Post by Delikado on Mar 23, 2013 20:59:13 GMT -4
Pinar del Río, Cuba
Waiter: Your coffee, sir.
We fade in to a bird’s eye view of the coffee cup, staring straight down into the liquid. A cap is heard popping off, and a second liquid is poured from an alcohol canteen into the coffee. A spoon then goes into the coffee and is used stir it together with this new liquid. A middle-aged Cuban glances over at the strange ritual but says nothing. We return to the coffee cup as a pair of hands grasps it on both sides. A vigorous sound is heard moments later when one hand goes off-screen, and a baggie is heard opening. Moments later, a solid white powdery substance is dumped into the coffee, only this element is allowed to rest atop the coffee like some sort of odd decoration. Let’s just say it ain’t sugar.
Waiter: Whoa, mang, you coulda told me if you wanted your coffee with a little extra, haha.
The hand lifts up the coffee cup, revealing the man to be…
Delikado: Meh. I like to add the touches myself.
Waiter: I gotcha, mang of his own ways. I can dig it.
Delikado lifts up the coffee and sips from it. The slightly dark diner around him is quiet, relatively deserted, and less than high-profile. In fact, some people might call it a slum.
Waiter: So you going to watch the fight tomorrow?
Delikado: What fight?
Waiter: That “Action Packed Wrestling” fight. I saw the band you’re wearing, reckoned you were a fan.
Delikado glances down at his wrist, and we see a dark red band around his skinny wrist that displays the APW logo. The Cuban slowly pulls his coat sleeve over the band to hide it from sight.
Delikado: Nah. It’s just a gift. Wrestling’s not really my thing.
Waiter: Shame. I love that shit, mang! The lights, the action, all the trash talk! Takes some badass people to work in that business, if you ask me. Hell even if you don’t follow it hype-wise, watching two guys mouth off and then pummel each other into mincemeat is surprisingly therapeutic. And around here, this dump, that’s always a positive to clear the mind. I’d say check it out if you ever got free time on your hands.
Delikado: You got it, “Bawse.”
Delikado continues sipping at his coffee as he sits arched over at the bar. Suddenly a heavyset man walks by, accidentally bumping Delikado and causing some of his coffee to splash on his hand. The Cuban turns an annoyed head over his shoulder as the fatman turns around.
Man: Sorry bout--heeeey, Hector! Sitting around drinking coffee as always I see.
Delikado: Hola, Mr. Pumpernickel.
Pumpernickel pats a large hand on Delikado’s back and grins through his red face.
Mr. Pumpernickel: Hey, Gomez, watch this guy. He has a nasty habit of taking up all your stuff and uses all of your resources without giving back, ain’t that right, Hector, bwhahahaha!
Delikado bites his lip behind his heavy beard but says nothing as the waiter smirks.
Pumpernickel: Nah he’s a stand-up guy. And by “stand-up guy”, I mean he’s a guy who stands around and does nothing all day! Bwhahahahaha! Ahh, anyway, Hector, I gotta go. There’s this broad I’m trying to bang and stuff. See ya at the factory on Monday! Don’t be late again, huh, hahahahah!
The fat man hammers Delikado’s back with his heavy palm again before hobbling out of the diner. The waiter idly cleans the forever dirty bar countertop as Delikado sips at his coffee bitterly.
Waiter: Know him?
Delikado: He’s my boss at the shoe factory.
Waiter: Ah. He seems friendly.
Delikado: Yup…
Laughter is heard as a group of Cuban teens pass by the window of the diner, likely off for some adventure that douchebag teenagers generally get into. The waiter snickers and turns to Delikado with a friendly expression.
Waiter: Everybody’s having fun tonight but us it seems. Got any plans this evening?
A ring is heard, and Delikado pulls out his cellphone. He looks at the name and number and puts the phone back in his pocket.
Delikado: Work. Right now actually.
Delikado downs the last of his coffee and then reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a fifty and casually tosses it onto the counter next to his cup.
Waiter: Hold on, I’ll get you your ch—
Delikado: Keep it.
Delikado walks out of the diner as the stunned waiter picks up the fifty and looks at it. He turns back to the kitchen and yells.
Waiter: Mama! You can put away the dead baby horses for the stew; we’re closing up and going out to party!
Mama: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Outside the diner, Delikado goes around to a beaten up 1960s Chevrolet. He climbs into the passenger seat and comes face to face with an eyepatch-wearing Cindy Shannon. Both are silent at first before Shannon breaks the ice by offering Delikado a cigar.
Cindy Shannon: Want one?
Delikado: No, I’m trying to quit.
Delikado pulls out a menthol cigarette and lights it instead. He picks at his greyed beard for a few moments before then handing off a recording device to Shannon. She takes it and pockets it in her coat. Shannon then hands Delikado a single key.
Shannon: It’s in the storage unit down the block. Block 4E. Be safe with it, Deli. Well…safe as you can be. The bosses will only cover so many damages.
Delikado: I’ll use it once and send it right back with the wrapping. So, uhh, is it a stick shift, electronic, what?
Shannon: It’s like “Dance Dance Revolution”. There’ll be a tutorial if you need it.
Delikado nods, puts out his menthol in the ashtray, and starts to leave the car when Shannon grabs his arm.
Shannon: Delikado…
Delikado looks back and Cindy passionately kisses him on the lips. After a few moments they part lips and the interviewer looks at him sadly.
Shannon: What happened?
Delikado: Rasslemania IX happened, Shannon.
Initially grim-faced, Delikado gently strokes Cindy’s chin and exhales heavily. A worn-out look crosses his wrinkled features and turns into a small grin.
Shannon: Will you come back when it’s all over? For good? The APW could use you, Deli.
Delikado slowly lowers his hand from Shannon’s chin and turns to exit the car. He rubs a scar on his neck as he nods to Shannon, who turns the key and drives away into the approaching dusk. Delikado walks down the street to the storage unit that Cindy spoke of. He takes the key and inserts it into the padlock. The lock comes off and Delikado lifts up the door to the unit. He steps inside and a light powers on overhead. Before Delikado, shining and standing imposingly large is the following:
Delikado grins in admiration of this beastly equipment. He walks alongside it and glides his hand along its surface before stopping in front of it and tilting his head back.
Delikado: Oh yeah, you’ll do just fine…
The camera pulls back and cuts sharply to black...
The Carnival
Present Day
Delikado walks into the room dressed in a spiffy new outfit that looks remotely similar to that worn by the Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. He goes over to Ariel Hassle, who’s busy making her morning eggs benedict. The Cuban notices the eggs and grins.
Boss Delikado: Heh, Delikado would like his eggs scrambled if you don’t mind. This way he can know the sensation of being scrambled like Legion and Dan White are gonna feel Sunday! Bah-boom!
He punctuates the trash talk with two vertical punches, but Ariel just keeps making her eggs.
Ariel Hassle: Okay.
Boss Delikado: Hey, that was funny! AND factual regarding how Delikado would like his breakfast.
Ariel: Not your best trash talk. You know, it’s not fool-proof material to hype yourself and degrade everyone else. Makes you into a Kanye douche.
Boss Delikado: Hey, that “Kayne douche” material is also capable of winning 21 Grammys, which in APW lingo means, like, 42 Undisputed titles! Man, Timmy the paperboy soiled himself when Delikado blasted him with my words, and Timmy’s Jewish, so he knows how to keep things prominent in media...
Ariel finishes her eggs and puts them on a plate. She wraps it up in plastic and inserts her breakfast into a lunchbox.
Ariel: Well I have to go to work. Sears can’t have horrible customer service if I’m not there to not be there. You have fun at the Ra-Ra.
Boss Delikado: Rasslemania? That’s the highlight of our year! You should have this time registered as a “vacation” day. That way you can watch me go make it rain the pain!
Ariel: Oh please, Deli, you’re “Dark Matching” it. That’s even lower than what the hipsters call “Curtain jerky” or whatever. Besides jumping around with that ugly lesbian and Dan White, you’ll probably just badger people before you get drunk and come home to sleep on the Pink Elephant ride.
Boss Delikado: Hey, this is the match that will change EVERYTHING! You watch. And for that matter, Delikado is SO much of a draw now that he’s pulled the carpet out and won that Meltdown thingy, there’s gonna be, like, twenty more people in that arena watching me fight Legion and White before the PPV starts! That’s popularity right there, so much so that earlier this week I had to shoot down a little girl’s “Make a Wish” foundation wish for my autograph, cuz I was so busy and stuff! It rocked the world like THIS!
Delikado flexes his muscles and pounds his fists together to demonstrate the apparent power his actions had, but Ariel takes a drink of water and starts to walk away without paying attention.
Boss Delikado: Ariel, you’re not watching. You’re missing the impact!
Delikado holds up his fists and stares at them.
Boss Delikado: For the love of God you bastards make even me impact in my shorts. Ariel, wait—
Delikado runs after Ariel as she begins to climb into a taxi that will take her from the carnival to work. She looks at him with a bored expression.
Ariel: What?
Boss Delikado: Are your guy friends envious at work of me?
Ariel: Deli, I’m going to be late.
Ariel slams the taxi door and the vehicle drives away, leaving Delikado alone and sad. Suddenly a puff of smoke appears on his shoulder and a tiny, ghostly image of US Revolutionary War general Horatio Gates appears.
Horatio Gates: Whoa. You can’t let her get away with that! Walking away on Da Bawse on the eve of battle. Chase after her with your cannon and go “COME BACK, BITCH!” Here, I’ll do part of it for you—*cupping hands over mouth*COME BACK, BITCH!! Oh, that didn’t work. Guess you needed the cannon to be paired with it first.
Boss Delikado: Screw her. Screw these bitches and eff their noise. They doubt just as APWdom doubts, but they don’t know. Theeeeey doooon’t knoooow, heh-heh-heh.
Horatio: Hmmm, I see. But maybe you should be proclaiming this to an audience that isn’t yourself standing on a used condom.
Boss Delikado: You’re right! White and Legion are too comfy in their quarters right now! It’s time Delikado ups the ante, takes the fight to them from a stage they couldn’t even DREAM of getting to!
Horatio: Go on…
Suddenly a crow swoops down and snatches Gates off Delikado’s shoulder, carrying him off someplace else.
Horatio: GO ON AHEAD! TAKE THAT, EVIL DEMON!
A punch is heard followed by the crow cawing in pain as Delikado smiles mischievously at his plan.
Vatican City, Rome
Announcer: His Holiness, Pope Francis!!!
The crowd goes nuts outside the Vatican as the recently crowned Pope of Rome appears on the balcony, making the sign of the cross before his children. Pope Francis leans forward to the microphone when Delikado appears behind him and grips the mic.
Boss Delikado: Sorry, Father, APW business trumps church business and also gets me past your guards apparently.
The Pope is stunned to speechlessness as Delikado grips the microphone and walks to the edge of the balcony.
Boss Delikado: Oh people of APW who are watching me now, and to all those who are not aware of our brand but will be aware AND fans upon the completion of Delikado’s narrative. Delikado wishes you to pronounce himself to you as future head of the wrestling world. Oh it is a FACT! For you see with Rasslemania’s approach, the dream is about to come alive! Delikado is FINALLY about to take back the world which seems to have forgone his amazingness in favor of so many others, so many LOSERS! It is time to strike back, and know that Delikado will let nothing cease his progress forward!
Delikado holds up his hands and counts on his fingers.
Boss Delikado: I won the Meltdown Battle Royal, unhalted by its competitors and unhindered by the fact that it was on an inferior brand! That guarantees a match that has been decades in the making despite my APW career being only one single year thus far! But before that, I defeated the Welshmen you all know and damn in your daily prayers. The Legion of PIT-I-FULness has been subsided and worn by your requests of Delikado, and now the man known as Legion is no more. Let us face it, he is GONE! Gone and forever overrated. No idea what anyone saw in him!
But here we are, the clock ticks overhead and you all buy your plane tickets to Toronto last minute, so that you may come and see ME, and all the NOT-Delikado’s under me, mold the realm of wrestling existence to our bidding! Cheer if you care!
One guy: Wooooooo!
Boss Delikado: Arrest that guy and…I dunno, burn him at the stake. You all still do that?
Same guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *sound of fire burning*
Boss Delikado: Heh, neat, you still do. But yes, the path is clear as Rasslemania’s bells ring and summon forth Da Bawse to do what he does best! Do not envision different and do not tremble in the propaganda spewed by Delikado’s particularly loudmouth adversary Dan White, for all he might of said—of which I have not listened, for Delikado does not listen to COWARDS—is wrong! Incorrect and very, VERY wrong! It just comes with his nature of FAIL! For this Rasslemania is MY Rasslemania! Last year’s unfortunate time warp robbed it from me before, but this time I have time all tied up in the basement of eternity, to be MINE to do with as I please! LIKE A BAWSE!
A dramatic montage ensues of various shots of Delikado as he speaks on the balcony, combined with the emotionless faces of everyone in the crowd watching him, to the Pope taking a few notes himself on how to deliver epic speeches.
Boss Delikado: Delikado has FINALLY come to grips with the destiny he was born to take hold of! It is not to forever slay dragons and humiliate the legions, but to command them and mold them and leads them MYSELF! The wrestling God looks down upon Delikado and blesses the road ahead. He merely shakes his head and sends a stand-in to serve any aid to White or Legion, and it is a fitting fate, for they cannot match my swagger! Your congregation will sing forever of Delikado’s actions in Toronto. This match will be looked back on one day as the cornerstone of Delikado’s APW, and not because its competitors were name-valued prizes, but because they represented ideals that are of old and wrong days! This match, Delikado predicts, will come down to Dan White and himself, for Legion is too brittle and too annoying for us to acknowledge. In addition, Dan and Delikado are bound together by Dan’s doom, courtesy of my deliverance. He avoided Delikado once to drink, to drown out his fears. FEARS OF ME! But behold, good people, that Delikado will not allow him to run this time.
No…if he tries to run, tries to fight me off rather than fight WITH me, then Delikado will break him! The APW may lose a brother or two, but you can take comfort in knowing the APW will secure its grandest future EVAR! GOOD-NIGHT!
Delikado makes a half-assed cross sign and runs as we cut to black on this horrible scene…[/font][/size]
Waiter: Your coffee, sir.
We fade in to a bird’s eye view of the coffee cup, staring straight down into the liquid. A cap is heard popping off, and a second liquid is poured from an alcohol canteen into the coffee. A spoon then goes into the coffee and is used stir it together with this new liquid. A middle-aged Cuban glances over at the strange ritual but says nothing. We return to the coffee cup as a pair of hands grasps it on both sides. A vigorous sound is heard moments later when one hand goes off-screen, and a baggie is heard opening. Moments later, a solid white powdery substance is dumped into the coffee, only this element is allowed to rest atop the coffee like some sort of odd decoration. Let’s just say it ain’t sugar.
Waiter: Whoa, mang, you coulda told me if you wanted your coffee with a little extra, haha.
The hand lifts up the coffee cup, revealing the man to be…
Delikado: Meh. I like to add the touches myself.
Waiter: I gotcha, mang of his own ways. I can dig it.
Delikado lifts up the coffee and sips from it. The slightly dark diner around him is quiet, relatively deserted, and less than high-profile. In fact, some people might call it a slum.
Waiter: So you going to watch the fight tomorrow?
Delikado: What fight?
Waiter: That “Action Packed Wrestling” fight. I saw the band you’re wearing, reckoned you were a fan.
Delikado glances down at his wrist, and we see a dark red band around his skinny wrist that displays the APW logo. The Cuban slowly pulls his coat sleeve over the band to hide it from sight.
Delikado: Nah. It’s just a gift. Wrestling’s not really my thing.
Waiter: Shame. I love that shit, mang! The lights, the action, all the trash talk! Takes some badass people to work in that business, if you ask me. Hell even if you don’t follow it hype-wise, watching two guys mouth off and then pummel each other into mincemeat is surprisingly therapeutic. And around here, this dump, that’s always a positive to clear the mind. I’d say check it out if you ever got free time on your hands.
Delikado: You got it, “Bawse.”
Delikado continues sipping at his coffee as he sits arched over at the bar. Suddenly a heavyset man walks by, accidentally bumping Delikado and causing some of his coffee to splash on his hand. The Cuban turns an annoyed head over his shoulder as the fatman turns around.
Man: Sorry bout--heeeey, Hector! Sitting around drinking coffee as always I see.
Delikado: Hola, Mr. Pumpernickel.
Pumpernickel pats a large hand on Delikado’s back and grins through his red face.
Mr. Pumpernickel: Hey, Gomez, watch this guy. He has a nasty habit of taking up all your stuff and uses all of your resources without giving back, ain’t that right, Hector, bwhahahaha!
Delikado bites his lip behind his heavy beard but says nothing as the waiter smirks.
Pumpernickel: Nah he’s a stand-up guy. And by “stand-up guy”, I mean he’s a guy who stands around and does nothing all day! Bwhahahahaha! Ahh, anyway, Hector, I gotta go. There’s this broad I’m trying to bang and stuff. See ya at the factory on Monday! Don’t be late again, huh, hahahahah!
The fat man hammers Delikado’s back with his heavy palm again before hobbling out of the diner. The waiter idly cleans the forever dirty bar countertop as Delikado sips at his coffee bitterly.
Waiter: Know him?
Delikado: He’s my boss at the shoe factory.
Waiter: Ah. He seems friendly.
Delikado: Yup…
Laughter is heard as a group of Cuban teens pass by the window of the diner, likely off for some adventure that douchebag teenagers generally get into. The waiter snickers and turns to Delikado with a friendly expression.
Waiter: Everybody’s having fun tonight but us it seems. Got any plans this evening?
A ring is heard, and Delikado pulls out his cellphone. He looks at the name and number and puts the phone back in his pocket.
Delikado: Work. Right now actually.
Delikado downs the last of his coffee and then reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a fifty and casually tosses it onto the counter next to his cup.
Waiter: Hold on, I’ll get you your ch—
Delikado: Keep it.
Delikado walks out of the diner as the stunned waiter picks up the fifty and looks at it. He turns back to the kitchen and yells.
Waiter: Mama! You can put away the dead baby horses for the stew; we’re closing up and going out to party!
Mama: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Outside the diner, Delikado goes around to a beaten up 1960s Chevrolet. He climbs into the passenger seat and comes face to face with an eyepatch-wearing Cindy Shannon. Both are silent at first before Shannon breaks the ice by offering Delikado a cigar.
Cindy Shannon: Want one?
Delikado: No, I’m trying to quit.
Delikado pulls out a menthol cigarette and lights it instead. He picks at his greyed beard for a few moments before then handing off a recording device to Shannon. She takes it and pockets it in her coat. Shannon then hands Delikado a single key.
Shannon: It’s in the storage unit down the block. Block 4E. Be safe with it, Deli. Well…safe as you can be. The bosses will only cover so many damages.
Delikado: I’ll use it once and send it right back with the wrapping. So, uhh, is it a stick shift, electronic, what?
Shannon: It’s like “Dance Dance Revolution”. There’ll be a tutorial if you need it.
Delikado nods, puts out his menthol in the ashtray, and starts to leave the car when Shannon grabs his arm.
Shannon: Delikado…
Delikado looks back and Cindy passionately kisses him on the lips. After a few moments they part lips and the interviewer looks at him sadly.
Shannon: What happened?
Delikado: Rasslemania IX happened, Shannon.
Initially grim-faced, Delikado gently strokes Cindy’s chin and exhales heavily. A worn-out look crosses his wrinkled features and turns into a small grin.
Shannon: Will you come back when it’s all over? For good? The APW could use you, Deli.
Delikado slowly lowers his hand from Shannon’s chin and turns to exit the car. He rubs a scar on his neck as he nods to Shannon, who turns the key and drives away into the approaching dusk. Delikado walks down the street to the storage unit that Cindy spoke of. He takes the key and inserts it into the padlock. The lock comes off and Delikado lifts up the door to the unit. He steps inside and a light powers on overhead. Before Delikado, shining and standing imposingly large is the following:
Delikado grins in admiration of this beastly equipment. He walks alongside it and glides his hand along its surface before stopping in front of it and tilting his head back.
Delikado: Oh yeah, you’ll do just fine…
The camera pulls back and cuts sharply to black...
Some-Kinda-Something-Productions presents
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Episode 39- "The Closing Shenanigans"
The Carnival
Present Day
Delikado walks into the room dressed in a spiffy new outfit that looks remotely similar to that worn by the Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. He goes over to Ariel Hassle, who’s busy making her morning eggs benedict. The Cuban notices the eggs and grins.
Boss Delikado: Heh, Delikado would like his eggs scrambled if you don’t mind. This way he can know the sensation of being scrambled like Legion and Dan White are gonna feel Sunday! Bah-boom!
He punctuates the trash talk with two vertical punches, but Ariel just keeps making her eggs.
Ariel Hassle: Okay.
Boss Delikado: Hey, that was funny! AND factual regarding how Delikado would like his breakfast.
Ariel: Not your best trash talk. You know, it’s not fool-proof material to hype yourself and degrade everyone else. Makes you into a Kanye douche.
Boss Delikado: Hey, that “Kayne douche” material is also capable of winning 21 Grammys, which in APW lingo means, like, 42 Undisputed titles! Man, Timmy the paperboy soiled himself when Delikado blasted him with my words, and Timmy’s Jewish, so he knows how to keep things prominent in media...
Ariel finishes her eggs and puts them on a plate. She wraps it up in plastic and inserts her breakfast into a lunchbox.
Ariel: Well I have to go to work. Sears can’t have horrible customer service if I’m not there to not be there. You have fun at the Ra-Ra.
Boss Delikado: Rasslemania? That’s the highlight of our year! You should have this time registered as a “vacation” day. That way you can watch me go make it rain the pain!
Ariel: Oh please, Deli, you’re “Dark Matching” it. That’s even lower than what the hipsters call “Curtain jerky” or whatever. Besides jumping around with that ugly lesbian and Dan White, you’ll probably just badger people before you get drunk and come home to sleep on the Pink Elephant ride.
Boss Delikado: Hey, this is the match that will change EVERYTHING! You watch. And for that matter, Delikado is SO much of a draw now that he’s pulled the carpet out and won that Meltdown thingy, there’s gonna be, like, twenty more people in that arena watching me fight Legion and White before the PPV starts! That’s popularity right there, so much so that earlier this week I had to shoot down a little girl’s “Make a Wish” foundation wish for my autograph, cuz I was so busy and stuff! It rocked the world like THIS!
Delikado flexes his muscles and pounds his fists together to demonstrate the apparent power his actions had, but Ariel takes a drink of water and starts to walk away without paying attention.
Boss Delikado: Ariel, you’re not watching. You’re missing the impact!
Delikado holds up his fists and stares at them.
Boss Delikado: For the love of God you bastards make even me impact in my shorts. Ariel, wait—
Delikado runs after Ariel as she begins to climb into a taxi that will take her from the carnival to work. She looks at him with a bored expression.
Ariel: What?
Boss Delikado: Are your guy friends envious at work of me?
Ariel: Deli, I’m going to be late.
Ariel slams the taxi door and the vehicle drives away, leaving Delikado alone and sad. Suddenly a puff of smoke appears on his shoulder and a tiny, ghostly image of US Revolutionary War general Horatio Gates appears.
Horatio Gates: Whoa. You can’t let her get away with that! Walking away on Da Bawse on the eve of battle. Chase after her with your cannon and go “COME BACK, BITCH!” Here, I’ll do part of it for you—*cupping hands over mouth*COME BACK, BITCH!! Oh, that didn’t work. Guess you needed the cannon to be paired with it first.
Boss Delikado: Screw her. Screw these bitches and eff their noise. They doubt just as APWdom doubts, but they don’t know. Theeeeey doooon’t knoooow, heh-heh-heh.
Horatio: Hmmm, I see. But maybe you should be proclaiming this to an audience that isn’t yourself standing on a used condom.
Boss Delikado: You’re right! White and Legion are too comfy in their quarters right now! It’s time Delikado ups the ante, takes the fight to them from a stage they couldn’t even DREAM of getting to!
Horatio: Go on…
Suddenly a crow swoops down and snatches Gates off Delikado’s shoulder, carrying him off someplace else.
Horatio: GO ON AHEAD! TAKE THAT, EVIL DEMON!
A punch is heard followed by the crow cawing in pain as Delikado smiles mischievously at his plan.
(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)
Vatican City, Rome
Announcer: His Holiness, Pope Francis!!!
The crowd goes nuts outside the Vatican as the recently crowned Pope of Rome appears on the balcony, making the sign of the cross before his children. Pope Francis leans forward to the microphone when Delikado appears behind him and grips the mic.
Boss Delikado: Sorry, Father, APW business trumps church business and also gets me past your guards apparently.
The Pope is stunned to speechlessness as Delikado grips the microphone and walks to the edge of the balcony.
Boss Delikado: Oh people of APW who are watching me now, and to all those who are not aware of our brand but will be aware AND fans upon the completion of Delikado’s narrative. Delikado wishes you to pronounce himself to you as future head of the wrestling world. Oh it is a FACT! For you see with Rasslemania’s approach, the dream is about to come alive! Delikado is FINALLY about to take back the world which seems to have forgone his amazingness in favor of so many others, so many LOSERS! It is time to strike back, and know that Delikado will let nothing cease his progress forward!
Delikado holds up his hands and counts on his fingers.
Boss Delikado: I won the Meltdown Battle Royal, unhalted by its competitors and unhindered by the fact that it was on an inferior brand! That guarantees a match that has been decades in the making despite my APW career being only one single year thus far! But before that, I defeated the Welshmen you all know and damn in your daily prayers. The Legion of PIT-I-FULness has been subsided and worn by your requests of Delikado, and now the man known as Legion is no more. Let us face it, he is GONE! Gone and forever overrated. No idea what anyone saw in him!
But here we are, the clock ticks overhead and you all buy your plane tickets to Toronto last minute, so that you may come and see ME, and all the NOT-Delikado’s under me, mold the realm of wrestling existence to our bidding! Cheer if you care!
One guy: Wooooooo!
Boss Delikado: Arrest that guy and…I dunno, burn him at the stake. You all still do that?
Same guy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *sound of fire burning*
Boss Delikado: Heh, neat, you still do. But yes, the path is clear as Rasslemania’s bells ring and summon forth Da Bawse to do what he does best! Do not envision different and do not tremble in the propaganda spewed by Delikado’s particularly loudmouth adversary Dan White, for all he might of said—of which I have not listened, for Delikado does not listen to COWARDS—is wrong! Incorrect and very, VERY wrong! It just comes with his nature of FAIL! For this Rasslemania is MY Rasslemania! Last year’s unfortunate time warp robbed it from me before, but this time I have time all tied up in the basement of eternity, to be MINE to do with as I please! LIKE A BAWSE!
A dramatic montage ensues of various shots of Delikado as he speaks on the balcony, combined with the emotionless faces of everyone in the crowd watching him, to the Pope taking a few notes himself on how to deliver epic speeches.
Boss Delikado: Delikado has FINALLY come to grips with the destiny he was born to take hold of! It is not to forever slay dragons and humiliate the legions, but to command them and mold them and leads them MYSELF! The wrestling God looks down upon Delikado and blesses the road ahead. He merely shakes his head and sends a stand-in to serve any aid to White or Legion, and it is a fitting fate, for they cannot match my swagger! Your congregation will sing forever of Delikado’s actions in Toronto. This match will be looked back on one day as the cornerstone of Delikado’s APW, and not because its competitors were name-valued prizes, but because they represented ideals that are of old and wrong days! This match, Delikado predicts, will come down to Dan White and himself, for Legion is too brittle and too annoying for us to acknowledge. In addition, Dan and Delikado are bound together by Dan’s doom, courtesy of my deliverance. He avoided Delikado once to drink, to drown out his fears. FEARS OF ME! But behold, good people, that Delikado will not allow him to run this time.
No…if he tries to run, tries to fight me off rather than fight WITH me, then Delikado will break him! The APW may lose a brother or two, but you can take comfort in knowing the APW will secure its grandest future EVAR! GOOD-NIGHT!
Delikado makes a half-assed cross sign and runs as we cut to black on this horrible scene…[/font][/size]
