Post by Your JESUS on Apr 16, 2008 12:15:39 GMT -4
Sabur is in the parking lot of the arena in Australia. He's standing next to Trevor Blackwell and Razor Ryan an unlikely trio until the recent events have just unfolded.
Sabur: You know I'm really not sure what the fuck just happened.
Razor: What didn't you get?
Sabur: The whole thing.
Trevor: (puffs his joint) So now your involved in a group like no other the industry has seen, and soon go to battle in a war, that takes a shit on the Monday night wars, buries the nWo. (Razor looks a little disturbed by the comment)
Sabur: It's cool Badguy, we all still have love for the O.G.' s, anyway I thought we were together because the creative team brainstormed this elaborate storyline to cause drama, suspense, and entertainment, one major faction splitting, and instead of getting buried by the betrayal, a warrior grows his army with a group of enemies all joining forces against a greater evil, a mad man claiming to be God....Hey I think I read this in a comic book before, I smell something fishy going on here.
Trevor: Sabur, you know you are entertaining, and very talented, but with a little direction I think you could a real force to be dealt with, a champion, and maybe someday a legend, and first thing is first, you got to ease up on the childish references.
Sabur: Like what?
Trevor: Uhhh, let me see last week you thought you where a Lightning Dog....
Sabur: Thundercat, it was Thundercats!!
Trevor: Thundercats, who the fuck cares at the end of the day all the people remembered was you acting like a pussy, and now you talking about comic books, it's really hard to take, in walks this genetic powerhouse, a serious visual threat and there you are playing with toy swords, and acting like a juvenile.
Sabur: So are you saying you don't like my Lil Dick either?
Razor: Hey Yo, I think I can speak for the entire wrestling community, everyone loves your Lil Dick, it's probably the most loved Lil Dick in America.
Sabur: and Australia!!! Alright guy's well speaking of becoming a champion, I have a promo to shoot, and some gold to prepare for.
Sabur then walks over to his new 2008 Camaro courtesy of the Badguy, his Lil Dick seated in the baby chair in the back because that is the safe thing to do with someone that size, and you know it's safety first.
Sabur: You are the best Lil Dick, such a good listener, I say wait in the car, and thats what you do, whoa... What the fuck is all the white creamy shit you've got all over my new car.
Lil Dick: Creme filling, Hostess, they always have the creme filling.
Sabur: Your supposed to eat it not spit it all over the place, it looks like you got excited and just started shooting it where ever the hell you pleased, what a inconsiderate Lil Dick.
Sabur starts the car and drives off heading down the right side of the road. Cars begins zooming at the car head on.
Sabur: Hey what the fuck these cars are driving on the wrong side of the road.
Lil Dick: Uhh, no genius, I think it's you, they drive on the left hand side here mate, so boomerang your ass over so we can make it to the studio.
Sabur: Yeah I have the great Billy Mayes flying to help us shoot this infomercial promo.
Lil Dick: So hey Sabur this is the same model as Bumble Bee from the movie Transformers.
Sabur: Yeah, so.
Lil Dick: Well I was just wondering if you were going to talk to this car like you did on the last one.
Sabur: Nope, done talking to cars smart ass, you know cars can't talk, Santa doesn't come down chimney's, and the Motherfucking Easter Bunny doesn't fill plastic eggs or hide them shits.
Lil Dick: and the Tooth Fairy she doesn't really fly around cashing out kids for their teeth.
Sabur: What, you Blasphemous son of a bitch, are you joining the Church of Kaos?
Lil Dick: Hell no why would you ask that crazy question.
Sabur: Well all that hyped up, bullshit about the tooth fairy not being real, that just as crazy as Kenny thinking he's a God, just be quiet until we get there, I need a break from your evil tongue.
The two pull up to a film studio somewhere in Australia, they hop out of the car and enter the studio.
Sabur: You know Justin Job loves commercials, so I thought it would be clever to shoot a commercial type promo against this Jobbed out Jabrone, and Lil Dick who better to shoot a infomercial with then infomercial legend Billy. How are you Billy?
Billy: Not bad Sabur, glad to be here and excited like only I can be over another product then we are going to push that really can't deliver the results that we magically claim them to do.
Sabur: Uhh Billy, then camera is on.
Billy: What!!!
Billy Mayes overflows with anger. He turns to Sabur frustrated.
Sabur: My bad, figured you were the veteran, and knew when the camera was on.
Billy Mayes opens his hand and slaps the shit out of Sabur. The Irish Hammer's face turns red partially from the slap he had just been handed, but also in embarrassment.
Billy Mayes: Is it so hard to have a little professionalism here folks, I mean this is no joke we are talking about pulling the wool over peoples eyes, and vacuuming their wallets dry, so lets get it together please.
Sabur rubs his cheek where the attack had happened shakes it off and tries to act like a professional.
Sabur: Yes folks lets us whip it in to shape. (Looking a bit confused)
Director: 3, 2, 1 and where are rolling.
Billy Mayes: Alright folks BLAMMO is coming at you with another genius invention, from the makers of Oxyclean, Tatermits, the Clapper, Pancake Puffs.....
Sabur: and Extenze, the Sauna Belt, Magic Bullet, The Tweezy, The Clam Shaver, and Penis Pump Pro 2008 edition with vein bulging stimulation a personal favorite of mine, I even own one autographed by the inventor, and the chicks dig it too.
Lil Dick: No chicks dig it, your always locking your self in the bathroom with that.....
Billy Mayes: Uhh Uhm, they also bring you the great new product "Jobber Juice" thats right Jobber Juice. and here to tell you all about it is APW Sabur. Sabur welcome.
Sabur: Thanks Billy I'm glad.......
Billy Mayes: Alright folks well this......
Sabur: Um huh huh!!!
Billy Mayes: You alright?
Sabur: Uhh you forgot about my Lil Dick he deserves an introduction.
Billy Mayes: Oh, I could barely see that Lil fellow, folks Sabur has brought with him his Lil Dick, alright back to the product.
Sabur: Yes Billy, with Jobber Juice you can pretty much become an overnight success. With this juice you can instantly go from modern day fat Cheeto loving slouch and narrow ass lame smart ass, to "BLAMMO" a pro wrestler.
Billy Mayes: Yes folks we have already tested this product with real life results. Take a look at this brief vignette proving the results.
A video montage plays of the Justin Job, Gilbert combo, some really poor in ring work is shown in the video, a couple of clips from some of the Dastardly Duo's rather unothadox promos play then the video ends with the new Overdrive Champion holding up his title.
Billy Mayes: There you have it folks, two normal average joes with absolutely no wrestling skill let alone athletic talent or coordination, and "BLAMMO": then it's a pro wrestler with talent, skill, and success. Some incredible promo skills and .......
Sabur: Whoa holdup, alright folks, yes what Billy Mayes has stated was partially true, this Justin Job was a talentless, uncoordinated, immature, plain Jane run of the mill, out of shape bag of shit. He may have gone ahead and started on the Jobber Juice regiment, but the results may be a work folks, and the Title win well I guess we will have to give it to him, he indeed is the Overdrive Champion, but this man is no wrestler, he is no athlete, and physically is in no way a threat, our own infomercial jabrone Billy Mayes could beat this young man in a pose down, so save your money folks, do not buy this product...
Billy Mayes: What are you doing? You think the face check would have taught you, your place here today sir.
Sabur: You know times are tough, and the dollar isn't worth shit anymore, and I think the people that watch this show should really get something that would make their dollar stretch, and really get the most for their money.
Billy Mayes: So what better way to do that then, purchase some "Jobber Juice" and modern day Hulk up and become the next living legend wrestler.
Sabur: Cut the shit Billy!! Oxyclean won't pull out a stain, Tater Mitts royally fuck up the potato, and this lame product will be totally shut down this Monday when I smash the twerp know as Justin Job, take his title, end his run, and go ahead and give the fans something to invest in. They can tune in every Monday watch a champion that will thrill, wow, and overly entertain.
Billy Mayes: You know you can't just come here and make a mockery of my living.
Sabur: Mockery, you peddle bullshit, useless junk that doesn't produce results....
Billy Mayes: Produce results, I'll show you
Billy cracks open the juice, chugs down a swig and begins choking. His eyes water up, and he tries to clear his throat. Lil Dick grabs the bottle, sniffs the drink, and then chugs the rest of the beverage down. Lil Dick's one eye opens wide ( He does have two but one getting wide went with the whole joke, you know dick, one eyed, never mind, I'll just keep writing my RP, probably not really a great joke if you have to explain it, oh well) So Lil Dick looks at Bill Mayes and in a very Stone Cold Fashion lets out a "UH UH" and leaps up delivering a miniature stunner to the television scam artist salesmen. Billy Mayes flail back wards right into Sabur who hoisted him up and drilled him with a House Of Pain right on the product table. Sabur high fives his Lil Dick, and then looks toward the camera.
Sabur: Well folks, it doesn't work on just any old body, but if you have a very small Dick proof positive, this product will give results, don't just take it from me, just go ahead take a peak at my Lil Dick.
The camera filming the infomercial ends, as Sabur turns to his Lil companion.
Sabur: You know I hate commercials, I have a Tivo to fast forward through that shit, why would you let me try some bullshit like this?
Lil Dick: Who can talk sense into you, I mean you spend your day talking to a midget that you think resembles a penis, I mean nuff said where I come from.
Sabur: Yeah I guess so.
Sabur: You know I'm really not sure what the fuck just happened.
Razor: What didn't you get?
Sabur: The whole thing.
Trevor: (puffs his joint) So now your involved in a group like no other the industry has seen, and soon go to battle in a war, that takes a shit on the Monday night wars, buries the nWo. (Razor looks a little disturbed by the comment)
Sabur: It's cool Badguy, we all still have love for the O.G.' s, anyway I thought we were together because the creative team brainstormed this elaborate storyline to cause drama, suspense, and entertainment, one major faction splitting, and instead of getting buried by the betrayal, a warrior grows his army with a group of enemies all joining forces against a greater evil, a mad man claiming to be God....Hey I think I read this in a comic book before, I smell something fishy going on here.
Trevor: Sabur, you know you are entertaining, and very talented, but with a little direction I think you could a real force to be dealt with, a champion, and maybe someday a legend, and first thing is first, you got to ease up on the childish references.
Sabur: Like what?
Trevor: Uhhh, let me see last week you thought you where a Lightning Dog....
Sabur: Thundercat, it was Thundercats!!
Trevor: Thundercats, who the fuck cares at the end of the day all the people remembered was you acting like a pussy, and now you talking about comic books, it's really hard to take, in walks this genetic powerhouse, a serious visual threat and there you are playing with toy swords, and acting like a juvenile.
Sabur: So are you saying you don't like my Lil Dick either?
Razor: Hey Yo, I think I can speak for the entire wrestling community, everyone loves your Lil Dick, it's probably the most loved Lil Dick in America.
Sabur: and Australia!!! Alright guy's well speaking of becoming a champion, I have a promo to shoot, and some gold to prepare for.
Sabur then walks over to his new 2008 Camaro courtesy of the Badguy, his Lil Dick seated in the baby chair in the back because that is the safe thing to do with someone that size, and you know it's safety first.
Sabur: You are the best Lil Dick, such a good listener, I say wait in the car, and thats what you do, whoa... What the fuck is all the white creamy shit you've got all over my new car.
Lil Dick: Creme filling, Hostess, they always have the creme filling.
Sabur: Your supposed to eat it not spit it all over the place, it looks like you got excited and just started shooting it where ever the hell you pleased, what a inconsiderate Lil Dick.
Sabur starts the car and drives off heading down the right side of the road. Cars begins zooming at the car head on.
Sabur: Hey what the fuck these cars are driving on the wrong side of the road.
Lil Dick: Uhh, no genius, I think it's you, they drive on the left hand side here mate, so boomerang your ass over so we can make it to the studio.
Sabur: Yeah I have the great Billy Mayes flying to help us shoot this infomercial promo.
Lil Dick: So hey Sabur this is the same model as Bumble Bee from the movie Transformers.
Sabur: Yeah, so.
Lil Dick: Well I was just wondering if you were going to talk to this car like you did on the last one.
Sabur: Nope, done talking to cars smart ass, you know cars can't talk, Santa doesn't come down chimney's, and the Motherfucking Easter Bunny doesn't fill plastic eggs or hide them shits.
Lil Dick: and the Tooth Fairy she doesn't really fly around cashing out kids for their teeth.
Sabur: What, you Blasphemous son of a bitch, are you joining the Church of Kaos?
Lil Dick: Hell no why would you ask that crazy question.
Sabur: Well all that hyped up, bullshit about the tooth fairy not being real, that just as crazy as Kenny thinking he's a God, just be quiet until we get there, I need a break from your evil tongue.
The two pull up to a film studio somewhere in Australia, they hop out of the car and enter the studio.
Sabur: You know Justin Job loves commercials, so I thought it would be clever to shoot a commercial type promo against this Jobbed out Jabrone, and Lil Dick who better to shoot a infomercial with then infomercial legend Billy. How are you Billy?
Billy: Not bad Sabur, glad to be here and excited like only I can be over another product then we are going to push that really can't deliver the results that we magically claim them to do.
Sabur: Uhh Billy, then camera is on.
Billy: What!!!
Billy Mayes overflows with anger. He turns to Sabur frustrated.
Sabur: My bad, figured you were the veteran, and knew when the camera was on.
Billy Mayes opens his hand and slaps the shit out of Sabur. The Irish Hammer's face turns red partially from the slap he had just been handed, but also in embarrassment.
Billy Mayes: Is it so hard to have a little professionalism here folks, I mean this is no joke we are talking about pulling the wool over peoples eyes, and vacuuming their wallets dry, so lets get it together please.
Sabur rubs his cheek where the attack had happened shakes it off and tries to act like a professional.
Sabur: Yes folks lets us whip it in to shape. (Looking a bit confused)
Director: 3, 2, 1 and where are rolling.
Billy Mayes: Alright folks BLAMMO is coming at you with another genius invention, from the makers of Oxyclean, Tatermits, the Clapper, Pancake Puffs.....
Sabur: and Extenze, the Sauna Belt, Magic Bullet, The Tweezy, The Clam Shaver, and Penis Pump Pro 2008 edition with vein bulging stimulation a personal favorite of mine, I even own one autographed by the inventor, and the chicks dig it too.
Lil Dick: No chicks dig it, your always locking your self in the bathroom with that.....
Billy Mayes: Uhh Uhm, they also bring you the great new product "Jobber Juice" thats right Jobber Juice. and here to tell you all about it is APW Sabur. Sabur welcome.
Sabur: Thanks Billy I'm glad.......
Billy Mayes: Alright folks well this......
Sabur: Um huh huh!!!
Billy Mayes: You alright?
Sabur: Uhh you forgot about my Lil Dick he deserves an introduction.
Billy Mayes: Oh, I could barely see that Lil fellow, folks Sabur has brought with him his Lil Dick, alright back to the product.
Sabur: Yes Billy, with Jobber Juice you can pretty much become an overnight success. With this juice you can instantly go from modern day fat Cheeto loving slouch and narrow ass lame smart ass, to "BLAMMO" a pro wrestler.
Billy Mayes: Yes folks we have already tested this product with real life results. Take a look at this brief vignette proving the results.
A video montage plays of the Justin Job, Gilbert combo, some really poor in ring work is shown in the video, a couple of clips from some of the Dastardly Duo's rather unothadox promos play then the video ends with the new Overdrive Champion holding up his title.
Billy Mayes: There you have it folks, two normal average joes with absolutely no wrestling skill let alone athletic talent or coordination, and "BLAMMO": then it's a pro wrestler with talent, skill, and success. Some incredible promo skills and .......
Sabur: Whoa holdup, alright folks, yes what Billy Mayes has stated was partially true, this Justin Job was a talentless, uncoordinated, immature, plain Jane run of the mill, out of shape bag of shit. He may have gone ahead and started on the Jobber Juice regiment, but the results may be a work folks, and the Title win well I guess we will have to give it to him, he indeed is the Overdrive Champion, but this man is no wrestler, he is no athlete, and physically is in no way a threat, our own infomercial jabrone Billy Mayes could beat this young man in a pose down, so save your money folks, do not buy this product...
Billy Mayes: What are you doing? You think the face check would have taught you, your place here today sir.
Sabur: You know times are tough, and the dollar isn't worth shit anymore, and I think the people that watch this show should really get something that would make their dollar stretch, and really get the most for their money.
Billy Mayes: So what better way to do that then, purchase some "Jobber Juice" and modern day Hulk up and become the next living legend wrestler.
Sabur: Cut the shit Billy!! Oxyclean won't pull out a stain, Tater Mitts royally fuck up the potato, and this lame product will be totally shut down this Monday when I smash the twerp know as Justin Job, take his title, end his run, and go ahead and give the fans something to invest in. They can tune in every Monday watch a champion that will thrill, wow, and overly entertain.
Billy Mayes: You know you can't just come here and make a mockery of my living.
Sabur: Mockery, you peddle bullshit, useless junk that doesn't produce results....
Billy Mayes: Produce results, I'll show you
Billy cracks open the juice, chugs down a swig and begins choking. His eyes water up, and he tries to clear his throat. Lil Dick grabs the bottle, sniffs the drink, and then chugs the rest of the beverage down. Lil Dick's one eye opens wide ( He does have two but one getting wide went with the whole joke, you know dick, one eyed, never mind, I'll just keep writing my RP, probably not really a great joke if you have to explain it, oh well) So Lil Dick looks at Bill Mayes and in a very Stone Cold Fashion lets out a "UH UH" and leaps up delivering a miniature stunner to the television scam artist salesmen. Billy Mayes flail back wards right into Sabur who hoisted him up and drilled him with a House Of Pain right on the product table. Sabur high fives his Lil Dick, and then looks toward the camera.
Sabur: Well folks, it doesn't work on just any old body, but if you have a very small Dick proof positive, this product will give results, don't just take it from me, just go ahead take a peak at my Lil Dick.
The camera filming the infomercial ends, as Sabur turns to his Lil companion.
Sabur: You know I hate commercials, I have a Tivo to fast forward through that shit, why would you let me try some bullshit like this?
Lil Dick: Who can talk sense into you, I mean you spend your day talking to a midget that you think resembles a penis, I mean nuff said where I come from.
Sabur: Yeah I guess so.
