, it could be worse. She could give him an Ego Crusher. Don’t give him an Ego Crusher!” He slashes his arm through the air to negate the thought
.
The camera fades to black.
The scene fades back in to yet another capacity crowd of the thousands of screaming APW faithful.
The Titantron shows a "Now Loading..." screen with traveling ellipses from The Devil May Cry. At the same time the crowd hears a familiar voice blaring from the speakers. It's the serene voice of the woman who lets everyone in America know that, "She's sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected," and you should "Please try your call later." She vocalizes the "Now Loading" that is on the Titantron. The woman cuts out after the third time and you hear, "It's time to play the game! Time to play the game!" followed by a strange laugh. The beat drops and the song immediately jumps to the chorus of "When Worlds Collide". As the crowd listens to the lyrics, "Are you ready to go/ Cause I'm ready to go/ What you gonna do baby baby" Arcadia walks into the ring in her black with silver luchadora costume and mask. She looks at the crowd, shrugs lightly and brushes some invisible speck of dirt off of her shoulder.
She calls for a microphone from ringside and puts it to her lips. “Hola, people!” (Hello, people!) “I am Katrina “Arcadia” Olivetti. I am THE luchadora of APW. I have had the best training Japan and Mexico had to offer. I have decimated opponents on my way her, to APW, to wrestle for the fans. I have been at the top of each and every class I have ever taken. I have blown my schoolmates out of the water. I am the personal prodigy of Jushin “Thunder” Liger and “Rey Mysterio Sr.” I’ve been trained by the best to beat the rest.”
The crowd applaudes.
“Escuchame, E-Starr.” (Listen to me, E-Starr.) “Get out now. I will kill you if you get into a ring with me. Your training is a mere slice of what I have. Okay, maybe you took a touch-typing class. What do you do, like 90 words per minute or something? I’m sure that’s impressive in secretary’s school, but this is APW. Do you expect to be able to copy and paste your moves from a professional and simply download them into existence? The real world doesn’t work that way. You can’t control+alt+delete me when I piss you off.
“I’m younger, I’m faster, and I’ve had more exercise. I bet the only reason you’re not some 500 pound behemoth is because your precious Youdaho potatoes can’t pick themselves! By the way…they get the internet in Idaho? Oh yeah!” Katrina reminds herself, “I did that science project in 6th grade! You stick a few wires into a potato and the light bulb turns on! That’s how you did it, huh? Hey, you never have to worry about a blown fuse that way I guess. Just replace the potato and the lights come right back on! Clever little farm boy.
“NO!” Katrina spits out, no longer laughing at the idea of spud-ular energy, “Stupid farm boy! Estas loco (You are crazy) for getting into a ring with me! Hell, you would be crazy for getting into a ring with Lil’ Dick at your level! The sun must have baked your brain like one of your potatoes! Go back to the field, go back to mommy’s basement, go back to your no-sex-unless-with-sheep having life, where the wrestlers are simply in your head and the matches are just some nicely put together paragraphs and the belts are just pixels on a screen.”
Arcadia throws her hand up in disgust, “We don’t even have sheep here for you. Just cows. Then again, desperate times…” She calls out beyond the crowd, “Hey Sabur, I would be careful around this guy!”
The crowd Moos.
Katrina focuses her attention back on the crowd and starts pacing the ring. “You’ve had a year’s worth of training. I have been training for over a decade. You’ve memorized all the codes in Smackdown vs. Raw. I’ve memorized 13 different variations of the Shooting Star Press. I know 17 different ways to throw a Hurricanrana at you. From ANYWHERE in the ring. I know 9 different ways to punch you in the face. I’ve memorized 118 different ways to hit you from mid-air. I know 23 different ways to jump over your head, 6 involving a corkscrew. I’ve memorized 11 different body parts that I can break with 74 different weapons.”
The crowds cheers loudly.
“Your…como se dice…(How do you say…) E-fed? Your E-fed titles mean nothing to me. Spinning a nice story pleasant around the campfire, but the most your body put into them was a mild case of carpal tonal and possibly a headache or two from staring at the screen too long.”
Katrina scoffs at the camera and grins, “Do you know what happens when you join a professional wrestling federation? You end up wrestling…you got it, professionals! As for your backyard wrestling career? Congratulations.” Katrina says in a sardonic voice, “You’re an amateur at best. This isn’t a mud patch in Podunk. You’ve spent a year of your over a quarter-century life wrestling competitively, IF you can even call it that.”
Arcadia assumes a mocking tone and whines, “But three big timers fought over me!” She looks deadpan into the camera and states, “That just shows me how stupid you were to not go for the best in the business right off the bat. But by some MAGICAL stoke of luck, HJ signed you! Unfortunately, as lucky as you were to get with the right Fed, your luck runs out when you meet me in the ring. You don’t hunt dire bear with a toothpick. You don’t send a level 1 pit fighter to kill an Ettin. I’m on my third campaign and you’re still just rolling your stats, Puta!” (Bitch!) You want D&D? You better pray for a blessing because you’re absolutely right. You DON’T get a +3 avoid match.” Katrina turns and stops to add, “And by the way, I’ve never heard anyone brag about a level three ANYTHING! But especially not an outdated roleplay character!”
Katrina “Arcadia” Olivetti speaks again to the crowd, “I am not just some piece of…como se dice…dulce de ojos (how do you say…eyecandy). I am Katrina Olivetti. Video Game Extraordinaire. The only Lucha Libre in this Fed. The first and the only one playing this game. I AM Player One. And the only thing that “E” will stand for is “Emergency Room” because once you step into the ring with me, that’ll be the only place your starring in. You wanted the world to see you, well I see you. I see ICU for you by the time I’m done. This “E-Starr” is about to have his “E”go crushed. Sorry Hombre, (Man) but you’ll need to step your game up if you want to play with me, because you’re out of lives and you don’t have any more tokens. It’s about to be GAME OVER for the E-Starr.”
The crowd cheers wildly as Katrina exits the ring and the camera fades to black.
