Post by estarr on Apr 20, 2008 6:15:49 GMT -4
Jake: So, I was beat by someone who wanted to play dirty. She crossed the line into desperation. She spoke Spanish. Or maybe Mexican, I'm not sure - they all sound the same to me. But she sold out on the ethical code I live my life by - the e-fedder's code. And one of the rules on there: You keep everything to the same language. The tongue you start your promo in is the same one you finish on - no exception! Otherwise, everyone has to go to Translator.com to figure out what you're saying, and bam! You've got lag. I'm not going to do that while I'm here. I don't sell out on myself.
If you thought I'd be upset over just one loss, you're wrong. I really won you see - I put on the better show, I didn't cheat, and I was great. I was the winner. I won. As far as I see it, Jake Starr is undefeated at the APW. A 100% win record. But I must, for the honor and sake of myself and Idaho, refute a couple of things. The first, you cannot bake potatoes just in the sun. I can't speak for brains - I've never tried. Second, you can't run the Internet through a potato either - trying that would just be silly ... and messy *Looks guilty*. Third, unlike you Arcadia, I can think of more than 74 weapons. I bet you didn't think of a pewter statue of Gollum, huh? Just what I thought. Fourth, "E" does not stand for emergency room. It can stand for emergency maybe. But last time I checked spell-check, you needed another "R" in there dear. Like that show, E.R. - that was about a hospital and was correctly spelled. Fifth and final, I wouldn't control+alt+delete you, I'd alt+F4 you. Shows what you know.
I do have to agree with something you said though Arcadia. We definitely weren't wrestling in a mud patch in Podunk. I've seen that mud patch, and it looked a whole lot different. Oh, and that line about "ICU" was actually pretty funny. No, really, I laughed at it for some time. Anyway, that's all I'll be talking about Arcadia, unless I impressed her enough in the ring that she might want to catch up for coffee one day, or some nice potato salad. Arcadia, you call me if you're interested. But, like I said, I have a new match this week. I'll be looking to extend my winning streak to 2 wins. And who is my match against this week?
Jake looks down to the palm of his hand, where he has ingeniously written the name "Razor Ryan", because he is truly such a forgettable opponent. Probably the worst thing other than capitalizing each and every word of your promo is forgetting your opponent's name. At least Ryan only does one of those things.
Jake: I had a chance, unlike last week to see what my opponent said, before I made my peace with them. Ryan, I'm not your friend. And I'm not your mistaken friend either. I not only think that I'll walk into Overdrive and walk out a winner, I believe it. I have faith. More faith than you. I am chosen. I am blessed. I have been spoken to. I am truly devoted to my victory.
Did that sound like a bucket of crap to you? It should have, because that's what it was. You see, that's where there is a little similarity between us - in those few lines there. I spout off bullshit and crap, and own up for it. You spout off bullshit and don't even have the balls to own up. You call yourself "The Revolutionary". That's a bucket of crap. What are you turning around? People's attention? Making them look for someone more entertaining to watch? Someone like Jake Ruby? Well, if that's your intention, we'll save the crowd, and you, a lot of effort in falling asleep, by having me there in the match. While you are turning people off from wrestling, they are coming to look for someone who is a great wrestler.
Which reminds me: I'm not an up-and-comer. I'm a fully established wrestling icon! I'm one of the best people to enter this profession that's ever been! I've had years and years and years of experience, and what have you got? Nothing except greasy hair. I've won more titles than the amount of times you've gone to the ring for a match. Sure, they might have all been online, but you know what? That makes it even more harder. The competition there is staggering - you have spell-check, you have grammar check, you have all these literary aids at your disposal. Now, Ryan, you seem like the sort of person who wouldn't bother with any of these things - like constructing a properly formed, sensible, logical promo. But thank gosh-golly we aren't doing that e-fedding thing, right?
Anyway, e-fedding is so much harder than this real thing. And I think you know it. I think that you know writing, editing, thinking, scripting, is much more harder than the pre-planned, pre-worked matches you see on television. Either opponent can win in e-fedding. Is that really the case in this real wrestling? I don't think so. And that makes my achievements even better. So you should be careful buddy. Be careful who you're stepping into the ring with. Because you've run your mouth about me, in between your pointless snippets of what is happening in your training room - keep it to the match buddy! And when someone does that, they are going to have a run in with the E-Starr!
Jake poses for the camera, before walking off. Then runs back on screen.
Jake: Oh, one more thing. My skin already crawls when I hear "Sex and Violence: Version X". Like when you hear a really bad joke, which by default, makes your stable a really bad joke.
If you thought I'd be upset over just one loss, you're wrong. I really won you see - I put on the better show, I didn't cheat, and I was great. I was the winner. I won. As far as I see it, Jake Starr is undefeated at the APW. A 100% win record. But I must, for the honor and sake of myself and Idaho, refute a couple of things. The first, you cannot bake potatoes just in the sun. I can't speak for brains - I've never tried. Second, you can't run the Internet through a potato either - trying that would just be silly ... and messy *Looks guilty*. Third, unlike you Arcadia, I can think of more than 74 weapons. I bet you didn't think of a pewter statue of Gollum, huh? Just what I thought. Fourth, "E" does not stand for emergency room. It can stand for emergency maybe. But last time I checked spell-check, you needed another "R" in there dear. Like that show, E.R. - that was about a hospital and was correctly spelled. Fifth and final, I wouldn't control+alt+delete you, I'd alt+F4 you. Shows what you know.
I do have to agree with something you said though Arcadia. We definitely weren't wrestling in a mud patch in Podunk. I've seen that mud patch, and it looked a whole lot different. Oh, and that line about "ICU" was actually pretty funny. No, really, I laughed at it for some time. Anyway, that's all I'll be talking about Arcadia, unless I impressed her enough in the ring that she might want to catch up for coffee one day, or some nice potato salad. Arcadia, you call me if you're interested. But, like I said, I have a new match this week. I'll be looking to extend my winning streak to 2 wins. And who is my match against this week?
Jake looks down to the palm of his hand, where he has ingeniously written the name "Razor Ryan", because he is truly such a forgettable opponent. Probably the worst thing other than capitalizing each and every word of your promo is forgetting your opponent's name. At least Ryan only does one of those things.
Jake: I had a chance, unlike last week to see what my opponent said, before I made my peace with them. Ryan, I'm not your friend. And I'm not your mistaken friend either. I not only think that I'll walk into Overdrive and walk out a winner, I believe it. I have faith. More faith than you. I am chosen. I am blessed. I have been spoken to. I am truly devoted to my victory.
Did that sound like a bucket of crap to you? It should have, because that's what it was. You see, that's where there is a little similarity between us - in those few lines there. I spout off bullshit and crap, and own up for it. You spout off bullshit and don't even have the balls to own up. You call yourself "The Revolutionary". That's a bucket of crap. What are you turning around? People's attention? Making them look for someone more entertaining to watch? Someone like Jake Ruby? Well, if that's your intention, we'll save the crowd, and you, a lot of effort in falling asleep, by having me there in the match. While you are turning people off from wrestling, they are coming to look for someone who is a great wrestler.
Which reminds me: I'm not an up-and-comer. I'm a fully established wrestling icon! I'm one of the best people to enter this profession that's ever been! I've had years and years and years of experience, and what have you got? Nothing except greasy hair. I've won more titles than the amount of times you've gone to the ring for a match. Sure, they might have all been online, but you know what? That makes it even more harder. The competition there is staggering - you have spell-check, you have grammar check, you have all these literary aids at your disposal. Now, Ryan, you seem like the sort of person who wouldn't bother with any of these things - like constructing a properly formed, sensible, logical promo. But thank gosh-golly we aren't doing that e-fedding thing, right?
Anyway, e-fedding is so much harder than this real thing. And I think you know it. I think that you know writing, editing, thinking, scripting, is much more harder than the pre-planned, pre-worked matches you see on television. Either opponent can win in e-fedding. Is that really the case in this real wrestling? I don't think so. And that makes my achievements even better. So you should be careful buddy. Be careful who you're stepping into the ring with. Because you've run your mouth about me, in between your pointless snippets of what is happening in your training room - keep it to the match buddy! And when someone does that, they are going to have a run in with the E-Starr!
Jake poses for the camera, before walking off. Then runs back on screen.
Jake: Oh, one more thing. My skin already crawls when I hear "Sex and Violence: Version X". Like when you hear a really bad joke, which by default, makes your stable a really bad joke.
