Post by Rick Stevens on Jan 12, 2009 21:15:08 GMT -4
(It is dark outside, almost too dark to see. There are houses lined up along the street, though they are barely visible. There are no street lights in this neighborhood. No lights can be seen from within the houses, except for one. One house toward the center of the street has a dimly lit room on the 2nd floor. Other than that, the only source of light is the radiant and oversized full moon, casting a ray of light down upon the neighborhood. It looks as though the scene is being taken right out of a horror movie. Each lawn has trashcans out in the front of them. It seems as though it is going to be a peaceful and quiet night, even with the haunting look that has been pulled over the street, but not everything is always as it seems.)
*CRASH*
“aww SHIT!”
(Rick Stevens can be seen lying on the ground with a tipped over trashcan next to him. Extremely annoyed that he tripped over the garbage can, he angrily gets to his feet with an expression of rage on his face. As Rick Stevens gets to his feet, the street is suddenly illuminated fully; every light switch and every lamp of every house on the street has been turned on. The neighbors are greatly concerned.)
Rick Stevens (muttering): Stupid fucking garbage…piece…shit…trash...gay.
(Many neighbors’ faces can be seen peering through their windows. One particular neighbor however, has decided to stick his face out of his window. It is a middle aged man, though he looks to be in his latter fifty’s, he is almost fully bald apart from the hair above his ears which is gray. The liver spots on the top of his head look like large slices of pepperoni. The neighbor soon becomes aware of the man standing at the tipped garbage can.)
Neighbor: Who’s there!?
(The angry expression, having just left the face of Rick Stevens, once again returned. Rick Stevens turns around and gives the man a disgusting look, even though it is not visible to the man. )
Rick Stevens: SHUT YOUR MOUTH OLD MAN!
(The expression on the neighbor’s face, which was previously that of concern, now turns to anger as he shouts to the other neighbors.)
Neighbor: DON’T WORRY GUYS, IT’S JUST RICK “THE DICK”. AND WHY DON’T YOU MIND YOUR MOUTH, AT LEAST I CAN KEEP A HANDLE ON MY WIFE, THAT’S RIGHT
(By this point the old man is making vulgar, sexual gestures, pumping his arms in and out from his chest.)
Neighbor: ME AND HER, LAST NIGHT, ALL NIGHT LO – WOAAHHHH
(The neighbor suddenly slips and front flips out of his window, the screams are unbelievably deafening.)
“AEAEEAAAAAAAAEE”
(Rick Stevens stops moving and stares in awe.)
“HOLY SHIT, holy SHIIIIT, I’m DYING AEEEEEAAAAEEEE, I’M IN THE AIR FALLING, SOMEONE CALL DO SOMETHING AEEEAAAA-“
(The man lands on his concrete driveway below, shattering his back.)
Rick Stevens: …
(After about fifteen seconds all the lights in the neighborhood are back off, except for the single room that was lit previously in house of Rick “The Dick” Stevens. The street is just as dark as before. Rick Stevens is still in a state of utter shock and awe. After a few more seconds, he shakes it off and begins to venture down his walkway toward the front door of his house. Upon entering the house Rick Stevens goes straight for the stairs, passing by the kitchen and dining room, all of which are lifeless. He reaches the top of the stairs and slowly walks toward the illuminated room. He finds his wife sitting on the bed.)
Wife: Where have you been!? It’s been four days! I was worried sick! What happened over at the grocery store?
Rick Stevens: Yeah, I got caught in traffic, stuck in a long line, you know.
Wife: i-
Rick Stevens: What are all those?
(There are numerous empty boxes on the floor, as the camera slowly moves toward the bed; you can see a bunch of completed pregnancy tests. Rick Stevens notices these and he starts to get very sweaty and nervous.)
Rick Stevens: Tell me those aren’t –
Wife: I’m pregnant!
(Immediately Rick Stevens kicks his wife directly in the chest, causing her to slightly elevate into the air and then land on her back, 5 feet behind her original standing position.)
Wife: uhhg…are you upset?
(Rick’s face has a look of absolute terror upon it.)
Rick Stevens: No! This is great!
(Rick puts on a fake smile.)
Rick Stevens: I just need some time to think and relax, this is such great news I just can’t believe it. I’m going to go take a ride, I think then when I get back it will be easier for us to talk.
(His wife smiles and begins to help herself off of the ground, and Rick Stevens turns his back and exits the room. About five seconds later you hear a loud scream from Rick Stevens and something very large shattering. Rick’s wife follows him out to his car)
Wife: When are you going to be back? Last time you were gone for DAYS!
Rick Stevens: Let me answer that question with another question.
(His wife stares at him)
Rick Stevens: What did one poop say to the other poop?
Wife: …
(Rick Stevens hits the gas pedal and starts sailing out of the driveway, once he is about 50 feet away from his wife, he leans his head out the window and screams)
Rick Stevens: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! AHAHAHA
(Rick Stevens can be seen sitting in a bar, drinking a glass of soda sitting on top of a napkin next to him. There is a man sitting in the stool next to him with a large beard, he is slightly overweight and has large eyes that are extremely bloodshot and droopy. At the tables in the bar are people drinking, and laughing, and some are playing cards. The bartender finishes drying off a glass which looks to be spotless and sparkling. He then goes over to Rick Stevens.)
Bartender: Hey Rick! What’s up buddy? It’s been a while since you’ve been here you know. I haven’t seen you since you quit wrestling. Oh yeah, I saw you on television the other night, I had no idea you started wrestling again, that’s good for you! You were fantastic, good job on the win. Can I get you anything? Another…soda?
Rick Stevens: That’s right, I don’t pollute my body with drugs and alcohol, SO WHAT? I don’t have a problem with people who drink or smoke or whatever, I just do what I need to do in order for my body to perform optimally, and drinking and smoking will certainly lower its performance. To put it simply, I do what I have to do. So to answer your question, yes, I would like another soda.
(The bartender smiles and places a full glass of soda down in front of Rick.)
Rick Stevens: I have to tell you, I’m afraid.
Bartender: Yeah? Why’s that Rick?
(The bartender raises his eyebrow.)
Rick Stevens: I got my wife pregnant. I don’t know what to do, I’m not ready for this yet, I still have things I want to do with my life, I have goals, and I’m certainly not ready to have another miniature Rick Stevens running around the house…I don’t know man…The first one was and is enough trouble. I’m just really confused and scared that’s all. Yeah, it IS funny, the powerful fearless Rick Stevens, afraid of a baby. It’s funny how life is like that huh?
(The Bartender is just staring at Rick blankly and has been for the past minute. He looks rather confused and lost.)
Rick Stevens: What?
Bartender: Rick…
Rick Stevens: Yeah?
Bartender: You’re not married…and you have no kids.
Rick Stevens: ……
(There is a very long pause. The Bartender looks very confused as Rick just sits there for almost two minutes motionless not responding.)
Rick Stevens: …SHIT! I knew I was forgetting something.
(The is an extended pause, Rick Stevens sits in silence as he finishes his soda, as he finishes there is a look of satisfaction and relief upon his face.)
Bartender: So how ya doin’ Rick? How’s the wrestling going? You’re not as big as you once were Rick I gotta tell ya. I don’t ever hear about ya.
Rick Stevens: Ha. Sure, maybe I’m not as famous as I was before, but that will all come in due time, don’t worry. This is all part of the plan. You see, I’m the “new guy” now, all these fools I have to wrestle, they’re nothing, and they don’t know what to expect. They have no idea who I am, or how dangerous I truly am. I have the advantage. Look, I have a match this week, I’m up against this joke what’s his name…uhh…
(By this point, most of the people in the bar have started crowding around Rick Stevens, realizing their hometown hero is in the bar. They all used to and still do love listening to him rant before a match, and tell heroic stories about his matches where he always overcomes the odds.)
Rick Stevens: Yeah, I’m up against Treefloor Crackwell “The Career Ender” oooooo.
(The bar begins to break into hysterical laughter)
Rick Stevens: I mean come on. This guy sounds like a joke. What careers has he ever ended? Anyone know? Oh yeah, that’s right, no one knows, that’s because NO ONE CARES! Ahahaha
(The crowd continues to laugh)
Rick Stevens: This guy thinks he’s so damn important, so damn good. Who the hell is he? He’s a “hardcore” wrestler. He’s broken people’s bones before and been bloodied and bloodied others and oh nooo! Who in the FUCK cares? Is that supposed to scare me? So he’s been in real fights before? Is that supposed to make him special? HAHA. I find this oh so comical. This man has absolutely NO CHANCE against me. So he’s broken bones, so he’s bloodied people. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. But the only difference is, I’ve done much worse, much…much worse.
(The crowd nods in agreement. One man actually jumps up and says “Oh YEAH!” hi-fiving Rick Stevens)
Rick Stevens: He considers himself to be dangerous? A threat to me? To anybody? AHAHA, that’s the best joke I’ve heard all week. Maybe he hasn’t noticed, he has LONG CURLEY HAIR AHAHA!
(The crowd erupts into laughter, not able to contain themselves at all. All sense of self control has completely disappeared from them.)
Rick Stevens: Does he use a curling iron in the morning? HAHA.
(The crowd is uncontrollable.)
Rick Stevens: Does he go to the beauty salon every week and get a thrill from picking out new hair products? HAHA
(Just then, one man in the crowd who is laughing hysterically falls over and begins shaking on the ground, having severe spasms and possibly a heart attack. He begins to scream for help but nobody notices as he is drowned out by the immense laughter of the other men in the crowd.)
Rick Stevens: What is he? A WOMAN? Is a cross dresser supposed to beat me in a match this week? My opponent the cross dresser? Ahahha. Treefloor Crackwell, Gender: WOMAN!
(Rick Stevens begins to laugh and slap his knee vigorously. You
can now see the man that was having the possible heart attack; he is the corner of the bar, apparently having crawled there, dead and facedown. Still nobody notices.)
Rick Stevens: I tell you this is one confused bastard! Not to mention, he’s the ugliest mother fucker I’ve ever seen! Woo - Hey what’s that smell?
(Rick Stevens shrugs it off, not knowing that the smell is coming from the terminated corpse in the back of the room.)
Rick Stevens: You see it’s funny because, I don’t even running around boasting about how “extreme” I am, or can get, because quite frankly I wouldn’t consider that my specialty, and not because I’m not that extreme, I can probably take the biggest beating out of anyone in the APW, simply because of my training at the Monastery, I am by FACT more battle hardened and disciplined than anyone here in the APW. I am by FACT more dangerous, and more capable of hurting someone in physical combat than anyone here in the APW. If I wanted to, I could be this extreme guy, win the extreme title, all of that junk. It’s really funny though because you… haha … you claim to be the best at that type of stuff Treefloor, yet I’m better than you at just that kind of stuff and… I don’t even consider that to be my specialty. So, I think you really don’t know who you’re up against; you might want to double check.
(Rick Stevens has a devastating look in his eye, a determined one. If looks could kill, you would have just been murdered. His look is absolutely horrifying.)
Rick Stevens: But quite frankly I don’t care about that. That’s not what I’m after. What I’m after is self actualization. I want to be complete. I need to reach a higher place in which I have never been before, and that is why I am here. That is why I am doing what I do. I need to do this for myself; I need to be the absolute best out there.
(The crowd has now gotten very quiet and serious. Two men can be seen in the background holding each other and sobbing hysterically. The bartender walks over to them and supplies them with several tissues.)
Rick Stevens: And if that means winning these meaningless belts on the way, then I don’t have a problem with it. But that is not what I’m after. I don’t give a shit about what these other people want, I don’t give a shit about their feelings, and what their goals and aspirations are, I don’t care if you’re a psycho and are a monster and “can’t be stopped” and “crazy” and just like to inflict pain upon other people you compete with. I’ve dealt with people like that before, but only in much more extreme conditions, I have a lot of experience that you have no idea about and probably will never understand. Not to mention, defeating nobodies such as you have done does not make you good in any way. The boasting of his can continue, It is undeserved and at best pathetic for thinking that you have done something of importance by defeating nothings in a match. You do not intimidate me, no one intimidates me. If you’re one of those people, know this, I do NOT CARE, I WILL RUN YOU OVER.
(The crowd is dead silent, no one is moving. There are some people who are frozen with their glass halfway to their mouth.)
Rick Stevens: No one knows exactly what I’ve been through, and how dangerous I can be, how I can be literally unstoppable, how If I feel it necessary I can completely CRUSH the spirit of another human being, leaving them internally destroyed for the rest of the time they live on this planet, and I’d like to keep it that way for now.
(The crowd begins to cheer and applaud Rick’s speech. They are very riled up and seem to be having a fantastic time.)
Rick Stevens: Alright, I better get going I have to-
(Just then the doors of the bar burst open, pushing the body of the dead man behind them, leaving a small trail of blood on the floor. A group of angry radical feminists barge into the bar.)
Feminist Leader: YOU!
(She points directly to Rick Stevens)
Feminist Leader: We don’t like the way you’re treating women, BUB! It’s time you paid for your terrible acts of cruelty once and for all!
Rick Stevens: Uhh.. what’s that?
(Rick Stevens points to the blood that the feminist’s are standing on top of from the dead body. The feminist’s look down disgusted. Everyone else in the bar also looks to the blood on the floor and most of them shrug.)
Feminist Leader: Hmmm… I don’t know. But you’re coming with us!
Rick Stevens: Over my dead body, HYAAAA!
(Rick Stevens charges toward the feminist’s. The screen goes black and you hear a lot of noise and screaming.)
“What’s that behind the door? TONY’S DEAD HOLY SHIT!”
Part 2
(Rick Stevens is sitting in a court room. He has a black eye and is dressed in a business suit along with the man beside him who is apparently his lawyer. There are several feminists on the other side of the court room, one is in a full body cast, while another is in a neck brace, and the rest have an array of broken bones and bruises with casts on them. The judge is staring Rick Stevens down, with a look of horrid disappointment. He begins to mutter under his breath)
“uhhhg, not again Rick…”
(After a couple more moments of extended and painful silence, the judge takes a deep breath and begins to talk.)
Judge: Rick Stevens, I am not going to throw you in jail, not yet, you are hereby sentenced to a minimum of 6 weeks of therapy. I hope this will serve you well in learning how to control your actions, and know that will not be let off so easily if this is to happen again, so make the best of this.
(Rick Stevens is sitting across from a psychologist in an office. The office of the psychologist is riddled with different stress reducing tools and toys, and Rick Stevens is sitting in a rather large chair, while the psychologist sits behind her desk.)
Rick Stevens: Listen, I don’t think I have a problem here i-
(The woman immediately interrupts him.)
Psychologist: Don’t have a problem!?
(She looks at Rick as if she as lost all hope with him, like he just doesn’t understand.)
Psychologist: Rick! Any time you’re faced with confrontation, the only way you ever react to it is with violence!
Rick Stevens: Oh, COME ON! That’s not true
Psychologist: According to this records… May 12th 1992, your car was towed…three days later the man who was driving the tow truck was found dead in a dumpster…outside your house.
Rick Stevens: …
Psychologist: 1995, your birthday, one of your “life long friends” cut the cake first, so you decided to take the knife used to cut the cake, with the cake still on it, and cut his ring finger off.
Rick Stevens: …
Psychologist: And if that isn’t enough, January 27th 2004, you were fired from your company during one of your breaks from wrestling, and in the meeting when you were fired, you boss “somehow” fell out the window of a 30 story building!
Rick Stevens: Woa, that one wasn’t my fault, for some reason I have bad luck with windows…everyone’s always falling out of them around me…
(The psychologist raises her eyebrow)
Psychologist: aha…so you have a phobia do you?
Rick Stevens: Well…no, not at all, it’s just people are always falli-
Psychologist: well the best way to get rid of your fears is to face them HEAD ON! Here.
(The woman begins to walk toward her closed window to open it)
Rick Stevens: uhh.. don’t do that
Psychologist: IT’S A BIT TOASTY IN HERE
(The psychologist begins to reach for the window)
Rick Stevens: I REALLY WOULDN’T RECOMMEND –
(The psychologist proceeds to open the window and lift her head out of it)
Psychologist: ahhh, that feels goooood.
(Rick Stevens is staring in horror, sure something terrible is about to occur.)
Psychologist: woooo!
(The psychologist puts her head back in the room and closes the window, returning to her desk)
Psychologist: See that wasn’t so bad, now was it?
(Rick Stevens is staring in happy relief. Maybe it was all just coincidence after all, he thought, maybe – Just then, one of the wheels on the psychologist’s chair breaks and she forcefully rolls, smashing through the window and flying out the 20 story building.)
Rick Stevens: …ahh SHIT!
(Rick Stevens is still sitting in the oversized chair, looking very frustrated. But his expression of frustration soon turns into a happy one.)
Rick Stevens: I knew it. You can’t trap Rick Stevens; I will always find a way out. I am a problem solver, that’s what I do. I am free.
(Rick Stevens begins to smile. He has a great feeling of relief, having overcome his “wife’s” “pregnancy” and angry feminists and therapy, he is fearless, he is free, he is unstoppable.)
*CRASH*
“aww SHIT!”
(Rick Stevens can be seen lying on the ground with a tipped over trashcan next to him. Extremely annoyed that he tripped over the garbage can, he angrily gets to his feet with an expression of rage on his face. As Rick Stevens gets to his feet, the street is suddenly illuminated fully; every light switch and every lamp of every house on the street has been turned on. The neighbors are greatly concerned.)
Rick Stevens (muttering): Stupid fucking garbage…piece…shit…trash...gay.
(Many neighbors’ faces can be seen peering through their windows. One particular neighbor however, has decided to stick his face out of his window. It is a middle aged man, though he looks to be in his latter fifty’s, he is almost fully bald apart from the hair above his ears which is gray. The liver spots on the top of his head look like large slices of pepperoni. The neighbor soon becomes aware of the man standing at the tipped garbage can.)
Neighbor: Who’s there!?
(The angry expression, having just left the face of Rick Stevens, once again returned. Rick Stevens turns around and gives the man a disgusting look, even though it is not visible to the man. )
Rick Stevens: SHUT YOUR MOUTH OLD MAN!
(The expression on the neighbor’s face, which was previously that of concern, now turns to anger as he shouts to the other neighbors.)
Neighbor: DON’T WORRY GUYS, IT’S JUST RICK “THE DICK”. AND WHY DON’T YOU MIND YOUR MOUTH, AT LEAST I CAN KEEP A HANDLE ON MY WIFE, THAT’S RIGHT
(By this point the old man is making vulgar, sexual gestures, pumping his arms in and out from his chest.)
Neighbor: ME AND HER, LAST NIGHT, ALL NIGHT LO – WOAAHHHH
(The neighbor suddenly slips and front flips out of his window, the screams are unbelievably deafening.)
“AEAEEAAAAAAAAEE”
(Rick Stevens stops moving and stares in awe.)
“HOLY SHIT, holy SHIIIIT, I’m DYING AEEEEEAAAAEEEE, I’M IN THE AIR FALLING, SOMEONE CALL DO SOMETHING AEEEAAAA-“
(The man lands on his concrete driveway below, shattering his back.)
Rick Stevens: …
(After about fifteen seconds all the lights in the neighborhood are back off, except for the single room that was lit previously in house of Rick “The Dick” Stevens. The street is just as dark as before. Rick Stevens is still in a state of utter shock and awe. After a few more seconds, he shakes it off and begins to venture down his walkway toward the front door of his house. Upon entering the house Rick Stevens goes straight for the stairs, passing by the kitchen and dining room, all of which are lifeless. He reaches the top of the stairs and slowly walks toward the illuminated room. He finds his wife sitting on the bed.)
Wife: Where have you been!? It’s been four days! I was worried sick! What happened over at the grocery store?
Rick Stevens: Yeah, I got caught in traffic, stuck in a long line, you know.
Wife: i-
Rick Stevens: What are all those?
(There are numerous empty boxes on the floor, as the camera slowly moves toward the bed; you can see a bunch of completed pregnancy tests. Rick Stevens notices these and he starts to get very sweaty and nervous.)
Rick Stevens: Tell me those aren’t –
Wife: I’m pregnant!
(Immediately Rick Stevens kicks his wife directly in the chest, causing her to slightly elevate into the air and then land on her back, 5 feet behind her original standing position.)
Wife: uhhg…are you upset?
(Rick’s face has a look of absolute terror upon it.)
Rick Stevens: No! This is great!
(Rick puts on a fake smile.)
Rick Stevens: I just need some time to think and relax, this is such great news I just can’t believe it. I’m going to go take a ride, I think then when I get back it will be easier for us to talk.
(His wife smiles and begins to help herself off of the ground, and Rick Stevens turns his back and exits the room. About five seconds later you hear a loud scream from Rick Stevens and something very large shattering. Rick’s wife follows him out to his car)
Wife: When are you going to be back? Last time you were gone for DAYS!
Rick Stevens: Let me answer that question with another question.
(His wife stares at him)
Rick Stevens: What did one poop say to the other poop?
Wife: …
(Rick Stevens hits the gas pedal and starts sailing out of the driveway, once he is about 50 feet away from his wife, he leans his head out the window and screams)
Rick Stevens: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! AHAHAHA
(Rick Stevens can be seen sitting in a bar, drinking a glass of soda sitting on top of a napkin next to him. There is a man sitting in the stool next to him with a large beard, he is slightly overweight and has large eyes that are extremely bloodshot and droopy. At the tables in the bar are people drinking, and laughing, and some are playing cards. The bartender finishes drying off a glass which looks to be spotless and sparkling. He then goes over to Rick Stevens.)
Bartender: Hey Rick! What’s up buddy? It’s been a while since you’ve been here you know. I haven’t seen you since you quit wrestling. Oh yeah, I saw you on television the other night, I had no idea you started wrestling again, that’s good for you! You were fantastic, good job on the win. Can I get you anything? Another…soda?
Rick Stevens: That’s right, I don’t pollute my body with drugs and alcohol, SO WHAT? I don’t have a problem with people who drink or smoke or whatever, I just do what I need to do in order for my body to perform optimally, and drinking and smoking will certainly lower its performance. To put it simply, I do what I have to do. So to answer your question, yes, I would like another soda.
(The bartender smiles and places a full glass of soda down in front of Rick.)
Rick Stevens: I have to tell you, I’m afraid.
Bartender: Yeah? Why’s that Rick?
(The bartender raises his eyebrow.)
Rick Stevens: I got my wife pregnant. I don’t know what to do, I’m not ready for this yet, I still have things I want to do with my life, I have goals, and I’m certainly not ready to have another miniature Rick Stevens running around the house…I don’t know man…The first one was and is enough trouble. I’m just really confused and scared that’s all. Yeah, it IS funny, the powerful fearless Rick Stevens, afraid of a baby. It’s funny how life is like that huh?
(The Bartender is just staring at Rick blankly and has been for the past minute. He looks rather confused and lost.)
Rick Stevens: What?
Bartender: Rick…
Rick Stevens: Yeah?
Bartender: You’re not married…and you have no kids.
Rick Stevens: ……
(There is a very long pause. The Bartender looks very confused as Rick just sits there for almost two minutes motionless not responding.)
Rick Stevens: …SHIT! I knew I was forgetting something.
(The is an extended pause, Rick Stevens sits in silence as he finishes his soda, as he finishes there is a look of satisfaction and relief upon his face.)
Bartender: So how ya doin’ Rick? How’s the wrestling going? You’re not as big as you once were Rick I gotta tell ya. I don’t ever hear about ya.
Rick Stevens: Ha. Sure, maybe I’m not as famous as I was before, but that will all come in due time, don’t worry. This is all part of the plan. You see, I’m the “new guy” now, all these fools I have to wrestle, they’re nothing, and they don’t know what to expect. They have no idea who I am, or how dangerous I truly am. I have the advantage. Look, I have a match this week, I’m up against this joke what’s his name…uhh…
(By this point, most of the people in the bar have started crowding around Rick Stevens, realizing their hometown hero is in the bar. They all used to and still do love listening to him rant before a match, and tell heroic stories about his matches where he always overcomes the odds.)
Rick Stevens: Yeah, I’m up against Treefloor Crackwell “The Career Ender” oooooo.
(The bar begins to break into hysterical laughter)
Rick Stevens: I mean come on. This guy sounds like a joke. What careers has he ever ended? Anyone know? Oh yeah, that’s right, no one knows, that’s because NO ONE CARES! Ahahaha
(The crowd continues to laugh)
Rick Stevens: This guy thinks he’s so damn important, so damn good. Who the hell is he? He’s a “hardcore” wrestler. He’s broken people’s bones before and been bloodied and bloodied others and oh nooo! Who in the FUCK cares? Is that supposed to scare me? So he’s been in real fights before? Is that supposed to make him special? HAHA. I find this oh so comical. This man has absolutely NO CHANCE against me. So he’s broken bones, so he’s bloodied people. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. But the only difference is, I’ve done much worse, much…much worse.
(The crowd nods in agreement. One man actually jumps up and says “Oh YEAH!” hi-fiving Rick Stevens)
Rick Stevens: He considers himself to be dangerous? A threat to me? To anybody? AHAHA, that’s the best joke I’ve heard all week. Maybe he hasn’t noticed, he has LONG CURLEY HAIR AHAHA!
(The crowd erupts into laughter, not able to contain themselves at all. All sense of self control has completely disappeared from them.)
Rick Stevens: Does he use a curling iron in the morning? HAHA.
(The crowd is uncontrollable.)
Rick Stevens: Does he go to the beauty salon every week and get a thrill from picking out new hair products? HAHA
(Just then, one man in the crowd who is laughing hysterically falls over and begins shaking on the ground, having severe spasms and possibly a heart attack. He begins to scream for help but nobody notices as he is drowned out by the immense laughter of the other men in the crowd.)
Rick Stevens: What is he? A WOMAN? Is a cross dresser supposed to beat me in a match this week? My opponent the cross dresser? Ahahha. Treefloor Crackwell, Gender: WOMAN!
(Rick Stevens begins to laugh and slap his knee vigorously. You
can now see the man that was having the possible heart attack; he is the corner of the bar, apparently having crawled there, dead and facedown. Still nobody notices.)
Rick Stevens: I tell you this is one confused bastard! Not to mention, he’s the ugliest mother fucker I’ve ever seen! Woo - Hey what’s that smell?
(Rick Stevens shrugs it off, not knowing that the smell is coming from the terminated corpse in the back of the room.)
Rick Stevens: You see it’s funny because, I don’t even running around boasting about how “extreme” I am, or can get, because quite frankly I wouldn’t consider that my specialty, and not because I’m not that extreme, I can probably take the biggest beating out of anyone in the APW, simply because of my training at the Monastery, I am by FACT more battle hardened and disciplined than anyone here in the APW. I am by FACT more dangerous, and more capable of hurting someone in physical combat than anyone here in the APW. If I wanted to, I could be this extreme guy, win the extreme title, all of that junk. It’s really funny though because you… haha … you claim to be the best at that type of stuff Treefloor, yet I’m better than you at just that kind of stuff and… I don’t even consider that to be my specialty. So, I think you really don’t know who you’re up against; you might want to double check.
(Rick Stevens has a devastating look in his eye, a determined one. If looks could kill, you would have just been murdered. His look is absolutely horrifying.)
Rick Stevens: But quite frankly I don’t care about that. That’s not what I’m after. What I’m after is self actualization. I want to be complete. I need to reach a higher place in which I have never been before, and that is why I am here. That is why I am doing what I do. I need to do this for myself; I need to be the absolute best out there.
(The crowd has now gotten very quiet and serious. Two men can be seen in the background holding each other and sobbing hysterically. The bartender walks over to them and supplies them with several tissues.)
Rick Stevens: And if that means winning these meaningless belts on the way, then I don’t have a problem with it. But that is not what I’m after. I don’t give a shit about what these other people want, I don’t give a shit about their feelings, and what their goals and aspirations are, I don’t care if you’re a psycho and are a monster and “can’t be stopped” and “crazy” and just like to inflict pain upon other people you compete with. I’ve dealt with people like that before, but only in much more extreme conditions, I have a lot of experience that you have no idea about and probably will never understand. Not to mention, defeating nobodies such as you have done does not make you good in any way. The boasting of his can continue, It is undeserved and at best pathetic for thinking that you have done something of importance by defeating nothings in a match. You do not intimidate me, no one intimidates me. If you’re one of those people, know this, I do NOT CARE, I WILL RUN YOU OVER.
(The crowd is dead silent, no one is moving. There are some people who are frozen with their glass halfway to their mouth.)
Rick Stevens: No one knows exactly what I’ve been through, and how dangerous I can be, how I can be literally unstoppable, how If I feel it necessary I can completely CRUSH the spirit of another human being, leaving them internally destroyed for the rest of the time they live on this planet, and I’d like to keep it that way for now.
(The crowd begins to cheer and applaud Rick’s speech. They are very riled up and seem to be having a fantastic time.)
Rick Stevens: Alright, I better get going I have to-
(Just then the doors of the bar burst open, pushing the body of the dead man behind them, leaving a small trail of blood on the floor. A group of angry radical feminists barge into the bar.)
Feminist Leader: YOU!
(She points directly to Rick Stevens)
Feminist Leader: We don’t like the way you’re treating women, BUB! It’s time you paid for your terrible acts of cruelty once and for all!
Rick Stevens: Uhh.. what’s that?
(Rick Stevens points to the blood that the feminist’s are standing on top of from the dead body. The feminist’s look down disgusted. Everyone else in the bar also looks to the blood on the floor and most of them shrug.)
Feminist Leader: Hmmm… I don’t know. But you’re coming with us!
Rick Stevens: Over my dead body, HYAAAA!
(Rick Stevens charges toward the feminist’s. The screen goes black and you hear a lot of noise and screaming.)
“What’s that behind the door? TONY’S DEAD HOLY SHIT!”
Part 2
(Rick Stevens is sitting in a court room. He has a black eye and is dressed in a business suit along with the man beside him who is apparently his lawyer. There are several feminists on the other side of the court room, one is in a full body cast, while another is in a neck brace, and the rest have an array of broken bones and bruises with casts on them. The judge is staring Rick Stevens down, with a look of horrid disappointment. He begins to mutter under his breath)
“uhhhg, not again Rick…”
(After a couple more moments of extended and painful silence, the judge takes a deep breath and begins to talk.)
Judge: Rick Stevens, I am not going to throw you in jail, not yet, you are hereby sentenced to a minimum of 6 weeks of therapy. I hope this will serve you well in learning how to control your actions, and know that will not be let off so easily if this is to happen again, so make the best of this.
(Rick Stevens is sitting across from a psychologist in an office. The office of the psychologist is riddled with different stress reducing tools and toys, and Rick Stevens is sitting in a rather large chair, while the psychologist sits behind her desk.)
Rick Stevens: Listen, I don’t think I have a problem here i-
(The woman immediately interrupts him.)
Psychologist: Don’t have a problem!?
(She looks at Rick as if she as lost all hope with him, like he just doesn’t understand.)
Psychologist: Rick! Any time you’re faced with confrontation, the only way you ever react to it is with violence!
Rick Stevens: Oh, COME ON! That’s not true
Psychologist: According to this records… May 12th 1992, your car was towed…three days later the man who was driving the tow truck was found dead in a dumpster…outside your house.
Rick Stevens: …
Psychologist: 1995, your birthday, one of your “life long friends” cut the cake first, so you decided to take the knife used to cut the cake, with the cake still on it, and cut his ring finger off.
Rick Stevens: …
Psychologist: And if that isn’t enough, January 27th 2004, you were fired from your company during one of your breaks from wrestling, and in the meeting when you were fired, you boss “somehow” fell out the window of a 30 story building!
Rick Stevens: Woa, that one wasn’t my fault, for some reason I have bad luck with windows…everyone’s always falling out of them around me…
(The psychologist raises her eyebrow)
Psychologist: aha…so you have a phobia do you?
Rick Stevens: Well…no, not at all, it’s just people are always falli-
Psychologist: well the best way to get rid of your fears is to face them HEAD ON! Here.
(The woman begins to walk toward her closed window to open it)
Rick Stevens: uhh.. don’t do that
Psychologist: IT’S A BIT TOASTY IN HERE
(The psychologist begins to reach for the window)
Rick Stevens: I REALLY WOULDN’T RECOMMEND –
(The psychologist proceeds to open the window and lift her head out of it)
Psychologist: ahhh, that feels goooood.
(Rick Stevens is staring in horror, sure something terrible is about to occur.)
Psychologist: woooo!
(The psychologist puts her head back in the room and closes the window, returning to her desk)
Psychologist: See that wasn’t so bad, now was it?
(Rick Stevens is staring in happy relief. Maybe it was all just coincidence after all, he thought, maybe – Just then, one of the wheels on the psychologist’s chair breaks and she forcefully rolls, smashing through the window and flying out the 20 story building.)
Rick Stevens: …ahh SHIT!
(Rick Stevens is still sitting in the oversized chair, looking very frustrated. But his expression of frustration soon turns into a happy one.)
Rick Stevens: I knew it. You can’t trap Rick Stevens; I will always find a way out. I am a problem solver, that’s what I do. I am free.
(Rick Stevens begins to smile. He has a great feeling of relief, having overcome his “wife’s” “pregnancy” and angry feminists and therapy, he is fearless, he is free, he is unstoppable.)
