Post by "That Girl" Diana Lambardo on May 4, 2008 20:52:28 GMT -4
Well, Spirit was about done tearing everyone apart to that poor underpaid cameraman. I knew there was a reason Diana and she were friends.
“…anything to add?” she shrugged the question at Diana in an attempt to pass on her camera sloppy seconds.
Diana just shrugged her shoulders. “Nah.” And I welcome you to the most uncomfortable moment in APW history, as the cameraman hovered, not knowing whether or not he should leave, Spirit looking at her puzzled and a little unhappy with her lack of hustle, and Diana was just there, chewing on a carrot. Yeah, she had a carrot. Finally, “Dude I’m kidding. I have plenty to say, you do realize who we’re fighting this week right?” She brushed a lil’ dirt off her shoulder to start her off. “Alright, let me break this all down for ya’ll. Spirit and I are in the ring together. If there’s a person on this earth who doesn’t know just how bad that is for our opponents health we will go find them and show them. The MOD squad, that’s what we are, the merchants of death, the Polydemonism Spree. Some real twisted sisters, if you will.” Spirit was eyeing her from the side.
“Well that was weird.”
“Yeah….Then we have Michael Lively. He’s new to our little gang bang- the Church of Kaos. I don’t know how I feel about him but he’s good. A bit of a live wire maybe, but he’s good. And besides, who wants a fight without any kick? Not to mention if he gets himself in a pickle I’m hoping his mom might help him out so I won’t have to. I don’t play nice…Anyway we’re got three dangerous fucks right there in one corner. Pan over a little will ya? Now we’ve got this guy Sabur. One minute he’s a jokester that can’t stop hoppin’ around crackin’ wise remarks and mooing at everyone while his MIDGET follows him around. You can’t make that shit up, he really has a midget following him around wherever he goes. Then the next minute he’s letting Trevor the Almighty whip him “into shape” with his boom stick he likes to call his Singapore cane. You go on ahead and you lose your personality faster for the puppet master!” She used a mocking tone and waved her hands in the air like she was controlling a puppet. “Keep one eye on that cane, Sabur, you don’t know where it might end up. Then we’ve got Razor Ryan. I mean…” She paused, thought and shrugged. “You know what fuck this. Ryan? You’re not dignifying this match by showing up. Neither is Sabur. You want to tell your stable to fuck off and get better? Than you GET THE FUCK BETTER. No fucking respect, and no fucking sportsman ship, how the hell does the crowd like you assholes better than us. You go run away. Abandon Tony. That’ll really put a fire under someone’s ass. You guys are to wrestling as the Yankees are to Baseball. Hell you guys are to APW as Martin J Singer was to WWC. You pretentious little nobodies better get some foundation to your ‘Totally awesome’ outlook.”
She was getting a little heated and rubbed her hands over her face to calm down. “Tony…You know, I gotta give that kid some mad respect. He may be the most understated of the Blackwells but right now he’s the toughest and he’s got the best chance at REALLY doing something great. Don’t get me wrong, I said something great, not a miracle. He’s not beating us tonight. It just won’t happen. But I’ll give credit where credit is due, there’s a chance Spirit and I limp out of that ring. He’s got the drive, the respect and the talent. Plus, he’s one big mother fucker. But I will tell you this right now Tony I am bringing all of what I have, Spirit is bringing it twice, and Lively is bringing it plus one hot mamma. You are in trouble babe, and I feel bad for you. I do, because the bigger, the harder they fall. I really hope you get a toe hold and give us some real trouble yourself. Remember when Spirit and I, way back in the day said “EFF YOU” in a very physical way to you and Trevor in the ring? Well…honey, we’re all different wrestlers now. Different people. Not to mention some people might say I’m on a “losing streak.” I wish nothing more than to erase any and all evidence suggesting that may be true. I am not happy right now and you remind me of the father of my child. Not your best quality…”
Spirit tapped Diana on the shoulder. “Speaking of which, don’t you have to go see Trevor about Skylar now?”
“Shit. Yeah. Um, look man…” Diana tossed the cameraman a $5 bill. “Go fetch yourself some KFC, or something.”
APW cuts to commercial…
And when we return, somehow things have changed so very drastically! We are in the ring now, the crowd silently watching Diana and Trevor at a table in the middle, talking. They’re not using mics, so the crowd can’t hear them, but a cameraman is close enough to catch what’s going on. They’re playing poker it seems, Diana sipping from a glass of Jack Daniels on the rocks. Why Jack Daniels? Because we’re in Tennessee bitches! Oh, and whiskey’s the only drink worth ruining your life. Red and White lights form a hue on them, Diana slightly cast more in the red light while Trevor steals a bit more of the glow from the white lights.
Diana pulls a card from the deck on the table. “Trev, I’m starting to worry about Skylar. She’s getting older and the only people she knows are freaking professional wrestlers.”
“The only people you know are pretty much just professional wrestlers too.”
“Well yes, thank you for backing up my point. Interesting hand you got there?”
“You could say that.” He slammed down his cards to show a straight. Half the crowd cheered and as Diana sighed and reshuffled all the cards having clearly lost. “Ah, I love that sound.” Trevor smirked at Diana.
“Haven’t been getting any rave revues in the bedroom lately, eh?”
“I’m so glad I never married you.” He picked up his freshly dealt hand.
“More like glad you never asked. That would have been terribly embarrassing for you. Doesn’t matter though, I still got your testicles in the settlement.”
“Yeah, and my respect for women everywhere. Tell me, how do you fix your hair so the horns don’t show?”
“I had them shaved down a bit.” She slammed a full house down on the table and poured herself a refill of whiskey. “Tell me, when you hold that cane in your hands does it makes you feel like you did when you saw your first porno? Which, I hear was the first porno ever made, true?”
“That’s it, can we talk about Skylar now?” Trevor rolled his eyes and put a fist on the table.
“Fine. Fine. I can’t wait for Skylar to grow up just like her daddy.”
“…better than her slut mom…”
“At least she won’t have to worry about inheriting the impotency!”
After that the cameraman got bored and ran off, scared and confused. Mostly scared.
