Aint Nobody Got Time For That

[Nathaniel Havok]

The Plan Extraction XIII: Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That!

[The scene opens up as the following words flash across the screen…

“Action Packed Wrestling Presents…
In association with Havey Creations…
Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That”

The screen goes black, as only a voice can be heard…]

Logan Alexander... The APW North American Champion. A man on a terror, determined to make a mockery of the title he “holds so dear to his heart”. Havey creations had the privilege of asking YouTube sensation Sweet Brown what she thought of the champion…

Christian Kane... A man on a mission, ready to cement his spot as the prettiest boy in Action Packed Wrestling. What did Ms. Brown have to say about Mr. Kane?

Amy Zing… A young lady who prides herself on second chances… Second chances that she can never seem to do anything with. When asked about Ms. Zing, Sweet had this to say…

Young Mannie… A man who’s had more “second chances” than Amy Zing and Charlie Sheen combined. A man who thinks that somehow he’s actually relevant. A man who believes that he still has something to offer the APW fans, when the only thing he really offers is an easy way to fall asleep anytime his face is seen on television. Ms. Brown laughed when asked about Young Mannie, and then had this to say about the jobber…

There is only one, and Ms. Brown agrees. A man who has tasted success, and knows exactly what it takes to be a champion. He is the Finnish Phenom, Tuhoa Valo. A man who continues to defy the odds, and continues to battle his way back without gripe. When asked about the Finnish Phenom, Ms. Brown compared him to “an intimidating ball of fire”, when she said this…

It’s plain to see that Ms. Sweet Brown knows her wrestling. A huge fan of Action Packed Wrestling and a big supporter of the Finnish Phenom, Ms. Brown was delighted to hear that her favorite Megastar could very-well receive another shot at the North American Championship. However, when she learned that he would have to earn his shot in a tag team match with Christian Kane as his partner, she went back to the quote that made her famous…

Obviously upset about the fact that Tuhoa Valo has to team with Christian Kane, Ms. Brown told us that “she wholeheartedly believes Valo will carry Kane to victory, but finds it very unfair for her man.”, obviously referring to the Finnish Phenom. She was happy to find out that Mr. Valo was using this as motivation. Very upset about the situation, Tuhoa Valo has been expressing his dissatisfaction all week long. But what he’s truly upset about, might surprise you…

Friday, February 1, 2013
Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
22:15

[The scene opens up outside of the Staples Center, where the Finnish Phenom stands staring at the arena. It’s a windy night in southern California, as dozens of people walk the streets, hopping from bar to bar and enjoying their evening. Many of them pass by, looking oddly at Tuhoa Valo. After all, how many people walk the streets of L.A. with a camera crew, wearing a mask?]

The Finnish Phenom
Los Angeles, California… The mecca of entertainment, and the valley of the biggest stars in entertainment.

[Tuhoa turns around, looking at the building once again.]

The Finnish Phenom
This building behind me, well… Unless you’ve been living under a rock for years, you’d know that this building is the Staples Center. Many stars have applied their trade in this very building. Regardless of what they do, anybody who’s anybody dreams of performing here. Whether they play sports, apply their trade in music, or work in any other form of entertainment… The greats ALWAYS perform in this arena. But you see, President Jeff could care less. Furthermore, Alexander Duvall doesn’t have enough balls to call him out to his face!

A star as big as the Finnish Phenom should never resort to performing in Los Angeles at any other arena! But “the powers that be” could care less about Meltdown, they’ve always considered Meltdown the “C Show”. That changed, the day that I debuted in Action Packed Wrestling. Tuhoa Valo has made Meltdown “must see TV”, and I alone ensure that week in and week out, when the ratings come in, Monday night television is ruled by the only true wrestling promotion in North America! So now I ask you…

…why in the blue hell are we performing at the Coliseum and Sports Arena? Why are we not performing here, at the Staples Center?

It’s like I said, nobody gives a shit! After all the work I’ve done, after all the hype I’ve brought to Meltdown… Jeff could still care less! That’s okay, Jeff! Trust me, it’s going to be okay! Because this tag team match, this is my ticket back to the APW North American Championship! It’s my proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” because you see, Tuhoa Valo has much more in store for Meltdown. Before I’m finished, Meltdown will make both Asylum and Overdrive look like child’s play! Furthermore, my bombshell will make management look like the lot of tools that they really are!

But above all of this, above being forced to compete in a dump… I was informed earlier this week of the stipulations surrounding my match this Monday night on Meltdown. Let me see if I’ve got this straight… To gain the advantage over my tag team partner as well as whoever the champion might be next week, I have to get the pinfall? Sounds simple enough, although irrelevant at the same time. Because while I do have respect for Christian Kane and everything he’s done since coming to APW, I see myself as the superior athlete in this tag team. I sure as hell have done more since our respective debuts. Therefore, before anyone is able to criticize what I’ve said… It’s my privilege to inform the world that I am 100 percent correct. I also have every right to say it, because there’s no denying it!

Christian Kane… I understand that we have to coexist to make this happen. In order to get closer to our respective goals, we have to win this match. But let me assure you of one thing… It will be Tuhoa Valo that main events that particular Meltdown. While you might be in that same main event, it will only be because you’re defending the title. If, and only if you win the title in the opening match. Because this week, Tuhoa Valo will be gaining the victory for our team. I have no choice, and there’s no way I’ll be wasting my time opening the show next week. While I have respect for you and what you’ve done, I just don’t see you being able to dominate the way that Tuhoa Valo dominates. I’m a machine, a force to reckoned with. And while you very-well could be an excellent in-ring competitor, you’re not too good at reckoning. Which tells me that it’s my duty to carry you to victory.

But enough about that, Christian. I need not continue belittling you, your image does it for me. I’d like to take a minute, and speak about the jobbers we’ll be finishing off before we head to next week. Mainly, I’d like to focus on you, Leon Kennedy… I mean Roberts.

[Valo stares a hole into the camera, burning with intensity and hatred towards a jobber who previously attempted to bash his good name.]

The Finnish Phenom
Who in the ever-loving hell are you? You want to harp on past accolades? You want to call ME out? Reality check, kid… Everything you’ve done up to this point, means absolutely JACK SHIT in Action Packed Wrestling! Nobody cares what you’ve done, nobody cares where you’ve been, and nobody cares about you. When you step into an APW ring for the first time Monday night, you’re going to be stepping into a whole new world. What you’ve done in the past, it means nothing! Your journey to APW won’t get you fear, and it damn sure won’t earn anybody’s respect! Welcome to Action Packed Wrestling, kid. A place where everything you’ve done up to this point, gets thrown right out the window, the minute you sign your contract!

Now this begs a good question. Why’d you call me out about my past? At least I’m man enough to accept the fact that there’s virtually no record of me anywhere! I’ve admitted these things, and told the world that there’s a damn good reason for it! So maybe you should stop believing so much in your lackluster ability, and start brushing up a bit on your opponents, you jackass! Funny that you call Christian and I out for “knowing nothing about you”, when your dumb ass decides to foam at the mouth, spilling out old news that’s been swept under the rug! Good job, kid… You just made yourself look like a douchebag, and I didn’t even have to do it for you!

As a matter of fact, if I were Jake Titan, I’d be ashamed of myself for calling you my partner, let alone deciding to team with you in the first place! It’s obvious to me that between the two of you… He’s the brains of the operation. So here’s a thought, Leon… Keep your mouth shut at all times, and allow Jake to do the talking. Maybe then, people might take you a little bit seriously. But trust me, if you keep going, if you continue to show the world that you’re a complete idiot… Every opponent you ever have, will verbally tear you a new asshole, and continue to make you look like a complete idiot week in and week out, for your entire miserable APW career.

The Finnish Phenom
As a matter of fact Leon, nevermind. Go ahead, continue to make yourself look like a jackass. After all, anyone who brags and harps on past accolades or accomplishments, is obviously not in a winning predicament at this point in their career. That must be why you dwell on your past so much, am I right? You dwell on the past, because the past is where your glory is, as well as where your glory days end. You knew the minute that you signed with Action Packed Wrestling, that you were getting in way over your head, didn’t you? Well, if you didn’t, you could have always asked me. I would have told you that there’s not a chance in hell that you’ll be a success in this company.

To compete here, to be successful… It takes a special kind of professional wrestler. I’m sure in GWE, UUW, MWE, GWC, and EW, anyone can walk in off the streets and stand a chance in their rings. But son, once you step into Action Packed Wrestling, you stand dead center in the middle of MY WORLD! Trust me, you don’t have what it takes to compete with Christian Kane, and you DAMN SURE don’t have what it takes to compete with Tuhoa Valo!

It’s only your debut match, and you’re already letting your mouth write checks that your ass can’t cash, Leon! What in the hell is wrong with you? I really feel sorry for Jake, I really do. I feel sorry, because his partner decided to sign him up for class. Because that’s where the two of you are going, you’re going to class. Tuhoa Valo plans on taking you to school, and you’re going to be taught a lesson or two in respect, as well as tradition. This business cares not what you’ve done in the past, it’s all about “what have you done for me lately”. And do you know what I’ve done? You’ve managed to rub people the wrong way, even before your debut. But not only have you managed to piss off two of the best that Meltdown have to offer, you’ve also thrown your unwilling partner under the bus, as well.

Poor guy, I really do feel bad for him. In all honesty, I don’t even know the guy! He hasn’t spoken a word, hasn’t made his presence known… If it wasn’t for his bio on the APW website, I wouldn’t even know what the guy looks like! All I know is that thanks to his partner, now he’s got the ass kicking of a lifetime coming his way on Monday night! And truth be told, you’ve only got yourself to thank for that, Leon. So one day when Jake leaves your jobbing ass behind, and moves on to bigger and better things… I want you to remember this moment. Remember this point in time, where the Finnish Phenom Tuhoa Valo spoke the truth. And at that time, I want you to seek me out. Seek me out, so I can throw it right back in your face by telling you “I told you so”!

If you want my real advice, I’d tell Jake to just stay at home Monday night. Stay home, watch your moron tag team partner get his ass handed to him, come back the next week as a singles competitor, and leave Leon Kennedy in your dust! I mean, come on! You look so capable, so able of reaching success by doing it on your own! Why do you continue to carry that waste of roster space, man? Much like myself, you’re carrying a Canuck who couldn’t even carry your jockstrap! So do yourself a favor, and stay in New York. Because I promise… Even though I don’t know you, even though you know nothing about me… If you show up on Monday night to fight alongside that idiot you call a tag team partner… I’m going to rip your head clean off of your shoulders, much like I’m going to do to Leon.

This match means everything to me. Furthermore, getting the win for my team in this match, means even more! The two of you, providing you show up on Monday night, you’re in for the absolute worst beating that you two have ever received. Not because the two of you suck, everyone knows already that Leon is the one who does. Not because Christian and I are a formidable team, either! But because both Christian and I NEED this win! The two of us have been fighting for that North American Championship, long before APW ever even knew who the “Natural Born Killaz” were! The two of you have a long time to capture those tag straps. However Christian and I could be drafted at any point in time, and we both value holding that North American Championship.

While Christian won’t be able to avoid the inevitable Monday night, he’s still going to benefit from our victory. He’ll open the next Meltdown fighting for the North American Championship. But regardless of who wins that match, they’ll be facing me, AND LOSING in the main event. But taking one thing at a time… I look forward to welcoming the two of you to Action Packed Wrestling THIS Monday. Because thanks to the two of you, I’ll soon move on to realize my dream of holding the only singles championship available to Meltdown. And then, my bombshell can be dropped. But more than that, I’ll do the entire Meltdown roster a favor, by making that title mean something! Making it mean more than the Undisputed and World Heavyweight Championships could EVER mean to this company!

Leon, you’re going to learn a lot this Monday. Jake, you should just stay home. And Christian… While I am a team player and am focused on winning this match… You as the North American Champion? Ain’t nobody got time for dat!

[Tuhoa chuckles at what he’s just said…]

The Finnish Phenom
It’s time for Meltdown to gain the respect that we deserve! We… We… We…

[Catching the eye of the Finnish Phenom, is rapper Lil Jon, who is seen driving slowly down the street, followed by a small crowd behind his card. It seems as if the Phenom has caught his eye as well, as Lil Jon stops his car, staring at Tuhoa Valo…]

The Finnish Phenom
Hey, Jon… You think I’ll be champion in two weeks?



The Finnish Phenom
Hey! What do you know, me too! This week, it's the rookies... Next week, it's the champion!

[The scene fades to black as Valo continues to chuckle.]