Post by chaos lite on Jan 19, 2013 23:37:01 GMT -4
work til i can’t give
i’m a machine
i’m a machine
jan.19.thirteen11:48pm
”My worst case scenario on January 27th is like a depiction of hell on Earth. Forty men and women in the ring, at war. It’s neanderthalic shit... imagine what you’d have to go through to survive over forty minutes in that Survive and Conquer match... and imagine the distance you’d be willing to go, if you’ve already gone through something like that. I’d say the earlier you get into this match, the more of a chance you have to win because you naturally develop that animal instinct that lets you turn off your emotions and morality.
I think forty-one is a good number because I have to watch fifty-nine more people come to the ring and try to take one million dollars away from me.
A million dollars. Do you know what I could do with a million?”
I had some pretty good ideas.
Hello again. I’m Cassandra, and if you’re watching this expecting me to get a word in edgewise- SPOILER ALERT:[/color] I do not.
Instead, I’m seated in the backseat of Jaguar driven by a private member of APW’s security team while Aubrey’s in the passenger seat. My eyes scanned the names of the streets and businesses as I looked out the window, praying that we’d arrive at the hotel soon. Then I could just get the bitch drunk and she’d go to sleep. Or at least she’d call me pretty and boost my self esteem.
”Tomorrow, I don’t have anymore of an advantage or disadvantage than the other guys. So we need to figure out... what I could do...”
She has turned around and was pondering the idea as she looked ahead at the road. I opened my mouth to offer my suggestion, but that was immediately revoked.
”Do you know what those motherfuckers were saying this week?!”
”I-”
”Stefan Raab went on a tirade about how I’m being handed title shots on Asylum. As if it’s my fault that he hasn’t gotten one... he said that I wasn’t a true champion. And normally I don’t care about that kind of stuff but... like who the fuck is HE? He said it’s his goal to eliminate me from this match and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I’m tired of him running his mouth on Twitter. I’m tired of him saying that I don’t deserve to be here.”
”Well, y-”
”And Slade Craven is a fucking riot. According to him I’m some sort of submissive, suicidal nutcase that got abused or something when I was a young child and now it’s turned me into a father-hating lunatic.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but she turned around and gave me the dirtiest look I’ve ever been cast. I sank back into my seat a bit and zipped my mouth.
”Anyway... he also is under the assumption that Logan and I aren’t a team anymore, despite our Tag Team Title match on Monday. His reasoning for this is because at the age of twenty-five, I’m old, saggy, past my prime and I won’t do anal.”
I snickered. It was a stupid accusation but an amusing one regardless.
”Shut up, Cass. You’re really lippy today.”
”I didn’t-”
”I’m just annoyed. Do people even do their research anymore? How prepared could you be for a match if you don’t even- like- ugh. I need liquor.”
”Ye-”
”Oh my god, we’re here! Look at it, Cass!”
”Ladies... we’ve arrived.”
The driver (and I never did catch his name, but he was much too attractive to be working as a driver for APW security) opened the door and popped the trunk, casting a look at both of us with a small smile. I couldn’t help but match Aubrey’s excitement as I looked up at the enormous castle overlooking the Blackpool seafront.
”Welcome to the Norbreck Castle Hotel.”
jan.19.thirteen11:59pm
So she gave me permission to talk right around midnight I guess. What a relief.
”You fight Bailey and Hopkins for their titles on Meltdown on Monday...”
”Yeah?”
”Well, you said that you needed an advantage. That advantage is an incentive. You have incentives to eliminate Raab and Craven because of what they’ve said, but Hopkins and Bailey... you don’t need much more incentive than that Tag Team Title match, do you?”
”Hmm.”
”Jair Hopkins pushed you off of a ladder through two tables at Christmas Chaos. You were in pain for weeks... what more do you need?”
We had just gotten situated in the hotel room and Aubrey stopped unpacking to turn and give me a long and thoughtful look.
”I’m not going to hold a grudge against him for doing the same thing I would’ve done if I got the chance.”
”Bullshit. Ha, you’re like... one of the most spiteful people I know.”
Aubrey smirked and rolled her eyes at me turning back to her suitcase to remove her robe, pajamas and other small belongings.
”I’m not mad at Jair for what he did in the match.”
”Right. You’re just jealous that he and Bailey are the Tag Team Champions while you and Logan aren’t.”
It was a predictable attempt to get under her skin and she must’ve caught on because she didn’t bite.
”If he didn’t beat me, I wouldn’t have a reason to push. I wouldn’t have any reason to be upset. I wouldn’t have had a reason to be hurt.”
”Exactly. So how can you say you aren’t mad at him?”
She looked behind her again and moved a few more of the handful of clothes she had brought, moving them gently onto the desk in the hotel room. She finally retrieved her bedazzled and bejeweled Suicidal Championship belt, holding it in the same manner someone might hold an infant.
”I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did against Jason Kash and won that match if he hadn’t pushed me off of that ladder and took the titles right out of our fingers...”
”So by winning that title, you’re soft now? You’re not as upset with the Dying Breed as you could be? I wonder how Craven and Raab are gonna feel about that attitude.”
”Cass, you’re missing the point. I don’t have to be angry at them to win this match. I know how I feel about Anthony and Jair, and it’s not jealousy or hatred. It’s... frustration. I’m frustrated because I know that I’m a better wres-”
”You mean you think-”
”No.”
She interrupted me and turned to place the title belt back down into her suitcase.
”I know I’m a better wrestler. I know that I have what it takes to win Survive and Conquer.”
She turned around, looking at me again and smiled gently.
”I know that they don’t. As good as they are... all four of them... they’re not capable of winning a match like this because none of them know what it’s like to walk through Hell and come out on the other side with gold.
My entire APW career has been tainted by multiple things; biased commentary, biased General Managers, biased referees, and a locker room full of people that don’t understand a single thing about me. And even before I came to APW, people did everything they could to convince me that I didn’t have what it took to be a wrestler and that I didn’t deserve any of the opportunities that I got. I’ve always had to fight harder than everybody else to get the same recognition.
This Battle Royal isn’t just some throwaway match. This means something to me because I have been an afterthought when it comes to the Survive and Conquer match. I’m not Terry Marvin or Adrien Specter or one of those big names, but I signed up for the 100-person match for a reason and I plan on walking through Hell... and coming out on the other side one million dollars richer.
I know what it’s like to have to adapt. I know what it’s like to be ganged up on, assaulted... all that jazz. As far as APW goes, that’s all I know. I know what it takes to survive here. I know what it takes to come out on top. And whether that takes me all the way to a million bucks at Survive and Conquer on the 27th, I don’t know, but it will take me to a victory at the beginning of Asylum tomorrow night.”
There were a few seconds of silence between us and I looked at her in a mix of awe and amusement. I wasn’t expecting the tirade, but I was almost moved by it nearly kinda-sorta. Aubrey looked at her watch and smiled after her last comment.
”I mean... tonight. Cass, it’s past wine o’clock.”
jan.20.thirteen1:03am
So we drank wine.
”Cass, you look so pretty when we’re drunk.”
Jackpot.
”Awh. Have another glass. Keep saying nice things about me.”
Aubrey placed her empty wine glass down on the bedstand and poured a little before motioning for me to hold mine up. I did as I was asked and watched (nervously I might add) as a little bit more white wine flowed into my glass. She lowered the bottle and gave me a challenging smirk.
”...What?”
”I want to go walk out on the shore.”
”What! No. It’s freezing out there.”
”Just for a couple of minutes. I’ve never been to Blackpool before!”
”What’s that have to do with us going out on the shore at one in the morning?”
”Something different. Maybe we’ll meet somebody out there.”
”Perhaps a rapist.”
”That’s exciting, right? We’ll bring the camera.”
”You’re an idiot. You’ll get pneumonia and you’ll die before your match tomorrow. No. I refuse to go out there.”
jan.20.thirteen1:25am
So we went out there.
Aubrey stopped about ten feet from the water but I could still feel the mist from the tide. I hugged my UCLA hoodie close around myself and I was about to demand to know why Aubrey insisted that we come outside, but she spoke before I got the chance to.
”I didn’t train my ass off almost every single day for two and a half years so people could treat me like a nobody.”
”Nobody treats you like a nobody.”
”Except my opponents. I shouldn’t care what they think but when you keep hearing the same thing, it gets old. Raab with his crap about being carried by Logan and not deserving the Suicidal Championship... Craven and all of his bullshit about me needing a man behind me for every decision I make and every fight that I’m in...
It gets to you. I can only laugh it off and ‘settle it in the ring’ so many times, Cass. I have these really fucked up thoughts sometimes...”
I got a little closer to her to hear her better over the sounds of the crashing nighttime waves. I looked at her but she was gazing straight ahead.
”And they’re these violent, angry thoughts and I even acted one of them out when I injured Kaylyn on Meltdown a few weeks ago, nearly breaking her knee with a chair. It wasn’t the right thing to do. It didn’t earn me any smiles from management but it rectified the situation and it made me feel better.
Maybe if I break Slade Craven’s nose or I find a way to lynch Stefan Raab in the ropes, these problems and these whispers about my inferiority in APW will cease.
I’m a more consistent performer than Anthony Bailey and I have more heart than Jair Hopkins, so it’s one thing to see them with the Tag Team Titles... but Anthony Bailey got a shot at the World Heavyweight Champion last week, a match that I would’ve been thankful to have to prove that I’m ready for it... he got the shot, and he was LITERALLY handed the victory, but I don’t hear a single person giving him shit for it.
Meanwhile I go through a grueling Suicidal Title match with a former two time World Heavyweight Champion, and I’m incompetent because I didn’t stop Shane Borderland from hitting Kash with a shot glass.
I have to listen to Slade Craven talk about how he’s going to take it EASY on me because I’m a woman-- Hall of Famer, Slade Craven, on a show that was JUST carried by a FEMALE World Heavyweight Champion. I’m wrestling with talented athletes, but they’re fucking morons and hypocrites.
I’m better than them.”
”Then prove it.”
”I want to. There are... so many variables in this match. I just-”
She stopped herself and started to shake her head.
”No. I don’t want to make excuses.”
”So win.”
That’s when it popped into my head. It had been something my dad said to me about Aubrey after we left my parents’ house a week ago.
”You know what Ralph said to me when we left? He said that for as talented as you are, you always have more excuses ready than victory speeches.”
She raised her brow and looked at me from the corner of her eye.
”You acknowledge all the opportunities you’ve been robbed of but you don’t ever take into account all the huge ones you’ve had. You were involved in a huge match at One Night in Hell and then again at Christmas Chaos. You main evented the last Asylum of 2012 against Sally Talfourd in a World Title match. You beat Jason Kash for the Suicidal Title. You’ve pinned Anthony Bailey. You’re huge. You don’t even see it... and this week, you could not only shut up Slade Craven and Stefan Raab, but you could beat Bailey and Hopkins two nights in a row... AND go on to win Survive and Conquer 2013.
You don’t need to prove shit to anybody except yourself. You’ve had the kind of career that would make Johnny Knuckles cry and you’re worried about people taking anything away from you? Fuck Raab. Fuck Craven. And fuck the Dying Breed too. This is all about you, and you’re gonna start by winning the Battle Royal tonight.”
”Haha, wow... usually you’re deflating my ego.”
”Thought I’d change it up. I am your number one fan after all.”
I shivered and glanced back to the hotel.
”Now can we go inside now? It’s freezing.”
”Yeah. Thanks, Cass.”
”Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank me when we’re out of thirty degree weather... and after you kick everybody’s ass and win that Battle Royal. Thank me then.”
”Will do.”
I'm not completely sure if I got through to her that night or if she was just trying to placate me, knowing I was satisfied with making it back inside to the warmth. But she walked with a confidence that wasn't there when we first landed. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the pep talk. Hopefully it worked, whatever it was.
fin.[/font]
