Who Wants To Be Shot?

[Trevor Hyatt]

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IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS
feeling like a freight train
FIRST ONE TO COMPLAIN, LEAVES WITH A BLOODSTAIN
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Wednesday morning, 2:47am.

Some interviews or promos during wrestling shows are described as being a "shoot", when a wrestler will refer to something "real world" (such as a wrestler's real name or unscripted real incidents); these are portrayed as being unscripted and genuine. When the interviews are not genuine, this would be an example of a worked shoot.

*The scene opens with Trevor Hyatt spilling out of a nightclub with two blondes on his arm. He is laughing away as he leads them towards his white Jaguar XKR. His jacket is hanging open and most all of the buttons on his dark blue shirt are unbuttoned. He opens the door so the ladies can get in. As he looks over his shoulder he groans. Coming down the alley like a bat out of hell is an older Mitsubishi Eclipse, in the most hideous burnt orange color you can imagine. The vehicle comes to a screeching halt just inches away from Trevor’s Jag. The girls within scream and scatter out of the other side of the car. Hyatt swears to himself as his godfather Regis Philbin jumps out of the eclipse. His large smile disappears as he notices the girls running away. Trevor Hyatt pinches the bridge of his nose as Regis approaches him.*



Regis: What’s scared them off?


* Trevor Hyatt looks up and glares a hole through Regis.*



Trevor Hyatt: The only thing stopping me from running your face over with my car is the fact that I’ve got the keys to both of their rooms. And I don’t want your goddamn blood on my car. I’ve told my father that all this pre-match ritual crap isn’t what I want. I’m a grown man with a life and career of my own. Who wants to be a millionaire and a new Password is calling you to host them again Father Regis.

Regis: Those are two things that are stopping you, friend. This business needs people like you to stand up for something to believe in. Me and your father did every girl this side of Chicago, Illinois before you even got your first hard on. You want to have the perks of a champion then you have to earn it. So if you don’t get your disrespectful ass back in the gym I’ll…



Trevor Hyatt: What do you want, anyway? This is my night off. I’m going to have a threesome for the first time since I won the AAA title back in 2003. I’m making headlines Father Regis can’t I just drink to my accomplishments for one night. I can sweat, fall all over the god damn carpet another time at least let me enjoy myself before I train to win.



Regis: I know but I thought we could make it not your night off. You see that’s the problem with young guys like you. Well sort of young considering thirty three is right around the corner. When are you going to settle down, have some nice kids and let papa Regis love them.



Trevor Hyatt: Father Regis, it’s 3am. I’ve been busy all night. What could you possibly want now? I mean don’t you have something that you like to do in your age of great value. I at this time will have intercourse with beautiful women whose kid is my favorite fan. And you know what Regis in turn I’ll get said kid free tickets to an event as thinks. How many Mother Lovers take care of the kids and is loved by millions, upon millions…. Are you still there?



Regis: Your tight ass needs to work! We need to train! The Meltdown special is right around the corner. How many times have you fallen after you rose to prominence. I mean your record in New Era wrestling is a pile of crap as you don’t listen to me or your Dad. I know you and he don’t get along but I’m not your Dad, I’m your godfather who loves you.



Trevor Hyatt:Come on Meltdown is five days away. I trained all day yesterday, today is my day off. Can I just relax get a drink of water after having relations? I am not in any shape or form disrespecting you. I love you too but I need this. The tight warmness of a women’s pie isn’t what you had in the while. I mean Mrs. Philbin has gotten up and age. You want to try new things but the Viagra might be bad for you and she don’t want to have intercourse. Problems over problems isn’t it Father Regis.



Regis: But you can’t stop now! We have to keep going. Early bird will always get that juicy fat worm in the end. So get your rooster ass in gear this instance. I don’t have to deal with you Blondie. If I could deal with Kelly Rippa’s stuck



Trevor Hyatt: Oh for fuck’s sake. What do you want from me?



Regis: A game plan. You’re fighting not one, but three hungry men this week, if you want to remain undefeated, you have to keep your guard up. You got to stick in move out there at all times baby.



*Trevor hoists himself up on the hood of Regis Philbin’s car. A cold breeze comes through causing him to button his shirt up. Trevor runs his fingers through his long, blonde hair and leans back.*



Trevor: Alright. You’ve got my attention. I don’t know why this has to happen right now, but alright.



*William grins at Trevor and Trevor quickly looks away and shakes his head. Hyatt draws a deep breath.*


Trevor Hyatt: Alright, hit me.


Regis: Warren Peace.


Trevor Hyatt: Really who is this guy anyway? I don’t know anything about him except the one match I saw of him, he got destroyed by some guy. Like, literally this guy could barely hang with them. Don’t get me wrong, these guys are like, on speed all the time or something, but seriously? This guy was supposed to represent our company against the best of the best and they not only fell short, but they tripped on their own goddamn feet and fell into a pile a steaming shit. And you know what?

That says a lot about the some of the glorious people here. Maybe the Duvall & that hot blonde are right; maybe they’re bettering the company. If this man of war, peace and god knows what could have even tried to hang with these guys, maybe, just maybe I would waste my time trying to figure him out. But what’s the point? He got his ass kicked and then vanished. I haven’t seen Warren or Peace-lack-of-Warren win in weeks. Now he’s going to come out into the sunlight and try to redeem himself against me and two other men? He’s going to be in the ring with “simply Trevor Hyatt? Forget it.


This guy will step onto the stage, think about the talented, intelligent, and all around perfect being he has to fight. Then this guy is going to promptly take his proverbial ball and go home. This guy practically wrote a note to everyone that watched him and said, ‘Hey, you know what? I’m inadequate and probably a little slow in the brain. Please send me money because I’m going to get fired for being a blazing idiot anyway.’ Warren Peace is a waste of roster space, a waste of salary, and a waste of former champion.



Regis: Yeah he is! Not like if you were champion!




Trevor Hyatt: If was I champion, the Meltdown management would have been too busy cowering in fear instead of putting my ass through the grinder. No, you know what? If I were champion, the powers that be would have been graced by my presence among them because god knows that some of these guys around here could use a wakeup call. I respect everyone in this business but guys like Carlisle Cain,Cid Phoenix hell even Mr. Dangerous need to step up. This episode is a draft episode you can call me harsh on commentary or a little dick-ish but I’m humble enough to win. I’m humble enough to day I want this opportunity more than these other guys.





Regis: You’d join the Powers That Be?



Trevor Hyatt: I join anyone who has half a mind to do what they’re doing. Maybe the people in charge of this brand, maybe someone else. I stand behind the guys who are sick of people being half asses around here and want to do something about it. I can love the fans but I don’t have to love my fellow roster. I said this back in the ole WCW that the fans are my life but my opponent is just another piece of business.


*Regis Philbin is silent for a moment. Finally, seemingly after arguing in his head, he makes a face and nods in agreement.*


Regis : Totally makes sense man. Now what about Donald Deruty?


Trevor Hyatt: This Donald Deruty . Or DD for short. As in, about lethal as shooting your high school bully from 30 feet away with a BB gun. Not that it’s his fault you got swirlys until you were 29 and played D&D in your mom’s basement until you were 35.


*Regis cocks his head to the side, wondering at Trevor with his eyes if that comment was somehow directed at him. Trevor Hyatt ignores him and continues his tangent*


Trevor Hyatt: You see, where Warren Peace is a pawn in a much bigger picture, Donald Deruty could actually be useful. Look at him. The dude is about 6’3 inches tall. He’s a two hundred and something pounds…and yet he still couldn’t do a damn thing. Let’s look at the last two month of performances by Donald Deruty. He’s got beaten by the likes of Logan Alexander, Christian Kane, Anthony Washington, and Tuhoa Valo…


*Trevor’s voice trails off while he raises his upper lip in a look of disbelief.*


Trevor Hyatt: Are you goddamn kidding me? This guy who could use his size to an unbelievable advantage is getting beating up by guys that, I swear to god, the crew here pulled from the street? Is he even trying to do anything here? This guy could single-handedly take out the whole roster minus myself and win the North American title, but he’s just not –


Regis Philbin: Actually, Shaun, he had a victory over Christian Kane a few weeks ago.


*Trevor Hyatt shakes his head and smiles to himself.*


Trevor Hyatt: See, this is what I get for giving people the benefit of the doubt. This is why nice guys finish last. Because if I would have been a nice guy and gave this kid where credit’s due, then…fuck, I don’t know. I probably wouldn’t have the heart to fuck his sister. I guess all that needs to be said about this guy is he’s nothing but a foaming-at-the-mouth vegetarian bear. He’s got size on him and this bear might have a shit-ugly face, but he’s not going to maul you.


In fact, he’s watching his figure so he’s got to go eat a salad. You know what? This guy officially makes me want to pin him more so than Warren Peace does. Donald Deruty is going to have to get in the ring with a non-tolerance veteran and own up to the fact that he’ll never be as good as his last victory.


But how could he be? There’s only one of me. At least when he goes back to his locker room on Monday night, suffering another loss in his already downward career, he has the privilege of knowing he lost to a man that has bled, sweat and cried for this sport we love so much.


Not some talentless curtain jerker like Mr. Dangerous. For god’s sake, it’s amazing he hasn’t just shot himself yet. I would be depressed to have all those handicaps in my favor and still suck. This is a shoot, and if everyone who doesn’t know what a shoot is it’s where a guy loves him or hates him digs deep and gives you the real. This is an example of that realness right now.





*Trevor Hyatt smiles the smile only a charming, sweet arrogant smile.*




Trevor Hyatt: Then again, when you have the handicaps that Donald Deruty has, you probably try to shoot yourself in the toe with said BB gun.




* Trevor Hyatt pushes himself off of the car and whips out his phone. He immediately starts calling someone, presumably one of the girls from earlier, but Regis stops him.*



Regis: What about The Governor?




* Trevor quickly tugs his arm away from Regis and glares at him. His look softens into a smirk after a moment.*



Trevor Hyatt: Like I said before, The Governor could either be something okay, or something totally fucking useless.This week he can prove himself to me. When it really boils down to it, he can let this “Simply” stunning performer have his fun or he can get dropped just like the two stooges. By the way isn’t he the one from The Walking Dead who got mutilated by Michonne. I mean she cut his penis completely off. I don’t even think he’s one of the boys.



I don’t like outsiders and I hate people who think they’re better than someone. I only did this for fun. I only did this for a clear cut advantage of making it in this business. The Governor doesn’t care about whether me, Donald & Warren live or die. And you know what Osama Bin Laden was an outsider. Look what happened to him…*BOOM* Headshot!




Regis: What about…





*Trevor Hyatt holds up his hand as he opens the door to his Jag.*



Trevor Hyatt: Nothing ceases to amaze me Father Regis. I’ve said what I had to say and you ruined a completely good outro. Oh yeah, The Governor you know who else loves tea?…. My MOM!!!! Okay, that felt good see you around Father Regis.


*Then Trevor Hyatt gets in his car and zooms off before Father Regis can get another word in. The camera pans to Regis Philbin who looks hurt for just a moment. His face slowly breaks into a smile and nods as he turns to walk towards his car. The camera focuses on the outside of the now quiet Chicago nightclub as it fades to black.*

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DAMN RIGHT I'M A MANIAC
you better watch your back, 'cause I'm fuckin' up your progam
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TAG: Guvnor,Warren Peace & Double D WORDS: Two thousand and something
LYRICS: Limp Bizkit - Break Stuff
NOTES: notes here

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