SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!

[THERE IS A GOD]

Okay… So Kenny took a hit at his first Pay-Per-View in APW. Things are not looking up. Let’s move onto somebody else. “The Xtremist” Tony Blackwell wooped the shit outta Marcus Saxton. Fyre Angel is another that took a hit at Carnage, with her opponent’s manager as the special guest referee? Who would of thought? And the “Hardcore Icon” keeps his pride, and is crowned as the APW Extreme Heavyweight Champion against his little sister Kristina, in one of the bloodiest matches ever! So all, and all “Sex And Violence” make a good night! The only one in that group that got clear beat was Sgt. Kenny Lambardo. So where would that place our friendly neighborhood KaotiK?

SLAM!

The steel crinkled like foil against the fist of a raging KaotiK, as it collided with one of the many “Sex and Violence” lockers. Lambardo repeated blow after blow in a fit of rage, his soon torn knuckles splattering blood into his scared face. He continued through the pain, the torn flesh, the blood, his own ego furious with self doubt.

“Chill Kenny.” The red hot Fyre Angel spoke from behind the KaotiK in a feeble attempt to calm the entropic force down. “It was only a match.”

“A match you lost.”

“Shut up!” The KaotiK One yelled at the voice that existed only to him.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Kristina interjected in defense of her best friend.

“You’re weak!”

“I said SHUT UP!” Kenny yelled again, slamming his fist into the locker one more time.

“C’mon Fyre,” Kristina spoke, “we can let this asshole work out his own psychosis.”

The women left, and as Kristina said, Kenny was left to sort out his own business. It was at this moment that the voice took form within the eye of a KaotiK mind. In many instances, a patient that experiences extreme mental traumas will focus their anxieties to an imaginary external tormentor... In this case it was a fan. Not just any fan however. He stood about the height of the Sergeant, with a few more pounds added on. He wore baggy shorts, sunglasses, and a T-Shirt that read: “FEAR TWISTER’S RAGE”. ((For those of you unfamiliar with the character, Twister was Kaos’s first big rival in IWC))

“At least they left you this time, and not the other way around.” The Twister fan said, laughing to himself.

Lambardo grabbed at his hair, wishing for a moment of clarity. He reaches into his Urban Digitals, and retrieves a pack of smokes, and a “USMC” zippo. He kisses the tip of the cigarette with the zippo’s flame, and inhales deeply.

“You can’t ignore me Kaos.” The Twister Fan started up again. “I’m always here. Always in the back of your mind, always near, always ready to take you down just one more notch until you’re nothing more than dust in my hand.”

The manifestation vanished, as the door opened to reveal the manager of the “High Flyah Messiah”, Jack Spade.

“Boss. You have an “in-ring” to do in like fifteen. You gonna be okay?” said Spade as Kenny put out his smoke.

Lambardo took his sunglasses from their spot in the dog tag chain that hung over the black, and white, wifebeater/muscle shirt combo, placing them to his face.

“I’m fine.” Kenny responded as he came back to composure. “Did you happen to get that Monster that I asked for?”

“I did you one better,” Spade replied. “I brought you this.”

Walking into the locker room from behind Spade comes a five foot eight brunette. Shoulder length hair, dark brown eyes, and the most luscious lips that you’ve ever seen. She wore black jeans, and a black tank top that sported the green monster “M” logo. The girl smiled at him, pulling a “ MONSTER BFC” from behind her back, and from that moment Kenny was done.

“And what would be your name?” The ever suave Kenny asked with a seductive smile of his own.

“They just call me the MONSTER Girl.” MG responded.

“Are you married?” Kenny asked in a joking matter as he popped the top of the can, and began to sip.

“I thought that you might enjoy that.” Spade interjected. “Figured you could use a pick-me-up.”

“So who am I facing this week anyway?” Kenny asked before another sip.

Spade responded by handing the sergeant a list that sent the marine into an almost jolly-style laugh. His two KaotiK Kompanians looked upon the sociopath with confusion.

“This is too good to be true. I can’t wait!” Kaos exclaimed.

“Always were the one for a challenge, hey Kenny?” Spade asked.

“You have no fucking idea, my friend.” Kenny answered taking a gulp from his can. “Losing to Lively at Carnage has opened my eyes Spade. I remembered what it was like to be the kid that just wanted attention, and I got a taste of what it was to be the guy to beat. Then, I remembered something else. Something that I should’ve never forgotten to begin with, and when the dusts settles, just remember that Lively is the one to blame.”

“The KaotiK!” Another voice rang through Kenny’s soul.

Lambardo was a bit smarter about this sound though. He knew what was going on, he had been here before. He had also seen what the reactions were from Fyre, and Kristina, and didn’t need to see Spade’s. Instead, Kenny simply smiled.

“So if I’m doing a promo, where the hell is my cameraman?” The “High Flyah Messiah” asked.

As if by the will of Kaos, Emry comes waltzing in behind Spade.

“Well would you look at that?” Kenny flashed his trademark grin.

Lambardo walks up to the camera, and snaps a finger at the lens. The screen goes snowy for a second, and when the picture returns, the “APW” logo has been replaced by the words: “KAOS KAM”. Call it what you will. The work of a God, an act of Kaos, superhuman powers, or just plain old camera tricks…

“I love being me!”

Kenny walked out of the room, rubbing his head, with a look on his face as if he was missing something. Wonder what that could be? The entourage followed in suit, as “The KaotiK One” made his way through the back halls of the arena until he had found what it was that he was looking for. Kristina, and Fyre Angel. Kenny finished the energy drink, with a long chug, and tossed the can into the receptacle as he approached.

The two girls had made their way to the food court area of the arena. Wonder who they were just cracking on? No matter. The two of them were like family to Kenny. Fyre Angel had been there since the beginning. That girl could tell you about Kenny’s first match ever. Hell, get her drunk, and she might even tell you whose voice that it is playing at the beginning of Kenny’s entrance music.

Kristina. That was another story all together, and those stories all a little too graphic, and I don’t want to have a rated X at the beginning of my roleplays. Needless to say, those two definitely have some history.

“The hell, do want from us?” Kristina asked bitterly.

Kalayla giggled to herself, waiting for the punishment that was in store for our friendly neighborhood KaotiK. Although it would seem that the punishment that was in store was not for Kenny, but the “Monster Girl”.

“Actually you have something that I need back, very, very much right now.” Lambardo asked in a tone that he had never quit taken before. Nothing close to anyway that he had ever spoken to Kris.

“And what is that?” Kristina asked with poison in every word.

“The bandana.” Lambardo replied.

Kristina became withdrawn as if her body had collapsed within itself.

“You’re not serious.”

“I’m absolutely serious!”

“What the hell are you trying prove?!” Fyre Angel threw the fries sitting on the table in front of her, tossing them as she stood to “The KaotiK”.

Kristina tugged her skirt a bit higher, like that was possible, and untied the bandana that he had given to her in another life. She handed it to him reluctantly.

“I’m not trying to prove anything!” Kenny said as he took the symbol from Kristina. “I am proving something, to myself, to the fans, to “Sex and Violence”, to the roster, to Jeff, and all of you guys right here! I can do this. I will do this! Why? The answer is simple. Only here do I get the recognition for what I do. Only here can I be accepted as what I am, and not what I’m perceived to be. Only here can I find a family that means a lick compared to my own, from Jeff to Jason.”

Lambardo tied the black bandana to his head, covering his short cropped hair, leaving three blood red letters. Three letters that had changed his life, just as it did to so many lives after: “ROK”. To some these letters just meant “Reign of Kaos”, and yet to others it meant so much more, but to those in the know it meant the return of something that could never be locked away for long.

They called it “The KaotiK”, an alter ego to our “Ego Crusher”. An alternate persona created after treatments in an Insane Asylum called Bellvue. Where Kaos was a force of change, entropy, and complete randomness, “The KaotiK” was more. It was all that power focused by a destructive will, and as unrelenting, as it was limitless.

“I know what I’m doing again. I can feel it. I have control over it.” Lambardo continued. “The marines really did serve their purpose. I stand with you today as the most powerful thing on my green earth, not because I’m better than you, but because you stand with me. I just wish that Jason Royce was here…”

And as if by the will of Kaos itself, from around the corner turned, your man, my man, “The Iceman” Jason Royce.

“Jason. I’ve been looking all over for you!” The Sergeant snapped a finger, and pointed to a seat as he spoke. “Please sit down.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Lambardo.” The Iceman sounded a bit nervous as he sat in his spot amongst the others.

“You see this man right here.” Lambardo continued. “This guy was the first fucking guy to give me any kind of fucking credit for any of this shit. My first match ever was against this guy. This guy gave me respect, and still does to this day. He was also the first guy to have my fucking back, and he has ever since. So now I say I’m returning the favor, to the three of you here, and Tony… Who should be on his way... as far as I’m concerned, it’s time for me to give back. I stand with you guys today with one solid oath. That one of us walks out of there as the number one contender to Jon Green’s World Heavyweight Championship!”

The three give off a bit of smiling, as Kenny simply watches with a smile of his own. This is what “The KaotiK” does. It rallies troops, and brings people together under one common cause. Even if their can be only one winner, than let that winner be “Sex and Violence”. Let the power of that concept seethe in your very soul, because that is the force that will drive a KaotiK to do what no other man can do, and truly rank himself up amongst the pantheons of the gods.

“The KaotiK” turned on heel, raising a hand with two signals. The first meant rally. The second meant move out. The three on the other hand simply sat, and stared blankly at the sergeant. Spade, and the MONSTER GIRL went to follow, but that was only because that is what they were paid to do. They didn’t understand either. Emry on the other hand did understand, but he was not however being paid for this, but was more afraid of an impending “Ego Crusher”. The finisher, or the wrestler? You pick.

Kenny looked over his shoulder, and spoke to the three stooges he apparently had before him. “That meant follow me.”

The three got up, still looking to each other confused as they followed the sergeant, and his apparent staff. Kenny made his way through the back halls of the arena, going only Kaos knows where, when he is interrupted by a little Dick. Don’t you just hate that, your going, your almost there, and you get stopped by a little dick. Okay maybe that was a little too personal, like that time that Dr. Matt left that OOC comment about his uncle, and touching, and stuff…

“Holy Shit!” “The KaotiK” shouted in excitement. “Your Sabur’s little Dick! Like right here, and in the flesh, and shit! I can’t believe this! Sabur’s learning. He personified his little dick, and here it is standing before me. Now that is some godly shit!”

“Am I going to have to be belittled with this my whole life.” The midget said, sulking.

“Wow. This is too good to be true.” Kenny looked to his KaotiK Kompanian in “The Iceman”. “Grab him.”

“Yes sir.” Royce replied as he hoisted the midget over his shoulder.

“For the love of God, put me down!” Little Dick yelped.

“For the love of Kaos might have worked.” Iceman replied.

“That was good.” Lambardo interjected. “Do me a favor though, stop calling me sir.”

“Okie Dokie Kaos.” Jason replied.

The fellowship continued on its way to their destination with the hobbit kicking, and screaming the whole way through. Standing before them, by the back curtain was one Tony Blackwell, holding a leather jacket, and sipping on a bottle of “Blackwell Blend” wrapped in a plastic bag. “The MONSTER GIRL” runs to Tony, taking the jacket.

“Thank you Tony.” “The MONSTER GIRL” said with a smile.

“Since when did I become the “Sex and Violence” errand boy?

“Get over it.” Kenny replied.

“The MONSTER GIRL” ran back to Lambardo with the leather jacket, and handed it to him. “The company saw what Michael Lively did to your jacket, and we thought that you might enjoy this.”

“Wow. Promotional deals really do have their benefits, now don’t they.” “The KaotiK One” said, as he took the jacket from the girl.

Lambardo inspected the jacket at first. The Corinthian leather was smooth to the touch, and hand stitches were done to perfection. He threw it on, and it fit like a glove, the measurements were fantastic, and the green “MONSTER M” logo that lay stitched into the back was absolutely amazing. Kenny smiled. It was good to be “The High Flyah Messiah”.

Spade looked to his watch before he spoke. “Boss, you got a promo to shoot in about thirty seconds.”

“Okay, Spade.” Lambardo replied. “You know what to do.” He turned his attention to Emry. “You, follow him.”

Emry followed Spade as he made his way down the ramp, and to ringside. Mr. Lambardo’s Manager slides into the ring, and Phil simply hands him the microphone. Phil leaves heading somewhere else, preferably a spot that does not have “The KaotiK”.

Harvey: Who the hell is this guy?

Chase: That my dear uneducated friend is Jack Spade, a hardcore legend for some independent companies back in the day. He spent some time as a ring announcer in IWC, and later Kenny Lambardo’s manager.

Spade raised the mic to his lips, and took a deep breathe. “Ladies and Gentleman! Boys and Girls! Women eighteen years or older! “Sex and Violence” proudly brings to you the future APW Heavyweight Champion of the World!

The crowd cheers!

“The KaotiK One”

The crowd screams “Kaos!”

“The High Flyah Messiah”

The crowd screams “Kaos!”

“The “Excellence of Extreme”

The crowd screams “Kaos!”

“The Ego Crusher” Sgt Kenny Lambardo!”

The crowd roars as that ever so infamous phrase can be heard crashing through the sounds system like the freight train it was. “OH! OH KAOS! YOU’RE A GOD!” The rift to “Walk” by Pantera cuts in as Lambardo comes waltzing onto the stage with a microphone mystically in his hand. Following behind is the assembled “Excellence of Extreme”, with a midget wielding Iceman. Why the hell does the idea of midget wielding Iceman frighten me?

“RE! SPECT! WALK!” The crowd chanted along like a KaotiK Kult, and suddenly came to a screeching halt as Lambardo put the mic to his lips. “YO! I GOT A NEW DANCE FOR YOU ALL, AND WE CALL IT THE SOLDIER BOY!” Soulja Boy kicks in with wicked drum beats provided by Travis Barker. Lambardo stage dived via corkscrew to meet the hands of the adoring fans that just wanted a touch of their Messiah. Tony grinned a cocky smile that you swore could only be seen on the lips of a “KaotiK”. He strutted down to the top of the ramp, and struck a crucifix pose. It didn’t take long for Kalayla, and Kristina to do the same on either side. Three crucifixions on top of a hill? Where have we seen that image before?

The three walked down to the ring, Iceman simply following along confused as he carried an even more confused midget. The crowd surfed Lambardo to the guardrail. Lambardo leaped into an “I am God” pose as the faithful grabbed at bits of his clothes. “The High Flyah Messiah” leaped again onto the ring apron, and into another “I am God” Pose. His KaotiK Kompanians enter the ring, with Fyre Angel, Tony, and Kristina taking to three of the four turnbuckles. The fourth is left to Kenny, as the “Excellence of Extreme”, “Sex and Violence” strike a united crucifix pose.

The crowd completely explodes in appreciation!

Chase: Check this out! “Sex and Violence” has once again completely taken over the show!

Harvey: Well at least we get to keep our seats this time.

Chase: Don’t tempt them Harvey. Just be quiet, and don’t tempt them.

The four hop down, and Spade passes around microphones from outside the ring. The music stops, and Lambardo puts the mic to his lips. “You know I was going to come out here, and start this off with some compliments, but I have Sabur…

The crowd moos!

I have Sabur’s little dick, and things are starting to get complicated.”

The crowd laughs!

“Sabur’s little dick.” Kenny continues. “Sounds like a fucking disease! Sabur’s Little Dick Syndrome! I told you to put those fucking growth hormones down. First they gave you a little dick, and now it’s loose, and in my ring, and that just makes me feel uncomfortable. C’mon Sabur.”

The crowd moos again!

Harvey: This is absolutely horrible! Sabur doesn’t deserve this kind of humiliation.

Chase: You’re right. He doesn’t deserve it, but this shit is fucking funny as hell.

“I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to have a little dick.”

“No you haven’t!” Kristina interrupted “The KaotiK” from another rant.

“Your right I haven’t. However more important than that, I would like to know what it’s like to be a little dick. Why? Because if I am nothing else, I’m a BIG DICK!

He gets a mixed reaction from the crowd.

“The KaotiK” turns his attention to the midget. “So what’s it like to be a little dick?”

“Like I haven’t heard that one before?” “The Tiny One” Little Dick responded.

Harvey: That poor little guy has nothing to do with this.

Chase: Yeah, and seriously who didn’t see that joke coming?

“Okay so apparently you saw that one coming,” “The KaotiK One” responded. “so how about this?”

Lambardo took the plastic bag from Tony’s bottle, and put it over the midget’s head.

“Look!” Lambardo exclaimed. “It’s a little dick with a condom on!”

The crowd laughs!

Harvey: Lambardo is so horrible!

Chase: Okay. That was kind of funny.

Harvey: Do you even listen to me.

Chase: I try not to.

“And if that wasn’t enough for you.” “The KaotiK” lifted the midget, and handed it to Tony. “Tony! It’s an animatronic baby!”

And in case you haven’t noticed, Tony Blackwell has a thing against robotic children. He hurls the midget with one arm deep into the crowd. He is caught safely luckily, and Tony takes a swig of the bottle.

“Now look what happened.” Kenny continued again. “You have no Dick anymore. Why? Because its going the same place that you’re going this Monday at Overdrive. I’ve beat you once, and I’ll beat you twice. I’ve done the impossible in finding your neck, and I owe you hell for bringing that little shit Mike Lively into this fed. May Kaos have mercy on your soul, because you’re going over the top rope! I’m done with you! Shut the fuck up! NEXT!”

The crowd cheers!

Harvey: Wow. Kenny is really pumped.

Chase: Hell yeah. This guys specialty is Battle Royals!

Harvey: Why?

Chase: Only way that I can put it is that he knows how to play the game.

“Razor Ryan!” Kenny starts up with yet another star.

The crowd gives a light boo.

“Let me tell you something about Razor Ryan, and that little punk ass bitch of his Devon Cash!” Fyre Angel interjected hard.

The crowd cheers!

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Kenny said frantically trying to calm down a pissed off Fyre Angel. “I got a present for you hun. Check this shit out!”

Kenny snapped his finger at the Titontron. The image cuts to the locker room of Razor Ryan, and Devon Cash.

The crowd gives the two a mixed reaction.

“I really gotta take a piss man.” Razor Ryan said to his manager.

“You okay man?” Cash replied.

“Yeah, I drank one of those MONSTERS, and I don’t know how Kenny does it man.” Ryan continued. “That guy has got to have the strongest bladder on earth man.”

Ryan runs off screen, leaving Devon Cash.

“Yo Devon!” Kenny called to the Ttiontron.

“Who the hell are you man?” The mischievous little bastard responded.

“Sergeant Kenny Lambardo. United States Marine Corps, but you can call me Kaos. It would seem that you have this problem with staying out of matters that don’t concern you. Like a “Sex and Violence” match. Now that’s leave’s us in a very particular situation. You see, I am a master of Puerto Rican Judo.”

Lambardo does an impersonation of a bad Mexican accent. “Judo know if I got a knife!”

The first ever APW Extreme Heavyweight Champion appears on the screen, sneaking upon an unsuspecting Devon Cash with Singapore Cane in hand.

The crowd explodes!

“Judo know if I got a gun!”

Trevor strikes a Crucifix pose from behind Devon Cash.

“And judo know,” Kenny’s voice returns to its norm, “that your about to get slapped in the head with a Singapore Cane.”

And in the world of “The Career Killer” Trevor Blackwell that translated into: “Hit him now!” Trevor was only glad to oblige. The Cane shattered, and Cash went down like Kristina on Kenny.

“Now that I have your undivided attention, allow me to explain to you the rules of the game. They’re simple. Don’t get killed by “The KaotiK”. So far, you’re not doing to good. Stay the fuck away from Overdrive, and I might not have to snap your fucking neck! I am not nearly as forgiving as Ms. Mitchell over here, and that’s saying a lot. You, and your pal Razor think that you’re going to build an army. The NWO? Where have I heard that one before? Razor thinks that he can stand up to “Sex and Violence”? He thinks that he’s gonna have eyes in the back of his head. Tell Razor something for me. After Monday night, he’ll have his wish, and then we’ll see how he likes being outnumbered when he has no fucking choice in the matter. Fyre, and Kaos in the same ring means that the Razor’s edge has grown dull, and there is going to be hell to pay for what you’ve done! You made the dumbest move that you could make, all in the name of Razor Ryan, so now I bring the wrath of the almighty down on the soul of Razor Ryan all in the name of you! This Monday night at Overdrive, he’s going over the top fucking rope! I’m fucking done with you! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!”

The crowd cheers loudly!

The Titontron goes back to the “KAOS KAM” image.

Harvey: He is absolutely hell bent on taking out this whole fed.

Chase: Well if that’s the case I want to know who pissed him off.

“El Sueno!” Kenny goes for yet another opponent.

The crowd has absolutely no reaction what-so-ever.

Lambardo started pacing around the ring like a coiled cobra playing to the tune of the APW Extreme Heavyweight Champion, Trevor Blackwell’s flute. The name passing his lips was enough to send him into a frenzied rage, but he kept his composure regardless. He hated people like this guy. A wannabe gangster that probably had no idea what he was talking about to begin with. Someone who knew just enough to play, or idolized, but had no clue what any of it actually fucking meant.

“The KaotiK” dipped between the assembled “Excellence of Extreme”, as he continued his rant. “Who the hell is this guy? Has anybody ever seen him? I’ve read up on the dude, but has he done anything? I saw him at the end of a Saxton promo once, and that’s been it. He calls himself “The Dream”. He must be. Just a figment of Saxton’s imagination, brought into reality, and that is some godly shit. The real dream is you getting anywhere close to a championship that has Kenny Lambardo in its fed.

Harvey: Well it looks like that El Sueno would be who pissed him off Chase.

Chase: Well that was apparent, but that also raises a question. If Lambardo has never even seen El Sueno, how the hell does he hate him so much.

“Seriously though, I’ve been around the block once or twice, and I know a thing or two. The red, and the pant leg. Bro, listen to me for one second. I’ve tried the gangster gimmick, and it just doesn’t work. I don’t even want to try to talk about it. Don’t do it! That’s the best advice that I can give you. That and BK have it your way at Burger King. Other than that, you think that you can come into the same federation as Kaos, and get away with doing Muy Thai?! I’m gonna elephant knee the shit outta your tea loving ass, and then you’re going over the tope rope! I’m done with you! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!”

The crowd cheers!

Harvey: Because of the way he dresses?!

Chase: You’re an idiot…

“Vinnie Hardcore.” Lambardo started with the first loser of the federation.

The crowd roars with cheers!

Kenny moved to the front of the ring, and placed a foot on the bottom rope. He lowered his glasses, and looked toward the back stage area that he knew the monster dwelled. Leaning over the top, the MONSTER GIRL reached an arm around the “The KaotiK” as he began another rant.

“Vinnie Hardcore. Yeah, you’re the man. One of the best I think. It’s too bad that you had to step in the ring with me. In the ring with me you’re mediocre, and the age of my experience shows through. You demand respect, but you haven’t earned mine. You could probably walk into any federation, and become World Heavyweight Champion, but what do you do when your in a federation filled with stars that can all say the same thing? What do you do against the “Excellence of Extreme”. Your size has nothing to do with anything around here. It’s the size of your balls, your testicular fortitude that matters, and I have the biggest balls of them all! As far as I’m concerned your just a big fucking ape! A fucking Silverback! Sure, you’re big, and can be intimidating, but that’s all you’ve got going on man. You’re like the bullies that used to pick on me in high school. I fucking hate bullies, and no one intimidates this soldier boy anymore! In the ring with me you’re slow, and a large target, a big dead fucking tree for me to chop down, an easy hit that could never hope to catch the speed of Kaos. My suggestion to anyone under 250 pounds that takes you on is stay grounded! I will not be the fly to the swatter! Worst of all though, in the ring with me your still just a boy, and a child, a child that needs to be taught a lesson about his spot in life, and APW. You’ve already had your shot last week, and you blew it! My advice is, step aside, and save us both the time, and effort. Make way for someone who can do it! Someone much more talented, athletic, loved, and better looking than you. A giant like you standing against the grace of the “High Flyah Messiah” is just asking to have his ego crushed. I would be only happy to oblige. I don’t care which way it goes, or how big your fat ass is, because one way or the other you’re going over that top rope! I’m done with you! No… Wait… I lied. I’m not done with you. I’m just getting started.”

“Hey Spade?” Kenny asked his manager, who stood outside the ring.

“Yeah Boss?” Spade replied.

“Three Chinese men, one of whom is Vinnie Hardcore find themselves at the edge of the river. There is an agent legend that has been passed down for generations about this river. It is said that if you skip a stone across the river it will sing the name of one of your ancestors. The first man was sung the name of the warrior Chim Ta Nu. The second received the name of the great healer Zee Lao Pan. Vinnie Hardcore chucked the stone with all his might, and the river sung the name: Chim Pan Zee.”

The crowd gave a mixed reaction.

Harvey: What is this? Stand up comedy?

Chase. No. It’s stand up Komedy!

Harvey: That’s what I said. I don’t get it.

Chase: You wouldn’t.

“Hey Kristina?” Kenny turned his attention to the “Hardcore Princess” Kristina Blackwell.

“Yes Kenny?” She replied reluctantly.

“What do you call Vinnie Hardcore hanging on a branch with three other apes?” Kenny asked yet another question.

“I don’t know Kenny.” Kristina responded having such disdain for the fact that she had just been dragged into this. “What do you call him?”

“Branch Manager!”

The crowd laughs!

“Okay! Now I’m done with you! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!”

Harvey: Lambardo is way too small of a guy to be tearing into Vinnie Hardcore like that.

Chase: I don’t think that he really gives a damn. Lambardo brought up a good point. Hardcore just couldn’t hack it against Jon Green.

Harvey: What’s to say that Vinnie can’t come back, and take the belt at Rasslmania?

Chase: That guy in the ring with the microphone right now.

Lambardo readjusted the glasses back onto his face, and began to pace in the ring with the MONSTER GIRL stepping sheepishly to the side. Not nearly as angry as he was when it came to El Sueno, but pacing non-the-less.

“Next on the list, would be the Hardcore Kid.” Kenny began with this one now.

The crowd kind of cheered…

“One more hardcore guy. This is seriously beginning to get fucking tedious. Get some fucking originality around here! For the love of me, I started in a hardcore fed, and I haven’t taken it that far. What makes you think that you’re gonna win? You barely managed that win over Jason Royce. I was really rooting for the Iceman too, but now you want to step into the ring with the two of us at the same time. Do we all get to beat you right now? You know, pass you around the backstage, like a blunt, or Mike Lively’s mom? Hell, your ass is grass, and we’re gonna smoke it! As far as I’m concerned you picked on my little brother, and nobody picks on my little brother but me! I’d say bring your “A” game, but that’s just not gonna be good enough when it comes to you. Just bring a whole alphabet filled of game! So is the will of Kaos, and so shall it be done, your going over the top rope! I’m done with you! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!

The crowd cheers!

Harvey: Lambardo is just tearing into each opponent one-by-one.

Chase: He’s letting everybody here know that he is a force to be reckoned with in the APW.

Harvey: So I wonder whose next?

“Alexander Locke.” Kenny continued down the list to his next victim.

The crowd gave a light boo.

With that Kenny stopped dead in his tracks, and pointed out towards the ramp. “Look! It’s Sabur’s little dick again!”

The camera panned to see Sabur’s midget Richard.

“So let’s ask him.” Lambardo said with that snake-like grin. “What do you think about Alexander Locke?”

“I hope to god that he kills you!” The midget cried out.

“Don’t you mean you hope to Kaos?” Royce interjected.

“You’re fucking awesome Jason.” Lambardo replied to his KaotiK Kompanian. “But seriously, what do you think of him? I think that the two of you would make an awesome band together. Kinda like Kid Rock when they first came out, just not nearly as talented. The two of you would pair up great. You’re roughly about the size of his ego. Alexander Locke is the kind of man that is not in for an Ego Crusher. He does a good enough job doing that on his own. Have you seen this guy? Trevor Blackwell is the kind of name spoken in the same reference as Mick Foley, and the Sandman. Kenny Lambardo is a name that will go into the history books with greats like Sean Michaels, and Randy Ortin. Alexander Locke on the other hand will be a name spoken in the same breathe as Jeff Jarret, and the Honkey Tonk Man. All that you will ever be remembered as is the guy with the guitar. You hate people, you hate the fans, but what you really hate is yourself. People like you are fucking pathetic. Wrestling is your only love next to your music? What a fucking pussy. Sing me a song. Actually don’t. I swear if I have to listen to you being depressed on camera one more time I’m going to lose my fucking lunch! Please just stop whining! Please! Please also don’t slit your wrists either, I know life is bad, but there are things to look forward to. The Battle Royal at Overdrive is not one of them however. I could keep going, but I’m running out of camera time, so… Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… You’re going over the top rope! I’m done with you! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!

The crowd cheers!

Harvey: What ever happened to Jeff Jarret?

Chase: Heard he was some kind of big shot in TNA.

Harvey: Well that’s cool. Did he lose the guitar?

Chase: I don’t know. I watch APW, not TNA.

Lambardo tapped a finger against his fore head as he tried to remember who was left on his list. A name came to mind.

“Mike Basten.” Kenny started yet again.

The crowd cheers!

“Well it looks like that you have a bit of a cult following after your little adventure at Carnage. You did good kid, too bad that it’s just not good enough. It’s not to say that you couldn’t do it, you just ended up in a match with Kenny Lambardo, and when paired against “The KaotiK”, you’re just like everyone else. Unlike Alexander Locke however, you are one that is in desperate need of the Ego Crusher. The Elite is a man that is entirely too concerned with himself, vein, arrogant, lost in a web of talent that we find here in APW. All I see from this kid is a spoiled little brat that is all I, I, I, me, me, me, and mine, mine, mine. Someone whose parents never told him no, and who was always the first kid on the block with the new toy. Why? Because he bithced, and wined, and moaned until he got it. Not in this fed Mikey! Get the fuck over yourself. Time for your spanking little man! There are so many more important things in life than you! Like me. I am something that should definitely be drawing your attention. Why? Because I’m the one that’s going to put you in your place, and truly welcome you to the big leagues! I’ve been through this all before, and you’re just getting started. It’s a coming for age for you. It’ll make you better, and the pain will drive the weakness from your body. Losing to “Sex and Violence” won’t make you a loser. It just makes you like everyone else that crosses our path. Take this as your golden opportunity to learn something. Do whatever it is that you do, because you are another one that’s gonna feel my KaotiK rage, and just be one more ego crushed. In short, you’re going over the top rope! I’m done with you! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!

The crowd cheers!

Harvey: And another strong insult to yet another star in the federation.

Chase: Lambardo is letting it be known, that he will not take this lying down!

“Boss!” Spade yelled from outside the ring. “You’re all out of opponents.”

The marine turned to see Spade climbing into the ring. The “MONSTER GIRL” wrapped an arm around “The KaotiK”, as he gazed upon the pantheon of gods that stood before him, Tony, Kristina, Kalayla, even Spade…

Spade was one of Lambardo’s best friends, and one of the men that put Hardcore wrestling on the map, when Vinnie Hardcore couldn’t even of been a shot taken in his mom’s mouth. Although Kaos I wish that he was. Anyway… Spade had been a fan of our friendly neighborhood KaotiK since day one. No one sung his praises more, and he had the perfect seat to do it in, the IWC announcer’s table. From there he found himself as Lambardo’s manager in a fed called WWC, yet another one of Jeff’s feds for those of you that didn’t have the pleasure to be there. Together the two brought the first true “Reign of Kaos”. Even the “MONSTER ENERGY” sponsorship was Spade’s doing. He was a true player of the game, and the man that taught Kenny how to be more than just a rampaging machine. He taught him how to be an entertainer.

“Well I did say that I wanted to start this off with some compliments.” Lambardo responded.

Harvey: And after all that he’s going to start complimenting people. Ten bucks says that he compliments himself.

Chase: You never know, Harvey. Kaos works in mysterious ways.

“I would just like to say something to “The White Lion” Michael Lively.” Kaos began another rant. When will it end!? “You know something kid? I like you. You came in here, and went after the toughest mother fucker you could find, and that takes balls. What takes even more balls though, is the fact that the toughest mother fucker that you could find was me. Best yet though, is that you beat me. You pulled it off. Not for a lack of help though. Wonder what I mean? Don’t worry about it. You’re not ready to hear the truth yet, but I will tell you when you get older. Neither here nor there, a win over Kenny Lambardo can take you places, if you do it properly. Ride the KaotiK Storm boy! I swear that there was only one other man that could take me on, and that was Matt Metal. That’s a category that you just fell into, and you still probably have no idea of the impact that creates. You did the near impossible, and took on a high flying god, and won! Congratulations Mike. Yours is a career that might actually go somewhere. You have unlocked a bit of the god, in you, and I challenge you to keep it!”

The crowd cheered loudly!

Chase: Pay up brother, you owe me ten bucks!

Harvey: I still say that all he did was compliment himself.

Spade spoke up. “Boss, we’re seriously running out of camera time, even the emergency feed that you had us order is running low.

“Don’t worry about it.” Kenny replied. “Tell Jeff to take it out of my salary.”

Lambardo turned his attention to the pantheon of gods called “Sex and Violence”. I still have a few opponents that I have yet to mention.”

Kalayla, and Kristina look to each other confused, while Tony simply smiles. Kenny smiles in turn.

“The “Fyre Angel” Kalayla Mitchell!”

The crowd cheers loudly.

Lambardo releases his prized MONSTER GIRL, and throws an arm around Kalayla who happens to be wearing the same shirt as MG. He then pauses with a puzzled look, and tosses his arm back around the spokes model. Kenny smiles with both MONSTER GIRLS in his arms.

MG holds the mic to Lambardo’s lips. “You my friend are someone that has been with me since the beginning, from IWC, to the “Reign of Kaos”, to “Sex and Violence”. I’ve made fun of the fact that everybody just kind of forgets that you’re around, and your just kind of there, but how could I forget you? I hear your voice screaming for your “High Flyah Messiah” every time that I come out onto the stage!”

The fans cheer.

“But that’s why she’s there.” “The KaotiK” rang through Kenny’s mind. “That’s all that she’s good for, and all that she will ever be good for. How many fucking guys has this chick been with? Tony, Kenny, B.A.D., Kristina… I think Trevor might of hit it too. Hers is a name that will go down in history with that blunt, Mike Lively’s Mom, and Kristina Blackwell!”

“Kenny, are you okay?” Kalayla asked actually concerned for the well being of someone else.

Harvey: He looks fine to me.

Chase: The hell is that crazy bitch talking about now.

Lambardo shook his head, and continued. “Kristina Blackwell!”

The fans explode after the Hardcore Spectacular that was seen on APW Carnage this past Sunday.

Lambardo releases the two girls in his arms, and makes his way to the Hardcore Princess. “My dear Kristina, it is unfortunate that you have no clue about our past, but then again, maybe it is for the better. It was another life, and you’re not the same person. Your right Kris, I do want that Title real bad, but you’re going to be one that will stand in my way? You’re going to be one to give me a Hurricanrana over the top rope. So therefore it will never be the way it was, and I can accept that. So to make a long ass story short, you’re going over the top rope! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NEXT!”

Lambardo gets a mixed reaction from the crowd.

Harvey: Did we just witness Kenny tell Kristina that he was going to send her over the top rope at Overdrive.

Chase: Let’s be fair. The Hardcore Bitch started it.

“That’s right!” The voice of “The KaotiK” rang deeper than before. “Tear into them. Show them how you really feel! Bi-Polars, and Ego Crushers for everybody! The Blackwell kids can’t win. Their fucking kids! Trevor said it himself, your taking that Championship from Jon Green at Rasslmania. He didn’t even pick his own blood. He picked you, because he knew that you were better. So be better. Don’t be scared. You can do it, and the only help that you need is mine!”

Kenny grabbed at his head, shaking it again. He was trying to keep it contained, but it was just so hard to be something that he wasn’t. It needed to be freed.

Harvey: Look! Lambardo grabbed at his head again!

Chase: I saw that. What the hell is wrong with him?

“Tony Blackwell!” Lambardo made his way down to yet another member on the “Sex and Violence” list.

The fans roared!

“Do it!” The voice rang again, and again in his head. “Do it! Do it!”

“You have got to be one of the biggest fans of Kaos that I have ever known. We’ve been at each others backs, and have had each others backs through some of the thicker shit, but that was another life for you. You’re still as new as the day that we first met. That isn’t a bad thing, it’s just the truth. I’m glad that you realized it though, and decided to be the wrecking ball that you’re good at being. You are the future. But I my friend am the present. And a Reign of Kaos shall begin.”

Chase: Again with the compliments!

Harvey: You call that a compliment?

Chase: Just depends on how you take it.

“We stand before you today united! We are the “Excellence of Extreme”! We are “Sex and Violence”! And we WILL be bringing home that APW World Heavyweight Championship this Monday Night at Overdrive. A united force, ready to tear down all that oppose it! I’ve seen the tapes. Everyone fears what we can do. Everyone says that we need to be stopped. So the lines are drawn. My suggestion to you guys is to band together, and maybe you’ll stand a fucking chance. You wanted a fucking war? Well here it is! This is my challenge: “Sex and Violence” versus the rest of APW! Gods versus men! This is not a challenge to tear me from my godhood. This is a challenge to rise above, and be a god with me!”

Harvey: The sergeant just took everything a step further, and called a war on anything that doesn’t adhere to “Sex and Violence”!

Chase: I just hope that this guy has some fucking idea of what the hell he’s doing.

“Can I get an HOOAAH!?”

The crowd screams “HOOAAH”!

“Your damn right! Now BRING THE REIGN”!

The fans absolutely exploded, chanting:

“BRING THE REIGN!”

“BRING THE REIGN!”

“BRING THE REIGN!”

Harvey: Lambardo just laid out a challenge to the whole fed. He’s gonna have every wrestler in APW wanting to kick his ass. Is he insane!

Chase: He is insane, and therefore I think that he wants the whole fed against him.

“KAOS KAM” begins to fade to commercial when…

“Um… Kaos?” Iceman interjected.

“Yes Jay.” Kenny replied.

“You forgot to mention me on that rant.”

“Do you really want me to?”

“Let me guess. It’s gonna go something like… Kaos is great… Blah, blah, blah… Kaos is gonna kick my ass… Blah, blah, blah… I’m going over the tope rope! Shut the fuck up, next?

“Not as cool as I would have done it, but we’ll work on it.”

“The KaotiK strikes the “I am God” Pose in the middle of the ring. Kalayla, Tony, and Kristina strike Crucifix poses behind him, and the “MONSTER GIRL” wrapped her arms around Kenny.

“KAOS KAM” fades to black, as the green MONSTER “M” logo appears on the screen and APW goes to a commercial break!