Post by Your JESUS on Jan 13, 2010 18:18:18 GMT -4
The hulking monster of a man Sabur otherwise known as the Irish Hammer sits quietly in what seems like a dressing room. Just then the bathroom door swings open which diverts the muscle bound wrestlers attention that direction. His eye bulge with shock as the image of his midget friend Lil Dick waltz's out wearing a sequined equipped evening gown.
Sabur: Whoa, Lil Dick what's the deal with the dress.
Lil Dick: Instead of Vanna White, we are going to have ourselves Vanna Dick turning the letters this evening.
Sabur: Bro, thats Wheel of Fortune, I'm going on Jeopardy. There are no letters to be turned, so hows about you do me a favor and get out of that dress. No Lil Dick of mine should be getting inside dresses, strictly male pants if you catch my drift.
The midget looks at Sabur a little cross, and then heads back into the bathroom as the door to the dressing vibrates from a knock. It opens up and a young man wearing a microphone and headset enters the room.
Productive Assistant: Sabur we are ready, so if you follow me.
The Human Wrecking Machine stands hovering over the little television producer. The two of them make their way out to the studio in front of a live audience. Sabur takes a spot in the center podium. Sabur then picks up the digital pen and scribbles his name which appears on the front of his podium as he stands there smiling ready to engage in this American Classic TV game show know as Jeopardy.
The lights on the stage dim as that popular announcers voice rings out the introduction of Alex Trebec.
AT: Good evening folks this is a special edition of Celebrity Jeopardy. First she is the star of Transformers, and one of America's most desirable women...Megan Fox. Next he is a genetic freak, a superstar wrestler from the APW...The Irish Hammer Sabur. Finally he is the star of the long running series Monk, Tony Shallhoub.
Now let me introduce your categories. U.S. History, The number 100, Science-fiction, London Bridge, Playground games, and the letter 'M'.
Sabur you start us off.
The Irish Hammer smiles with joy as he grabs his clicker. The man looks up at the board in front of him trying to decide what to lead with.
Sabur: Alright Alex I'm going to go with London Bridges for 200 please.
AT: OK folks, the London Bridge...
***BING-BING-BING!***
AT: Uhh, Sabur...go ahead.
Sabur: What is falling down?
AT: Ohhh, incorrect. Maybe you should have let me finish the question. The London Bridge is located in what U.S. state.
***BING-BING-BING!***
AT: Alright, Megan Fox lets hear it.
Fox: Switzerland...
AT: I'm sorry that is incorrect, and not a U.S. state by the way.
***BING-BING-BING!***
AT: Sabur you can not answer twice, Shallhoub do you have a guess?
Tony: What is Lake Havasu City Arizona Alex?
AT: Correct, the old London Bridge was purchased and reconstructed in Arizona. Alright Shallhoub your pick.
Tony: I will have the Number 100, for 600 please Alex?
AT: Here we go, The number 100 times 2, then multiplied by 48 times 100 again.
***BING-BING-BING!***
Sabur: What is the number of times Jason Royce has lost a match in his professional career?
Alex looks toward the judges for an answer.
AT: No, I'm sorry Sabur that is wrong.
Sabur: That is dog shit man, I swore that was the answer.
***BING-BING-BING!***
Tony: What is 416.66 Alex?
AT: Correct, Shallhoub racking up the points thus far. Alright continue on mister Monk continue on.
Tony: I will take playground games for 100 Alex.
AT: Blank balls...
***BING-BING-BING!***
Sabur: What does Jason Royce suck on prior to loosing every match?
AT: Again Sabur I am sorry but that is incorrect.
***BING-BING-BING!***
AT: Megan Fox go ahead.
Fox: What do I suck on?
AT: No, I'm sorry let me finish the question please. Blank balls are thrown at opposing teams trying to tag opponents out until everyone is eliminated.
***BING-BING-BING!***
Tony: What is Dodge-ball?
AT: Correct Monk, great job. Perhaps maybe Sabur and Megan Fox can take a lesson from you in waiting until the question is read all the way through before answering.
Tony: Science-fiction for 800 Alex.
AT: Whoa the daily double.
Tony: I would like to wager 1000 Alex.
AT: Alright the question is,
***BING-BING-BING!***
Sabur: What is Jason Royce beating Sabur on Overdrive...
Alex and Tony Shallhoub both look at Sabur puzzled.
Sabur: Science-fiction get it, get it.
AT: Yeah I get it, but it wasn't your question not to mention again I didn't even read it. I mean have you even seen this show before?
Sabur: Of course I have you smart ass Canadian prick, why else would I be answering in question form. Now give me the points please, I believe that was correct.
AT: Like I said it wasn't your question.
Sabur: But I buzzed in, and I am right. Jason Royce beating me would be sciencefiction...so if you will add me up, and put them on the board. IN YOUR FACE MONK!!!
Sabur turns crotch chopping toward Tony Shallhoub, and then winks at Megan Fox who seems really disgusted by the Irish Hammer.
AT: I'm sorry Sabur, but the judges have just informed me that we must disqualify you.
Sabur: For what, I got the question right.
AT: God Damn it man you did not, besides the fact it was a daily double for Shallhoub to answer. You haven't got a single answer right, who guesses London Bridges falling down...that was retarded.
Megan Fox raises her hand letting Alex know she thought that was the answer as well.
Sabur: I see how it is Trebec, I know a swerve job when I see one. I mean you are trying to screw the Irish Hammer live on TV. I have been around the business long enough to know when I'm getting jobbed out, and this is a solid work over here isn't.
AT: What are you even talking about?
Sabur: No, it's cool Trebec...fuck you and this show...Sabur is out buddy, I'm out...good luck Monk. I know you are part of this so don't let me catch you slipping backstage I will ruin you pal, absolutely ruin you.
Sabur then takes a moment to draw a dick on the podium screen with the words "Eat It" below before slamming down his buzzer. Sabur frustrated walks off camera screaming out profanities and fowl language. The Irish Hammer then heads to his dressing room and slams the door shut.
To his surprise an APW camera crew have been there the entire time to document the stars appearance on the hit game show. Lil Dick has just finished up his little segment for the crew as the big man seems shocked to see them.
Sabur: Perfect, it not only will it air publicly that Trebec jobbed me out on Jeopardy but now the entire APW universe has to hear about it as well.
The big man has a seat with the look of disappointment plastered all over his mug. The camera zooms in close in the chiseled structure that is the Irish Hammers face.
Sabur: Well folks here it goes, Bret Hart was screwed, many people have been screwed, and now yours truly has been screwed twice. First by that rat bastard Trevor Blackwell, and now Alex "I like monkey nuts" Trebec. Well I can honestly say Trebec better have private security, because I don't let screw jobs go un punished.
Lil Dick looks at Sabur in confusion.
Lil Dick: What about Trevor, I mean you haven't...
Sabur looks toward the midget reaching out and covering his mouth with the large muscle bound paw of his.
Sabur: Lil Dick, don't you worry. When I signed my contract with APW, and found out that the Excellence of Extreme was nowhere to be found. so I took a trip to Long Island. Let us just say Trevor Blackwell paid his debts to me and then some.
Sabur leans forward looking deep into the camera as if ready to address someone specifically.
Sabur: Michael Lively, I know you are watching, and I know that the news I just spoke must have just sent a spine tingling chill down your yellow backside. So trust me when I say that you will have what is coming to you. Needless to say during the torture of Trevor Blackwell he spilled his fucking guts Lively, and I now know it all!!! So the snapping of your bones accompanied by the agonizing screams from your voice are the food I crave, and I will get mine trust me when I say that my friend.
Now onto to this week, my first in ring appearance in over a year to APW. Thats right I have been sidelined for about twelve months, and can honestly say that I probably racked up more wins during physical therapy then my opponent had all of 09. Jason Royce, wow you slap dick son of a bitch, you are still at it trying to pass your self off to the world as a professional wrestler. Anyone can plainly see just from your physical appearance that a job scooping fish out of an aquarium at the local PetSmart is more fitting that what you have tried to become thus far. I know first hand the suck factor that you offer up as an opponent, and trust me when I say I am far from nervous to step in the ring with you. In fact I am thrilled, I feel as if I was given a free pass.
I mean I am far more physically threatening then most people in the APW as we speak. I possess more talent in my left testicle then half of your sad family tree Jason. Overdrive will come as I make my return, and a fitting violent return it shall be. I will man handle you scrawny little ass, and shell out my first dose of destruction. Michael Lively will surely be watching on as I plan on scarring the piss from his bladder as he bares witness to the suffering you will endure Royce. It's not personal my dear fellow, it's just business. You are booked as my opponent, and I am paid to seriously wreck fucking a shop once inside that ring. I proved in 2008 that the ring we plan to do battle in is MY HOUSE, and pain is what all feel when stepping into my living room. So sunshine it looks like the door is wide open Jason, and the Human Wrecking Machine will be sitting there waiting for your first move. Choose it wisely because that hokey poky bullshit you call a move set wont inflict much damage on a man of my size and skill. Then again you sad little puke stick, we have fought several times, and this isn't anything new to you. The mother fucking Legacy, come on down because I haven't ruined anyones day live in front of thousands in quite some time, unless you count me shitting in Lively's bowl of bullshit at Christmas Chaos. Either way, you filthy little bitch, I hope you are ready to scream because the medics have been fairly warned that you may just end up in their back office in a bag of shit after I'm through ripping your lame ass to shards of horse manure.
The Irish Hammer has returned, vengeance is on my mind, I will have what is owed to me...that is a promise, everything else like Jason Royce will be simply icing on the fucking cake!!!
The camera then fades to black
