Meltdown January 7th Feedback & Discussion

[Evan De Parker]

HUGE kudos to TMarv, Hood, AJP, and Raab for joining me in writing these (in my opinion, VERY well-written) matches this week.

Credit for segments to: Speede, Deruty, Hood, Logan, AJP, Christian, Mannie, and Zing.

With this being the first show of the year, please let us know what you thought of this week's show!

*How were the segments?
*What could we do differently to improve?
*How were the matches?
*What were your favorite parts of the show?

Things like that... Thanks everybody for reading, and thanks, people, for your contributions.

And a huge thanks to TMarv, who, in sickness or in health, is always thinking about the APW community. So FOR HIM, can we try to get an active Meltdown feedback thread going, for once?

Remember-- we RP for each other here. It's that kind of e-fed. When people don't receive feedback on stuff they've worked hard on and drained all their creative juices over... Then it kills the motivation to continue RPing! So let's help our community grow by sharing our feedback with each other, yeah? Yes? YES?

;D

[The Smooth One]

I enjoyed to show..I enjoy all of the shows and I have to admit that I am maturing in this as I did not read the whole show just what I was involved in and that is a disservice to the time, energy and effort that you guys put in every week to make these shows happen. With that being said:

Dangerous/McBride: I like him and his character...so I am shocked when guys go? What is the turnover so high in efeding?? I hope he is ok and that he comes back

LA Seg: he set the record straight and if setting the table for a big 2013. And I think everyone should buy themselves a Christmas present!! You never ever need a gift receipt!!

Nice win by Cid...and Hannah's sig ..is kinda scary!! j/k..nah seriously.

This brings me to my mentor Mannie: The full on Heel turn was expected, but I had hope your the reinvention of Mannie would be different....from what 420 was doing? I enjoyed the content...it was funny and I like funny. I hope you find success with this angle because I want the best for you. Real talk ..what the hell do I know...I've been doing this for month...you've been doing it for years.

Deruty/Speede - are doing the damn thing..they are over the place racking up frequent flyer miles!! Good job guys..great seg! A tag team title shot is on the horizon, but that is not as good of news as it may seem...feel me?

Robina Hood: Is viscious...but I was a little distracted by the format of the match..while it was well written ..it was just little hard to read.
I enjoy the Seinna/RH segment because it gave me a hint that the Meltdown brass are planning some big surprises and thats exciting!!

Christian Kane and Kaylyn James Evans vs. M&M (Logan Alexander and Aubrey J. Parker)

The M&M clan aint nothing to f'wit...I know a softer gentler side of AJP and I am happy I've never pissed her off. Very well written match and even though KJE and CK lost they held their own in doing so. I would have liked to see Kash come to save her disregarding his suspension that would have been a tender moment...they have red eye flights form Manchester to Winnapeg or did AJP buy out the flgiht??

Really enjoyed the main event! For Amy to put on that kind of match after getting waylaid by Mannie and Uncle Charlie was well Amazing!!

The mudstopping is signature New/Old Mannie! Zing v. Mannie is on the horizon it has to be ..doesn't it? Will Amy be the new top dollar earner for Uncle Charlie? inquirigng minds wants to know!!

Loved the Phenom teaser at the end!! Can't wait to see Fin Fin and LA for the No. American Title!!

Great matches...great segs...Meltdown seems different from when I was on there...not better or worse...just different and I like it.

Good job...Onward and Upward towards the light!!

[Pepsi]

This thread deserves some love since Terry Marvin managed to get the show posted despite circumstances that had him visiting a hospital. I don't know what the circumstances were, but I can't think of any positive hospital visits I've had that didn't involve babies being born, so kudos to him for his dedication. Plus, I have to review a show that was in my home city. Here's my review.

Loved the opening segment. Nice balance between celebrating victory at Christmas Chaos and hyping his match later in the night. Also furthered the storyline of the powers that be being against him which continued nicely throughout the show. BTW the commentator calling Canadians "Canucknuckleheads" was awesome. I also appreciate the custom NA title. nice to see Canada and Mexico get some love. Nice touch.

The 4 way match felt quite rushed, but it served it's purpose which was to spotlight Cid. Had his opponents showed I would have complained about it being a 4 way squash match, but since they didn't this was what it should have been.

Mannie's segment was good. The only problem is I found myself more interested in Uncle Charlie than I was in Mannie or Amy. Still it was a different way to kickstart a feud (which I assume is where this is going)

Decent match from Yongblood and McDonald, I am not a huge fan of reading short matches, but this did manage to tell a story in the short amount of paragraphs. I liked the ending as it was a nice heel finish for McDonald.

The Speederuty segment was well written and told a good story. Personally I feel that 2 baby face in ring segments can feel redundant. Especially since bothe were hyping tag matches for later in the night. However there's no way for one writer to tell what another writer's segment is going to be, I just would have liked to have seen a bigger gap between the two. Perhaps this would be better placed right before there match to give a bigger space and a different feel. This is just a personal preference and no negative reflection on the writer or poster.

The Robina/Niobe match was a different style of match writing than I am used to. It was written more like a story than a match. It took me a little while to get used to it, but once I did I enjoyed the match. It did a really nice job of getting Robina over as a ruthless heel. Again to echo what was said already, the formatting of the match was a little distracting, but I am assuming this was the first time Robina wrote a match here and just wasn't familiar with the coding guide.

I really liked the follow up segment with Robina and Sienna. It's always nice to see this level of development for a debuting character. Early story lines help to prevent new writers from getting lost in the shuffle.

The Speederuty match was well done. I have long had a policy against writing tag matches. I started writing matches 10 years ago, and for 9 of those years I have flat out refused to write tag matches. That being said I like reading good tag matches. This was a brief but solid tag match.

I like the pre match announcement that the winner of the M&M vs KJE, Kane match would get a title shot in 2 weeks. I love to see forward thinking in planning future shows, and it gives something to look forward to in the future.

The tag match was very well written. It told a great story and really advanced the rivalry here. The only problem I had was a 2 on 1 fairly vicious beat down of the heel by the faces. I understand there was vengeance to be had, but it took me out of the story as it seemed like a role reversal. Perhaps I'm just to old school, but I think 2 on 1 beat downs should be 2 heels, 1 face. It just makes it to hard to sympathize with M&M when they are viciously double teaming someone.

The post match segment did a lot to show there frustrations and give more purpose behind there attack on KJE, but I am still struggling to be sympathetic towards them. Maybe a softer beat down would have been better, or maybe I'm just to much of an old school guy, and this was very Attitude era. Probably the latter.

I really enjoyed the main event. I loved the ending. It was a simple but often neglected way of having a heel go over. It's hard to put a heel over clean in a big match without making the face look weak. Having Zing kick out of Phenom's finisher and him having to repeat it protects Amy, but still gives Phenom a decisive win going into a future showdown with the champ. Nicely done.

The post match beat down furthered the Zing/Mannie story, and gave us more Uncle Charlie. I am really enjoying the Charlie character, he'll make a nice mouthpiece for Mannie.

Short but sweet segment to end the show. It brought the focal point of the show (the feud between Logan and the GM) to a nice cliffhanger. I always like to see a primary story on any given show, and this one had a nice continuity throughout, and kept me interested for where it's going next.

Overall, I thought this was a great show. All of the segments had a point and furthered stories. I never like when segments don't serve any storyline purpose, and that was not a problem here. The matches were all well written, and each one told a story rather than being a cluster of moves that made no sense.

My only critiques are all based on stylistic differences and didn't effect my enjoyment of the show. Well done to all involved. Keep up the good work.

[Evan De Parker]

^ What a surprise!

Thank you very much, guys. Excellent feedback, so far. Hopefully everyone on the roster is reading this and taking notes-- I am.

[SalTal]

For TMarv (who pulled through like the OOC champ that he is) and for Envi (who seemed desperate as hell haha!) and for the sake of Meltdown ...

Granted, this’ll be my first review of a Meltdown, but it’s definitely not the first Meltdown that I’ve. And, before there’s some wise-ass, no, it’s not the second one either.

With that said ...

McBride has left us it seems as Mr Dangerous takes the win here. A shame, really, because I generally liked the character he had. He was pretty active here up to Christmas, wasn’t he? I hope this means he’s just busy and will be back.

Show starts up and ... am I reading a Logan promo? That’s a massive segment. That is my only fault with the segment: It’s just too long. The good stuff, though, is very good. It serves its purpose: Sets a tone for the champion, opens up the year, opens up the show. This is a perfect example of how a show should open when you have just had a title match. And, given the calibre of the win that Logan had, he has every right to brag! Custom made title: Nice. Picture include: Awesome. I would have glossed over this point without the picture. With it, it adds interest, so well done. The segment does close with a ‘tone setting’ finish. I was expecting a new challenger to cut him off, but it didn’t happen. Anyway, other than the length, a good, well written segment.

Can I say that West and Harris might in fact be my favourite commentators on all of APW’s shows? They are actually saying things of importance, like, 99% of the time. Not just cursory comments, but actual commentary on what’s going on around them. I’m assuming that’s the GM (when it’s not in a match), so whichever one of you two it is, take a bow.

Big match up next, a fair bit of talent (past and present) in it. Quick action, gets the job done (the match that is) and Cid gets a win. Good push for the returning megastar. Agree with the previous comment: A bit rushed, especially with four people in it. Not sure about who posted what, but if everyone posted, I think everyone deserves an equal amount of ‘push’ here before the winning sequence.

Segment from Mannie and Amy next. I think Amy gets the most out of this, to be honest. We don’t get any new ‘ideas’ about Mannie here. We knew he was a dick, and this just proves it again. Anyway, a cheap take-down on Amy which does make her look a bit weak here. I’m not a fan of attacks backstage - most of the time, someone gets a rub and someone looks bad. Just my opinion there. But, the positive is that it does get the job done: There’s obviously going to be a feud here, some long-term plans can be put into motion, and they can clash at a bigger stage later. I just hope that Amy gets the ‘payback’ at the next show.

Into the McDonald/YoungBlood match. Good wrestling match here - congrats to the writer. I think this is the sort of model that most (sans the main event and title matches) matches on Meltdown should be taking: Solid wrestling, promotes both wrestlers as good and sufficient, builds character, and finishes strong (for the person who has earned the win). Good length, too. I was entertained through it, top to bottom.

Now a Deruty segment ... no, wait ... he’s with Speede too. Can someone do some colouring here, please? Anyway, this was long. Really, really long. Get to the point, fellas. Or at least break it up. You’re already a tag team; you should be playing off each other like two familiar, close friends. The segment itself, it does its job too. It sells the match of the night. If you were on another show, I’d suggest building to a PPV, but on Meltdown it’s different. So selling yourselves (which you also do) is good.

Into the Hood-Martin match. Robina, the entrance is too long. If you really want us to hear the song, embed the Youtube video or something. The match itself - needs some work. There were some expression issues in there. Covers action and captures both character, just it didn’t flow as well as it could have. I couldn’t get my head around the way it was written though, so don’t take my opinion as the be-all. I may have, simply, just gone over it wrong. Good length to it. Good win for Robina - gets her noticed and gets a good push.

Loved the follow-up segment for Robina. A great storyline in the making here. Well written, exchanges between the people, rather than slabs of text, and Martin also gets something out of the segment (despite not appearing). Segment of the night, for my mind.

Then into Duspeedey’s match (yeah, let’s all come up with a name for them). Good back-to-back pattern in the organising, GM. Well done. Good win for the tag team - logical, to be fair. The genuine tag team should always win against the pairing. But Peace and Steel walk out looking good. Very good, all things considered. The action was good, fair, and balanced. It was written so well that I could picture the whole thing, from start to finish. Writer, you are commended! Sold both sides well enough to get a good feel and starts the tag team on a roll.

I was genuinely excited by the announcement tag title contender’s match. Dying Breed defending on Meltdown!? Awesome! I love cross-over stuff, whether it’s between brands or between companies. I love it! I don’t think there’s enough of it (even if we keep it rare and special). Anyway, back to the match. Massive win for M&M. Maybe too big? Two champions already ... I mean, I know we’re not a storyline company but I think Kane and KJE should have picked up the win for the sake of ‘exposure’ and a chance to test themselves ... aaaaand now I’ve just remembered that KJE is going through some OOC stuff, so maybe the best outcome is M&M. Anyway, I’m rambling now.

Kane and Alexander showing off one-on-one is only a matter of time, anyway. But I was excited for the time they were together in the ring. Good action between them. Good action all round, in fact. Who wrote this? It was really good. I was thinking that the previous tag team would be match of the night, but now I think this will. I am always excited when KJE and AJP step in the ring against each other - I hope it’s not long before we see it again. AJP, from Asylum, showing off at the stage that ‘made’ her APW career? There’s an element of nostalgia in there - maybe this could have found its way into a segment? The match? Something? Would have been nice. Anyway, strong showing by all and everyone walks away with something to talk about here. Nothing I can say by ways of improvements - it’s a match fit for PPV!

And, given the ending, we might not see KJE in action for a while. This makes me sad (sadder than I already was when I read her news - wishing you the best, KJE!). M&M get the heel rub too, so they walk away with even more. Kane also gets the startings of a new ‘role’/angle too. Good all round! And now, really excited for the next week: Dying Breed vs M&M!!!

Into the main event. But a segment before it! Salt in the wound by M&M. There’s always the risk of ruining the end of the match with overkill with a follow-up segment, but it works. It works so good! I’m now a huge mark for M&M vs Meltdown Establishment. Far out, I sort of want them to win the tag titles too and then ... then just mess with Duvall by not actually wrestling on Meltdown (despite one of them being the top champion) or something. Something that really grinds his gears. I don’t know how well this comparison will go down, but here goes: This is storyline is of a ‘main show’ level. I come to expect character-building, attention-getting storylines on Meltdown while people sort their characters out and define themselves. But this? This is something that could be headlining a PPV. When Logan leaves Meltdown ... there’s a timer until his first Heavyweight Title match on Asylum.

Kane gets in on the end and gets a good rub, a good thing to hear from him too. Interested to see where he goes from here; does he team with Duvall to take it to Logan? Could be a great storyline brewing here.

The main event: I tell you what, it’s a rare occasion to get the main event ahead of a title-laden match like the previous one. But Amy and Finnish get it, and all the eyes are on them. Unfortunately, the match is overshadowed by the previous. I liked it, but didn’t love it. Good action, strong story told in it. Unfortunately, there’s no selling of the previous segment (where Amy got beat down) in the match. Continuity dead. If you’re writing a beatdown segment you MUST tell the match writer. And, if it’s too late ... don’t do it. Just don’t. It ruins the efforts you’re putting in and the match writer.

Anyway, great wrestling here. The abilities of both the characters shine here. Yeah, the previous match over shadows it, but this does earn a main event status. It’s really good. A lot of close calls, which I like. Keeps the action flowing, the match paced. Interesting win by Valo. I went and read both promos, it was closer than I was expecting. Amy had a great showing here and should use this (the first main event of the year!) as the basis for the next few weeks - the growing megastar, the soon-to-be. There’s a lot to take out of this match.

We finish with another beatdown segment. If you thought Amy looked weak after that last one, she looks twice as weak now. Next week, when Amy steps in the ring ... why should I believe that she can win? Or in this feud with Mannie - Mannie has beat her down twice now, so why do I care? I don’t even think Amy can handle him out of the ring, much less in it.

Look, I know some people think that beat down segments are the best way to get the heat (they’re not), but PLEASE give the person you’re beating down a fighting chance. That’s twice in one show that Amy has been beat down by Mannie without actually laying a real hit on him. Mannie looks strong as hell, Amy looks silly. I know Mannie wants to be the heel, but come on: Amy just turns into a hit? Then doesn’t wake up until it’s all over? And then again at the end of the night? It doesn’t end in a way I like it.

And then, a very short segment at the end that shows ‘Valo’ is in league with Duvall. Very interesting, given the previous turn of events!

Overall, a good show. Some areas for improvement, and those people (if they read this) will know who they are and where to do it. I hope it’s somewhat helpful. I love what’s going on here on Meltdown - I think it’s one of the most important things going on in APW. Everyone on it is working harder than all of us who have a spot on one of the two main shows, trust me. And to be trying to improve? Yeah, you’re doing great work here. Be proud!

And, to make Envi happy:

*How were the segments?

Some segments were great, some less so. Most (all?) contributed to a storyline, which is what they should be doing. And, given the uncertainty of Meltdown with pay per views, it’s hard to build to a pay per view. So build the storylines. But make sure you’re doing it ‘fair’. Make both people look good, make people think both people could come out a winner, make both people get something out of it. Some segments were excessively long - make sure that the dialogue is fast-paced and snappy. Attention can be lost over long segments. And, if there are multiple people in a segment, have them interact rather than just have one speak, the next speak, then leave. That’s just ... unnatural when two people are talking. You wouldn’t ignore what your friend is saying when they are talking, would you?

*What could we do differently to improve?

I think you’re all doing exactly what should be done on Meltdown. Might I suggest, though, a ‘buddy system’ for match writing? Have an experienced writer team up with people who are confessed ‘new’ writers and then co-write it? Or have the ‘experienced’ writer give the match a quick read prior to final submission? Also, use Google Docs to co-write segments if you’re looking to write a multi-person segment. You can write it far better than sending it through PM. Oh, and communicate - with the GM, with the match writer, and with the opponent.

*How were the matches?

As with segments, some strong ones, some not so strong ones. But, the more people write matches, the better they get. So nothing to worry about here.

*What were your favorite parts of the show?

The tag match to determine the contenders, the development of M&M’s storyline, and the Duvall stuff (especially Valo and Duvall). As I said, here is the best storyline going on Meltdown and it’s of a calibre that it could easily be headlining one of the two main shows.

[Jules]

Jan 10, 2013 7:34:43 GMT -4 SalTal said:

Or have the ‘experienced’ writer give the match a quick read prior to final submission?

Jan 10, 2013 7:34:43 GMT -4 SalTal said:

Also, use Google Docs to co-write segments if you’re looking to write a multi-person segment. You can write it far better than sending it through PM.

Two excellent points.

As for the second I didn't know this could be done, and is something I will look it for my own segments in future.

And the first, well if anyone wants a match proof-read, then I am more than happy to volunteer my services. That offer extends to writers on all brands.

Not that I'm King-dick around here when it comes to match writing, but second opinions can be helpful. Also, it seems to me this is a very good suggestion, and rather than just nodding my head and saying 'that's a great idea' I thought I ought to act upon it.

[SalTal]

Jan 10, 2013 8:19:02 GMT -4 Jules said:

Not that I'm King-dick around here when it comes to match writing, but second opinions can be helpful. Also, it seems to me this is a very good suggestion, and rather than just nodding my head and saying 'that's a great idea' I thought I ought to act upon it.

Great follow up. I'm far from a 'veteran' match writer (and hardly write matches here anymore as there are some far better people than me volunteering!), but I'm happy to help out as well.

[Cid Phoenix 2013]

Great show, and hey I won! And it's Phoenix, not Pheonix.. That's the OTHER guy.. lol. I liked alot of things about the show, the most that stood out for me, was SpeeDeruty.. I almost broke out the cardboard to do a windmill with that one, lol. Going to take the time to browse thru the archives just to know what's been going on (at least for the past month or so..) and rp as usual and hope for the best. Oh, and just a head's up everyone, I'm REALLY popular in Micronesia.. I'm joking, I'm not but then again, how do we REALLY know that for sure??

[Cid Phoenix 2013]

I'm actually re-posting this feedback, since I mistakenly posted it on the Asylum thread.. LOL