Post by Dr. Matt on Feb 28, 2009 13:17:09 GMT -4
We see Dr. Matt standing in the middle of the APW Locker Room, scratching his chin.
Dr. Matt: Now I know it's gotta be in here somewhere.
Dr. Matt opens a few lockers, sticks his head in, and then closes the lockers again.
Dr. Matt: I know he hid stashes in here, and there's gotta be some left in here somewhere.
Dr. Matt walks into the next room, where the showers and toilet stalls are. He walks into one stall, removes the lid off the back part of the toilet, and a smile comes across his face as he pulls a ziploc bag out from tank.
Dr. Matt: To the moon, Alice.
The scene fades out as Dr. Matt pulls a Zippo lighter out of his pocket.
===10 Minutes Later===
Blue smoke hangs in the air of the locker room as Dr. Matt sits on a bench, laughing to himself as he tapes up his wrists.
Dr. Matt: Now, I could've sworn I was fired, and that my appearance at Carnage was merely a once off shot, originally meant to fuck with Pure Innovation. Of course, things somewhat got turned on their head, but I came in, did my thing, and made a fucking killing through some creative bets. Now, as far as it stands, I'm no longer an APW contracted employee. So, you're probably asking, why am I still here? Well, partially, because a certain former employee knew how to got some high quality chronic and was bad at hiding his stash. But, more importantly, I've got something I want to say at Overdrive. An announcement, if you will. So, if I have to step into the ring to be able to make it, then so be it.
Dr. Matt finishes the taping, then rubs his eyes.
Dr. Matt: But, more importantly, Monday Night is about redemption. You see, during my time in Action Packed Wrestling, I've been what I see as successful. Do you know how many times I've lost one-on-one matches? Twice. Hurricane Jeff beat me last year at RassleMania IV, which I pretty much gave to him as a gimmie just so he wouldn't pout about getting his ass kicked on "his" show. But, then, Link beat me one fateful night on Meltdown.
Dr. Matt spits at the mention of the show.
Dr. Matt: Not that anybody watched Meltdown, anyways, but, yes, I got pinned. Clean. What can I say, shit happens. I learned to live with it and move on. But, then, last month, my career came to what I thought would be a grinding halt when I was eliminated from the Survive and Conquer match. And, do you remember who was it that dumped me from the ring? Yes, it was none other than our good friend Link.
Dr. Matt has a sour expression on his face.
Dr. Matt: So, I see this as Max Carter's way of saying "Thanks for the Help at Carnage". Giving me one more shot at Link to redeem myself. And what perfect time. War Games revitalized me more than anything else could. Meanwhile, Link is, well, Link. The guy's perception of reality has always been a little skewed, and he just seems to get worse by the day. While I do give him credit for softening up Streets and Stevens at Carnage, he not only came up short in winning the titles, but his performance was so underwhelming that the Tag Titles were abolished. I'm telling you, if we were to rank how much people suck at life, Link currently places somewhere between the guy who ordered the lifeboats for the Titantic and the guy who invented the key-tar.
Dr. Matt stops and thinks for a moment.
Dr. Matt: Did that even make sense? This reefer's a little stronger than I originally thought it would be. Anyways, back on target, I'm on a road to redemption, Link. I showed that I can still hold my own in Main Events, and can still put up the big fight when I need to. The next stop, Link, is proving that I am better than you and that you were just lucky in the past. You, Link, you're just some crazed lunatic. A menace to society. Hell, you're still employed because you just stay one step ahead of the men in white coats. I, on the other hand, am a living legend. What I do in that ring is art. I'm like da Vinci painting the Sistine Chapel. I'm like Stradavari crafting a violin. I'm litting John Holmes working over a pair of blonde co-eds. When I wrestle, it's a thing of beauty. And this Monday Night, it's going to be a return to form. Dr. Matt is coming back to Overdrive, and just be forewarned, Link, that I'm not a contracted wrestler and I'm free to do pretty much whatever I want. This is my redemption song, Link, and unfortunately for you, 100% Mattisfaction is Guaranteed!
Dr. Matt smirks into the camera, before you can hear his stomach growling.
Dr. Matt: I wonder if Trevor left any Doritos in here too...
Dr. Matt starts looking around for food as the scene fades to black.
Dr. Matt: Now I know it's gotta be in here somewhere.
Dr. Matt opens a few lockers, sticks his head in, and then closes the lockers again.
Dr. Matt: I know he hid stashes in here, and there's gotta be some left in here somewhere.
Dr. Matt walks into the next room, where the showers and toilet stalls are. He walks into one stall, removes the lid off the back part of the toilet, and a smile comes across his face as he pulls a ziploc bag out from tank.
Dr. Matt: To the moon, Alice.
The scene fades out as Dr. Matt pulls a Zippo lighter out of his pocket.
===10 Minutes Later===
Blue smoke hangs in the air of the locker room as Dr. Matt sits on a bench, laughing to himself as he tapes up his wrists.
Dr. Matt: Now, I could've sworn I was fired, and that my appearance at Carnage was merely a once off shot, originally meant to fuck with Pure Innovation. Of course, things somewhat got turned on their head, but I came in, did my thing, and made a fucking killing through some creative bets. Now, as far as it stands, I'm no longer an APW contracted employee. So, you're probably asking, why am I still here? Well, partially, because a certain former employee knew how to got some high quality chronic and was bad at hiding his stash. But, more importantly, I've got something I want to say at Overdrive. An announcement, if you will. So, if I have to step into the ring to be able to make it, then so be it.
Dr. Matt finishes the taping, then rubs his eyes.
Dr. Matt: But, more importantly, Monday Night is about redemption. You see, during my time in Action Packed Wrestling, I've been what I see as successful. Do you know how many times I've lost one-on-one matches? Twice. Hurricane Jeff beat me last year at RassleMania IV, which I pretty much gave to him as a gimmie just so he wouldn't pout about getting his ass kicked on "his" show. But, then, Link beat me one fateful night on Meltdown.
Dr. Matt spits at the mention of the show.
Dr. Matt: Not that anybody watched Meltdown, anyways, but, yes, I got pinned. Clean. What can I say, shit happens. I learned to live with it and move on. But, then, last month, my career came to what I thought would be a grinding halt when I was eliminated from the Survive and Conquer match. And, do you remember who was it that dumped me from the ring? Yes, it was none other than our good friend Link.
Dr. Matt has a sour expression on his face.
Dr. Matt: So, I see this as Max Carter's way of saying "Thanks for the Help at Carnage". Giving me one more shot at Link to redeem myself. And what perfect time. War Games revitalized me more than anything else could. Meanwhile, Link is, well, Link. The guy's perception of reality has always been a little skewed, and he just seems to get worse by the day. While I do give him credit for softening up Streets and Stevens at Carnage, he not only came up short in winning the titles, but his performance was so underwhelming that the Tag Titles were abolished. I'm telling you, if we were to rank how much people suck at life, Link currently places somewhere between the guy who ordered the lifeboats for the Titantic and the guy who invented the key-tar.
Dr. Matt stops and thinks for a moment.
Dr. Matt: Did that even make sense? This reefer's a little stronger than I originally thought it would be. Anyways, back on target, I'm on a road to redemption, Link. I showed that I can still hold my own in Main Events, and can still put up the big fight when I need to. The next stop, Link, is proving that I am better than you and that you were just lucky in the past. You, Link, you're just some crazed lunatic. A menace to society. Hell, you're still employed because you just stay one step ahead of the men in white coats. I, on the other hand, am a living legend. What I do in that ring is art. I'm like da Vinci painting the Sistine Chapel. I'm like Stradavari crafting a violin. I'm litting John Holmes working over a pair of blonde co-eds. When I wrestle, it's a thing of beauty. And this Monday Night, it's going to be a return to form. Dr. Matt is coming back to Overdrive, and just be forewarned, Link, that I'm not a contracted wrestler and I'm free to do pretty much whatever I want. This is my redemption song, Link, and unfortunately for you, 100% Mattisfaction is Guaranteed!
Dr. Matt smirks into the camera, before you can hear his stomach growling.
Dr. Matt: I wonder if Trevor left any Doritos in here too...
Dr. Matt starts looking around for food as the scene fades to black.
