Post by The Submission Technician on May 4, 2008 1:15:42 GMT -4
Monday 4-28-08
The scene opens to a pleased looking Vin sitting in a chair on the balcony of his hotel room about mid-day, smoking a blunt and drinking a beer. A cool breeze blew just as he looks down at his watch to check the time.
Vin: “Well, nothing to fuckin’ do, maybe I’ll go see who I’m fighting next week.” He thought to himself.
With that he casually gets up, puts his jacket on, and leaves. He makes his way to President Jeff’s office to check the cork board.
Vin: “WHAT??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!”
Vin rears back and blasts the board with an overhand right, that drives right through the board and wall behind it. Vin storms down the hall while dialing his cell phone.
Vin: “Hey Katrina….Have you heard….Guess who we have to wrestle next week…..you guessed it, you FUCKING guessed it none other than The Snowman and The Soft-core Kid….I know....But get this, they want a parking lot brawl….(laughter)….Yeah I’ll get with you on this tonight though, ok?....Cool talk to you then….Peace.”
Vin walking a little more calmly now see’s the monster machine in the hall and decides to get a drink. He slides the card his brother gave him through the slot and a sixteen oz. can of monster drops. He knocks back the drink slow. As he lowers his head, he see’s Tony Blackwell walking up the hall toward the machine. He steps to the side and let’s Tony get a can.
Tony: “Hey, you’re Vin E, right?”
Vin: “Yeah” he replied in a semi irritated tone.
Tony: “Tony Blackwell”
Tony extends his hand in a gesture of courtesy. Vin accepts his hand in kind.
Vin: “Nice to meet you”
Tony motions to Vin with his hands in a slightly inquisitive manner.
Tony: “If you don’t mind, you look pretty pissed. Why?”
Vin: “I am, and you would be to if you just found out that you have to wrestle two guys, that you just finished beating the ever living shit out of, for a third week in a row.”
Tony: “Believe me I know how you feel. I have been there and back.” “I hear that it’s a hardcore parking lot brawl?
Vin: “Yeah, I have a few things in mind for them”
Tony: “You ever been in a hardcore match before?”
Vin: “No”
Tony: “Well if you want I’ve got a couple of hours with nothing to do, you wanna learn something?”
Vin: “Sure why the hell not.”
Vin follows Tony to the gym. Tony spends the better part of the next two hours explaining the finer points of Hardcore wrestling to his new friend.
Tony: “So, what do you think?”
Vin: “What do I think? Wait, let me get this straight, you mean to tell me that I get to take these two into the parking lot and beat them within an inch of their lives, with whatever I want to do it with, and I won’t go to jail?”
Tony: “That’s what I said.” Tony said with a grin.
Vin: “Done, Over, Finished, it’s officially taken care of. That has got to be the best fucking news I have heard since I got here. Listen thank you very much for your help, I mean that, but I have to go I have calls to make and things to set up. We should have a beer sometime soon. Here, take my cell, hit me up later.
Tony: “Ok man I’ll see you around.”
Vin: “Later”
Vin makes his way back to his room. The whole time thinking of his new and particularly brutal things to do to the two people who have become a festering boil upon his ass. As he comes to the door to his room it hits him. He quickly opens his door while grabbing his cell phone. He sits on the bed and begins to dial.
Vin: “Hey Pete it’s Vin….Hey thanks for coming down to see my last match….Yeah but listen I need you to do a little something for me…. Well the same two idiots from last week have challenged me and Arcadia to a parking lot brawl and there are no rules…. I know its fucking hysterical….Ok here’s what I need from you, do we have any business in Tennessee?....No huh….Oh really….We have construction crews down in New Orleans rebuilding from Hurricane Katrina….So can we maybe get that equipment over to the parking lot of the Sommet Center in Nashville?....Need them there by Monday….Sweet….So what can you send…. Perfect….really?....Wow….Fucking Great….So let me get this straight, 1 bulldozer, 1 backhoe, 1 wrecking ball, and a full compliment of tools i.e. sledge hammers, jack hammers, breaker bars, nail guns, drills, pickaxe, pneumatic jack, Sawzall, shit like that….Nice…. cool….So you and the boys wanna come watch….Cool….So I’ll see you guys there then?....Sweet….Oh by the way did you check out this Seth Storm guy like I asked you to?....Really…. no shit….ok email me the file….Thanks…..ok man….Talk to you later….Peace.”
With that he calls arcadia, only to get her voicemail.
Vin: “Hey Kat, It’s me, told you I would call you so I am, I’m gonna get some sleep so call me in the morning ok later.”
Vin cracks a beer, sparks a blunt, and drifts off into sweet slumber.
Vin spends most of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday training with Katrina and making phone calls to set up things for the match.
Thursday 5-01-08
Vin and Katrina are just finishing their training session for the day.
Katrina: “Good work out”
Vin: “Yeah, I think we are going to finally teach these prick son of a bitches that another match is not what they want.”
(collective laughter)
Katrina: “So what are you doing tonight?”
Vin: “ I have an interview with Cindy.”
Katrina: “Really?”
Vin: “Yeah”
Katrina: “Good luck with that.”
Vin: “Thanks.”
Katrina: “So I’ll see you tomorrow to train?”
Vin: “Yep, bright and early at the butt crack of noon.”
They laugh.
Vin: “See you then.”
Katrina: “Ok, bye”
Vin grabs his duffel and heads back to his room to shower. He gets himself looking as respectable as he can before getting disgusted with himself and putting his regular clothing back on. He quick steps it to the studio for the interview but still arrives five minutes late.
He quickly apologizes to the producer, who intern directs him to his chair. Cindy walks up and introduces herself. She runs down the format of the interview with him to familiarize him with the whole process. “Everyone ready” the producer yelled. “Ok then here we go.” A count of 3…2…1, the producer points to Cindy as the red light on top of the camera turns green.
A close up of Cindy shows on the camera’s view screen.
Cindy: “Hello APW faithful, and welcome to another session of hard questions and harsh words, as we get set to bring you the first interview of the latest addition to the annuals of the industry, “The Submission Technician” Vin E Lambardo.”
The camera zooms out to show Vin sitting to Cindy’s left.
Cindy: “And that interview when we return.”
The camera pans to a close up of Vin as the shows theme music takes us to commercial.
The Screen comes back to a shot of both Cindy and Vin. The music fades and we’re live.
Cindy: “So Vin let me start by asking you the most obvious of questions. How do you feel going into your third match against The Iceman, and your second with The Hardcore Kid?”
Vin: “How do you think I feel? I mean seriously. This is completely mind boggling to me. I can’t understand it.”
Cindy: “Understand what?”
Vin: “The whole thing. You know what it’s like, it’s like when you see a dog eating its own shit, you know. You understand why the dog eats, why the dog shits, but you never quite understand why in the hell it tries to eat its own shit afterward. It’s the same thing. The first match The Icebitch got his ass kicked. His bitch of a friend The Soft-core Kid then proceeds to jump me from behind, naturally my stable mate got involved and hence the second match. They then both get their collective asses romped. But a third match, that just doesn’t make any sense. I ate him… Shit them out… I don’t want eat my own shit, Cindy.”
Cindy: “But this match Vin is different, it’s a hardcore parking lot brawl. Does that not make a difference?”
Vin: “Yes it does. It means that my partner and I are free to break these fools. My current thought is if they can’t wrestle next week, then I might get to wrestle a real athlete.”
Cindy: “Those are some pretty strong words, don’t you think that you are underestimating them? You know you have never been in this type of match before.”
Vin: “Not at all. I don’t underestimate anyone. And what do you mean I haven’t been in a match like this before? I grew up in fights like this, just look at my arrest record. I am right at home snapping bones in a parking lot the only thing that I won’t be used to is not having to jump into a car after and run from the cops. On top of that I have been a cage fighter for the last 3 years.”
Cindy: “How can you be so confident you barley even know your opponents?”
Vin: “Yes I do. I know the type of people these two bumbling idiots are.”
Cindy: “Explain.”
Vin: “They are like the guys from that movie “Night at the Roxbury”, you know the type. They are the ones who no matter how many times they get shot down they are completely oblivious to reality. You know? Like I bet they would be the guys in the club that walk up to a girl, and use some lame line like, “Hey are your pants made out of mirrors cause I can see myself in them”, and then after she smacks him, he goes back to the corner with his friend and talks about how she’s a prude. No she’s not a prude asshole, it’s just that you are ugly and have no game. Just like this business, these two have no game. I bet there sex life looks like their win loss record only worse. It’s kind of like when you get beer goggles and wind up fucking the fat chick, only in this set up it’s the fat chick who has the beer goggles on.
Cindy: “Why don’t you tell us how you really feel Vin, come on don’t hold back.”
She chuckles.
Cindy: “Anyway moving on I have prepared something for our viewers, It is a montage of some of the highlights from your previous cage fighting career.”
Vin: “How in the hell did you get those?”
Cindy: “I used to be an investigative reporter, and the internet is a great tool.”
Vin: “Wow.”
Cindy: “Moving on I would like to address this little issue between you and Seth Storm.”
Vin: “I am glad that you asked about that, because I have had a few of my “investigative reporters” do some digging and you’ll never guess what I found.”
Cindy: “What would that be?”
Vin: “Well it seems that a few years ago our beloved President Jeff owned another fed by the name of WWC, but he had to take a small leave of absence to handle some personal things. So naturally as a good business man he left power of attorney to his trusted lawyer. However it seems that his lawyer screwed him and sold the company out from under him. To whom you ask? None other than Seth Storms friend and mentor Andy McHeyman. This makes me wonder why Seth Storm is here in APW. It kind of makes your brain tickle huh?”
Cindy: “I might just have to do a segment about that.”
Vin: “Now that sounds like a good idea, but can I ask you a question? Why the hell do you fuck someone like the Iceman?”
Cindy: Where the hell did you hear that? I don’t want Jason Royce! No one wants Jason Royce! Jason Royce’s mother didn’t want Jason Royce, and I’m pretty sure that he has crabs! God Damn it the impersonations in this federation have to stop! I swear to god that I’m going to sue that son of a bitch for slander. I wish we could have him arrested for sucking so bad, but from what I heard from the Hardcore Kid he can’t do that right either. I am sick and tired of being talked about by these so-called superstars any way that they want. News Flash fellas, you can’t! The only person in this federation that has any chance with me is Kenny Lambardo, and that’s because he doesn’t treat me like shit. He doesn’t come out to the ring ranting and raving about how every female in the federation is a slut, and whore. And god damn he is better looking than you!
Vin: Wooooooooooooooooooooooow! No Cindy. Tell us how you really feel
(Collective chuckle)
Vin: “I absolutely agree I fucking hate when guys treat women like that. That is not being a man, not in any stretch of the imagination. The bible tells us that we are to cleave to our women for they are flesh of our flesh and bone of our bone. Any man who treats women like anything other than the way God intended us to, has serious testicular shrinkage.
Cindy: “Wow that was actually sweet, but not surprising, after all you are a Lambardo.”
Vin: “Well that is the type of shit that just pisses me of about people like Justin Job he cant actually do any real mic work against a woman because he is afraid that the whole fed will find out about his tiny penis. I mean lets face it if they are all just sluts like he says then how come he hasn’t slept with any of them?”
Cindy: “Ok well back to your match this week, how do you feel about working with a woman?”
Vin: “I love it, you know I have one of the most bad ass females I have ever seen working with me. After seeing the shit that she can do while training, its just amazing. It actually makes me a little envious and kinda hot all at the same time to tell you the truth.” ”But I think people have not read her bio.” “Realize that she studied in Japan before she became a luchador, she reeks of hardcore, and these guys could not have picked a worse match to get into with us. I mean come on, them vs. The street brawler extraordinaire and the hardcoreah luchadora bitches.
Cindy: “Well I guess that just about says it all doesn’t it? Until next time, keep the faith.”
The camera zooms out and back the lights dim as the theme music plays. APW cuts to commercial.
The scene opens to a pleased looking Vin sitting in a chair on the balcony of his hotel room about mid-day, smoking a blunt and drinking a beer. A cool breeze blew just as he looks down at his watch to check the time.
Vin: “Well, nothing to fuckin’ do, maybe I’ll go see who I’m fighting next week.” He thought to himself.
With that he casually gets up, puts his jacket on, and leaves. He makes his way to President Jeff’s office to check the cork board.
Vin: “WHAT??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!”
Vin rears back and blasts the board with an overhand right, that drives right through the board and wall behind it. Vin storms down the hall while dialing his cell phone.
Vin: “Hey Katrina….Have you heard….Guess who we have to wrestle next week…..you guessed it, you FUCKING guessed it none other than The Snowman and The Soft-core Kid….I know....But get this, they want a parking lot brawl….(laughter)….Yeah I’ll get with you on this tonight though, ok?....Cool talk to you then….Peace.”
Vin walking a little more calmly now see’s the monster machine in the hall and decides to get a drink. He slides the card his brother gave him through the slot and a sixteen oz. can of monster drops. He knocks back the drink slow. As he lowers his head, he see’s Tony Blackwell walking up the hall toward the machine. He steps to the side and let’s Tony get a can.
Tony: “Hey, you’re Vin E, right?”
Vin: “Yeah” he replied in a semi irritated tone.
Tony: “Tony Blackwell”
Tony extends his hand in a gesture of courtesy. Vin accepts his hand in kind.
Vin: “Nice to meet you”
Tony motions to Vin with his hands in a slightly inquisitive manner.
Tony: “If you don’t mind, you look pretty pissed. Why?”
Vin: “I am, and you would be to if you just found out that you have to wrestle two guys, that you just finished beating the ever living shit out of, for a third week in a row.”
Tony: “Believe me I know how you feel. I have been there and back.” “I hear that it’s a hardcore parking lot brawl?
Vin: “Yeah, I have a few things in mind for them”
Tony: “You ever been in a hardcore match before?”
Vin: “No”
Tony: “Well if you want I’ve got a couple of hours with nothing to do, you wanna learn something?”
Vin: “Sure why the hell not.”
Vin follows Tony to the gym. Tony spends the better part of the next two hours explaining the finer points of Hardcore wrestling to his new friend.
Tony: “So, what do you think?”
Vin: “What do I think? Wait, let me get this straight, you mean to tell me that I get to take these two into the parking lot and beat them within an inch of their lives, with whatever I want to do it with, and I won’t go to jail?”
Tony: “That’s what I said.” Tony said with a grin.
Vin: “Done, Over, Finished, it’s officially taken care of. That has got to be the best fucking news I have heard since I got here. Listen thank you very much for your help, I mean that, but I have to go I have calls to make and things to set up. We should have a beer sometime soon. Here, take my cell, hit me up later.
Tony: “Ok man I’ll see you around.”
Vin: “Later”
Vin makes his way back to his room. The whole time thinking of his new and particularly brutal things to do to the two people who have become a festering boil upon his ass. As he comes to the door to his room it hits him. He quickly opens his door while grabbing his cell phone. He sits on the bed and begins to dial.
Vin: “Hey Pete it’s Vin….Hey thanks for coming down to see my last match….Yeah but listen I need you to do a little something for me…. Well the same two idiots from last week have challenged me and Arcadia to a parking lot brawl and there are no rules…. I know its fucking hysterical….Ok here’s what I need from you, do we have any business in Tennessee?....No huh….Oh really….We have construction crews down in New Orleans rebuilding from Hurricane Katrina….So can we maybe get that equipment over to the parking lot of the Sommet Center in Nashville?....Need them there by Monday….Sweet….So what can you send…. Perfect….really?....Wow….Fucking Great….So let me get this straight, 1 bulldozer, 1 backhoe, 1 wrecking ball, and a full compliment of tools i.e. sledge hammers, jack hammers, breaker bars, nail guns, drills, pickaxe, pneumatic jack, Sawzall, shit like that….Nice…. cool….So you and the boys wanna come watch….Cool….So I’ll see you guys there then?....Sweet….Oh by the way did you check out this Seth Storm guy like I asked you to?....Really…. no shit….ok email me the file….Thanks…..ok man….Talk to you later….Peace.”
With that he calls arcadia, only to get her voicemail.
Vin: “Hey Kat, It’s me, told you I would call you so I am, I’m gonna get some sleep so call me in the morning ok later.”
Vin cracks a beer, sparks a blunt, and drifts off into sweet slumber.
Vin spends most of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday training with Katrina and making phone calls to set up things for the match.
Thursday 5-01-08
Vin and Katrina are just finishing their training session for the day.
Katrina: “Good work out”
Vin: “Yeah, I think we are going to finally teach these prick son of a bitches that another match is not what they want.”
(collective laughter)
Katrina: “So what are you doing tonight?”
Vin: “ I have an interview with Cindy.”
Katrina: “Really?”
Vin: “Yeah”
Katrina: “Good luck with that.”
Vin: “Thanks.”
Katrina: “So I’ll see you tomorrow to train?”
Vin: “Yep, bright and early at the butt crack of noon.”
They laugh.
Vin: “See you then.”
Katrina: “Ok, bye”
Vin grabs his duffel and heads back to his room to shower. He gets himself looking as respectable as he can before getting disgusted with himself and putting his regular clothing back on. He quick steps it to the studio for the interview but still arrives five minutes late.
He quickly apologizes to the producer, who intern directs him to his chair. Cindy walks up and introduces herself. She runs down the format of the interview with him to familiarize him with the whole process. “Everyone ready” the producer yelled. “Ok then here we go.” A count of 3…2…1, the producer points to Cindy as the red light on top of the camera turns green.
A close up of Cindy shows on the camera’s view screen.
Cindy: “Hello APW faithful, and welcome to another session of hard questions and harsh words, as we get set to bring you the first interview of the latest addition to the annuals of the industry, “The Submission Technician” Vin E Lambardo.”
The camera zooms out to show Vin sitting to Cindy’s left.
Cindy: “And that interview when we return.”
The camera pans to a close up of Vin as the shows theme music takes us to commercial.
The Screen comes back to a shot of both Cindy and Vin. The music fades and we’re live.
Cindy: “So Vin let me start by asking you the most obvious of questions. How do you feel going into your third match against The Iceman, and your second with The Hardcore Kid?”
Vin: “How do you think I feel? I mean seriously. This is completely mind boggling to me. I can’t understand it.”
Cindy: “Understand what?”
Vin: “The whole thing. You know what it’s like, it’s like when you see a dog eating its own shit, you know. You understand why the dog eats, why the dog shits, but you never quite understand why in the hell it tries to eat its own shit afterward. It’s the same thing. The first match The Icebitch got his ass kicked. His bitch of a friend The Soft-core Kid then proceeds to jump me from behind, naturally my stable mate got involved and hence the second match. They then both get their collective asses romped. But a third match, that just doesn’t make any sense. I ate him… Shit them out… I don’t want eat my own shit, Cindy.”
Cindy: “But this match Vin is different, it’s a hardcore parking lot brawl. Does that not make a difference?”
Vin: “Yes it does. It means that my partner and I are free to break these fools. My current thought is if they can’t wrestle next week, then I might get to wrestle a real athlete.”
Cindy: “Those are some pretty strong words, don’t you think that you are underestimating them? You know you have never been in this type of match before.”
Vin: “Not at all. I don’t underestimate anyone. And what do you mean I haven’t been in a match like this before? I grew up in fights like this, just look at my arrest record. I am right at home snapping bones in a parking lot the only thing that I won’t be used to is not having to jump into a car after and run from the cops. On top of that I have been a cage fighter for the last 3 years.”
Cindy: “How can you be so confident you barley even know your opponents?”
Vin: “Yes I do. I know the type of people these two bumbling idiots are.”
Cindy: “Explain.”
Vin: “They are like the guys from that movie “Night at the Roxbury”, you know the type. They are the ones who no matter how many times they get shot down they are completely oblivious to reality. You know? Like I bet they would be the guys in the club that walk up to a girl, and use some lame line like, “Hey are your pants made out of mirrors cause I can see myself in them”, and then after she smacks him, he goes back to the corner with his friend and talks about how she’s a prude. No she’s not a prude asshole, it’s just that you are ugly and have no game. Just like this business, these two have no game. I bet there sex life looks like their win loss record only worse. It’s kind of like when you get beer goggles and wind up fucking the fat chick, only in this set up it’s the fat chick who has the beer goggles on.
Cindy: “Why don’t you tell us how you really feel Vin, come on don’t hold back.”
She chuckles.
Cindy: “Anyway moving on I have prepared something for our viewers, It is a montage of some of the highlights from your previous cage fighting career.”
Vin: “How in the hell did you get those?”
Cindy: “I used to be an investigative reporter, and the internet is a great tool.”
Vin: “Wow.”
Cindy: “Moving on I would like to address this little issue between you and Seth Storm.”
Vin: “I am glad that you asked about that, because I have had a few of my “investigative reporters” do some digging and you’ll never guess what I found.”
Cindy: “What would that be?”
Vin: “Well it seems that a few years ago our beloved President Jeff owned another fed by the name of WWC, but he had to take a small leave of absence to handle some personal things. So naturally as a good business man he left power of attorney to his trusted lawyer. However it seems that his lawyer screwed him and sold the company out from under him. To whom you ask? None other than Seth Storms friend and mentor Andy McHeyman. This makes me wonder why Seth Storm is here in APW. It kind of makes your brain tickle huh?”
Cindy: “I might just have to do a segment about that.”
Vin: “Now that sounds like a good idea, but can I ask you a question? Why the hell do you fuck someone like the Iceman?”
Cindy: Where the hell did you hear that? I don’t want Jason Royce! No one wants Jason Royce! Jason Royce’s mother didn’t want Jason Royce, and I’m pretty sure that he has crabs! God Damn it the impersonations in this federation have to stop! I swear to god that I’m going to sue that son of a bitch for slander. I wish we could have him arrested for sucking so bad, but from what I heard from the Hardcore Kid he can’t do that right either. I am sick and tired of being talked about by these so-called superstars any way that they want. News Flash fellas, you can’t! The only person in this federation that has any chance with me is Kenny Lambardo, and that’s because he doesn’t treat me like shit. He doesn’t come out to the ring ranting and raving about how every female in the federation is a slut, and whore. And god damn he is better looking than you!
Vin: Wooooooooooooooooooooooow! No Cindy. Tell us how you really feel
(Collective chuckle)
Vin: “I absolutely agree I fucking hate when guys treat women like that. That is not being a man, not in any stretch of the imagination. The bible tells us that we are to cleave to our women for they are flesh of our flesh and bone of our bone. Any man who treats women like anything other than the way God intended us to, has serious testicular shrinkage.
Cindy: “Wow that was actually sweet, but not surprising, after all you are a Lambardo.”
Vin: “Well that is the type of shit that just pisses me of about people like Justin Job he cant actually do any real mic work against a woman because he is afraid that the whole fed will find out about his tiny penis. I mean lets face it if they are all just sluts like he says then how come he hasn’t slept with any of them?”
Cindy: “Ok well back to your match this week, how do you feel about working with a woman?”
Vin: “I love it, you know I have one of the most bad ass females I have ever seen working with me. After seeing the shit that she can do while training, its just amazing. It actually makes me a little envious and kinda hot all at the same time to tell you the truth.” ”But I think people have not read her bio.” “Realize that she studied in Japan before she became a luchador, she reeks of hardcore, and these guys could not have picked a worse match to get into with us. I mean come on, them vs. The street brawler extraordinaire and the hardcoreah luchadora bitches.
Cindy: “Well I guess that just about says it all doesn’t it? Until next time, keep the faith.”
The camera zooms out and back the lights dim as the theme music plays. APW cuts to commercial.
