Post by Mark Mania on Jan 23, 2013 13:24:19 GMT -4
The time I spend worrying about others is clearly far too much. No one is staying up at night worrying about me. Maybe employees worrying about their job performance or my opponent worrying for his life. But the real movers and shakers aren’t champing at the bit to get a piece of Mark Mania. It’s clear that I’m in this alone. Last week went exactly as I planned it to go. Everything happened basically as I predicted it. Nick Watson was non-existent and I had to battle tooth and nail to even squeak out with a draw in the match. I don’t know why people don’t just listen to me more often. I’m so very rarely wrong.
It’s funny, last week, I said that I needed to return to my roots, so I acted out, threw a fit, made stupid jokes and inappropriate comments. I expected some reaction, I expected a response. I got nothing. Not even a secondary glance. That’s not going to bring me down, that’s not going to bother me. Maybe I was barking up the wrong tree. Maybe I was trying to take one last grasp at the younger version of myself. All that really happened was I made a fool of myself and a fool of my lesbian, Hispanic, assistant. Like she doesn’t have enough things going against her?
With Survive & Conquer right around the corner, I can’t ignore the fact that things need to change. I’m not motivated. I can feel it. With Azrael, I had a reason to fight. I had a reason to win. With Buckson Gooch, it’s not quite the same. There’s something holding me back. There’s this knowledge that I should have an easy time with him.
In professional sports, there is a phenomenon called a ‘trap game’. This is a situation in which a top tier team plays another top tier team, then a lower tier team, then another top tier team. The game against the lower tier team is considered a ‘trap game’. Because the team will naturally focus on their two biggest competitors. The match I have against Gooch is the definition of a trap match. I spent so much time focusing on Azrael, there’s no way I could spend the same amount on Gooch. And I know, that if I am to surpass Gooch and then defend my title at Rasslemania it will be against a far bigger opponent. I’m unable to keep all my attention on Gooch because I know there is more out there. I can’t allow myself to be trapped.
This week, as I prepare to not only defend my Overdrive Title but also wrestle in the biggest match in all of wrestling, I need to give Gooch is fair due. I will need to call upon every ounce of self-control I have in order to do it, but I must focus on this damn dirty hillbilly and start taking this match seriously. There are very few things I care about more than my Overdrive title. I cannot lose it. And I especially cannot disgrace this title by having that sweaty pig get his mitts on it. It is time to focus, it is time to win.
Sunday, January 20th, 2013
“Nope, fuck this game. I can’t watch this shit.” I scream at the television.
“I’ll never understand men.”
“Well, I feel like you gave up on that a while ago.”
“Is that a lesbian joke?”
“What don’t you understand?”
“You spend all year watching this sport, and all but one team wins. It’s very rarely your own team. It seems like sports are just a never ending let-down. Yet, every year, idiots paint their faces, buy season tickets, and watch every game like it’s a religion.”
I turn my head and stare at her for a moment.
“As opposed to a real religion, in which you attend every week, pray non-stop and never get your prayers answered?”
“That’s ludicrous. What about on the plane ride here, we hit that turbulence, I prayed, it kept me calm and comfortable until the turbulence ended.”
“You think your prayer stopped the turbulence?”
“I’d like to think it helped.”
“You know, everyone who has ever died in a plane crash, they prayed too.”
Rosa opened her mouth like she was about to speak and then shut it. She looked confused.
“Listen, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with religion, I think it fulfills a great need in the community and I believe faith in a higher power is important. But, there are inequities in religion as there are in sports.”
“I think God would see that as blasphemy.”
“Well, I think Patriots fans would see what you said as blasphemy.”
Just then Tom Brady has a pass batted down and intercepted.
“Oh what the fuck!?” I throw the remote across the room.
“That’s healthy.”
I point at the television, “Things are going poorly enough, thank you, I don’t need the moral police in my ear telling me what’s healthy behavior.”
Rosa sits back and frowns.
“I can deal with that more than your pestering.”
“Maybe I should just go.”
“Oh don’t be so passive aggressive. I’m pissy because the Patriots are going to lose. I knew I didn’t feel comfortable with this, trap game the whole way.”
Rosa gives me a skeptical look and I explain to her what a trap game is.
“So, it’s like your match this week?”
“The Survive & Conquer match?”
Rosa looks at me with a ‘duh’ look on her face.
“No, idiot, the match for your Overdrive title, the thing that you hold most dearly in this world.”
“Oh come on, I’m plenty prepared.”
“I don’t know if I necessarily agree with that. I mean, if you think about it, you’ve still never beat him.”
She knew that would hit me hard and annoy the hell out of me.
“Let’s not be ridiculous here. I had him beat in that beat the clock type match. He just outlasted the clock, that’s not winning. And last week, well I called last week happening, that bastard Nick Watson is nothing but a pain in the ass. He’s useless.”
“Still, there hasn’t been a pin for a win, you haven’t successfully, cleanly, beat him. You can’t ignore that.”
“We’re less than a week away from me cleanly beating him, don’t you worry.”
“Well, I am worried. I’m worried you’re caring more about the Survive& Conquer match than you are about your title match. I know that you like to prove yourself as some sort of legend in the wrestling world, but Survive & Conquer is just one night. You’ve had the Overdrive title for four months. You don’t want to give all of that up for one night of glory.”
I think about this for a second. Trying to deduce if she’s right or not.
“You know I love holding this title. You know it’s one of the things I’m most proud of these days. But, Survive & Conquer, it’s something different. Survive & Conquer is the biggest match of the year. One hundred people! Do you have any idea how amazing that is?”
“Yet, Monday the 28th, you could very well be Survive & Conquer champion, but you’d still have to wrestle at Overdrive, with no title around your waist. How would that feel?”
“Not good.”
“You’re damn right not good. You need to focus on Buckson Gooch. You need to focus on retaining your title. Being a champion is important to you. Don’t throw it down the drain.”
“You’re right. You’re right. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, first we need to clear your mind.”
Rosa turns off the TV and has a sick smile across her face.
“How in the hell did you manage to put together a Civil War Reenactment in England?”
“I work in mysterious ways.”
“I feel ridiculous.”
I’m standing in an open field, dressed in the Union colors. There are about ten other men dressed like me and then twenty or so on the opposite side of the field dressed in Confederate colors. I have a paintball gun in my hand and a paint brush ‘knife’ sticking out of the end of it dripping with blue paint.
“Trust me, this will free your mind.”
“But why did it have to be the Civil War?”
“I know you’re smart and successful and absurdly rich, but really, you can’t put that together?”
I think about it for a second before it hits me like a ton of bricks.
“Oh, because Gooch is dirty Confederate hick! I get it. I like it!”
“And yes, there is a man dressed up like Buckson Gooch over there. Gross mullet and all.”
“This is perfect.”
I load the blue paintballs into my gun. Hardly a Civil War era musket, but will be more than effective.
“Seems like there are more of them than there are of us.”
“I’ve got to give you a challenge, you can’t just walk into an even battle. This is to show how poorly it could go if you underestimate Gooch.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I tighten the strap around my waist that holds the extra paintballs. Rosa points to where I’m supposed to go to get into position. The field is large and is full of obstacles to use to your advantage. I scan the enemy which is probably fifty yards away. There are definitely double the amount of them. I look around at my own troops. Look like they’d get creamed if I wasn’t there. I think one of the men is even sweating.
“Hey, you alright?”
The man turns his head, looks at me and nods.
“They’re just paintballs. This isn’t real war.”
The man forces a smile and then turns his head back towards the enemy. I’m in trouble if I have any more guys like this on my side.
Rosa walks to the middle of the field with a megaphone.
“Welcome gentlemen, to the first ever Civil War Re-enactment in this wonderful town!”
Everyone cheers in response.
“As you’ve noticed there is a large flag behind each team. This is your team flag, you may move it however you please, but do not give it up to the opposing team. If you do and they return it to their flag they will win.”
“For the rules. If you are hit by a paint ball, you are out. There will be referees monitoring the entire game to make sure there is fair play all around. Also, if you are stabbed by a paintbrush, you are out. Everyone is given a back-up set of paintballs, once those are used, you will get no more refills. You can steal others if possible. Other than that, your job is to protect your flag and capture your opponents. The game will begin in two minutes, put together your plan…now!”
I immediately run into the middle of my group and start laying out the plan.
“Alright, you three protect the flag, I think the best way is to keep it constantly moving and keep it low. Hide it between the three of you. Always stay close to each other. If one of you is eliminated, abandon him immediately. This is a war where I’ll leave every single one of you behind if it means victory. Now, for the rest of us, half of us should flank the left side while the other half charge straight forward. We need our best gunners going straight forward to offer a lot of cover fire for the flanking team. While that’s happening, I’ll make a play for the flag on the right side. They’re going to be looking for me, so you two teams need to give them something else to worry about.”
“Flag bearers, stay in a triangle position and cover each other as much as possible. Keep your movements east to west, no need to bring the flag any closer to the enemy. Everyone know what you’re supposed to do?”
Everyone nods, even the sweating, nervous guy.
“Alright, as soon as the tone rings, I want everyone to shoot two paintballs high to see if we can get some lucky hits, after we shoot, break into your teams and split up.”
Just then the tone rings. Nervous guy accidentally shoots off his gun at the ground. It throws everyone off initially, but everyone rebounds and starts with the plan. I shoot up twice, and break away to the right. The initial attack takes out one, maybe two of the opposing team. Not as many as I hoped, but it starts to bring the numbers down.
Nervous guy stays back with the flag. He’s the first one to hold onto it. I run forward and settle behind a large wheel. I feel a paintball whirl past my head from the left. I turn and let two shots fly. One, two the shots hit a Confederate and he looks stunned. I smile and roll towards the next obstacle. I look up over the top of the wheel barrel and notice three men bearing down on my attacking squad. I sit back down, compose myself and turn around and fire three shots. I hit two out of three and the third turns to start shooting at me when my firing squad takes him out. Six down, fourteen to go. I see a three walled structure up ahead and make a mad dash for it. I feel at least ten paint balls come close to hitting me as I jump for the structure. There is a small hole in the fore wall and I look through to see a group of six Confederates coming straight for me. I stick my gun through the hole and start littering the group with shots.
They separate in three directions. Two of them are hit. The remaining four are hiding. I scan the area in front of me. Suddenly someone pops up from the left and fires a shot, I duck and it goes right through the hole and splatters the wall next to me. I look up again stick my gun through the hole. The man pops up from the left again and I fire two shots as quick as his one. The first hits his paintball and splatters red and blue in the middle. The second one makes it through and hits my attacker. I see another Confederate scatter towards the right and I turn quickly and get him in the back. Suddenly there is a barrage of shots off the right wall. I duck back down as I hear them pellet the wall. I look through the hole and can see a leg sticking out. I immediately put my gun into position and fire three quick shots and finally hit the calf of my enemy.
I take a deep breath and look down at my gun, only have one paintball left in, better restock. Before I can a ball splatters next to my head. I look up and see a man running at me.
“Fuck, there were six.”
The man starts shooting at me and I turn away from the fire. When he gets into range he realizes that he’s missed and tries to shoot again. He gun clicks and he’s out of paintballs. I fire my one remaining one at him, he slips his right shoulder down and the ball goes flying. As he’s closer, I realize he’s the one dressed up as Buckson Gooch. I charge at him with my paint brush knife and he does the same. We start wildly flailing the guns at each other, neither getting the upper hand. Finally, with the butt end of my gun I knock the gun out of his hand. I look him dead in the eye.
“North always wins…hick.”
I jam my paintbrush into his chest and the man, all credit in the world to him, fakes a dramatic death and grabs his chest and falls to the ground. I make a dash for the next obstacle and sit myself behind it to refill my gun. I get onto one knee and survey the area. I look back at my flag protectors who are still moving the flag well around obstacles. I see the nervous guy trailing behind a bit. Three Confederates are closing in on the group. Being outnumbered really sucks. The nervous guy sees them before the rest of his group and just starts shooting wildly. I squint and try and shoot at the three oncoming. I fire about ten shots before I realize it’s hopeless. I look at the situation and see the nervous guy get littered with paintballs. The other two are quickly to his rescue and hold off the three. Poor guy never stood a chance.
As I regrouped and stopped caring about the nervous guy. I looked around the other end of my obstacle and saw the flag. I look for my attacking team, they seem to all be dead. I look at the flanking team and they’re being peppered with fire. No one however is watching the flag. I move slowly and make a b-line for the flag. As I get ahold of it, one of the Confederates spots me and turns to start firing. I grab the flag and spin to a nearby obstacle. I start shooting back and the rest of the confederates realize it. When they turn to fire on me, the flanking team comes up from their position and mows down the remaining confederates.
I smile as I stand up, flag in hand, with no Confederates left. I walk gingerly back towards my own flag when suddenly I’m struck by yellow paintball after yellow paintball.
“No, no, no, no, no!” Rosa is yelling as she walks towards me shooting me.
“You weren’t supposed to win when you were outnumbered. You were supposed to lose so you’d know that you have to prepare harder for Gooch.”
“Oh come on Rosa, I planned, I executed, I won!”
She looks at me frustrated and shoots another paintball at me.
“Come on! It should make you feel better. It cleared my mind and now I’m ready to focus on Gooch. I realize even with a lesser opponent, I need to use all of my skill and all my intellect to beat him. That’s what I’ll do. It worked.”
She looked at me, angry still at first, but then smiled wide.
“That’s the Rosa I want to see.”
She fires another paintball right at my privates.
“I’m ready. Earlier this week I may not have been able to say that. Earlier this week there might’ve been some hesitation in my voice. Not for lack of believing, but for lack of preparation. I know I didn’t give you your fair due. I didn’t pay enough attention to the challenge that you put ahead of me. I fell right into the trap that every great competitor does.”
“Since I retained my Overdrive title at Christmas Chaos, a lot of people have been pumping up my ego. A lot of people talked about what a roll I was on and how impressed they were with me. It starts to go to your head, really. I couldn’t get through a meal without someone coming up to me, asking for an autograph and asking how I’ve been still competing at such a high level. If there was anything that would give me a big head and distract me from my goal, it would’ve been that.”
“Thanks to the team of people around me and my undying desire to hold a title in the greatest wrestling federation in the world, I have kept my feet on the ground. I’ve remembered that despite all the great things people say about you, you’re only as good as your last match. That’s not something I want to live with. That’s not something I can live with.”
“My last match was pathetic. I’m disgusted at myself for it. I came out, pissed off that I was even in the match and then battled to a draw. Is that how I want to be remembered? By a draw? You better damn believe not. I’m Mark fucking Mania. I’m the personification of what it means to be a winner. If Charlie Sheen and the entire popular culture didn’t beat the phrase into the ground for four months, people would say I’m ‘winning!’ I refuse to be remembered by a draw. At my age, it’s common knowledge that any match could be my last. The only thing that keeps me from focusing on that, is focusing on the next match. I lost my way the past few weeks. Not anymore, now, all that’s in my mind, is the next match.”
“That doesn’t bode well for you Gooch. You’ve been struggling with unmotivated Mark Mania the past few weeks. You haven’t been able to pull off a win against the worst version of Mark Mania you’ll ever see. Now that you’re getting the best, you won’t stand a chance. I’ve worked my way up and down the APW roster since my return and you can ask anyone of them that saw Mark Mania at his best and you’ll realize real quick what kind of challenge you have ahead of you.”
“There’s a story in the Bible about a young man named David who encountered the giant Goliath. Everyone assumed that Goliath would destroy the young man. He was rumored to be between six feet nine inches and nine feet nine inches. But young, scrappy David, future King of Israel, used his wits to hurl a rock into Goliath’s face defeat the giant. There’s another story, from Greek mythology, about a great hero named Odysseus, who encountered a great Cyclops. The Cyclops is a one eyed beast with immense strength and unbearable power. Odysseus, tired from the Trojan War and his arduous journey trying to return to his beloved Penelope, outwitted and defeated the Cyclops by getting him drunk and stabbing him in the eye.”
“I tell you those two stories, not to inspire you, or not even to educated you, despite knowing that you need it, but I tell you those to make it perfectly clear that the Cyclops and Goliath both underestimated their opponent. They both made mistakes and let their ego get their best of them. Throughout history it’s been the belief that the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Then there’s another ongoing theory that those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Unluckily for you, I’ve learned from the past, I’m a student of history, both fictional and factual. I will not make the mistakes of Goliath or the Cyclops. I will not fall to the underdog. I will not be outwitted or confused. I will not underestimate you.”
“If you beat me, you’re going to have to beat me with you at your best and me at my best. You’re not going to get the overly arrogant Mark Mania. You’re not going to get the Mark Mania who isn’t prepared. You’re going to get the intellectual, the ambitious, and the committed Mark Mania that the world deserves to see.”
“I know that before you saw this, you were probably hearing a bunch of kind words from your people. I bet you had heard the David versus Goliath comparisons time and time again. If you understood the reference, I’m sure you figured yourself quite the David. I’m sure you thought that you could pull off a giant upset.”
“Let me make it perfectly clear Buckson. There will be no upset. This is the closest you’ll ever get to my Overdrive title. After Survive & Conquer you will fade back into the abyss and be forgotten about. No one will ever remember that you at one point challenged for the title because no one knows why you ever got the chance in the first place. It’s pretty obvious to everyone watching at home and everyone in the back that you didn’t deserve this and you’re some charity case. I don’t know who you blackmailed to get this, but I do know that it won’t work out for you in the end.”
“No matter what you did to get to this position, it will all be for not at the end of the night. I’m increasingly sure that there is no way I’m walking out of Survive & Conquer without that title around my waist. Each day when I wake up, and I see that title on my shelf, I remember what I’m fighting for. I remember what’s important to me. Respect. Walking out to the ring with that title over my shoulder commands respect from everyone around me. I refuse to let that change anytime soon. That title is mine and no hick is going to stop that.”
“I’ll see you this Sunday, Gooch. Read all the stories about the underdog prevailing you want but I’ll leave you with one that maybe you’re more familiar with. In the Mighty Ducks, Gordon Bombay took over the District 5 hockey team and competed against the Hawks who had won the Championship just about every single year. Bombay got lucky enough to get a talented group of kids and win one year. In this scenario, you’re the Ducks and I’m the Hawks. Unless Emilio Estevez comes down to the ring with you on Sunday, I feel pretty good about my chances.”
It’s funny, last week, I said that I needed to return to my roots, so I acted out, threw a fit, made stupid jokes and inappropriate comments. I expected some reaction, I expected a response. I got nothing. Not even a secondary glance. That’s not going to bring me down, that’s not going to bother me. Maybe I was barking up the wrong tree. Maybe I was trying to take one last grasp at the younger version of myself. All that really happened was I made a fool of myself and a fool of my lesbian, Hispanic, assistant. Like she doesn’t have enough things going against her?
With Survive & Conquer right around the corner, I can’t ignore the fact that things need to change. I’m not motivated. I can feel it. With Azrael, I had a reason to fight. I had a reason to win. With Buckson Gooch, it’s not quite the same. There’s something holding me back. There’s this knowledge that I should have an easy time with him.
In professional sports, there is a phenomenon called a ‘trap game’. This is a situation in which a top tier team plays another top tier team, then a lower tier team, then another top tier team. The game against the lower tier team is considered a ‘trap game’. Because the team will naturally focus on their two biggest competitors. The match I have against Gooch is the definition of a trap match. I spent so much time focusing on Azrael, there’s no way I could spend the same amount on Gooch. And I know, that if I am to surpass Gooch and then defend my title at Rasslemania it will be against a far bigger opponent. I’m unable to keep all my attention on Gooch because I know there is more out there. I can’t allow myself to be trapped.
This week, as I prepare to not only defend my Overdrive Title but also wrestle in the biggest match in all of wrestling, I need to give Gooch is fair due. I will need to call upon every ounce of self-control I have in order to do it, but I must focus on this damn dirty hillbilly and start taking this match seriously. There are very few things I care about more than my Overdrive title. I cannot lose it. And I especially cannot disgrace this title by having that sweaty pig get his mitts on it. It is time to focus, it is time to win.
Sunday, January 20th, 2013
“Nope, fuck this game. I can’t watch this shit.” I scream at the television.
“I’ll never understand men.”
“Well, I feel like you gave up on that a while ago.”
“Is that a lesbian joke?”
“What don’t you understand?”
“You spend all year watching this sport, and all but one team wins. It’s very rarely your own team. It seems like sports are just a never ending let-down. Yet, every year, idiots paint their faces, buy season tickets, and watch every game like it’s a religion.”
I turn my head and stare at her for a moment.
“As opposed to a real religion, in which you attend every week, pray non-stop and never get your prayers answered?”
“That’s ludicrous. What about on the plane ride here, we hit that turbulence, I prayed, it kept me calm and comfortable until the turbulence ended.”
“You think your prayer stopped the turbulence?”
“I’d like to think it helped.”
“You know, everyone who has ever died in a plane crash, they prayed too.”
Rosa opened her mouth like she was about to speak and then shut it. She looked confused.
“Listen, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with religion, I think it fulfills a great need in the community and I believe faith in a higher power is important. But, there are inequities in religion as there are in sports.”
“I think God would see that as blasphemy.”
“Well, I think Patriots fans would see what you said as blasphemy.”
Just then Tom Brady has a pass batted down and intercepted.
“Oh what the fuck!?” I throw the remote across the room.
“That’s healthy.”
I point at the television, “Things are going poorly enough, thank you, I don’t need the moral police in my ear telling me what’s healthy behavior.”
Rosa sits back and frowns.
“I can deal with that more than your pestering.”
“Maybe I should just go.”
“Oh don’t be so passive aggressive. I’m pissy because the Patriots are going to lose. I knew I didn’t feel comfortable with this, trap game the whole way.”
Rosa gives me a skeptical look and I explain to her what a trap game is.
“So, it’s like your match this week?”
“The Survive & Conquer match?”
Rosa looks at me with a ‘duh’ look on her face.
“No, idiot, the match for your Overdrive title, the thing that you hold most dearly in this world.”
“Oh come on, I’m plenty prepared.”
“I don’t know if I necessarily agree with that. I mean, if you think about it, you’ve still never beat him.”
She knew that would hit me hard and annoy the hell out of me.
“Let’s not be ridiculous here. I had him beat in that beat the clock type match. He just outlasted the clock, that’s not winning. And last week, well I called last week happening, that bastard Nick Watson is nothing but a pain in the ass. He’s useless.”
“Still, there hasn’t been a pin for a win, you haven’t successfully, cleanly, beat him. You can’t ignore that.”
“We’re less than a week away from me cleanly beating him, don’t you worry.”
“Well, I am worried. I’m worried you’re caring more about the Survive& Conquer match than you are about your title match. I know that you like to prove yourself as some sort of legend in the wrestling world, but Survive & Conquer is just one night. You’ve had the Overdrive title for four months. You don’t want to give all of that up for one night of glory.”
I think about this for a second. Trying to deduce if she’s right or not.
“You know I love holding this title. You know it’s one of the things I’m most proud of these days. But, Survive & Conquer, it’s something different. Survive & Conquer is the biggest match of the year. One hundred people! Do you have any idea how amazing that is?”
“Yet, Monday the 28th, you could very well be Survive & Conquer champion, but you’d still have to wrestle at Overdrive, with no title around your waist. How would that feel?”
“Not good.”
“You’re damn right not good. You need to focus on Buckson Gooch. You need to focus on retaining your title. Being a champion is important to you. Don’t throw it down the drain.”
“You’re right. You’re right. What do you have in mind?”
“Well, first we need to clear your mind.”
Rosa turns off the TV and has a sick smile across her face.
“How in the hell did you manage to put together a Civil War Reenactment in England?”
“I work in mysterious ways.”
“I feel ridiculous.”
I’m standing in an open field, dressed in the Union colors. There are about ten other men dressed like me and then twenty or so on the opposite side of the field dressed in Confederate colors. I have a paintball gun in my hand and a paint brush ‘knife’ sticking out of the end of it dripping with blue paint.
“Trust me, this will free your mind.”
“But why did it have to be the Civil War?”
“I know you’re smart and successful and absurdly rich, but really, you can’t put that together?”
I think about it for a second before it hits me like a ton of bricks.
“Oh, because Gooch is dirty Confederate hick! I get it. I like it!”
“And yes, there is a man dressed up like Buckson Gooch over there. Gross mullet and all.”
“This is perfect.”
I load the blue paintballs into my gun. Hardly a Civil War era musket, but will be more than effective.
“Seems like there are more of them than there are of us.”
“I’ve got to give you a challenge, you can’t just walk into an even battle. This is to show how poorly it could go if you underestimate Gooch.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I tighten the strap around my waist that holds the extra paintballs. Rosa points to where I’m supposed to go to get into position. The field is large and is full of obstacles to use to your advantage. I scan the enemy which is probably fifty yards away. There are definitely double the amount of them. I look around at my own troops. Look like they’d get creamed if I wasn’t there. I think one of the men is even sweating.
“Hey, you alright?”
The man turns his head, looks at me and nods.
“They’re just paintballs. This isn’t real war.”
The man forces a smile and then turns his head back towards the enemy. I’m in trouble if I have any more guys like this on my side.
Rosa walks to the middle of the field with a megaphone.
“Welcome gentlemen, to the first ever Civil War Re-enactment in this wonderful town!”
Everyone cheers in response.
“As you’ve noticed there is a large flag behind each team. This is your team flag, you may move it however you please, but do not give it up to the opposing team. If you do and they return it to their flag they will win.”
“For the rules. If you are hit by a paint ball, you are out. There will be referees monitoring the entire game to make sure there is fair play all around. Also, if you are stabbed by a paintbrush, you are out. Everyone is given a back-up set of paintballs, once those are used, you will get no more refills. You can steal others if possible. Other than that, your job is to protect your flag and capture your opponents. The game will begin in two minutes, put together your plan…now!”
I immediately run into the middle of my group and start laying out the plan.
“Alright, you three protect the flag, I think the best way is to keep it constantly moving and keep it low. Hide it between the three of you. Always stay close to each other. If one of you is eliminated, abandon him immediately. This is a war where I’ll leave every single one of you behind if it means victory. Now, for the rest of us, half of us should flank the left side while the other half charge straight forward. We need our best gunners going straight forward to offer a lot of cover fire for the flanking team. While that’s happening, I’ll make a play for the flag on the right side. They’re going to be looking for me, so you two teams need to give them something else to worry about.”
“Flag bearers, stay in a triangle position and cover each other as much as possible. Keep your movements east to west, no need to bring the flag any closer to the enemy. Everyone know what you’re supposed to do?”
Everyone nods, even the sweating, nervous guy.
“Alright, as soon as the tone rings, I want everyone to shoot two paintballs high to see if we can get some lucky hits, after we shoot, break into your teams and split up.”
Just then the tone rings. Nervous guy accidentally shoots off his gun at the ground. It throws everyone off initially, but everyone rebounds and starts with the plan. I shoot up twice, and break away to the right. The initial attack takes out one, maybe two of the opposing team. Not as many as I hoped, but it starts to bring the numbers down.
Nervous guy stays back with the flag. He’s the first one to hold onto it. I run forward and settle behind a large wheel. I feel a paintball whirl past my head from the left. I turn and let two shots fly. One, two the shots hit a Confederate and he looks stunned. I smile and roll towards the next obstacle. I look up over the top of the wheel barrel and notice three men bearing down on my attacking squad. I sit back down, compose myself and turn around and fire three shots. I hit two out of three and the third turns to start shooting at me when my firing squad takes him out. Six down, fourteen to go. I see a three walled structure up ahead and make a mad dash for it. I feel at least ten paint balls come close to hitting me as I jump for the structure. There is a small hole in the fore wall and I look through to see a group of six Confederates coming straight for me. I stick my gun through the hole and start littering the group with shots.
They separate in three directions. Two of them are hit. The remaining four are hiding. I scan the area in front of me. Suddenly someone pops up from the left and fires a shot, I duck and it goes right through the hole and splatters the wall next to me. I look up again stick my gun through the hole. The man pops up from the left again and I fire two shots as quick as his one. The first hits his paintball and splatters red and blue in the middle. The second one makes it through and hits my attacker. I see another Confederate scatter towards the right and I turn quickly and get him in the back. Suddenly there is a barrage of shots off the right wall. I duck back down as I hear them pellet the wall. I look through the hole and can see a leg sticking out. I immediately put my gun into position and fire three quick shots and finally hit the calf of my enemy.
I take a deep breath and look down at my gun, only have one paintball left in, better restock. Before I can a ball splatters next to my head. I look up and see a man running at me.
“Fuck, there were six.”
The man starts shooting at me and I turn away from the fire. When he gets into range he realizes that he’s missed and tries to shoot again. He gun clicks and he’s out of paintballs. I fire my one remaining one at him, he slips his right shoulder down and the ball goes flying. As he’s closer, I realize he’s the one dressed up as Buckson Gooch. I charge at him with my paint brush knife and he does the same. We start wildly flailing the guns at each other, neither getting the upper hand. Finally, with the butt end of my gun I knock the gun out of his hand. I look him dead in the eye.
“North always wins…hick.”
I jam my paintbrush into his chest and the man, all credit in the world to him, fakes a dramatic death and grabs his chest and falls to the ground. I make a dash for the next obstacle and sit myself behind it to refill my gun. I get onto one knee and survey the area. I look back at my flag protectors who are still moving the flag well around obstacles. I see the nervous guy trailing behind a bit. Three Confederates are closing in on the group. Being outnumbered really sucks. The nervous guy sees them before the rest of his group and just starts shooting wildly. I squint and try and shoot at the three oncoming. I fire about ten shots before I realize it’s hopeless. I look at the situation and see the nervous guy get littered with paintballs. The other two are quickly to his rescue and hold off the three. Poor guy never stood a chance.
As I regrouped and stopped caring about the nervous guy. I looked around the other end of my obstacle and saw the flag. I look for my attacking team, they seem to all be dead. I look at the flanking team and they’re being peppered with fire. No one however is watching the flag. I move slowly and make a b-line for the flag. As I get ahold of it, one of the Confederates spots me and turns to start firing. I grab the flag and spin to a nearby obstacle. I start shooting back and the rest of the confederates realize it. When they turn to fire on me, the flanking team comes up from their position and mows down the remaining confederates.
I smile as I stand up, flag in hand, with no Confederates left. I walk gingerly back towards my own flag when suddenly I’m struck by yellow paintball after yellow paintball.
“No, no, no, no, no!” Rosa is yelling as she walks towards me shooting me.
“You weren’t supposed to win when you were outnumbered. You were supposed to lose so you’d know that you have to prepare harder for Gooch.”
“Oh come on Rosa, I planned, I executed, I won!”
She looks at me frustrated and shoots another paintball at me.
“Come on! It should make you feel better. It cleared my mind and now I’m ready to focus on Gooch. I realize even with a lesser opponent, I need to use all of my skill and all my intellect to beat him. That’s what I’ll do. It worked.”
She looked at me, angry still at first, but then smiled wide.
“That’s the Rosa I want to see.”
She fires another paintball right at my privates.
“I’m ready. Earlier this week I may not have been able to say that. Earlier this week there might’ve been some hesitation in my voice. Not for lack of believing, but for lack of preparation. I know I didn’t give you your fair due. I didn’t pay enough attention to the challenge that you put ahead of me. I fell right into the trap that every great competitor does.”
“Since I retained my Overdrive title at Christmas Chaos, a lot of people have been pumping up my ego. A lot of people talked about what a roll I was on and how impressed they were with me. It starts to go to your head, really. I couldn’t get through a meal without someone coming up to me, asking for an autograph and asking how I’ve been still competing at such a high level. If there was anything that would give me a big head and distract me from my goal, it would’ve been that.”
“Thanks to the team of people around me and my undying desire to hold a title in the greatest wrestling federation in the world, I have kept my feet on the ground. I’ve remembered that despite all the great things people say about you, you’re only as good as your last match. That’s not something I want to live with. That’s not something I can live with.”
“My last match was pathetic. I’m disgusted at myself for it. I came out, pissed off that I was even in the match and then battled to a draw. Is that how I want to be remembered? By a draw? You better damn believe not. I’m Mark fucking Mania. I’m the personification of what it means to be a winner. If Charlie Sheen and the entire popular culture didn’t beat the phrase into the ground for four months, people would say I’m ‘winning!’ I refuse to be remembered by a draw. At my age, it’s common knowledge that any match could be my last. The only thing that keeps me from focusing on that, is focusing on the next match. I lost my way the past few weeks. Not anymore, now, all that’s in my mind, is the next match.”
“That doesn’t bode well for you Gooch. You’ve been struggling with unmotivated Mark Mania the past few weeks. You haven’t been able to pull off a win against the worst version of Mark Mania you’ll ever see. Now that you’re getting the best, you won’t stand a chance. I’ve worked my way up and down the APW roster since my return and you can ask anyone of them that saw Mark Mania at his best and you’ll realize real quick what kind of challenge you have ahead of you.”
“There’s a story in the Bible about a young man named David who encountered the giant Goliath. Everyone assumed that Goliath would destroy the young man. He was rumored to be between six feet nine inches and nine feet nine inches. But young, scrappy David, future King of Israel, used his wits to hurl a rock into Goliath’s face defeat the giant. There’s another story, from Greek mythology, about a great hero named Odysseus, who encountered a great Cyclops. The Cyclops is a one eyed beast with immense strength and unbearable power. Odysseus, tired from the Trojan War and his arduous journey trying to return to his beloved Penelope, outwitted and defeated the Cyclops by getting him drunk and stabbing him in the eye.”
“I tell you those two stories, not to inspire you, or not even to educated you, despite knowing that you need it, but I tell you those to make it perfectly clear that the Cyclops and Goliath both underestimated their opponent. They both made mistakes and let their ego get their best of them. Throughout history it’s been the belief that the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Then there’s another ongoing theory that those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Unluckily for you, I’ve learned from the past, I’m a student of history, both fictional and factual. I will not make the mistakes of Goliath or the Cyclops. I will not fall to the underdog. I will not be outwitted or confused. I will not underestimate you.”
“If you beat me, you’re going to have to beat me with you at your best and me at my best. You’re not going to get the overly arrogant Mark Mania. You’re not going to get the Mark Mania who isn’t prepared. You’re going to get the intellectual, the ambitious, and the committed Mark Mania that the world deserves to see.”
“I know that before you saw this, you were probably hearing a bunch of kind words from your people. I bet you had heard the David versus Goliath comparisons time and time again. If you understood the reference, I’m sure you figured yourself quite the David. I’m sure you thought that you could pull off a giant upset.”
“Let me make it perfectly clear Buckson. There will be no upset. This is the closest you’ll ever get to my Overdrive title. After Survive & Conquer you will fade back into the abyss and be forgotten about. No one will ever remember that you at one point challenged for the title because no one knows why you ever got the chance in the first place. It’s pretty obvious to everyone watching at home and everyone in the back that you didn’t deserve this and you’re some charity case. I don’t know who you blackmailed to get this, but I do know that it won’t work out for you in the end.”
“No matter what you did to get to this position, it will all be for not at the end of the night. I’m increasingly sure that there is no way I’m walking out of Survive & Conquer without that title around my waist. Each day when I wake up, and I see that title on my shelf, I remember what I’m fighting for. I remember what’s important to me. Respect. Walking out to the ring with that title over my shoulder commands respect from everyone around me. I refuse to let that change anytime soon. That title is mine and no hick is going to stop that.”
“I’ll see you this Sunday, Gooch. Read all the stories about the underdog prevailing you want but I’ll leave you with one that maybe you’re more familiar with. In the Mighty Ducks, Gordon Bombay took over the District 5 hockey team and competed against the Hawks who had won the Championship just about every single year. Bombay got lucky enough to get a talented group of kids and win one year. In this scenario, you’re the Ducks and I’m the Hawks. Unless Emilio Estevez comes down to the ring with you on Sunday, I feel pretty good about my chances.”
