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Post by T-Marv on Jan 14, 2013 21:49:51 GMT -4
Show is posted folks....let me know if I missed something.
Thanks to Jules, Robina Hood, Phenom and Evan for writing matches
For segments thanks to: AJP, Logan Alexander, Delikado, Envi, Mannie, Phenom, Bailey, Dionysus, Zing..... Other people?
Leave any feedback/discussion here. Thanks.
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Post by Evan De Parker on Jan 14, 2013 22:12:43 GMT -4
Dionysus also sent in segmentaagggge.
I'm in the process of reading Meltdown now. For once, I didn't read the finished show in advance. :X
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Post by Jules on Jan 15, 2013 7:45:41 GMT -4
So if I have an APW resolution it is to be more consistent with my feedback. On that note, here are some comments on this week’s Meltdown.
I haven’t read Meltdown in a while so you will have to bear with me on this.
The Finish Phenom is Nathaniel Havok, right? Okay, I get that now. The segment was good for what it was, but if I have one particular criticism here it is this line
I get it, the character is extremely confident and self-assured, but you must say it without resorting to a total burial of the opponent. You’re meant to be hyping the title match, if it’s going to be a breeze why should anyone stick around to watch it?
The second paragraph is better, even if ‘snooze fest’ wouldn’t be my choice of words, the general idea is good, that The Phenom will shake things up, that gives the title match something.
Next up is Young Mannie. It is just me or is Mannie one of those guys who starts a lot of things, but never actually seems to finish them? I hope Mannie is able to pull through and complete this cycle. Brutal antics from Amy Zing, poor old Uncle Charlie. The follow-up was a bit odd, Mannie getting Amy’s pay for a month...well at least it was given some rationale.
A few points to consider:
1. You have to check this stuff through, or find a buddy to proof read your work. There are a lot of elementary spelling and grammar errors, and this is a symptom of all of your work. It’s a small detail that can make a huge difference to the reception of your work. We all make mistakes, but you have to do what you can to eradicate as many as possible.
2. This line You have to then spell this out, otherwise it just sounds like an empty cliché. What is it that Amy Zing ‘represents’ that Mannie hates? Doing this is going to help ‘the fans’ sympathise and see Mannie’s point of view (if it’s face heat you’re going for here), it also gives us as readers an insight into the character of Mannie, his psyche and his values.
3. Don’t refer to Meltdown as the ‘C-brand’. It’s unprofessional and you would never hear anybody say in kafabe ‘X is an A,B, or C show’. Instead of running down Meltdown, you could say ‘You’re behaviour is an example of what shouldn’t be rewarded in APW’ – it’s more professional sounding, plus it tells me something about Mannie’s values.
Steel v Youngblood. Solid match with back and forth action that seems to be the outcome of summarised matches. Nice surprise finish too. Good win for Steel.
Phoenix vs McDonald. Another solid enough match. Good win for McDonald, but Phoenix can take something out of it too.
Handicap match. Firstly, I believe ‘live’ matches ought to be written in present tense. The dark matches you can get away with writing a past tense summary, but the televised matches you want to convey the idea that you are following the match action by action, move by move.
I don’t know the reasons why this match was booked, although I saw a reference to Sienna in the commentary, but I’m guessing Niobe is the face in all of this and is being ‘punished’ for some reason. So with Young Mannie seeming to me to play face earlier, his role in all of this confuses me (but may be due to ignorance of some detail). There is a hint that he is a reluctant partner at the start of the match, but then he is happy to work this number on Niobe, then he turns on Robina, then he is back on side again.
The issue about the tense and the confusing psychology put aside, the match did a good job of meeting its purpose with Niobe taking a beating in the face of stacked odds (it was basically a 4-on-1 in the end). Maybe it was a bit long for a midcard Meltdown match, but maybe that’s a personal preference thing.
Overall, the basic story of the match was fine, and I suppose it achieved what it set out to achieve, but it was kind of all over the place in terms of Young Mannie’s role.
The segments involving AJP, Logan and Sienna do a great job of building tension and hype for the main event. I’m getting the distinct impression this about much more than the title and I’m believing anything could happen before the show ends. Good work.
Love the Delikado cameo. Poor random guy.
Amy Zing v Peace. I love the bits of comm. We’re getting before each match, filling in and linking together segments on this show, rather than just assuming this match is in complete isolation to anything else. Good match, nice to see Peace get a good showing on his return, and the out of nowhere win for Amy Zing had a touch of realism to it.
Ha! Even more tension ahead of tonight’s match. Have you been keeping up with all the permutations?
Christian Kane wins the award for cheesiest entrance, but I loved every sleazy bit of it. Ha! Another good match, tied in with all tonight’s Shenanigans, which gets AJP thrown out and sets up an almighty screw job in the ME. We wait and see!
Another good win for TDB, solidifying their status at APW’s #1 tag team. Nice touch by Envi to include some build for the match on OD.
Great ME. Didn’t quite understand how it became an iron match, but I suppose it facilitated the climax. After all the build, I was surprised there weren’t any shenanigans, but it’s nice to see a clean finish. The ‘sudden death’ was great with all those counters. But one thing, the DDT countering the spear was a great spot, but it was so early in the match as to go almost unnoticed, or become forgotten. That was my favourite spot, so I would have liked it to have greater impact.
Glad I read this Meltdown top to bottom, it highlighted everything that is good about Meltdown. My only suggestion would be that more Meltdown people get their voices heard, it was dominated by the ME, which is fine every once in a while, but take away the contributions by Asylum and Overdrive guys and gals and it would have looked a lot barer. There are some great characters on Meltdown, you guys need to start showing that off.
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Post by T-Marv on Jan 15, 2013 10:01:53 GMT -4
It wasn't supposed to become an Iron Man, just two out of three falls with a time limit that got reached. I don't think I pushed that point enough.... so my bad.
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Post by Evan De Parker on Jan 16, 2013 12:24:58 GMT -4
HALP!  |
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Post by Eric Steel on Jan 16, 2013 16:07:19 GMT -4
Great show. I bagged my first win, and I liked everything else that revolved around the show as well. Great opportunity to start afresh.
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Post by The Soul Of Philly on Jan 16, 2013 23:10:48 GMT -4
I'M HERE!
- Good opening segment, I'll echo Jules when it comes to the snooze fest line, but aside from that I enjoyed it. I liked Duvall's part, he takes pride in his show, so it doesn't matter if you're his chosen one or not, you don't down talk the show, which is good to see from a heel GM.
- Wow, i would have liked a "you know us asian drivers, I mean bad enough I'm a woman, but Asian too?!" line but I'll suffice. Great segment between Amy and Mannie, it was good stuff and I'm extremely interested in the match later.
- This segment...I like the fact that Sienna is playing it good and logical. Couple things with the segment, 1) that Mannie has become this, "i love wrestling at it's purest form" gimmick maybe a month and a half after he was suspended when he cursed off the fans. 2)the whole "not delivering on the hype" thing, coming from the Mannie character doesn't hold much weight, aside from ending Kash and Borderland's tag title reign, what exactly has Mannie done? You could have avoided this by saying "look, if anyone knows failed hype, it's me, but you make more look like I reached my potential" type dig. 3) The "while you were attacking my Uncle Charlie..." line, didn't make any sense. How could she have taken the high road after she nailed him with a tire iron? 4) DON'T CALL IT A C-SHOW, I thought calling it a snooze fest was the worst thing I'd see on the show. You know how to kill a show's credibility, bringing up the fact people see it as a C-Show. Probably a couple people "Watching" the show know its the c-show, but the majority don't know that and still watch it. You could have said, "that's what's stopping us from overtaking Asylum or Overdrive" You ended it well though....and as I type that, you say "I'll make Meltdown entertaining again" if one person says it, maybe that's alright, but when multiple talents are saying it wasn't watchable before, then why waste my time because you said it's going to be again, especially the Young Mannie character who said he was gonna beat Lively for the NA title, who said he'd beat Kash, who said he hates teh fans.
- Congrats to Eric Steel on the win. Whoever wrote the match and had Jake kick out of one of his finishers, really hurt the credibility of the move especially since Youngblood didn't show. This is why, especially for Meltdown, it's easiest to write the match following deadline since it only needs to be 3 paragraphs for the undercards.
- Nice little segment between Sienna and AJP, I always love their little interactions. Now where is Logan Alexander?!?!
- Nice match between Cid and McDonald. Congrats to Evan on the win and nice work from Cid, tough loss, but you'll bounce back.
- Hmmm, I don't know if i like the John D./Evan storyline being on Meltdown, I feel it kinda takes away from the other talents. Much in the same way I feel like Overdrive/Asylum talent shouldn't show up on the other shows. That said, I don't know how I feel about this. I enjoy it, but ENVIKADO!!!!! I do like the dynamic, and I have a feeling this is going to RM, which will be awesome.
- Nice match, I enjoyed it and was happy that even though she didn't show, Niobe wasn't made weak. The difference between her and youngblood was that she posted an RP, late or not, and apologized.
- This was a great segment, I love that you guys brought everything back to LA wanting to drop the title, and the fact he used this whole "now you can drop the title for a spot on Asylum" as a dig at Valo was great.
- DELIKADO! I love Deli, but wish like this whole thing EE/JD thing, would stay on Overdrive as to not "overshadow" the Meltdown talent. I loved this segment it had me dying. And I love how Hannah is a smut just for some Cuban lovin'
- Great match between Amy and Warren, great back and forth and kept me interested the whole time. I enjoyed the commentary.
- Another great segment from Evan and Jules, I can't say anything against it that I haven't already said about OD/Asylum talent "overshadowing" the Meltdown talent. I mean, i've got 4 segments involving non-Meltdown talent that weren't booked for a match. I'll have more of this in my overall thoughts
- Another good match between CK and Double Dee. It was great back and forth, and it's fun to see CK in APW. Great win for Double Dee, him and Speede, two guys I enjoy reading and seeing them do well.
- Nice segment, stacking the deck against LA a little bit more.
- Loved the tag match between OD and Asylum basically. It was nice to read and i enjoyed it. Congrats to the champs, maybe SoS will get a rematch at the champs full strength.
- Nice segment between Bailey and LA, maybe it's because i know that this is being followed up next week, but this was different than the other segments that had non-meltdown talent. I would have put this before the tag match though.
- GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD LORD! T-Marv, you fucking out did yourself. Meltdown match of the year, it's gonna be tough to beat that match. Congrats to Chaos to retaining and congrats to Valo for the fight he put up against him. I'm going to love to see where this goes with all three parties, Valo, Chaos, and the GMs.
Overall Thoughts.
- Meltdown is picking up steam with consistent faces being on the show. I think this is the first time there hasn't been a draft in two months, there are established characters on Meltdown along with some great authority figures to go along with them
- Back to the whole non-Meltdown segment thing. There were 11 segments. Here's the break down of wrestlers
3 Involving Evan, (one him being a subcharacter)
2 Involving Dionysus
2 Involving AJP
2 Involving Mannie
2 Involving Phenom
2 Involving LA
1 Involving Amy Zing
1 Involving Delikado
1 Involving Anthony Bailey.
Thats 9 people for 16 segment parts. Of those nine people 5 aren't meltdown guys. Only one had meltdown reason to be there, Bailey for the tag title match hype. Personally, I don't think the first AJP/Sienna segment added anything that it would have been missing if it weren't there. The "stay away" order could have been done without the first segment.
It's a round-about way to this point, but, MELTDOWN FOLK! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?!?! IT'S YOUR SHOW! MAKE IT YOUR FUCKING SHOW! MOTIVATION YELLING!!!!
Seriously, you know what got everyone off Meltdown, SEGMENTS Biggs, Rebel, they don't care if you win or lose, they want to to show up and contribute to the show. They're problems are other booker's want: too many segments. There's some new guys out there, like The Future, who won the dark match, INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO EVERYONE! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU! WHY ARE YOU HERE! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ON MELTDOWN! ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS ON YOUR FIRST SHOW!
I feel as if Jules, Delil and Evan wrote there promos not to set up for Overdrive as much as it was to have something to fill the show. If that was an actual show, on TV, I saw more talent that I knew on the show that should have talent that I should be getting to know.
Mr. Ed is six feet deep, but MELTDOWN MEGASTARS! WRITE A SEGMENT HYPING YOUR MATCH! HYPING YOU! HYPING SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Start shit with someone get something going. I believe Overdrive is at it's cap for now and Asylum is close to it, so you may be here on Meltdown a bit longer than you may think. Make it your home. Don't make it your apartment that the landlord's a prick and told you not to hammer nails into the walls to hand pictures and such on.
SEND SEGMENTS!
DO IT!
MELTDOWN MEGASTARS
SEND SEGMENTS!
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The Smooth One
Low Carder
Doin Damage With Words!![F4:The Smooth One]
Posts: 204
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Post by The Smooth One on Jan 17, 2013 0:38:11 GMT -4
I agree with TJ on the seg's idea...I was fortunate to be able to get AJP to angle with me. Contact someone about a mini feud or just a convo backstage but if all else fails interview with Hannah Storm I believe she is still the backstage interviewer on Meltdown.
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Post by Jules on Jan 17, 2013 12:23:38 GMT -4
-TJ-In an ideal world, the Evan/Dionysus story probably wouldn't use Meltdown space, but the way we've mapped things out we needed some extra air-time so as not to rush things forward any more than we're having to do. It's just down to back luck that our timing coincides with the toughest scheduling in the APW calendar. Under normal circumstances, we would keep our segments to Overdrive, and I completely agree this shouldn't become a pattern where Overdrive/Asylum guys/gals 'overshadow' the Meltdown product. If that's happened on this instance, I apologise. It isn't the case we wrote segments just to fill space on Meltdown, rather we encroached in order to flesh out what we're doing as fully and credibly as possible within the time frame we have.
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Post by The Soul Of Philly on Jan 17, 2013 13:03:12 GMT -4
It's cool Jules. I understand there's only so much time between cc and s&c I just don't want to see meltdown turn into asylum/overdrive extra time. I want to see meltdown Guys and gals make it their show.
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B.A. Styles
Low Carder
I'm always up for co-segments, so if you want to write one then feel free to shoot me a PM. ^.^
Posts: 257
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Post by B.A. Styles on Jan 19, 2013 4:13:31 GMT -4
Handicap match. Firstly, I believe ‘live’ matches ought to be written in present tense. The dark matches you can get away with writing a past tense summary, but the televised matches you want to convey the idea that you are following the match action by action, move by move. I don’t know the reasons why this match was booked, although I saw a reference to Sienna in the commentary, but I’m guessing Niobe is the face in all of this and is being ‘punished’ for some reason. So with Young Mannie seeming to me to play face earlier, his role in all of this confuses me (but may be due to ignorance of some detail). There is a hint that he is a reluctant partner at the start of the match, but then he is happy to work this number on Niobe, then he turns on Robina, then he is back on side again. The issue about the tense and the confusing psychology put aside, the match did a good job of meeting its purpose with Niobe taking a beating in the face of stacked odds (it was basically a 4-on-1 in the end). Maybe it was a bit long for a midcard Meltdown match, but maybe that’s a personal preference thing. Overall, the basic story of the match was fine, and I suppose it achieved what it set out to achieve, but it was kind of all over the place in terms of Young Mannie’s role. Sorry about the past tense, its just how I normally write anything (from roleplays to my GCSE exams, lol). And as for the while you think the match was a bit long...I thought it should have been longer (so I could make Mannie look more dominant than what he was in the end) but ended up running out of time so I put on an ending as fast as I can before PMing the match to T-Marv. As for Young Mannie's role...I didn't know I portrayed him as a face and I guess I got him all over the place (since I equally wasn't sure why he was in the match, lol). - Nice match, I enjoyed it and was happy that even though she didn't show, Niobe wasn't made weak. The difference between her and youngblood was that she posted an RP, late or not, and apologized. I've seen past Niobe RPs and I know that, when she shows up, she shows up quite good so I didn't want to bury her...but, then again, I guess my style of match writing is that I don't want to truly bury anybody, even if they no-show.
As for the show I actually enjoyed reading a lot of it...got a little lost in the segments, and thought the whole "sudden death" thing was a bit theatrical but overall the show was fun to read. ^_^ |
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Post by President Jeff on Jan 19, 2013 9:28:39 GMT -4
Less Overdrive/Asylum Megastars on Meltdown (Unless booked for a tag team match) even if this means only 2 segments for the show. Its Meltdown's show for the Meltdown Megastars. If Meltdown guys don't want to send in segments, so be it. If thats the kind of show they want to be part of, then give it to them. Guys that do send in segments weekly will just get drafted sooner.
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