Post by Rick Stevens on Jan 19, 2009 15:30:31 GMT -4
(Rick Stevens can be seen sitting on a rather large, comfortable looking recliner. His hair is wet as if he had just gotten out of the shower and he is wearing a massive, shiny, expensive looking bathrobe. There is a large pipe sticking out of his mouth with smoke blowing from it and he looks very care-free.)
Rick Stevens: Ahhh…ah ah ah… What do we have here? So nice of you to join me.
(The chair rests beside a fire place, the inside of which contains massive amounts of wood, all of which is on fire. The room is very dimly lit and has sort of an orange glow to it, due to the fact that the fire is the only light in the room, and all of the furniture is red. )
Rick Stevens: As you can see, everything here is rather…large.
(Rick Stevens begins to smirk.)
Rick Stevens: You see, it seems not everybody knows who Rick Stevens is yet. Well, I’m going to fix that.
(Rick Stevens quickly changes to being very serious and intense)
Rick Stevens: You see, I’m the best of the best. I’m the top of the top. This is why I am here, this is why I am in a bathrobe right now, smoking this pipe.
(Rick Stevens points to the pipe in his mouth and then nods)
Rick Stevens: This is why I am by this fire place, and why everything is so relaxing. Because that’s what you get to do when you’re as big as Rick Stevens, you can do whatever you want, and live however you want to live.
(There is a small table sitting beside the chair Rick Stevens is resting in. He removes the pipe from his mouth and places it on the stable beside his chair.)
Rick Stevens: Not everyone seems to understand just who I am.
(He begins to laugh out loud.)
Rick Stevens: Let me give you a taste…
(Rick Stevens picks up a card that was stuck to the top of the fireplace and holds it up in front of the camera.)
Rick Stevens: Do you see this?
(On the front of the card is a picture of Lucy Liu smiling in a Santa clause hat. Rick Stevens opens the card and shows it to the camera)
“Dear Rick,
I hope all is going well and that you have a wonderful Christmas this year, hope to see you soon.
Love,
Lucy”
(Rick Stevens continues to smile)
Rick Stevens: You see that shit?
(Rick Stevens gets up in his chair and sticks his face toward the camera)
Rick Stevens: THESE are the kinds of motherfuckers I ROLL WITH! YOU SEE THIS SHIT? LUCY FUCKIN LIU! THAT is just a taste of how powerful I am. There is no stopping me. In fact, I’m hanging this picture on the wall next to the photo’s of my life long idol’s Don Corleone from the Godfather, and Tony Montana from Scarface.
(Rick Stevens walks the camera into a separate room lit by candles. In the center there is one massive portrait of Ben Affleck.)
(Rick Stevens is back in his chambers, the same dimly lit room as before. A miniature bell can be seen sitting on the table beside Rick Stevens who is back in his recliner. )
Rick Stevens: If there is any-
(Suddenly, the sound of heavy machinery strikes the scene, as a hole opens up in the center of the room and Streets Wilson slowly rises into the room holding a bag of groceries, being elevated from the bottom.)
Streets Wilson: I got the milk and the eggs.
(Streets Wilson reaches into the bag, removing milk and a carton of eggs from the bag, placing them on a large table to his right.)
Streets Wilson: And check out THIS!
(Streets Wilson reaches back into the bag and removes from it a plate with George W. Bush’s face printed onto it.)
Streets Wilson: A commemorative George W. Bush “They hate us for our freedom” plate!
(Rick Stevens stares at Streets Wilson for a moment, then picks up the bell sitting on the table beside him.)
Rick Stevens: Hey Streets, want some tea?
Streets Wilson: Well if it’s not too much trouble-
Rick Stevens: NO TROUBLE AT ALL!
(Rick Stevens begins vigorously shaking the bell, just then an Asian woman carrying a tray of boiling hot tea enters the room. There is a coffee table in front of Rick Stevens which she places a cup of hot tea upon. She then turns to Streets Wilson and pours him a cup of tea as well, the steam can be seen coming up from the cup. As she turns to the leave the room, Streets Wilson begins to reach back into his bag.)
Streets Wilson: LAST BUT NOT LEAST
(Streets Wilson removes a miniature helicopter, about 2 feet in length, and a remote control.)
Streets Wilson: Check this SHIT out. Sixty SIX CC’s of PURE, UNADULTERATED, DIESEL POWER!
(Streets Wilson begins pushing buttons and moving knobs on the remote control device. The helicopter sputters into the air, begins to get tangled in the Asian woman’s hair and violently jerks her head forward, smashing her forehead into the corner of a nearby coffee table. She falls backwards and lands on the floor motionless.)
Rick Stevens: What THE FUCK MAN!
(Streets Wilson is staring at the body on the ground.)
Rick Stevens: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ASIAN SERVANTS COST?
(Streets Wilson turns to Rick Stevens)
Rick Stevens: TWICE AS MUCH AS MEXICAN ONES! Uhhhg… I guess we should start getting prepped for our match tomorrow night.
Streets Wilson: …Why?
Rick Stevens: What do you mean why? That DANGEROUS newly created faction that’s been running rampant with their team of all-stars, just last week their biggest member Trevor Blackwell viciously…lost to me in a match. THEN, just last week again, they put fear into the heart of the tag team division when you viciously choked Jason Royce within an inch of his life and you won the match. Ohh… yeah.
Streets Wilson: Have they yet to win a match?
Rick Stevens: I don’t know, but they did a hell of a job last week. “Pure Innovation” ? Might as well call yourselves PURE SHIT! What the hell did you do? Gather the absolute worst people in the APW, bring ‘em together for one MASSIVE SHIT FEST? And your ultimate goal for the faction being to never win another match again?
(Rick Stevens and Streets Wilson begin to laugh)
Rick Stevens: I walked in here two weeks ago, and I already crippled your whole faction along with Streets, UNINTENTIONALLY. I didn’t even know you dumb asses were in a faction, that’s how much ya sucked; I thought I was beating down some random dumbass, but apparently… I was beating down a member of the biggest and most dangerous faction in the APW... MY BAD! Trevor Blackwell, I already beat yo girl, what’s the matter? Can’t protect your women? Now your dumbass in JAIL! My big toe and my ASS would be a better faction! We already beat you guys LAST WEEK. You already LOST. You already embarrassed your stupid organization last week, how we gonna top it this week? …
(Rick Stevens goes silent)
Rick Stevens: Have sex with your grandmothers?! There’s no possible way you guys could even get worse, it’s actually impossible that for you guys to stay that bad, you would factually have to be better this week than you were last week, because you were so bad…last week. Sorry I inadvertently crushed all your hopes and aspirations, maybe if you were better…this wouldn’t have happened.
(Streets Wilson begins to yell)
Streets Wilson: THIS IS GOLD! GOOOOLD!
Rick Stevens: Maybe it’s time for you guys to bail off of this train of extreme mediocrity, and go back to where you were… LOWER MID CARD. At least you’d still have your priiiiiide. Maybe it’s time for you guys to look into a new profession; I hear we need toilet cleaners. Maybe go to a different sport, I think it’s time, maybe you should try chess, or WOMEN’S volley ball.
Streets Wilson (smiling widely): NOW LEAN BACK!
(Rick Stevens picks up a remote control and press a button, stereo systems begin to appear and “Lean Back” by Fat Joe and the Terror Squad begins to blast through the speakers, both Streets Wilson and Rick Stevens proceed to lean back)
Rick Stevens: uhuh
(They continue to lean back for about 30 minutes, moving toward the camera, keeping the song on replay. Finally, it ends.)
Rick Stevens: Ahhh…ah ah ah… What do we have here? So nice of you to join me.
(The chair rests beside a fire place, the inside of which contains massive amounts of wood, all of which is on fire. The room is very dimly lit and has sort of an orange glow to it, due to the fact that the fire is the only light in the room, and all of the furniture is red. )
Rick Stevens: As you can see, everything here is rather…large.
(Rick Stevens begins to smirk.)
Rick Stevens: You see, it seems not everybody knows who Rick Stevens is yet. Well, I’m going to fix that.
(Rick Stevens quickly changes to being very serious and intense)
Rick Stevens: You see, I’m the best of the best. I’m the top of the top. This is why I am here, this is why I am in a bathrobe right now, smoking this pipe.
(Rick Stevens points to the pipe in his mouth and then nods)
Rick Stevens: This is why I am by this fire place, and why everything is so relaxing. Because that’s what you get to do when you’re as big as Rick Stevens, you can do whatever you want, and live however you want to live.
(There is a small table sitting beside the chair Rick Stevens is resting in. He removes the pipe from his mouth and places it on the stable beside his chair.)
Rick Stevens: Not everyone seems to understand just who I am.
(He begins to laugh out loud.)
Rick Stevens: Let me give you a taste…
(Rick Stevens picks up a card that was stuck to the top of the fireplace and holds it up in front of the camera.)
Rick Stevens: Do you see this?
(On the front of the card is a picture of Lucy Liu smiling in a Santa clause hat. Rick Stevens opens the card and shows it to the camera)
“Dear Rick,
I hope all is going well and that you have a wonderful Christmas this year, hope to see you soon.
Love,
Lucy”
(Rick Stevens continues to smile)
Rick Stevens: You see that shit?
(Rick Stevens gets up in his chair and sticks his face toward the camera)
Rick Stevens: THESE are the kinds of motherfuckers I ROLL WITH! YOU SEE THIS SHIT? LUCY FUCKIN LIU! THAT is just a taste of how powerful I am. There is no stopping me. In fact, I’m hanging this picture on the wall next to the photo’s of my life long idol’s Don Corleone from the Godfather, and Tony Montana from Scarface.
(Rick Stevens walks the camera into a separate room lit by candles. In the center there is one massive portrait of Ben Affleck.)
(Rick Stevens is back in his chambers, the same dimly lit room as before. A miniature bell can be seen sitting on the table beside Rick Stevens who is back in his recliner. )
Rick Stevens: If there is any-
(Suddenly, the sound of heavy machinery strikes the scene, as a hole opens up in the center of the room and Streets Wilson slowly rises into the room holding a bag of groceries, being elevated from the bottom.)
Streets Wilson: I got the milk and the eggs.
(Streets Wilson reaches into the bag, removing milk and a carton of eggs from the bag, placing them on a large table to his right.)
Streets Wilson: And check out THIS!
(Streets Wilson reaches back into the bag and removes from it a plate with George W. Bush’s face printed onto it.)
Streets Wilson: A commemorative George W. Bush “They hate us for our freedom” plate!
(Rick Stevens stares at Streets Wilson for a moment, then picks up the bell sitting on the table beside him.)
Rick Stevens: Hey Streets, want some tea?
Streets Wilson: Well if it’s not too much trouble-
Rick Stevens: NO TROUBLE AT ALL!
(Rick Stevens begins vigorously shaking the bell, just then an Asian woman carrying a tray of boiling hot tea enters the room. There is a coffee table in front of Rick Stevens which she places a cup of hot tea upon. She then turns to Streets Wilson and pours him a cup of tea as well, the steam can be seen coming up from the cup. As she turns to the leave the room, Streets Wilson begins to reach back into his bag.)
Streets Wilson: LAST BUT NOT LEAST
(Streets Wilson removes a miniature helicopter, about 2 feet in length, and a remote control.)
Streets Wilson: Check this SHIT out. Sixty SIX CC’s of PURE, UNADULTERATED, DIESEL POWER!
(Streets Wilson begins pushing buttons and moving knobs on the remote control device. The helicopter sputters into the air, begins to get tangled in the Asian woman’s hair and violently jerks her head forward, smashing her forehead into the corner of a nearby coffee table. She falls backwards and lands on the floor motionless.)
Rick Stevens: What THE FUCK MAN!
(Streets Wilson is staring at the body on the ground.)
Rick Stevens: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ASIAN SERVANTS COST?
(Streets Wilson turns to Rick Stevens)
Rick Stevens: TWICE AS MUCH AS MEXICAN ONES! Uhhhg… I guess we should start getting prepped for our match tomorrow night.
Streets Wilson: …Why?
Rick Stevens: What do you mean why? That DANGEROUS newly created faction that’s been running rampant with their team of all-stars, just last week their biggest member Trevor Blackwell viciously…lost to me in a match. THEN, just last week again, they put fear into the heart of the tag team division when you viciously choked Jason Royce within an inch of his life and you won the match. Ohh… yeah.
Streets Wilson: Have they yet to win a match?
Rick Stevens: I don’t know, but they did a hell of a job last week. “Pure Innovation” ? Might as well call yourselves PURE SHIT! What the hell did you do? Gather the absolute worst people in the APW, bring ‘em together for one MASSIVE SHIT FEST? And your ultimate goal for the faction being to never win another match again?
(Rick Stevens and Streets Wilson begin to laugh)
Rick Stevens: I walked in here two weeks ago, and I already crippled your whole faction along with Streets, UNINTENTIONALLY. I didn’t even know you dumb asses were in a faction, that’s how much ya sucked; I thought I was beating down some random dumbass, but apparently… I was beating down a member of the biggest and most dangerous faction in the APW... MY BAD! Trevor Blackwell, I already beat yo girl, what’s the matter? Can’t protect your women? Now your dumbass in JAIL! My big toe and my ASS would be a better faction! We already beat you guys LAST WEEK. You already LOST. You already embarrassed your stupid organization last week, how we gonna top it this week? …
(Rick Stevens goes silent)
Rick Stevens: Have sex with your grandmothers?! There’s no possible way you guys could even get worse, it’s actually impossible that for you guys to stay that bad, you would factually have to be better this week than you were last week, because you were so bad…last week. Sorry I inadvertently crushed all your hopes and aspirations, maybe if you were better…this wouldn’t have happened.
(Streets Wilson begins to yell)
Streets Wilson: THIS IS GOLD! GOOOOLD!
Rick Stevens: Maybe it’s time for you guys to bail off of this train of extreme mediocrity, and go back to where you were… LOWER MID CARD. At least you’d still have your priiiiiide. Maybe it’s time for you guys to look into a new profession; I hear we need toilet cleaners. Maybe go to a different sport, I think it’s time, maybe you should try chess, or WOMEN’S volley ball.
Streets Wilson (smiling widely): NOW LEAN BACK!
(Rick Stevens picks up a remote control and press a button, stereo systems begin to appear and “Lean Back” by Fat Joe and the Terror Squad begins to blast through the speakers, both Streets Wilson and Rick Stevens proceed to lean back)
Rick Stevens: uhuh
(They continue to lean back for about 30 minutes, moving toward the camera, keeping the song on replay. Finally, it ends.)
