Post by biggs on Aug 13, 2009 20:43:15 GMT -4
Depeche Mode's "Space Walker" plays over a starry background as the words "Biggs' First Contact" flash across the screen. The video then shifts to Biggs sitting in front of his webcam in what appears to be a locker room.
Biggs: Welcome one and all to the very best wrestling webcast on the internet, First Contact! And this week is a First Contact first, as I am recording the episode live from the locker room before this week's Overdrive begins! I take no responsibility if one of the sick freaks in this company tries to hijack the show by walking by naked, but that's why I have my back to the wall, so only I will have to suffer. Needless to say, The Beast is standing by to make sure nobody tries any funny business!
Biggs adjust his shades.
Biggs: Of course, the big story this week is the continuing feud between Level-One and Pence Weatherlight, oops, sorry, Jesse Nunez! But I can be forgiven for this verbal gaffe, as Pence has been named the special guest referee in the Title Match at Shockwave. Where some see a move that delights the fans, I see it as a conspiracy to remove the APW Championship from around Level-One's waist. And while I dislike Level-One just as much as the next guy, I can't help but respect him, and I know that he's a much better champion than Nunez could ever hope to be. Still, Pence is going to be as partial of a ref as Bill Clinton is monogamous, so I cry foul.
The video cuts to a clip of the brutal assault The Axis of Awesome performed on Shadow and Slade last week. It then cuts back to Biggs, who has a huge grin on his face.
Biggs: Also, on last week's Overdrive, The Axis of Awesome, which consists of the three hippest cats this side of a pet store, including moi, laid absolute and utter waste to the A.K.A! Shadow, if you thought last week was bad, it won't have anything on this week, because you have to face the single most physically dominate force the wrestling world has ever seen, my good friend, THE BEAST!
At this point, Biggs turns his laptop so The Beast briefly seen on the screen. He then turns it back towards himself, and continues to speak.
Biggs: Shadow, this week, you find yourself in a position which you are not used to, that being the smaller man in the match. And don't think for a moment that The Beast will have mercy on you because he outweighs you by over a hundred pounds. This man put me on the shelf for four months after a match, and I'm his friend! Just imagine what he's capable of against somebody he truly hates. And don't get me wrong, Shadow, he does hate you. Irrationally, maybe. Without any reason other than the fact that you're my enemy, sure. But the bottom line is that you are in for the absolute fight of your life tonight, Shadow.
Biggs chuckles to himself a bit before continuing on.
Biggs: Now onto my opponent this week, a fella by the name of Rocky Starr. In all honesty, I really didn't have much to say about Rocky other than considering the fact that Jason Royce has beaten him, and that I utterly embarrassed Jason Royce, logic would dictate that I should have no problem defeating you tonight, Rocky. And besides that, if your past is any indication, there was a good chance you wouldn't show up for the match anyways! I was just going to leave it at that until you decided to open your big mouth, and tried to insult me. I say try, because you really didn't have anything clever or original to say, and you were flat out wrong! Not about everything, but most, and certainly the part where you talked about how I'm some young kid trying to make a name for myself. How many times do I need to remind you people that I've been wrestling professionally for the better part of the past six years? I didn't come to APW to make a name for myself, rather, it was to further develop my already stellar legacy! My title resume speaks for itself. First ever, and longest reigning, GWE Tag Team Champions with The Beast; longest reigning CJMB Million Dollar Champion; GWE World Heavyweight Champion; AWE World Heavyweight Champion; and in a few weeks, I will become the new APW Overdrive Champion! My accomplishments speak for themselves, Rocky, and you'll get a chance to find out first hand tonight! Secondly, your little line about the Axis of Awesome revolving around you isn't nearly as cute or ironic as you think it is. I was thinking more stupid and moronic, because let's face it, Rocky, unless you've been calling yourself "Awesome" for the past few years, it seems more like a desperate jab at trying to be witty. Still, you're the first guy to use that line, and you probably won't be the last, so at least you could consider yourself something of a trendsetter, too bad it's trendsetting in awfulness!
Biggs removes his shades before continuing.
Biggs: Thirdly, Rocky Starr, you called me a "big virgin," meaning it to be an insult. And while it's true, I hardly see it as something to be ashamed of. Rather, it's a point of pride, because I am showing extreme discipline by waiting until I get married to partake in intercourse. And by waiting for marriage, when I finally do get to experience it, it will actually mean something,unlike any match you've ever been in, Rocky! I know that you're hoping to make a big splash in your APW return, but unless you want to get utterly embarrassed, you might want to do what you did last December and just disappear!
Biggs flashes his trademark smirk and puts his shades back on.
Biggs: Well, time is coming nearly to a close, so I gotta get in Biggs' Shameless Plug of the Week! This week, my shameless plug is for Depeche Mode's Tour of the Universe! I got a chance to see them in Seattle this past Monday, and holy smokes, what a show! If you have the chance to catch them live, by all means, do so. Big thanks to President Jeff for giving me the night off, and an even bigger thanks to Depeche Mode for being so awesome! Well, that's all the time I have for First Contact this week. Just remember, until next time, keep watching the stars!
First Contact comes to a close as the screen fades to black, and the APW logo flashes across the screen.
***
Biggs shuts his laptop and stands up. Cyrus walks in to the locker room, and joins Biggs and The Beast in circling up.
Biggs: So we're clear on the plan for tonight, right?
Cyrus: Oh yeah. Those A.K.A. jacka**** won't know what hit them! Actually, they will, but it'll be after they regain consciousness!
The Beast nods his head in agreement.
Biggs: Okay then, gentlemen, let's go out there tonight, and show these unworthy slime why the Axis is truly Awesome!
Cyrus and Biggs slap fives as The Axis of Awesome leaves the locker room and prepares for Overdrive to start.
Biggs: Welcome one and all to the very best wrestling webcast on the internet, First Contact! And this week is a First Contact first, as I am recording the episode live from the locker room before this week's Overdrive begins! I take no responsibility if one of the sick freaks in this company tries to hijack the show by walking by naked, but that's why I have my back to the wall, so only I will have to suffer. Needless to say, The Beast is standing by to make sure nobody tries any funny business!
Biggs adjust his shades.
Biggs: Of course, the big story this week is the continuing feud between Level-One and Pence Weatherlight, oops, sorry, Jesse Nunez! But I can be forgiven for this verbal gaffe, as Pence has been named the special guest referee in the Title Match at Shockwave. Where some see a move that delights the fans, I see it as a conspiracy to remove the APW Championship from around Level-One's waist. And while I dislike Level-One just as much as the next guy, I can't help but respect him, and I know that he's a much better champion than Nunez could ever hope to be. Still, Pence is going to be as partial of a ref as Bill Clinton is monogamous, so I cry foul.
The video cuts to a clip of the brutal assault The Axis of Awesome performed on Shadow and Slade last week. It then cuts back to Biggs, who has a huge grin on his face.
Biggs: Also, on last week's Overdrive, The Axis of Awesome, which consists of the three hippest cats this side of a pet store, including moi, laid absolute and utter waste to the A.K.A! Shadow, if you thought last week was bad, it won't have anything on this week, because you have to face the single most physically dominate force the wrestling world has ever seen, my good friend, THE BEAST!
At this point, Biggs turns his laptop so The Beast briefly seen on the screen. He then turns it back towards himself, and continues to speak.
Biggs: Shadow, this week, you find yourself in a position which you are not used to, that being the smaller man in the match. And don't think for a moment that The Beast will have mercy on you because he outweighs you by over a hundred pounds. This man put me on the shelf for four months after a match, and I'm his friend! Just imagine what he's capable of against somebody he truly hates. And don't get me wrong, Shadow, he does hate you. Irrationally, maybe. Without any reason other than the fact that you're my enemy, sure. But the bottom line is that you are in for the absolute fight of your life tonight, Shadow.
Biggs chuckles to himself a bit before continuing on.
Biggs: Now onto my opponent this week, a fella by the name of Rocky Starr. In all honesty, I really didn't have much to say about Rocky other than considering the fact that Jason Royce has beaten him, and that I utterly embarrassed Jason Royce, logic would dictate that I should have no problem defeating you tonight, Rocky. And besides that, if your past is any indication, there was a good chance you wouldn't show up for the match anyways! I was just going to leave it at that until you decided to open your big mouth, and tried to insult me. I say try, because you really didn't have anything clever or original to say, and you were flat out wrong! Not about everything, but most, and certainly the part where you talked about how I'm some young kid trying to make a name for myself. How many times do I need to remind you people that I've been wrestling professionally for the better part of the past six years? I didn't come to APW to make a name for myself, rather, it was to further develop my already stellar legacy! My title resume speaks for itself. First ever, and longest reigning, GWE Tag Team Champions with The Beast; longest reigning CJMB Million Dollar Champion; GWE World Heavyweight Champion; AWE World Heavyweight Champion; and in a few weeks, I will become the new APW Overdrive Champion! My accomplishments speak for themselves, Rocky, and you'll get a chance to find out first hand tonight! Secondly, your little line about the Axis of Awesome revolving around you isn't nearly as cute or ironic as you think it is. I was thinking more stupid and moronic, because let's face it, Rocky, unless you've been calling yourself "Awesome" for the past few years, it seems more like a desperate jab at trying to be witty. Still, you're the first guy to use that line, and you probably won't be the last, so at least you could consider yourself something of a trendsetter, too bad it's trendsetting in awfulness!
Biggs removes his shades before continuing.
Biggs: Thirdly, Rocky Starr, you called me a "big virgin," meaning it to be an insult. And while it's true, I hardly see it as something to be ashamed of. Rather, it's a point of pride, because I am showing extreme discipline by waiting until I get married to partake in intercourse. And by waiting for marriage, when I finally do get to experience it, it will actually mean something,unlike any match you've ever been in, Rocky! I know that you're hoping to make a big splash in your APW return, but unless you want to get utterly embarrassed, you might want to do what you did last December and just disappear!
Biggs flashes his trademark smirk and puts his shades back on.
Biggs: Well, time is coming nearly to a close, so I gotta get in Biggs' Shameless Plug of the Week! This week, my shameless plug is for Depeche Mode's Tour of the Universe! I got a chance to see them in Seattle this past Monday, and holy smokes, what a show! If you have the chance to catch them live, by all means, do so. Big thanks to President Jeff for giving me the night off, and an even bigger thanks to Depeche Mode for being so awesome! Well, that's all the time I have for First Contact this week. Just remember, until next time, keep watching the stars!
First Contact comes to a close as the screen fades to black, and the APW logo flashes across the screen.
***
Biggs shuts his laptop and stands up. Cyrus walks in to the locker room, and joins Biggs and The Beast in circling up.
Biggs: So we're clear on the plan for tonight, right?
Cyrus: Oh yeah. Those A.K.A. jacka**** won't know what hit them! Actually, they will, but it'll be after they regain consciousness!
The Beast nods his head in agreement.
Biggs: Okay then, gentlemen, let's go out there tonight, and show these unworthy slime why the Axis is truly Awesome!
Cyrus and Biggs slap fives as The Axis of Awesome leaves the locker room and prepares for Overdrive to start.
