Post by biggs on Jul 21, 2009 22:21:51 GMT -4
Depeche Mode's “Space Walker” plays as First Contact flashes across the screen. The video switches to Biggs sitting i his hotel room in front of his webcam.
Biggs: Welcome, ladies and scum, to the latest episode of “Biggs' First Contact,” still the number one wrestling webshow on the internet, and now sponsored by Chicken in a Biscuit!
Biggs holds up a box of Chicken in a Biscuit snack crackers, and takes a few out of the box, scarfing them down.
Biggs: (talking with his mouth full) Okay, so I lied about being sponsored, they're not actually paying me, I just love the taste of these things! I guess this counts as my Shameless Plug of the Week!
The graphic for “Shameless Plug of the Week” flashes across the bottom of the screen. Biggs chows down a few more crackers before putting the box down. He finishes chewing and swallowing, wiping his mouth before continuing to speak.
Biggs: Now it's time to talk some wrestling! Let me start off by saying that the Experts Extreme Tournament is a joke, and that my loss in the first round was purely due to politics. They feared having a competitor of my awesomeness and outspokenness winning the whole thing, so they did everything in their power to ensure that that flamer Jay Phoenix got the win! It's just as well, though, because had I gotten to the second round, I'd have to fight a woman. Quite frankly, I am morally opposed to physically harming a woman, though I'll gladly make an exception for Joey Orsome this week!
Biggs lets out an obnoxious laugh and adjusts his shades. The Test for the Best logo flashes in the upper corner of the screen.
Biggs: More on Orsome later, as I want to quickly share my thoughts on the Test for the Best pay per view. Needless to say, this event lived up to almost all of the hype, and stood out as one of the very best pay per views of the year so far anywhere in wrestling! And I say that it almost lived up to all the hype because your's truly was not crowned “The Best.” However, I can take some solace in the fact that the man who beat me, Jesse Nunez, eventually went on to win the whole thing, and that it took him two, count it two, finishers to put me away! Still, while I came up a bit short, nobody can deny that I put on one heck of a performance!
A graphic of Cyrus and Assassin is shown in the upper corner.
Biggs: Another competitor who put on one heck of a show was my good buddy, Chris Cyrus, as he successfully defended his Xtreme Title against Assassin, and he did it without going Hardcore in the slightest! He was a man of his word, and for that, I give him mad props! Congrats, buddy, and keep up the great work!
The graphic switches to Shadow and Mr. Strange.
Biggs: Also successfully defending his title was the big coward himself, Shadow, as he beat Mr. Strange in the Overdrive Title Match! Shadow, now that you have dealt with that weirdo, you have no reason to avoid me now! I implore of you to be a real man, to step up and accept my challenge! You can put your Overdrive Title on the line if you want to, but it doesn't matter to me, because all I really want to do is prove you wrong about the comments you made at Mayhem! All I'm asking is that you give me the chance, you yellow-bellied snake of a man! Quit ignoring me!
Biggs slams his fist on the desk, shaking the webcam a bit. He breathes a deep breath to regain his composure, and begins to speak again. A graphic of Pence and Level-One is shown.
Biggs: In the main event, Level-One revealed that he hadn't really been injured after all, and defeated Pence Weatherlight to become the new APW Champion! And while I called the fact that he was faking is injury from a mile away, I still got to give props to the man for shutting up that self-righteous, fan-loving, sanctimonious, stuck up punk Pence. Seriously, I've never seen a wrestler who sucks up more to the fans! Still, congrats to Level-One, and feel lucky that you don't have to face me at Shockwave!
A pic of Joey Orsome appears in the upper corner.
Biggs: And finally, we come back to my opponent for this week's Overdrive, the woman...er...I mean man...um...I mean person named Joey Orsome! Now you came to APW hoping to make a splash in the Test for the Best tournament, and you couldn't even get past the first round! HA!
Biggs starts laughing uncontrollably. After about 30 seconds of laughter, he calms down and continues to speak.
Biggs: The simple fact of the matter is, Joey Orsome, is that after all the fanfare and hype surrounding you, you choked faster than a man who didn't chew his pot roast! You lost your first match in APW, and I'm going to make for darn sure that you lose your second match as well! You can tout all your previous accomplishments all you want, they don't matter in APW! Heck, I found that out for myself firsthand! All that matters is that when you step in that ring, there's another competitor across from you that will do everything he can to prove that he is better than you. And come Overdrive, Joey Orsome, you will find out exactly how much better than you I am, because quite frankly, I am simply out of this world!
Biggs pauses a moment to flash his trademark smirk.
Biggs: Well, I'm almost out of time here, but before I go, I wanted to wish my APW brethren the best of luck in the Experts Extreme Tournament! I may not like any of them in the slightest, but if I'm going to root for anybody in that farce, it's going to be the jerks that I know rather than the jerks that I don't! Make APW proud! That's all the time I have for this week folks. This is Biggs signing off, and telling you to keep watching the stars!
The screen fades to black, and the APW logo and copyright show on the screen as First Contact comes to an end.
****
Biggs shuts down his laptop, and closes it up. He slides it into the desk drawer, and stands up. Biggs grabs his dark blue windbreaker from the closet and exits the hotel room, locking the door on his way out. The elevator opens up, and Biggs steps on. He is joined in the elevator by a family of three, the little boy staring up at Biggs. The kid is a red head with freckles, while the mother and father are both blonds. The kid pulls on Biggs' sleeve, prompting Biggs to look down.
Biggs: What?
Kid: You're Biggs from APW, aren't you?
Biggs: Why yes I am. Are you a fan?
Kid: Heck no! You're a poo-poo head! And wrestling's fake!
Biggs gets extremely irritated, and stoops down to eye level with the kid.
Biggs: I can assure you that wrestling is not fake. Let me tell you something that is, though, kid, the fact that your folks have you convinced that he's your real daddy...
The kid looks up at his father, and begins to cry. The elevator stops, and opens up, with Biggs stepping off nonchalantly as the parents fume towards him while trying to comfort their child. Biggs chuckles a bit as he leaves the hotel, and walks down the sidewalk. As he gets a bit further from the hotel, the smell of sulfur fills his nose, and Biggs stops, looking in to the alley to his side. There is a rather large man hidden in the shadows, the only thing that can be ascertained about him is that he is rather large.
Biggs: I can understand why you didn't want to meet in the hotel considering your appearance and general demeanor with other people, but do we really have to meet here? I mean you can still smell the urine from the bums earlier today!
The large man grunts, not saying anything discernible.
Biggs: Hey, there's no need to get feisty. We're both adults here. Just let me know if our deal still stands.
From the shadows, the man can be seen clearly nodding. He sticks his rather large hand out to shake Biggs' hand, and in the light, it can be seen that he's wearing a dark black glove with Executioner style wristbands. He gives Biggs a hardy handshake, and then releases disappearing back into the shadows. The smell of sulfur slowly subsides, and Biggs begins to walk back to the hotel. He shakes his hand a little to try and get some feeling back in it.
Biggs: Still just as strong and stubborn as ever. Shadow will have no idea what he's in for...
Biggs laughs to himself as he continues on his way back to the hotel.
Biggs: Welcome, ladies and scum, to the latest episode of “Biggs' First Contact,” still the number one wrestling webshow on the internet, and now sponsored by Chicken in a Biscuit!
Biggs holds up a box of Chicken in a Biscuit snack crackers, and takes a few out of the box, scarfing them down.
Biggs: (talking with his mouth full) Okay, so I lied about being sponsored, they're not actually paying me, I just love the taste of these things! I guess this counts as my Shameless Plug of the Week!
The graphic for “Shameless Plug of the Week” flashes across the bottom of the screen. Biggs chows down a few more crackers before putting the box down. He finishes chewing and swallowing, wiping his mouth before continuing to speak.
Biggs: Now it's time to talk some wrestling! Let me start off by saying that the Experts Extreme Tournament is a joke, and that my loss in the first round was purely due to politics. They feared having a competitor of my awesomeness and outspokenness winning the whole thing, so they did everything in their power to ensure that that flamer Jay Phoenix got the win! It's just as well, though, because had I gotten to the second round, I'd have to fight a woman. Quite frankly, I am morally opposed to physically harming a woman, though I'll gladly make an exception for Joey Orsome this week!
Biggs lets out an obnoxious laugh and adjusts his shades. The Test for the Best logo flashes in the upper corner of the screen.
Biggs: More on Orsome later, as I want to quickly share my thoughts on the Test for the Best pay per view. Needless to say, this event lived up to almost all of the hype, and stood out as one of the very best pay per views of the year so far anywhere in wrestling! And I say that it almost lived up to all the hype because your's truly was not crowned “The Best.” However, I can take some solace in the fact that the man who beat me, Jesse Nunez, eventually went on to win the whole thing, and that it took him two, count it two, finishers to put me away! Still, while I came up a bit short, nobody can deny that I put on one heck of a performance!
A graphic of Cyrus and Assassin is shown in the upper corner.
Biggs: Another competitor who put on one heck of a show was my good buddy, Chris Cyrus, as he successfully defended his Xtreme Title against Assassin, and he did it without going Hardcore in the slightest! He was a man of his word, and for that, I give him mad props! Congrats, buddy, and keep up the great work!
The graphic switches to Shadow and Mr. Strange.
Biggs: Also successfully defending his title was the big coward himself, Shadow, as he beat Mr. Strange in the Overdrive Title Match! Shadow, now that you have dealt with that weirdo, you have no reason to avoid me now! I implore of you to be a real man, to step up and accept my challenge! You can put your Overdrive Title on the line if you want to, but it doesn't matter to me, because all I really want to do is prove you wrong about the comments you made at Mayhem! All I'm asking is that you give me the chance, you yellow-bellied snake of a man! Quit ignoring me!
Biggs slams his fist on the desk, shaking the webcam a bit. He breathes a deep breath to regain his composure, and begins to speak again. A graphic of Pence and Level-One is shown.
Biggs: In the main event, Level-One revealed that he hadn't really been injured after all, and defeated Pence Weatherlight to become the new APW Champion! And while I called the fact that he was faking is injury from a mile away, I still got to give props to the man for shutting up that self-righteous, fan-loving, sanctimonious, stuck up punk Pence. Seriously, I've never seen a wrestler who sucks up more to the fans! Still, congrats to Level-One, and feel lucky that you don't have to face me at Shockwave!
A pic of Joey Orsome appears in the upper corner.
Biggs: And finally, we come back to my opponent for this week's Overdrive, the woman...er...I mean man...um...I mean person named Joey Orsome! Now you came to APW hoping to make a splash in the Test for the Best tournament, and you couldn't even get past the first round! HA!
Biggs starts laughing uncontrollably. After about 30 seconds of laughter, he calms down and continues to speak.
Biggs: The simple fact of the matter is, Joey Orsome, is that after all the fanfare and hype surrounding you, you choked faster than a man who didn't chew his pot roast! You lost your first match in APW, and I'm going to make for darn sure that you lose your second match as well! You can tout all your previous accomplishments all you want, they don't matter in APW! Heck, I found that out for myself firsthand! All that matters is that when you step in that ring, there's another competitor across from you that will do everything he can to prove that he is better than you. And come Overdrive, Joey Orsome, you will find out exactly how much better than you I am, because quite frankly, I am simply out of this world!
Biggs pauses a moment to flash his trademark smirk.
Biggs: Well, I'm almost out of time here, but before I go, I wanted to wish my APW brethren the best of luck in the Experts Extreme Tournament! I may not like any of them in the slightest, but if I'm going to root for anybody in that farce, it's going to be the jerks that I know rather than the jerks that I don't! Make APW proud! That's all the time I have for this week folks. This is Biggs signing off, and telling you to keep watching the stars!
The screen fades to black, and the APW logo and copyright show on the screen as First Contact comes to an end.
****
Biggs shuts down his laptop, and closes it up. He slides it into the desk drawer, and stands up. Biggs grabs his dark blue windbreaker from the closet and exits the hotel room, locking the door on his way out. The elevator opens up, and Biggs steps on. He is joined in the elevator by a family of three, the little boy staring up at Biggs. The kid is a red head with freckles, while the mother and father are both blonds. The kid pulls on Biggs' sleeve, prompting Biggs to look down.
Biggs: What?
Kid: You're Biggs from APW, aren't you?
Biggs: Why yes I am. Are you a fan?
Kid: Heck no! You're a poo-poo head! And wrestling's fake!
Biggs gets extremely irritated, and stoops down to eye level with the kid.
Biggs: I can assure you that wrestling is not fake. Let me tell you something that is, though, kid, the fact that your folks have you convinced that he's your real daddy...
The kid looks up at his father, and begins to cry. The elevator stops, and opens up, with Biggs stepping off nonchalantly as the parents fume towards him while trying to comfort their child. Biggs chuckles a bit as he leaves the hotel, and walks down the sidewalk. As he gets a bit further from the hotel, the smell of sulfur fills his nose, and Biggs stops, looking in to the alley to his side. There is a rather large man hidden in the shadows, the only thing that can be ascertained about him is that he is rather large.
Biggs: I can understand why you didn't want to meet in the hotel considering your appearance and general demeanor with other people, but do we really have to meet here? I mean you can still smell the urine from the bums earlier today!
The large man grunts, not saying anything discernible.
Biggs: Hey, there's no need to get feisty. We're both adults here. Just let me know if our deal still stands.
From the shadows, the man can be seen clearly nodding. He sticks his rather large hand out to shake Biggs' hand, and in the light, it can be seen that he's wearing a dark black glove with Executioner style wristbands. He gives Biggs a hardy handshake, and then releases disappearing back into the shadows. The smell of sulfur slowly subsides, and Biggs begins to walk back to the hotel. He shakes his hand a little to try and get some feeling back in it.
Biggs: Still just as strong and stubborn as ever. Shadow will have no idea what he's in for...
Biggs laughs to himself as he continues on his way back to the hotel.
