I Make Things Happen

[Nathaniel Havok]

The Plan Extraction XV: I Make Things Happen

[The scene opens up as the following words flash across the screen…

“Action Packed Wrestling Presents…
In association with Havey Creations…
I Make Things Happen”

As the scene fades in, we find ourselves at an APW house show in Buffalo, New York. Two young wrestlers battle in the ring, attempting to win their “tryout match” with Action Packed Wrestling. Fans seem into the match, as both youngsters continue to “wow” them with originality. All of the sudden, “Nemesis” by Cradle of Filth hits on the PA system, and much to the dismay of the house show crowd, Tuhoa Valo begins to make his way to the ring. Interrupted by the Finnish Phenom, the two men in the ring stop their battle, staring the Phenom down as he walks over to the time keeper’s position to grab a microphone. Valo rolls into the ring, as the two rookies look both upset and confused.]

The Finnish Phenom
The two of you have one of three options to choose from. You can either stay, listen to what I have to say, and take notes. You can leave MY ring now, and hit the showers. OR you can continue to look at me like I just slapped your mothers, and get your asses kicked. It’s your choice.

[Neither of the rookies seem too pleased with Tuhoa Valo, as they both refuse to budge. Valo takes this to heart, and steps into their faces.]

The Finnish Phenom
Right now, you two rookies are looking at the man who can end your APW careers before they even start. I would rethink your decisions before something really bad happens to the both of you.

[Both men begin to think about the consequences. They both come to an agreement to leave the ring, and turn their backs to the Finnish Phenom, to leave the ring. All of the sudden, Valo spins one of them around, cracking him in the head with the microphone. As he goes down like a ton of bricks, Valo cocks back and hits the second rookie with the microphone as well. After kicking both men out of the ring, Valo begins to pace around, waiting for the fans to stop with all of their commotion.]

The Finnish Phenom
First of all, allow me to apologize to the APW fanbase. I’m deeply sorry that you were forced to sit through that horrible display of a professional wrestling match. This business is a test of strength and athleticism, both of which are lacked by the two individuals that I just laid waste to! I have no clue why management decided to waste your time and their money on those two curtain jerking douche-rockets. It’s apparent to me that by their decision to leave the ring at my demands, both men would never make it in this company to begin with!

It’s one thing to respect those who pave the road for you, but it’s another to take orders from them! You see, the reason I’m a success, is because I take orders from one person… ME! I’m a leader, not a follower. I trend, I make things happen! And it’s because of this that each and every single one of you despise me. I continue to call the APW fanbase out on their vices on a weekly basis, and it ceases to amaze me how much you fools play into every little trick that I play on all of you!

[The fans seem to be unentertained, booing at the Finnish Phenom.]

The Finnish Phenom
Come on, Buffalo! Don’t be like that!

[The fans deliver a huge pop, as the Finnish Phenom has just spoke of their hometown.]

The Finnish Phenom
See what I mean! See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about! You’re all puppets, every last one of you! I say “Buffalo”, and all of the sudden, I’m the coolest thing since the other side of the pillow! Well here’s the truth… I hate you. With every fiber of my being, I hate each and every one of you! Because it’s you, the APW fanbase, that has made this business into the circus act that it is today! Week in and week out, I come out to this ring to obtain success. And while others might say that “they’re doing this for all of you”, I openly and proudly admit that I do this for no one but myself! I have a passion for this business, a love that goes far beyond the average affinity of the human mind! To me… Professional wrestling… This business… It means everything!

The problem lies in the fact that this business has become more about making money, rather than the sport aspect itself. Now I know, I’ve spent the better part of my time on Meltdown, bitching and moaning about the fact that management is more concerned with making money rather than the in-ring product. Trust me, that’s not what I’m here to do tonight. But I am here to not only expose, but to also shed light on the actualities surrounding the love/hate relationship between REAL professional wrestlers, their fanbase, as well as those who know absolutely DICK about this business, but still obtain success at the expense of men like myself! For example, I’ve got one name for you…

…Lenny Lansbury

[The fans light up with applause, obviously favoring the newcomer over the Finnish Phenom.]

The Finnish Phenom
You see!?!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about! Right there, that’s exactly what I’m saying! In only a few short weeks, two to be exact… He’s in the main event? How in the hell do you justify something as ridiculous as that load of bullshit? The truth is, you can’t! You put the ratings of Monday’s show on the shoulders of a man who hasn’t paid a single bit of dues on Meltdown, and put the cherry on top by having Mr. Dangerous be his partner. And trust me… When the ratings come in as either average or above average, they’ll praise little Lenny for the success, without recognizing the workhorse Tuhoa Valo, who is the TRUE reason that Meltdown is a success! But you can bet your ass that they’d put it on the shoulders of Tuhoa Valo, if the ratings were to drop.

Can any of you tell me why this is? Is there an intelligent person anywhere in this crowd that could explain or justify any of this for me?

[Tuhoa looks around the crowd, as many fans raise their hands. He points at rather “big” man in the front row, with a Young Mannie shirt on.]

The Finnish Phenom
I’d ask you, sir. But it’s apparent by your size, that asking you wouldn’t work. I mean, speaking might burn a calorie or two, and we both know that you’re never going to have any part of that. Besides, judging by the shirt you’re wearing… It’s obvious to me that you like shitty jobbers. Either that, or you jump on the bandwagon of anyone who can call themselves “champion”. Either way, your taste in wrestlers suck, and I could care less about your opinion.

[He points at a rather good-looking woman in the crowd, who happens to be wearing a Logan Alexander shirt.]

The Finnish Phenom
Now, I’d ask you… But it’s apparent that you’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid. Besides, if I walked up to you, you’d probably hit your knees and ask me if I want teeth or no teeth. Hey, I’m not hating on you. You’ve got to make a living somehow, right?

[He then looks around one more time. He sees a kid in the audience wearing a Level-One shirt…]

The Finnish Phenom
Now, would you look at that. In a sea of idiocy, this young man stands alone. Still… Although I admire the fact that you have better taste than any adult in this crowd, I still can’t ask you. Why? Because the Finnish Phenom caters to no one. What I mean by that, is that Tuhoa Valo refuses to not only kiss or touch, but he also refuses to talk to any of your filthy little children! That would inquire that I give a rats ass about any of you, which I don’t. The truth is, you can’t justify it. Not in any way, shape, or form, can you even come close to justifying the fact that this rookie… Just as new to APW as the two men that I just knocked out cold… Is in the main event.

I mean, even the number one contendership is taking a back seat to this guy, and he’s done NOTHING to prove himself! All in the name of the almighty dollar, and it’s very sad. Duvall tries to justify it! Yeah, he did! He tried to tell the world that this is “punishment” for something that Lenny Lansbury did. Me? I’m calling bullshit. You see, Alexander Duvall and Sienna, they continue to search around Meltdown, looking for their whipping boy. They’ve tried, they’ve failed. Hell, even Christian Kane couldn’t get the job done, and they thought that they had a for sure lock with him! If you ask me, it looks like Duvall and his people lack an eye for talent. Because if they had any brains at all, they’d be putting all of their chips in MY basket! Nevertheless, I’ll do Alexander Duvall’s “dirty work” …cough cough… this week, and take great pleasure in putting “The Guv’nor” in his place!

Let’s face it, he’s nowhere near main event status, and he won’t be anytime soon. So to see how well he really measures up… Letting the Finnish take this rookie to town, it’s the best choice that Duvall could ever make. We all know that Duvall didn’t know the genius decision that he was making. Truth be told, the idiot made it up on the spot. He just happened to get lucky, and still, unjustifiable it may be. However, the stupid son of a bitch stepped in shit, and came out smelling like a rose. The bastard couldn’t have gotten luckier, and we all know it’s the truth! Alexander Duvall is an idiot, plain and simple. Just like Jeff and just like the rest of APW management… Alexander Duvall couldn’t think his way out of a simple situation. Duvall is so dumb, the guy stood in front of a revolving door for an hour, waiting for it to stop spinning!

Nevertheless, I do have a tag team partner in this match. A woman who has proven to be just as bad ass as any male on the roster. Seems to be an epidemic these days, but I digress. Robina Hood, a woman deadly enough to pull out her bow and arrow, point it right between your eyes, and let go intending to kill. I kid, of course. But I couldn’t ask for a more suitable partner to occupy Mr. Dangerous while I take little Lenny to school. And make no mistake about it, little Lenny... This HAD nothing to do with you, personally. If you want to go around pissing off authority figures, then by all means, you have my blessing. Hell I’d run around pissing them off right along with you. But you pressed the wrong buttons, when not only did you compare me to a man who uses performance enhancing drugs, but you also belittled yourself by TRYING to belittle me, by saying I care too much about the North American Championship.

Here’s a bit of advice for you… “MATE”… If you’re not in it to win it, then you shouldn’t be in it at all! Basically what I’m saying to you is, if you’re not on Meltdown to win the APW North American Championship, then you need to pack your bags and get the hell out! Stop wasting the time of REAL wrestlers, and stop wasting the money of this company. They want to package you? They want to push you to the main event in such a short amount of time… Now how do you think they’ll feel when they find out that you could care less about the only title available to the Meltdown roster? The truth is, you’re only here to make some money. You could care less about this business, you could care less about the sport. Much like APW Management, you’re all about the money. And for that reason, it’s going to be quite gratifying to kick your horribly managed teeth down your European throat!

[The fans boo once again, growing tiresome of Tuhoa’s words.]

The Finnish Phenom
There’s no need to boo the man that’s going to save all of you. You only boo me, because you know that I’m right! And when someone you dislike happens to be right, and you KNOW that they’re right, once again, you play right into my hands. Dance, puppets! Dance!

[The boos escalate into a deafening sound. Tuhoa begins to laugh, knowing that he’s got them hook, line, and sinker.]

The Finnish Phenom
I have no time to deal with petty tag team matches, this Monday night on Meltdown. As a matter of fact, I’ve got minimal time for it. I will NOT discount anything that Mr. Dangerous or little Lenny HAVE done, or WILL do in the future. Hell, I’m sure that the future is bright for little Lenny, in some other line of work! But the fact of the matter is that I’ve got HUGE plans for Monday Night Meltdown. Plans that will not only prove I don’t need the North American Championship, but will also change the landscape of Action Packed Wrestling. Now, this isn’t hot air that I’m blowing. I understand that I have been unsuccessful in all of my attempts to become champion. However, Monday night will change ALL of this!

Lenny Lansbury… You think you’re a bad man? You think that you’re dangerous enough to step into the ring with Tuhoa Valo and do some damage? Son, the only way you’d do any kind of damage in the same ring with me, is if YOU were my tag team partner! But unlucky for you, you’re not my partner. Robina on the other hand, she is. Which means that at the end of Monday night, when Meltdown goes off of the air, Robina will be the one reaping the rewards of what I do to you! She’ll be the one on the winning side, leaving the arena under her own power. But for you and Mr. Dangerous… That scenario is highly unlikely.

What I have planned for Monday night, would make anything you ever do, look like child’s play! This isn’t a place that CLAIMS to be “where the big boys play”, Lenny! This is Action Packed Wrestling! This is the absolute most dominant wrestling company on the face of this planet! This is not a place for someone like you. To be a part of this company, you have to exude something special. Take me, for instance. I am the absolute greatest mastermind that this company has ever seen! For that matter, the absolute greatest mastermind that this sport has ever seen! This isn’t the place for you, boy! You’re going to get hurt, stepping into the ring with a man like me. You told the world that I have a “God complex”. Well no shit, Sherlock! I’m the baddest son of a bitch to ever step foot into a wrestling ring! And if you don’t have a God complex… If you don’t think the very same exact thing about yourself… Then you’re in the wrong business, the wrong profession to become a success!

You’re weak, just like your partner! Your partner has been jerking curtains since he got here, all because he can’t get the job done. Much like you, he’s mentally numb to this business. He, like you, doesn’t understand that you have to have a specific mentality to be a success in this business. A mentality that apparently was never instilled into your head. Maybe I’ll beat it into you, I don’t know. But what I do know, is that I start a shit storm this Monday night! I prove that mentality is everything, that success is dictated by action, and that a guy like you, could NEVER measure up to a guy like me! Mr. Dangerous as a tag team partner? Face it, Lenny… You’ve already lost! The best thing for you to do is to sit back, and watch me show you how it’s done! Because when Monday night is over, Meltdown will be turned UPSIDE down! That, I promise you. And believe me… I look forward to making fools out of not only you and Mr. Dangerous, but every single wrestling fan enthralled with this company! You will all be made fools of, at the hands of the Finnish Phenom!

[“Nemesis” by Cradle of Filth hits on the PA system once again, as Valo exits the ring. He sees the two men that he had previously assaulted, coming to outside the ring. Being the gentleman that he is, he helps both men to their feet. After helping them regain their composure, he turns to walk away, only to turn around and clock both of them once again with the same microphone he had used before. The scene then fades to black.]