Post by Level-Two on Mar 12, 2008 14:57:23 GMT -4
Justin: Fuck…I gained like 10 pounds this week…
The scene opens up to a shot of everyone’s hero, the Job Squad. Justin lies on the couch with his feet hanging of the edge. A bag of cheetos rest on his waist, as he groan’s in pain. Justin had the munches…he always gets the munchies when the pressure gets to his head…Speaking about his head. Justin got a hair-cut, a very bad one at it. No more long golden hair…Nope. Some say he sold out, he says shut the fuck up and don’t say another word…
Justin: Gilbert…Gilbert…Gilbert!!!!!!!!
Audio: DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN…GILBERT, GILBERT, GILBERT…DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN
Gilbert stomps from the bedroom, and let’s out a roar before flexing his muscles. Justin Job struggles to look up because the contents of his stomach probably weights more than Sabur’s cow & John Green’s mom put together...On second thought, they may just be one in the same...
Justin: Fuck off with that shit, Gilbert. Save that for the ring, dude.
Gilbert sighs before lowering his head, and taking a seat on the floor by Justin.
Gilbert: I’m sorry, Justin. It’s just that, I don’t get to fight this week…I really wanted to fight this week…
Justin: Gilbert, we are entertainers now! Our manager thought it would be best for APW and for us, if I would start off alone. You are just not as marketable as me, and that’s not your fault.
Gilbert: Marketable? Justin, what does that mean?
Justin: It means…
Fuck, what does it mean? I took Microphone God John Green’s advice, and started using big words to sound more…smart. But I don’t know, what those big words mean…damn it do you think John Green knows what the fuck he’s talking about half the time?
Justin: Look, Gilbert. Do you remember the meeting, with our manager?
Gilbert: Tell me Justin, tell me!
Justin: Alright, Gilbert. Get your fluffy pillow, I’ll tell you a story.
Gilbert smiles, before reaching under a pile of clothes. He pulls out a mini pillow, and places it by his head. Gilbert closes his eyes…Wait, this sounds gay doesn’t it? Well if Sabur and his little dick can run wild on you, I can tell a grown man a little story okay? Fuck off!
Special Commercial!
Audio: Have you ever wanted to look cool? Have you ever wanted to look important? Have you ever wanted to look intimidating? Well if you want those three things, than we’ve got the deal for you!
For 19.95 you can join the ‘’Sex & Violence’’ club! We take credit cards…NO TALENT NEEDED! Have you wrestled a match in APW to prove yourself yet? That doesn’t matter! All you need to do pay 19.95, and pretend like you had a illustrious past with this amazing faction! We have no limits, we just desperately need members! If you join now, we promise that you will have SUCCESS!
Look how quickly Diana Steel has gained a potential title shot on this week’s card! Look what these people have to say, about Diana steel’s chances on her upcoming match!
The camera shows a close up from a slutty blonde breasts only, because really who the fuck cares what this bitch actually has to say
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’ 1: Is this even a serious question? I mean, that Justin Job guy…oh boy does he stands a chance! Diana is going to take this match…OBVIOUSLY!!!
The camera cuts to yet another ‘’volunteer’’ this time, it’s a little 9 year old girl
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’2: …1 dollar? There is no way; I’m going to pretend I like this bitch for a dollar!
The camera man reaches over, and slips a 50 dollar bill in the little girls hand as she cracks a big smile
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’ 2: …To be honest, I’m a Jordan Steven’s fan…hehe
The little girl runs off, as the camera cuts to yet another ‘’volunteer’’. This man is fat, and wears a Kenny Douche-bardo shirt
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’ 3: …Uh, I’ve never seen or heard of this Justin Job guy…So screw him. Uh, Steven’s well…he’s just a smelly douche. And well Diana...I heard she’s got a club pass into the Sex & Violence club…So, logic just tells me to go with her you know just to fit in with the others, and stuff.
And there you have it, it looks like Diana is an odds on favorite to win this match! Do you want to have everyone on your side, rooting for you? If so become a Sex & Violence member today!
If you call now, we will add in a free ‘’Yes, I’m a Blackwell name changer!’’ Was your mom knocked up, and tripping balls on acid when she decided to name you John Green? Well, change your name to Blackwell, because hell everyone else has already!
Call 1-800-U-A-DOUCHEBAG to order now!
We are now back from that commercial, and now its story time… It’s like Diana Steel; everyone does it to fit in!
Justin: …So does this mean, we’re hired?
The scene opens up to Justin Job seated at a table with Gilbert beside him, who is wearing a suite and tie. Justin Job, is in his regular attire. Across from the Job Squad sits a clean cut man. He sports a set of blonde hair, and looks as if he’s in his twenties. He places a clip board on the table, and folded his hands together.
…: Nice to meet you, I’m Jason McKnight.
The man reaches over, and offers Justin a hand shake in which Justin accepts. Jason reaches over to give Gilbert a hand shake, but double thinks it and pulls back…Good choice.
Jason McKnight: Before I hire you, we have various subjects we must discuss. If I’m going to invest money into you two—I want to make sure you guys are actually worth it.
Justin: Alright…Shoot.
Jason McKnight: Well first a main requirement for Action-Packed-Wrestling, is that you have to be able to Trash Talk. The fans love it, what would you rate your trash-talk skills at?
Justin looks over at Gilbert, who stares blankly at Jason McKnight. Justin coughs, before slapping Gilbert across the arm and whispering into his ear.
Justin: What would you give us, Gilbert?
Gilbert: Well, I can only count to ten Justin…I don’t know!
Justin: You are brilliant, do you know that?
Yes, he’s got it! For once, Gilbert has been a brain of this operation. It worries me in a sense, but if guys like John Green can walk down a hallway with-out his foot ball helmet, than Gilbert can put some use to what they call a brain…
Justin: It’s a 10 for sure!
Jason McKnight: A 10? Amazing, alright shoot on Hurricane Jeff right now...
Justin: Hurricane Jeff? Well, okay sure. Hurricane, you think you’re hot and stuff? Well, I’ll tell you that you aint’ shit boy…I’ll kill you and beat you up, and all that good stuff…YO!
Jason McKnight: Awesome Jason Royce impression, because what you just said made no sense! Do you take requests? C’mon, do Sabur!
Justin: Alright…You people have seen him, my friend little dick is hanging down low and he’s about to run wild on you!!! Britney Spears has just got out of rehab, and Linsday Lohan has a hairy fire crotch—I’m going to be a champion! I said all that in the same sentence to tie my random bullshit—and make it an actual wrestling related threat! Cool huh? Did I mention, I’m going to win this week? MOOOOO BITCHES!!!!!!!
Jason McKnight: That was awesome, alright do your opponents…
Justin: So, I got a job?
Jason McKnight: Yes figuratively speaking, just follow through this is gold! Your opponents this week…Give me a Jordon Stevens impression!
Justin hops up on the desk, as rolls his eyes to the back of his head. He holds up his hands, and cracks a mechanical smile
Justin: I’m is Jordon Stevens! I have come to end your sorrow, and take APW under my control. Do I sound scary? Good! Because I’ve watched the Under-takers promo’s for too damn long now, and it’s starting to rub off on me. Right about now thunder will strike, and your demise will follow!
All three men, turn and look out a nearby window. The birds are chirping, and the sun is out and shining…Does Jordon feel as stupid as I do actually doing this shit?
Jason McKnight: That was amazing, Justin! Easily a 10!
Justin jumps of the table, before high fifing Gilbert. It looks like watching the APW’s promo’s paid off! I mean it may have put me asleep like a date rape drug, but it enhanced my trash-talk skills, woo-hoo!
Justin: So now that we have spectacular mic skills, does that mean we’ve got ourselves a job?
Jason McKnight: Well, not quite. We now know you can handle yourself on the microphone, but I’m not so sure if you’re marketable.
Gilbert: What’s marketable mean?
This would usually be the time where I tell Gilbert, to stop asking stupid questions. But damn, it sounds pretty smart to me. Maybe we should ask Big-Word-Sound-Smart-John-Green?
Jason McKnight: Well basically, I need to see if you guys can sell. Do you know a man named John Green?
Justin: John Green? I hate John Green!
Gilbert: Yeah, we hate’s John Green and stuff. Back down south, John Green was everybody’s worst nightmare. Justin tells me, that even in the APW he’s a pretty feared guy. Word is that he puts superstars like us, on the job!
Well Gilbert tried his best to sound coherent, but he has the idea down. Guys like John Green, are the top dog. Why? Because he can pump his arms with steroids. Big guys like him fit the build guys like him get the shots, while the rest that don’t qualify as a heavyweight is pushed down the card. Fuck John Green!
Jason McKnight: Well, John Green sells. John Green is pretty much the face, of APW.
Justin: Big nose and all?
Jason McKnight: Have you seen the guy lately? He’s on a roll main-evening Rasslemania…
Justin: Big muscle, big push clause…
Jason McKnight: Nobody within sight can beat him
Justin: …You’re standing right in-front of him!
Finally, I catch Jason’s McKnight’s attention. He’s my manger damn it, why is he creaming his pants over John Green? Fuck John Green!
Jason McKnight: Did you just say you can beat John Green? Sit back little man, you have to climb your way up the card—before you get to the big dog.
Justin: Well, let’s get a deal going!
Jason McKnight: Yeah, about that. I’m afraid you’re not going to be able to wrestle together…
Justin: Why not? Gilbert, is solid muscle here look at him!
I reached over and patted Gilbert on the shoulder, as he flexed. McKnight sighed, and my heart sunk. I knew, what this meant. I wanted to pull the whole ‘’You take the both of us, or none of us’’ type deal, but that’s lame…I’m going to Rasslemania baby! Fuck you!
Jason McKnight: No, he’s not marketable. I need to first push Justin, into the main-stream. And than slowly, we can MAYBE…MAYBE weave Gilbert into the equation.
I looked to Gilbert, who hung his head in disappointment…Oh well! I’ve got a job, baby!
Justin: A shame really…So when do we start?
Jason McKnight: Remember those opponents I was talking about? Well they are your opponents. I’ve been in talks with Hurricane Jeff and he sees great potential in you Justin, and has booked you in a triple threat match against some new talent, well newer talent that is. You opponents are Diana Steel and Jordon Stevens.
Justin: Sounds like two big push-over's if you ask me…
Jason McKnight: And if you win you go to Rasslemania 4 to fight for a shot, and the new APW overdrive championship!
Justin looks up, and bends his wrist before snapping his fingers.
Justin: Oh, no you didn’t! Konichawa bitches, we goin to Rasslemaina woo-hoo! I’ve got my homies, and my home girls cheering me on—Konichawa bitches!!
What the fuck is everyone looking at? If I’m going to step in the ring, with someone so well rounded as Diana Steel…I best know how to work it, know what I’m sayin!
Jason McKnight: You are brilliant, do you know that Justin?
Justin: …No…not really! So, is that all for today?
Jason McKnight: One more thing…That hair has got to go!
Fuck, now would be the PEFECT time to work it out. But I don’t want to out gay, John Green, Jordon Steven’s and Saburs little dick…Wait, I highly doubt that’s possible.
Justin: My hair…
Jason McKnight: I was thinking of going with something shorter…
And we’re back to present time. Gilbert is out cold asleep sucking his thumb. Justin holds a mirror to his face, and looks at his new hair before sighing…How about this hair-cut, eh?
Justin: Maybe your man, did sell out…Arena’s that is! We’re marketable damn it! We’re destined for stardom!
Fuck, I forgot Gilbert fell asleep…APW was on!
Commercial Time!
Audio: At subway we have introduced three new and delicious sandwiches, and it’s named after our favorite APW superstars!
Audio: We have the plain boring bun, in which is filled with over-ratedness…it’s everyone’s favorite sandwich. This sandwich only comes in super-duper-white bread, with no sesame-seeds included—Because nobody is whiter than John Green! Inside, you get nothing but delicious lettuce! Pretty boring huh? Well, it’s A John Green sandwich! If you like John Green, you’ll love this sandwich!
Second we have a sandwich, in which Is packed with your favorite delicious meat a sandwich can pack! Look at this sandwich, as this man tries to eat it!
Video: A man is eating a sandwich, as all the meet falls out. The man slams down his sandwich in anger
Audio: Look how loose that sandwich is! She’s been ‘’stuffed’’ with so much ‘’meat’’ that her ‘’buns’’ can’t contain that ‘’meat’’ any longer…Yes, it’s Sex’s & Violence’s OWN Diana steel specialty sandwich! It’s loose, and it tastes…
…
Audio: NEXT UP! We have the Jordon Steven’s specialty sandwich! Look at these two sandwiches, and tell us if you see a difference!
Video: Two sandwiches appear on the screen, in which are identical
Audio: Can you? Of course not! Because this is our Undertaker sandwich! This Jordon Steven’s sandwich doesn’t taste much different, but we through it on the menu anyways to rape the legacy of a once original sandwich!
So with a low price of 4.99 you can taste these great sandwiches! They’re fun (Boring, like John Green) They taste great (Diana Sandwich anyone!?) and original (as the undertaker)
SUBWAY—EAT FRESH!
We open back up to Justin Job lying on the couch. He should be training, but is simply to lazy to do such. But he’s never to lazy to flex his trash-talk, talent!
This week on APW—Justin Job comes off the un-employment line and straight into a wrestling ring! I’m sure it pisses most of you that I didn’t have to work as ‘’hard’’ as the rest of you—but that makes you guys the suckers in that situation. I’ve heard the talk, that Justin Job & Gilbert are just a couple of jokers, a couple of battering rams on there way to the top. But hear this first hand from Justin Job himself, that in that ring we’re no joke!
I’m sure both of my opponents, will joke about our names. I mean, they’re going up a guy with ‘’Job’’ in his last name. I didn’t even know what that word meant, until a couple days ago—but I’m not about to change my name to Blackwell to sound cool either! Justin Job it is, and more Irony my name should come with. Because that same ‘’Jobber’’ pinned you to the mat, and shot down all your hopes and dreams!
*Justin reaches over, and grabs a bag of chips before popping a few in his mouth*
I’m not the smartest chip on the block, but neither are my opponent’s. I can’t last more than 5 seconds before I get the hint that Diana wants to suck off her faction members for a dollar—or maybe a hit of talent. Not to mention, that annoying thing she does when she’s talking to the camera’s. I mean, do you have neck spasms or something? Keep your neck and your body still, if John Green can battle his tourrete’s syndrome I have high hopes for you too little girl.
I know I’m going to be at a disadvantage. We’re not welcome around your locker room. Could it be we’re not stuck up like the people you hang out with? Hell, it seems more than half of the locker room is involved in some kind of cult following. But me and my friend Gilbert? We’re dark horses, not willing to follow all the other sheep. I know I’m heading out into a shark tank when stepping foot in a APW ring. You may have the respect of the roster, but I’m going to gain the respect of the FANS and they’re going to root me on for the big, W.
Diana, I’m sure you feel you having NOTHING to worry about. But I’m telling you, that you have EVERYTHING to both worry, and fear about me. Hurricane Jeff through out the chance of me going to Rasslemania, and I’m ready to hop up and get it! Like a bunny on crack! What motivation you have? To please your lame ass, faction?
Me and my friend Gilbert we stick together. Maybe, not In the ring 100% but out-side we’re joined by the hip! I mean, he may be slightly retarded but I’m sure you carry the same label, in your faction…The retarded slutty little sister! I didn’t need to ship him off to some retarded island. If you we’re really down with your faction, you wouldn’t have waited this long to join this federation and roll with them.
No, you’re just a follower. Sex & Violence is just one lame, get together of the less talented. I mean, you may have the number 1 contender on your side—but if he can’t beat John Green at Rasslemania, it renders that completely useless. Chances are if he allowed you to join there faction, solely based of there past with out proving your still relevant and current—Than your faction is just a big get together to look important.
Numbers, numbers, numbers. Hell Gilbert can only count up to ten, and he knows you all are completely stupid. If you think gathering a bunch of nobodies together, that you can’t be stopped—that right there, you already loose. I’m pretty sure this is the kind of faction that gathers 6-8 people, and than charge face first into title matches trying to be a shit-load of glory hogs. That’s it right? You’re in it to win it…I’m pretty sure, Diana your dad has the same mentality when she knocked up your mother, and look how you came out.
Justin gawks, before pretending to throw up…God, almost choked on a chip there!
A failure. Hell, I haven’t had a job all my life but I know damn well how to play this game—and how to play, to win it. You find one partner, one man backstage and you look after each-other. The bigger numbers the more complication, with complication comes confusion. With confusion, sure to follow is failure.
So Diana, I hope your ready to sit back and watch. Because virtually everyone in your faction will be heading to RassleMania…except that 1 girl. That one girl who simply couldn’t cut it, even against what was sure to be a by round for you. Maybe you shouldn’t so quick to fluff your pillow’s, and call it a night.
But I’m know I’m in for a fight myself, at the same time I know I’m going to come out on top, one way or another. And I’ll move on to Rasslemania, and than to the over-drive title. If not for me, it’s going to be for those fans. Who love, to watch the under-dog come out on top. As for you? You’re going to have to watch the show, as the sidelines. Maybe you the other Sex & Violence members will find a kind place in there heart, and hook you up with some front row tickets—so you don’t spend the night backstage by yourself…
Justin Job smiles before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a picture. He holds it up to the camera before cracking a smile
When searching dirt up on Jordon Steven’s I came across, his very scary bio. Than, I watched his even scarier horrendous promo, in which he pretty much ripped of The Undertaker, who happens to be one of my favorite superstars in the whole wide world darn it!
Are you kidding me? I’m sorry, but Gilbert can at least strike fear into someone’s heart. Look at him!
The camera points to Gilbert, who is snoring face first into his pillow. Justin curls a lip before continuing on.
This Jordon Steven’s prick? I’m surprised he can even lift those fucking drum sticks to wack himself in he head with! I’m built, I’ve been hitting the gym lately for a few hours…and stuff. But seriously, this kid looks like he’s been hit with Michael Lively’s mom’s tits! Obviously however, not hard enough to knock that stupid looking air away from his eyes…Damn, mop head looking mother fucker!
You need to hit the gym boy, can’t hop up in the ring looking like the Pillsbury doughboy who ate a few too many of his own damn chocolate chip cookies! Can’t be smiling taking no pictures—with that messy hair of yours! I mean, look at my hair cut! It may not be as good as my old set of locks, but fuck at least I can run a comb through it with-out having the comb bristles break of when running the comb through my damn hair! claim to be hardcore? You don’t know hardcore! Michael Lively’s mom’s saggy tits are more hardcore than you!
Justin Job rips the photo and tosses it to the side before whispering ‘’damn that felt good’’
I’ve got a slut, and an unoriginal little prick to deal with. I’m dealing with you two next week…So MY fans don’t have too! The games are over, I’m kicking it to high-gear and I can’t think of any better time than now! Justin Job is going to RassleMania baby, and the people will confirm it with an applause…Can ya feel it?
Justin sits up, and looks into the camera with a bright smile.
It’s just a JOB—This week? Diana Steel & Jordon Steven’s, you two have just been…HIRED!
The scene opens up to a shot of everyone’s hero, the Job Squad. Justin lies on the couch with his feet hanging of the edge. A bag of cheetos rest on his waist, as he groan’s in pain. Justin had the munches…he always gets the munchies when the pressure gets to his head…Speaking about his head. Justin got a hair-cut, a very bad one at it. No more long golden hair…Nope. Some say he sold out, he says shut the fuck up and don’t say another word…
Justin: Gilbert…Gilbert…Gilbert!!!!!!!!
Audio: DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN…GILBERT, GILBERT, GILBERT…DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN
Gilbert stomps from the bedroom, and let’s out a roar before flexing his muscles. Justin Job struggles to look up because the contents of his stomach probably weights more than Sabur’s cow & John Green’s mom put together...On second thought, they may just be one in the same...
Justin: Fuck off with that shit, Gilbert. Save that for the ring, dude.
Gilbert sighs before lowering his head, and taking a seat on the floor by Justin.
Gilbert: I’m sorry, Justin. It’s just that, I don’t get to fight this week…I really wanted to fight this week…
Justin: Gilbert, we are entertainers now! Our manager thought it would be best for APW and for us, if I would start off alone. You are just not as marketable as me, and that’s not your fault.
Gilbert: Marketable? Justin, what does that mean?
Justin: It means…
Fuck, what does it mean? I took Microphone God John Green’s advice, and started using big words to sound more…smart. But I don’t know, what those big words mean…damn it do you think John Green knows what the fuck he’s talking about half the time?
Justin: Look, Gilbert. Do you remember the meeting, with our manager?
Gilbert: Tell me Justin, tell me!
Justin: Alright, Gilbert. Get your fluffy pillow, I’ll tell you a story.
Gilbert smiles, before reaching under a pile of clothes. He pulls out a mini pillow, and places it by his head. Gilbert closes his eyes…Wait, this sounds gay doesn’t it? Well if Sabur and his little dick can run wild on you, I can tell a grown man a little story okay? Fuck off!
Special Commercial!
Audio: Have you ever wanted to look cool? Have you ever wanted to look important? Have you ever wanted to look intimidating? Well if you want those three things, than we’ve got the deal for you!
For 19.95 you can join the ‘’Sex & Violence’’ club! We take credit cards…NO TALENT NEEDED! Have you wrestled a match in APW to prove yourself yet? That doesn’t matter! All you need to do pay 19.95, and pretend like you had a illustrious past with this amazing faction! We have no limits, we just desperately need members! If you join now, we promise that you will have SUCCESS!
Look how quickly Diana Steel has gained a potential title shot on this week’s card! Look what these people have to say, about Diana steel’s chances on her upcoming match!
The camera shows a close up from a slutty blonde breasts only, because really who the fuck cares what this bitch actually has to say
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’ 1: Is this even a serious question? I mean, that Justin Job guy…oh boy does he stands a chance! Diana is going to take this match…OBVIOUSLY!!!
The camera cuts to yet another ‘’volunteer’’ this time, it’s a little 9 year old girl
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’2: …1 dollar? There is no way; I’m going to pretend I like this bitch for a dollar!
The camera man reaches over, and slips a 50 dollar bill in the little girls hand as she cracks a big smile
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’ 2: …To be honest, I’m a Jordan Steven’s fan…hehe
The little girl runs off, as the camera cuts to yet another ‘’volunteer’’. This man is fat, and wears a Kenny Douche-bardo shirt
Paid ‘’Volunteer’’ 3: …Uh, I’ve never seen or heard of this Justin Job guy…So screw him. Uh, Steven’s well…he’s just a smelly douche. And well Diana...I heard she’s got a club pass into the Sex & Violence club…So, logic just tells me to go with her you know just to fit in with the others, and stuff.
And there you have it, it looks like Diana is an odds on favorite to win this match! Do you want to have everyone on your side, rooting for you? If so become a Sex & Violence member today!
If you call now, we will add in a free ‘’Yes, I’m a Blackwell name changer!’’ Was your mom knocked up, and tripping balls on acid when she decided to name you John Green? Well, change your name to Blackwell, because hell everyone else has already!
Call 1-800-U-A-DOUCHEBAG to order now!
We are now back from that commercial, and now its story time… It’s like Diana Steel; everyone does it to fit in!
Justin: …So does this mean, we’re hired?
The scene opens up to Justin Job seated at a table with Gilbert beside him, who is wearing a suite and tie. Justin Job, is in his regular attire. Across from the Job Squad sits a clean cut man. He sports a set of blonde hair, and looks as if he’s in his twenties. He places a clip board on the table, and folded his hands together.
…: Nice to meet you, I’m Jason McKnight.
The man reaches over, and offers Justin a hand shake in which Justin accepts. Jason reaches over to give Gilbert a hand shake, but double thinks it and pulls back…Good choice.
Jason McKnight: Before I hire you, we have various subjects we must discuss. If I’m going to invest money into you two—I want to make sure you guys are actually worth it.
Justin: Alright…Shoot.
Jason McKnight: Well first a main requirement for Action-Packed-Wrestling, is that you have to be able to Trash Talk. The fans love it, what would you rate your trash-talk skills at?
Justin looks over at Gilbert, who stares blankly at Jason McKnight. Justin coughs, before slapping Gilbert across the arm and whispering into his ear.
Justin: What would you give us, Gilbert?
Gilbert: Well, I can only count to ten Justin…I don’t know!
Justin: You are brilliant, do you know that?
Yes, he’s got it! For once, Gilbert has been a brain of this operation. It worries me in a sense, but if guys like John Green can walk down a hallway with-out his foot ball helmet, than Gilbert can put some use to what they call a brain…
Justin: It’s a 10 for sure!
Jason McKnight: A 10? Amazing, alright shoot on Hurricane Jeff right now...
Justin: Hurricane Jeff? Well, okay sure. Hurricane, you think you’re hot and stuff? Well, I’ll tell you that you aint’ shit boy…I’ll kill you and beat you up, and all that good stuff…YO!
Jason McKnight: Awesome Jason Royce impression, because what you just said made no sense! Do you take requests? C’mon, do Sabur!
Justin: Alright…You people have seen him, my friend little dick is hanging down low and he’s about to run wild on you!!! Britney Spears has just got out of rehab, and Linsday Lohan has a hairy fire crotch—I’m going to be a champion! I said all that in the same sentence to tie my random bullshit—and make it an actual wrestling related threat! Cool huh? Did I mention, I’m going to win this week? MOOOOO BITCHES!!!!!!!
Jason McKnight: That was awesome, alright do your opponents…
Justin: So, I got a job?
Jason McKnight: Yes figuratively speaking, just follow through this is gold! Your opponents this week…Give me a Jordon Stevens impression!
Justin hops up on the desk, as rolls his eyes to the back of his head. He holds up his hands, and cracks a mechanical smile
Justin: I’m is Jordon Stevens! I have come to end your sorrow, and take APW under my control. Do I sound scary? Good! Because I’ve watched the Under-takers promo’s for too damn long now, and it’s starting to rub off on me. Right about now thunder will strike, and your demise will follow!
All three men, turn and look out a nearby window. The birds are chirping, and the sun is out and shining…Does Jordon feel as stupid as I do actually doing this shit?
Jason McKnight: That was amazing, Justin! Easily a 10!
Justin jumps of the table, before high fifing Gilbert. It looks like watching the APW’s promo’s paid off! I mean it may have put me asleep like a date rape drug, but it enhanced my trash-talk skills, woo-hoo!
Justin: So now that we have spectacular mic skills, does that mean we’ve got ourselves a job?
Jason McKnight: Well, not quite. We now know you can handle yourself on the microphone, but I’m not so sure if you’re marketable.
Gilbert: What’s marketable mean?
This would usually be the time where I tell Gilbert, to stop asking stupid questions. But damn, it sounds pretty smart to me. Maybe we should ask Big-Word-Sound-Smart-John-Green?
Jason McKnight: Well basically, I need to see if you guys can sell. Do you know a man named John Green?
Justin: John Green? I hate John Green!
Gilbert: Yeah, we hate’s John Green and stuff. Back down south, John Green was everybody’s worst nightmare. Justin tells me, that even in the APW he’s a pretty feared guy. Word is that he puts superstars like us, on the job!
Well Gilbert tried his best to sound coherent, but he has the idea down. Guys like John Green, are the top dog. Why? Because he can pump his arms with steroids. Big guys like him fit the build guys like him get the shots, while the rest that don’t qualify as a heavyweight is pushed down the card. Fuck John Green!
Jason McKnight: Well, John Green sells. John Green is pretty much the face, of APW.
Justin: Big nose and all?
Jason McKnight: Have you seen the guy lately? He’s on a roll main-evening Rasslemania…
Justin: Big muscle, big push clause…
Jason McKnight: Nobody within sight can beat him
Justin: …You’re standing right in-front of him!
Finally, I catch Jason’s McKnight’s attention. He’s my manger damn it, why is he creaming his pants over John Green? Fuck John Green!
Jason McKnight: Did you just say you can beat John Green? Sit back little man, you have to climb your way up the card—before you get to the big dog.
Justin: Well, let’s get a deal going!
Jason McKnight: Yeah, about that. I’m afraid you’re not going to be able to wrestle together…
Justin: Why not? Gilbert, is solid muscle here look at him!
I reached over and patted Gilbert on the shoulder, as he flexed. McKnight sighed, and my heart sunk. I knew, what this meant. I wanted to pull the whole ‘’You take the both of us, or none of us’’ type deal, but that’s lame…I’m going to Rasslemania baby! Fuck you!
Jason McKnight: No, he’s not marketable. I need to first push Justin, into the main-stream. And than slowly, we can MAYBE…MAYBE weave Gilbert into the equation.
I looked to Gilbert, who hung his head in disappointment…Oh well! I’ve got a job, baby!
Justin: A shame really…So when do we start?
Jason McKnight: Remember those opponents I was talking about? Well they are your opponents. I’ve been in talks with Hurricane Jeff and he sees great potential in you Justin, and has booked you in a triple threat match against some new talent, well newer talent that is. You opponents are Diana Steel and Jordon Stevens.
Justin: Sounds like two big push-over's if you ask me…
Jason McKnight: And if you win you go to Rasslemania 4 to fight for a shot, and the new APW overdrive championship!
Justin looks up, and bends his wrist before snapping his fingers.
Justin: Oh, no you didn’t! Konichawa bitches, we goin to Rasslemaina woo-hoo! I’ve got my homies, and my home girls cheering me on—Konichawa bitches!!
What the fuck is everyone looking at? If I’m going to step in the ring, with someone so well rounded as Diana Steel…I best know how to work it, know what I’m sayin!
Jason McKnight: You are brilliant, do you know that Justin?
Justin: …No…not really! So, is that all for today?
Jason McKnight: One more thing…That hair has got to go!
Fuck, now would be the PEFECT time to work it out. But I don’t want to out gay, John Green, Jordon Steven’s and Saburs little dick…Wait, I highly doubt that’s possible.
Justin: My hair…
Jason McKnight: I was thinking of going with something shorter…
And we’re back to present time. Gilbert is out cold asleep sucking his thumb. Justin holds a mirror to his face, and looks at his new hair before sighing…How about this hair-cut, eh?
Justin: Maybe your man, did sell out…Arena’s that is! We’re marketable damn it! We’re destined for stardom!
Fuck, I forgot Gilbert fell asleep…APW was on!
Commercial Time!
Audio: At subway we have introduced three new and delicious sandwiches, and it’s named after our favorite APW superstars!
Audio: We have the plain boring bun, in which is filled with over-ratedness…it’s everyone’s favorite sandwich. This sandwich only comes in super-duper-white bread, with no sesame-seeds included—Because nobody is whiter than John Green! Inside, you get nothing but delicious lettuce! Pretty boring huh? Well, it’s A John Green sandwich! If you like John Green, you’ll love this sandwich!
Second we have a sandwich, in which Is packed with your favorite delicious meat a sandwich can pack! Look at this sandwich, as this man tries to eat it!
Video: A man is eating a sandwich, as all the meet falls out. The man slams down his sandwich in anger
Audio: Look how loose that sandwich is! She’s been ‘’stuffed’’ with so much ‘’meat’’ that her ‘’buns’’ can’t contain that ‘’meat’’ any longer…Yes, it’s Sex’s & Violence’s OWN Diana steel specialty sandwich! It’s loose, and it tastes…
…
Audio: NEXT UP! We have the Jordon Steven’s specialty sandwich! Look at these two sandwiches, and tell us if you see a difference!
Video: Two sandwiches appear on the screen, in which are identical
Audio: Can you? Of course not! Because this is our Undertaker sandwich! This Jordon Steven’s sandwich doesn’t taste much different, but we through it on the menu anyways to rape the legacy of a once original sandwich!
So with a low price of 4.99 you can taste these great sandwiches! They’re fun (Boring, like John Green) They taste great (Diana Sandwich anyone!?) and original (as the undertaker)
SUBWAY—EAT FRESH!
We open back up to Justin Job lying on the couch. He should be training, but is simply to lazy to do such. But he’s never to lazy to flex his trash-talk, talent!
It’s time for Trash-talk kiddos…Ouch, yeah this is going to hurt.
This week on APW—Justin Job comes off the un-employment line and straight into a wrestling ring! I’m sure it pisses most of you that I didn’t have to work as ‘’hard’’ as the rest of you—but that makes you guys the suckers in that situation. I’ve heard the talk, that Justin Job & Gilbert are just a couple of jokers, a couple of battering rams on there way to the top. But hear this first hand from Justin Job himself, that in that ring we’re no joke!
I’m sure both of my opponents, will joke about our names. I mean, they’re going up a guy with ‘’Job’’ in his last name. I didn’t even know what that word meant, until a couple days ago—but I’m not about to change my name to Blackwell to sound cool either! Justin Job it is, and more Irony my name should come with. Because that same ‘’Jobber’’ pinned you to the mat, and shot down all your hopes and dreams!
*Justin reaches over, and grabs a bag of chips before popping a few in his mouth*
I’m not the smartest chip on the block, but neither are my opponent’s. I can’t last more than 5 seconds before I get the hint that Diana wants to suck off her faction members for a dollar—or maybe a hit of talent. Not to mention, that annoying thing she does when she’s talking to the camera’s. I mean, do you have neck spasms or something? Keep your neck and your body still, if John Green can battle his tourrete’s syndrome I have high hopes for you too little girl.
I know I’m going to be at a disadvantage. We’re not welcome around your locker room. Could it be we’re not stuck up like the people you hang out with? Hell, it seems more than half of the locker room is involved in some kind of cult following. But me and my friend Gilbert? We’re dark horses, not willing to follow all the other sheep. I know I’m heading out into a shark tank when stepping foot in a APW ring. You may have the respect of the roster, but I’m going to gain the respect of the FANS and they’re going to root me on for the big, W.
Diana, I’m sure you feel you having NOTHING to worry about. But I’m telling you, that you have EVERYTHING to both worry, and fear about me. Hurricane Jeff through out the chance of me going to Rasslemania, and I’m ready to hop up and get it! Like a bunny on crack! What motivation you have? To please your lame ass, faction?
Me and my friend Gilbert we stick together. Maybe, not In the ring 100% but out-side we’re joined by the hip! I mean, he may be slightly retarded but I’m sure you carry the same label, in your faction…The retarded slutty little sister! I didn’t need to ship him off to some retarded island. If you we’re really down with your faction, you wouldn’t have waited this long to join this federation and roll with them.
No, you’re just a follower. Sex & Violence is just one lame, get together of the less talented. I mean, you may have the number 1 contender on your side—but if he can’t beat John Green at Rasslemania, it renders that completely useless. Chances are if he allowed you to join there faction, solely based of there past with out proving your still relevant and current—Than your faction is just a big get together to look important.
Numbers, numbers, numbers. Hell Gilbert can only count up to ten, and he knows you all are completely stupid. If you think gathering a bunch of nobodies together, that you can’t be stopped—that right there, you already loose. I’m pretty sure this is the kind of faction that gathers 6-8 people, and than charge face first into title matches trying to be a shit-load of glory hogs. That’s it right? You’re in it to win it…I’m pretty sure, Diana your dad has the same mentality when she knocked up your mother, and look how you came out.
Justin gawks, before pretending to throw up…God, almost choked on a chip there!
A failure. Hell, I haven’t had a job all my life but I know damn well how to play this game—and how to play, to win it. You find one partner, one man backstage and you look after each-other. The bigger numbers the more complication, with complication comes confusion. With confusion, sure to follow is failure.
So Diana, I hope your ready to sit back and watch. Because virtually everyone in your faction will be heading to RassleMania…except that 1 girl. That one girl who simply couldn’t cut it, even against what was sure to be a by round for you. Maybe you shouldn’t so quick to fluff your pillow’s, and call it a night.
But I’m know I’m in for a fight myself, at the same time I know I’m going to come out on top, one way or another. And I’ll move on to Rasslemania, and than to the over-drive title. If not for me, it’s going to be for those fans. Who love, to watch the under-dog come out on top. As for you? You’re going to have to watch the show, as the sidelines. Maybe you the other Sex & Violence members will find a kind place in there heart, and hook you up with some front row tickets—so you don’t spend the night backstage by yourself…
Justin Job smiles before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a picture. He holds it up to the camera before cracking a smile
When searching dirt up on Jordon Steven’s I came across, his very scary bio. Than, I watched his even scarier horrendous promo, in which he pretty much ripped of The Undertaker, who happens to be one of my favorite superstars in the whole wide world darn it!
Are you kidding me? I’m sorry, but Gilbert can at least strike fear into someone’s heart. Look at him!
The camera points to Gilbert, who is snoring face first into his pillow. Justin curls a lip before continuing on.
This Jordon Steven’s prick? I’m surprised he can even lift those fucking drum sticks to wack himself in he head with! I’m built, I’ve been hitting the gym lately for a few hours…and stuff. But seriously, this kid looks like he’s been hit with Michael Lively’s mom’s tits! Obviously however, not hard enough to knock that stupid looking air away from his eyes…Damn, mop head looking mother fucker!
You need to hit the gym boy, can’t hop up in the ring looking like the Pillsbury doughboy who ate a few too many of his own damn chocolate chip cookies! Can’t be smiling taking no pictures—with that messy hair of yours! I mean, look at my hair cut! It may not be as good as my old set of locks, but fuck at least I can run a comb through it with-out having the comb bristles break of when running the comb through my damn hair! claim to be hardcore? You don’t know hardcore! Michael Lively’s mom’s saggy tits are more hardcore than you!
Justin Job rips the photo and tosses it to the side before whispering ‘’damn that felt good’’
I’ve got a slut, and an unoriginal little prick to deal with. I’m dealing with you two next week…So MY fans don’t have too! The games are over, I’m kicking it to high-gear and I can’t think of any better time than now! Justin Job is going to RassleMania baby, and the people will confirm it with an applause…Can ya feel it?
Justin sits up, and looks into the camera with a bright smile.
It’s just a JOB—This week? Diana Steel & Jordon Steven’s, you two have just been…HIRED!
