Prosecuting the Defenseless

[Nathaniel Havok]

The Plan Extraction X: Prosecuting the Defenseless

Judge
And… You’ll be representing yourself in this case, Mr. Valo?

Why wouldn’t I? This one was just so easy! Comparing Tuhoa Valo and Amy Zing, is like comparing cotton to silk! One’s smooth, wanted, liked by everybody, look and feel. The other is rough, unreliable, easily damaged, and hated by black people.

…wait, that’s not right.

The Finnish Phenom
Yes, your honor, I will be. I mean, the way I see it, there’s really nothing that needs to be said. The visual evidence can speak volumes for itself! Time and time again, Amy Zing gets her shot. She begs, she pleads, and she ends up nowhere. It’s an ongoing issue, that needs to be resolved. Meltdown doesn’t need to be wasting their time on curtain jerking rookies, who shouldn’t be allowed in an Action Packed Wrestling ring! But night in and night out, I bust my ass, beating the asses of those who oppose me. I don’t bitch, I don’t moan, I don’t complain, and I don’t demand that I’m giving shots. I EARN THEM! *Scoffing* Something has to be done! We can’t get back the valuable television time that’s been wasted on the likes of Amy Zing! There’s just no way for management to justify things like this, any longer! Your honor, something HAS to be done. Don’t you get it?

Judge
Your arguments stand firm alone. The evidence does indeed speak for itself, and you have brought to me a very strong opening statement.

…that was your opening statement, right?

The Finnish Phenom
I could say that. Or, I could continue on for eternity. Think about it… How many times did I beat Donald Deruty? Better yet, how many chances did he receive to redeem himself? The same could be said about Amy Zing. This woman has been given shot after shot, and has been unsuccessful to even give the fans a decent match! It’s just another case of management, thinking that someone has “the look”! Yeah, she’s marketable. Yeah, the people buy her merchandise… But what has she done for this company? From a wrestling standpoint, what has the woman done?

Defense Attorney
OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR! This isn’t a case based on the fact that my client is a female. This is a case based solely on chances given.

I looked over at Mr. Turner, who was playing devil’s advocate. Defending Amy Zing in a makeshift courtroom, all for the enjoyment of the APW fanbase. When this hits APW.com, people will see right through the charade. But it’s not like this phony courtroom is meant to be taken seriously. It’s about humiliation, bringing Amy Zing back down to earth, and making her realize that she need not bother with her hopes and aspirations. APW is the land of the “big dogs”, no place for a low-card scrub with minimal talent at best.

The Finnish Phenom
I do not believe that I’ve even come close to making this about the fairer sex. That would be your doing, Mr. Defense Attorney. Furthermore, the prosecution never had a case based upon Ms. Zing. This case is based upon the practices of Action Packed Wrestling, and their “no shame” attitude of trying to make wrestling fans out to be idiots. I mean, they continue to shove “wrestlers” down the throats of fans. “Wrestlers” who barley know how to lace up a pair of boots.

“Breaking the fourth wall”, I looked into the camera.

The Finnish Phenom
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Bringing my attention back to the court room, I continued to belittle Mr. Turners “objection”.

The Finnish Phenom
All the while, real WRESTLERS like myself continue to bust our asses… “Wrestlers” like Amy Zing and Donald Deruty continue to get the push, all because they’re “marketable”. Let’s face it, Action Packed Wrestling should be called “Action Packed Money Making”. Basing their pushes not on talent, but on financial security.

…if you ask me your honor, there’s no such thing as professional wrestling anymore.

But instead of bitching about it, I’m the type that would like to do something about it. You know, state the facts, bring forth evidence to support it. You know, the usual. But rather than bore the prosecution with evidence that has already spoken for itself, I’d much rather go ahead and support my claims with promises.

Judge
Promises do not hold up in a court of law. What you need is…

The Finnish Phenom
What you need to do, is to shut the hell up! This is MY courtroom, much like Meltdown is MY show! People like Amy Zing should be backstage holding microphones, asking WRESTLERS like me questions! They shouldn’t be in the main event! Sure, I belong in the main event, but AMY ZING!?!?

…exhibit “A”, Amy Zing YET AGAIN, in another main event match.

Now, you might ask yourself… “If this was happening on Overdrive or Asylum, would Tuhoa Valo even care?”. And regardless of what show this is happening on, I can assure you that I WOULD indeed care. Because much like this is my courtroom, much like Meltdown is Tuhoa Valos show… Action Packed Wrestling is MY company! I’ve spent the better part of my career here, attempting to change this place. Attempting to reorganize and bring honor to professional wrestling via the most successful wrestling company that you could find anywhere in the world. But time after time, President Jeff, along with the rest of his managerial staff, they continue to step on my toes. All because the money too good. All because the cash might slow down for a bit.

Now, your honor, let me ask you this… Who could lose out on all that dough? Who would want to miss out on all that money? Nobody would. Well, nobody with any sizable sense to know that they’ve lost touch with what really matters. And trust me when I tell you that President Jeff, APW management, the whole lot of them, they’ve all lost touch. These days, it’s more about the money. More about making people like Amy Zing a marketable name, just so they can push the merchandise. And all of this… It’s because Jeff knows that he’s losing it. Wrestling has passed him, and the future is impossible for him to catch up to.

The days of professional wrestling being left in the hands of actual professionals, they’re far behind us. Thanks to men like Jeff, thanks to “wrestlers” like Amy Zing… A guy like me could get lost in the shuffle. Time after time, I’ve refused to sit back and play second fiddle. I’ve faced setbacks and bullshit referees, while watching the less deserving get ahead, just because they’ve begged and pleaded. Not once have I demanded anything, or felt like I was owed a title shot. I’ve earned every victory, and every shot that I’ve had thus far. I was the standout star aside from the champion at the Supershow, and I proved on that night that I rightfully deserve a main event spot.

…but what did Amy Zing do?

Now, I understand that she didn’t pull a Kaylyn, she didn’t get beat before the match even started. But the fact of the matter is that SHE was the one who got beat. Tuhoa Valo wasn’t beat, was he? No, I was left pissing in the wind, all because Amy Zing was weak. All because Amy Zing was selfish, and took a spot in a match that she had no room being in! Zing knew damn well that she couldn’t last, but she still took the opportunity, making it more difficult for guys like me who actually DID stand a chance. And at the end of the night, what in the hell happened? She took the fall, leaving true wrestlers fighting more battles, just to get their hands on Logan Alexander, to prove once and for all that WE NEVER TAPPED OUT!

Judge
This isn’t the place to air out your grievances with a visually impaired referee, Mr. Valo. Stay focused on your arguments, and leave previous business with the North American Champion off the table.

The Finnish Phenom
Yeah, you’re right. An impartial, impaired, and incompetent referee, isn’t what we’re here to discuss. But we are here to discuss injustice, am I right?

His “nod” let me know that my argument stood. Now, it’s time to capitalize.

The Finnish Phenom
An injustice would be for me to slip, for Amy Zing to get past me, and get yet another shot at Logan Alexander. A shot that she has had against the champion before, and she couldn’t hold her own weight. Me, on the other hand… Well, I haven’t had my one on one with the champion during his reign, have I? Therefore, it’s my duty to ensure that Amy Zing is the one who gets lost in the shuffle. Tuhoa Valo is Meltdowns savior, the man that ensures those who do deserve, are the ones who get. And Amy Zing, well… We all know she doesn’t deserve anything but a pink slip, and a “wish you well” on her future endeavors. Which brings us right back to management.

You know, I find it hard to believe that a man like myself, a man who’s done nothing but prove his worth for this company for several months now, would continue to have to deal with losers like Amy Zing and Donald Deruty. I mean, what in the hell do I have to do, to stop facing losers? I want a challenge, a REAL challenge! I should be facing winners! People like Roy Speede, like the North American Champion, Logan Alexander. I should be squaring off against them, not wasting my time against a lackluster “talent” like Amy Zing!

She’s communism at work, your honor. No matter how bad she is, no matter how much she loses… She believes that everybody should have the same amount of everything. Communism at its finest, if you ask me. She thinks that she’s entitled to more shots, just because others around her might be getting shots as well. Well, it’s time for Amy Zing to realize that communist China, doesn’t hold precedence anywhere in Action Packed Wrestling. And do you know what that means? It means that once I beat the breaks off of her, once I prove that she has no room being in the same ring with anyone like myself, management will have no choice but to place her at the top of the card… Right where she belongs!

And you know what, I’m going to take great pride in being the one that makes Ms. Amy Zing realize that she doesn’t have what it takes to be an APW Megastar. Because when it comes right down to it, Amy Zing might make the money, but she doesn’t make the history. The only history Amy Zing is going to make, is when her work visa expires, and she goes back to her homeland!

Judge
Excuse me, Mr. Valo… But this is not about whether or not Ms. Zing is capable of staying in the United States if she were to ever leave Action Packed Wrestling! What don’t you get about staying on subject?

The Finnish Phenom
If you’ll give me a minute, your honor… I’m going to tie it all together.

…Now, as I was saying…

I understand that my exaggerations can be overlooked, and I’m fine with that. She’s an American citizen, but would have made a perfect candidate for the “child rule” that the Chinese have bestowed upon their culture. I understand that it’s just me trying to make a mochary out of her nationality, and that very-well might not be fair to Amy. But the fact of the matter is that her mindset is complete “slanted”, for lack of a better word.

Judge
Mr. Valo! One more racially insensitive comment, and I will hold you in contempt!

I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off. After all, it was a pretty good joke. Poking fun at a person because their nationality automatically means that they could be blindfolded with dental floss, who doesn’t find that stuff funny?

The Finnish Phenom
Understandable, but still up for debate, your honor. Her nationality has EVERYTHING to do with this.

…exhibit “B”, Amy Zing is communist. Thus, Amy Zing believes that no matter how hard she works, she should be entitled to the same things that I am.

Now this… This is where the prosecution takes a “hard right hand turn”, and focuses all of our attention on the fact that Amy Zing could very-well be “doodling” with a member of management, possibly the APW President himself! This would be the only way to explain how she’s survived this long. Better yet, this would be the only way to explain her string of “chances and failures”, that seem to continue on and on until somebody finally puts her out of her misery! Then, whoever is giving her chance after chance, will just move on to another little tart trying to “make her way in this business”. It’s a never ending cycle that HAS to stop, and I plan on doing just that!

I’m tired of sitting around, hearing people like Amy Zing say that “they’re going to continue winning in 2013”, when it’s already been established by Meltdown commentators that 2013 is the year of Tuhoa Valo! But more than that, when has Amy Zing ever won anything? How can she continue winning in 2013, if in 2012, she was constantly laying on her back? And no, that wasn’t a sex joke. It was an observation that all Amy Zing does, is take the fall. Now, with that being said, what gives her any right to think that she stands a chance against me? I have done nothing but win since I came back to Action Packed Wrestling and…

Judge
Came back?

The Finnish Phenom
I wasn’t finished. And sorry, it was a case of talking too fast. I MEANT… Since I’ve been in Action Packed Wrestling.

Hopefully… He bought it.

The Finnish Phenom
Nevertheless, I have done nothing but win. I’ve done nothing but kick ass, take names, and prove to the world that real professional wrestlers still exist. It’s time for me to take a stand, and do exactly what I promised that I would! It’s time to rid APW of all the shit that has taken it over. All of the money, the glitz, the glamor, and everything that goes along with it. Trust me, when I’m through, it’s all going to be out the door, along with all of the trash “wrestlers” that APW has let through THEIR doors. I’m finished listening to the “pretty faces” say that “it’s their time”, when they don’t even have a clue how hard it is to make it in this business! They flash a smile, they make some quick cash, drain this business dry, use it for everything it’s worth, and then they go on to “bigger and better things”.

My money says that Amy Zing will be doing just that in the very near future. She’ll use Action Packed Wrestling as a launching pad, and then she’ll be out of here faster than you can say “Shrimp Fried Rice”! And guess who will still be here, kicking ass and taking names as usual? Me! I’ll still be here! I’ll be the one being overlooked, while Jeff and the rest of management skewer the indy ranks, looking for that “next big breakout star” that’s going to bring them in boat loads of cash! But here’s the truth, your honor… I’ve bestowed it upon myself, to make good on all of these promises!

…like how I wrapped it all up in a neat little bow, there?

This is my time! This year, it’s my year! I’ll be damned if any little tart like Amy Zing is going to stand in my way, and I’ll never succumb to the pressures of “being marketable”! It’s not my style, and I’m going to rid this damn company of all of its “marketability”! I said it, and you can bet your ass that it’s going to happen! The days of the gimmick are long gone, and the days of the real professional wrestler, will soon be upon us once again! I will take pride in bringing professional wrestling back to the people, ridding APW of all of its Amy Zings! And how do you kill the proverbial snake? You cut off the head! Amy Zing, she is the head! And Monday night, I will do everything within my power to ensure that she is incapable of getting yet another shot at Logan Alexander, or any other top Megastar! And trust me, I have an awful lot of power at my disposal!

…now instead of “playing judge”, your honor, allow me.

…do you have any closing arguments that you’d like to make, defense attorney? Or is this case closed?

Defense Attorney
I… I… I…

…you’re right, this case is closed.

The Finnish Phenom
Yeah, that's what I thought.