Post by biggs on May 16, 2009 21:37:35 GMT -4
Biggs is in the back, standing next to Cindy Shannon, who has a mic in her hand.
Cindy: Biggs, tonight is your APW Overdrive in-ring debut, as you team with The Hardcore Kid to take on the A$$ Kickers Anonymous, Slade Craven and Assassin! How are you feeling about your match tonight?
Biggs: Well Cindy, before I get to your question, let me start off by saying that your reputation certainly precedes you. I've heard a lot of things about you in the one week I've been here, and now that I've finally gotten the chance to meet you, I can say with one-hundred percent certainty that everything I've heard is absolutely true! Especially the bit about you smelling like a two-week old dead fish! Now give me that mic, and get the heck out of here, as your stinky fish smell is making me nauseous!
Biggs snatches the mic from Cindy as she runs off, looking quite offended. Biggs smirks, then turns towards the camera and continues to speak.
Biggs: Now about my match tonight, I would be lying if I said I was happy to be in a tag match tonight, because that means I have to share to spotlight during my glorious broadcast debut! However, considering the fact that my partner is none other than The Hardcore Kid, well, that makes things a little bit easier to swallow, because of all the people in this fed that I've seen thus far, The Hardcore Kid is probably the one who compliments my individual talents the best. Think about it, The Hardcore Kid and myself are just about as complete of opposites you will find here in APW. He came from a broken home, had a rough childhood, and learned the art of wrestling in a backyard! I myself had a loving mother and father, a nurturing environment growing up, and a mixture of the most natural talent and the best wrestling training money can buy! The Hardcore Kid is a brawler, using fists and weapons to wear down his opponents, while I rely on skill and finesse to get the job done. And while I might not be all buddy-buddy with The Hardcore Kid, I can't help but respect what he's accomplished. He's the APW Xtreme Champion for a reason, because he's one sadistic, creative, hardcore son of a gun! When things get wild, when things get out of control in the ring, THK becomes an artist, much like myself, though a completely different style. He's the Pollock to my DaVinci, and tonight against the A$$ Kickers Anonymous, we will paint a beautiful portrait of pain and destruction that the AKA will not be able to withstand. So while I would have rather gone it alone tonight, at least I can't complain about the guy they partnered me up with.
Biggs pauses to adjust his shades.
Biggs: But now onto the A$$ Kickers Anonymous, Slade Craven and Assassin, if you think the fact that you've been teaming together for years now will give you any advantage tonight, you are sorely mistaken. The truth is, awful is awful, and awful plus awful equals more awful! And I can't think of two individuals that I've seen so far that are more awful than you two. I'll start with Slade. Slade, you like to call yourself “The Main Man,” but that's a bit of a misnomer. You're more like The Main Man who is to blame for Slade Craven's failures! You see, Slade, you are the man who decides to use a high risk style, you'll do any insane move just to hear the fans pop. And yet these very moves that wow the fans for but a moment have caused you such pain, such suffering, that you have sought refuge in the bottle. I know about your A.A. Meetings, how you're required to attend them, otherwise you will be fired from APW. You let this become common knowledge so that you can be viewed as a tragic figure who is dealing with his problems. But all you showed me, Slade, is how weak of a man you really are. You have relied on the fog of alcohol to cover up how pathetic your life really is, how that despite all the torment and agony you put yourself through, when it's all said and done, nobody will remember you. You may catch the fans' imagination and wonder for a few brief moments on any given night, but when you eventually crash and burn, and believe me, you will, you'll be nothing more than another has been, another man broken down, chewed up, and spit out by this business. Slade, you're in one of those lose-lose situations, because if you don't drink, you will be in a state of constant pain, and suffering, eventually not being able to do the moves that amaze the fans for but a second, and if you do drink, well, you'll lose everything. And Slade, as sad and sorry of a man you've become, you do not have my sympathy, because the only man responsible for the spot you're in now is you. And when I utterly embarrass you in that ring tonight, Slade, you'll wish that you could find solace in a bottle of beer, which if you value your job, you won't be able to.
The fans boos can be heard from the arena as Biggs pauses to soak them up. After a moment, Biggs continues.
Biggs: Now it's your turn, Assassin. Last week, you talked about being hardcore, being able to withstand a lot of pain and punishment, but I'm here tonight to tell you that you're actually more capable of dealing out pain than taking it! I mean every time you step out in that ring, it's freakin' painful to watch! I can't remember the last time I saw such a horrible performer who tries to pass themselves off as a wrestler! I really feel bad for any guy who gets matched up against you, myself included, because you're so sloppy, so inept at technical wrestling, that you risk severely injuring your opponents any time you get a finger on 'em! Plus, I couldn't help but notice that during your little speech on the car hood last week that you were knockin' back a cold one. I don't know how Slade feels about that, but I really don't see you as being all that supportive of your partner! I mean, the man has a disease, an addiction to alcohol, and as his friend and partner, you can really make a profound impact on his life. As he struggles with his demons, he needs all the help and support he can get, and by the simple act of drinking a beer, you've shown that you care more about your personal comfort than the well being of your friend. If you're the best friend Slade's got, well, that I can feel sympathetic for him about! A.K.A., as I stated before, awful plus awful equals more awful, and between the two of you, you are something awful. One of you is an addict who only drives himself closer and closer to the bottle with each action, and the other is not only a terrible wrestler, but more importantly, a terrible friend. Now I don't know what's going on with this whole Ladder Match/ Anarchy Cell match business is, but you guys really need to get on the same page if you're going to compete in a match like that, and let's face it, you're not going to do that tonight against The Hardcore Kid and me! Despite the fact that I still haven't even formally met the guy, I'd wager to say that The Hardcore Kid and myself will be more unified tonight than you two screw ups. And after tonight, you will no longer be the AKA, A$$ Kickers Anonymous, rather, you'll be the GTAKA, Got Their A$$es Kicked Again! Before I get back to my training regimen, let me remind each and every person in this arena and watching at home, that when it comes to professional wrestling, I am simply out of this world!
Biggs tosses the mic and walks off camera.
Cindy: Biggs, tonight is your APW Overdrive in-ring debut, as you team with The Hardcore Kid to take on the A$$ Kickers Anonymous, Slade Craven and Assassin! How are you feeling about your match tonight?
Biggs: Well Cindy, before I get to your question, let me start off by saying that your reputation certainly precedes you. I've heard a lot of things about you in the one week I've been here, and now that I've finally gotten the chance to meet you, I can say with one-hundred percent certainty that everything I've heard is absolutely true! Especially the bit about you smelling like a two-week old dead fish! Now give me that mic, and get the heck out of here, as your stinky fish smell is making me nauseous!
Biggs snatches the mic from Cindy as she runs off, looking quite offended. Biggs smirks, then turns towards the camera and continues to speak.
Biggs: Now about my match tonight, I would be lying if I said I was happy to be in a tag match tonight, because that means I have to share to spotlight during my glorious broadcast debut! However, considering the fact that my partner is none other than The Hardcore Kid, well, that makes things a little bit easier to swallow, because of all the people in this fed that I've seen thus far, The Hardcore Kid is probably the one who compliments my individual talents the best. Think about it, The Hardcore Kid and myself are just about as complete of opposites you will find here in APW. He came from a broken home, had a rough childhood, and learned the art of wrestling in a backyard! I myself had a loving mother and father, a nurturing environment growing up, and a mixture of the most natural talent and the best wrestling training money can buy! The Hardcore Kid is a brawler, using fists and weapons to wear down his opponents, while I rely on skill and finesse to get the job done. And while I might not be all buddy-buddy with The Hardcore Kid, I can't help but respect what he's accomplished. He's the APW Xtreme Champion for a reason, because he's one sadistic, creative, hardcore son of a gun! When things get wild, when things get out of control in the ring, THK becomes an artist, much like myself, though a completely different style. He's the Pollock to my DaVinci, and tonight against the A$$ Kickers Anonymous, we will paint a beautiful portrait of pain and destruction that the AKA will not be able to withstand. So while I would have rather gone it alone tonight, at least I can't complain about the guy they partnered me up with.
Biggs pauses to adjust his shades.
Biggs: But now onto the A$$ Kickers Anonymous, Slade Craven and Assassin, if you think the fact that you've been teaming together for years now will give you any advantage tonight, you are sorely mistaken. The truth is, awful is awful, and awful plus awful equals more awful! And I can't think of two individuals that I've seen so far that are more awful than you two. I'll start with Slade. Slade, you like to call yourself “The Main Man,” but that's a bit of a misnomer. You're more like The Main Man who is to blame for Slade Craven's failures! You see, Slade, you are the man who decides to use a high risk style, you'll do any insane move just to hear the fans pop. And yet these very moves that wow the fans for but a moment have caused you such pain, such suffering, that you have sought refuge in the bottle. I know about your A.A. Meetings, how you're required to attend them, otherwise you will be fired from APW. You let this become common knowledge so that you can be viewed as a tragic figure who is dealing with his problems. But all you showed me, Slade, is how weak of a man you really are. You have relied on the fog of alcohol to cover up how pathetic your life really is, how that despite all the torment and agony you put yourself through, when it's all said and done, nobody will remember you. You may catch the fans' imagination and wonder for a few brief moments on any given night, but when you eventually crash and burn, and believe me, you will, you'll be nothing more than another has been, another man broken down, chewed up, and spit out by this business. Slade, you're in one of those lose-lose situations, because if you don't drink, you will be in a state of constant pain, and suffering, eventually not being able to do the moves that amaze the fans for but a second, and if you do drink, well, you'll lose everything. And Slade, as sad and sorry of a man you've become, you do not have my sympathy, because the only man responsible for the spot you're in now is you. And when I utterly embarrass you in that ring tonight, Slade, you'll wish that you could find solace in a bottle of beer, which if you value your job, you won't be able to.
The fans boos can be heard from the arena as Biggs pauses to soak them up. After a moment, Biggs continues.
Biggs: Now it's your turn, Assassin. Last week, you talked about being hardcore, being able to withstand a lot of pain and punishment, but I'm here tonight to tell you that you're actually more capable of dealing out pain than taking it! I mean every time you step out in that ring, it's freakin' painful to watch! I can't remember the last time I saw such a horrible performer who tries to pass themselves off as a wrestler! I really feel bad for any guy who gets matched up against you, myself included, because you're so sloppy, so inept at technical wrestling, that you risk severely injuring your opponents any time you get a finger on 'em! Plus, I couldn't help but notice that during your little speech on the car hood last week that you were knockin' back a cold one. I don't know how Slade feels about that, but I really don't see you as being all that supportive of your partner! I mean, the man has a disease, an addiction to alcohol, and as his friend and partner, you can really make a profound impact on his life. As he struggles with his demons, he needs all the help and support he can get, and by the simple act of drinking a beer, you've shown that you care more about your personal comfort than the well being of your friend. If you're the best friend Slade's got, well, that I can feel sympathetic for him about! A.K.A., as I stated before, awful plus awful equals more awful, and between the two of you, you are something awful. One of you is an addict who only drives himself closer and closer to the bottle with each action, and the other is not only a terrible wrestler, but more importantly, a terrible friend. Now I don't know what's going on with this whole Ladder Match/ Anarchy Cell match business is, but you guys really need to get on the same page if you're going to compete in a match like that, and let's face it, you're not going to do that tonight against The Hardcore Kid and me! Despite the fact that I still haven't even formally met the guy, I'd wager to say that The Hardcore Kid and myself will be more unified tonight than you two screw ups. And after tonight, you will no longer be the AKA, A$$ Kickers Anonymous, rather, you'll be the GTAKA, Got Their A$$es Kicked Again! Before I get back to my training regimen, let me remind each and every person in this arena and watching at home, that when it comes to professional wrestling, I am simply out of this world!
Biggs tosses the mic and walks off camera.
