Post by Jake Titan on Apr 2, 2013 14:27:45 GMT -4
Jake Titan stands alone in the ring, early one morning at a APW House Show. There isn't a soul around. But he's sitting in the ring, in a chair and looking at a banner reading "RASSLEMANIA IX"
The APW's Original Gangsta: Jake Titat had a serious look to his face for whatever he's about to say. "Rasslemania IX, da day I dropped da biggest humanly possible ball. dat night I had one t'in' to do, not screw it up. What I do? I dropped da ball. Dat's what I did. Mayne, dat shit's still fresh in my mind. I went from beating that stupid whi'e boy to what? I draw then a loss?"
A loud sigh echoed in the empty area, Jake simply leaned back and stared at RASSLEMANIA IX. His fingers are interlocked around the back of his head. Still, his eyes were fixated on the RASSLEMANIA IX banner. It's almost as if his life is tied to it.
"Mayne, so much shit dat don't sit right wit' me. First that bitch Level One squeezes out of the Meltdown Invitation because he's an A-Lister. Dat's horse shit dat he could do dat. I ain't she shit in dat beaner but den again my eyes ain't no talent scout eyes. Maybe there is something semi-interesting about dat turd but I ain't seen it. He's just a quitta and I don't respect him. I'd make him do a month on Meltdown for being like "Oh it's the C-Show. It's below me, I don't NEED to waste my time wit' it." Fuck him and his GM since he ain't gonna do shit but pat Level One on da back." Then Jake leaned further back in his chair while he lightly tapped his foot in the ring.
"A'ight, I admit I fucked up at Rasslemania. But Leon didn't do any better against Christian Kane and that other guy... what was his name. Jake looked upwards, his eyes closed and obvioulsly thinking. What was the real name of Tuhoa Valo? "Dan Quayle! That was his name. Christian Kane and his tag team partner Dan Quayle who just wore a Sting mask to get into the ring.
One could thing: What is Jake Titan smoking and where can I buy me an ounce? Cearly he's in the right state of mind. But what isn't right is the fact that Jake couldn't remember the real identity of the man who beat the Natural Born Killaz back on February 24, 2013 in Los Angelas, California. Instead he thought of former Vice President Dan "Potatoe" Quayle and assumed it was right.
"Sure I got pinned at Rasslemania and by all people, I was pinned by Johnny Knoxville's gay illegitimate brother Tommy. I wasn't on top of my game because of an unwise choice, a'ight? Bump dat, now Tom is also APW North American Championship? Ain't dat rich. Wouldn't it be coo' if Tommy won the North American Championship and Tag Team Championship? Be da American Dream, a'ight?" Jake then stood up and pointed and pointed to a poorly photoshopped picture of Tommy Knoxville holding both the North American Championship and Tag Team Championships.
He stood there for several minutes looking at that picture. Arms crossed, head slightly tilted sideways, clearly Jake was having difficulty seeing the real thing. "I ain't able to see it. Leon, dawg, I know I fucked up but your bitch ass tapped out to ma' fuckin' Dan Quayle, don't be layin' yo' fuck ups on me, you tight assed Canadian snob. You tapped out, all you had ta do was wait a bit longa and you ended up punkin' out because yous a bitch.
"I but dis isn't da end of the Natural Born Killaz, a'ight? Unlike you, I ain't quittin' cause da t'ing are gettin' harda. If da American's lazy ass is gunna put dis much work up, yo' ass betta be ready fo' mo' Leon. Don't quit cause I fucked up just like you. So hang in there, a'ight?" Now Jake turned to the camera.
"So dat brings me to yo' asses, Redneck Boyz: Buckson Gooch and Tommy Knoxville. So a'ight, get dis, I admit I fucked up at Rasslemania IX and didn't give you guys everything I had 'n' dat don't sit right wit' me. I've already sent it to the higha ups 'n' I ain't sure if it got looked at even. Dat's why I'm throwing out one last challenge to you two, assholes. I don't care if da Tag Team Championship is on da line. 'Cause we know dat even if you do win da titles, it'll only me a matta of time before we met up again and take the titles. So if if you want to delay da... Suddenly, a hand of Jake's reached into his pocket and he pulled out a letter he wrote. Clearly he's been rehearsing and practicing what he wants to say. "In...evit....able... dat inevitable or we can settle this fo' sure to get it outta da way now. Da Natural Born Killaz and yo' punk asses one last time. Delay da inevitable for when we meet up again or put the #1 contendership on da line. I ain't picky so do I leave da ball in yo' court Tommy 'n' Gooch.
Then Jake began to walk away. However he stopped in middle of his stride, turned around and walked back to the camera. "Oh and incase I forgot, I wanna give a one last "fuck you in your tight little ass, go home and get fucked by your mother and have a retarded ass kid dat's smarter than yo' ass" fuck you to Christian Kane, Kaylyn James Evans, and Aubrey James Parker. All of you are buncha spine little testicles. Yeah, I called you da right term because pussies can take a beating, ain't either of you three or Level One able to take a beating. If I had to rate who can, Level One is the only cock sucka who can back up his puppy dog ass wit' a hippopotamus like bite.
"Christian Kane, yo' pansy ass ran off and flaked out. You fuckin' sissy nancy you. Go run away and hide from Jake Titan and Leon Roberts because your just waste of our time and a waste of my valuable air. Aurbey James Parker, I ain't got shit to say to you now. You lost the only thing that made you interesting in this company. Even your less than spectacular body doesn't make a tarnished turd like you shit. Quit while yo' ahead and became a Librarian because you're ugly enough to beat one. Kaylyn James I still remember you helpin' out your needle dicked boyfriend from gettin' his shit ruined by Buckson Gooch. It's cool you're wearing the pants in that relationship. But ain't none of you shit.
"Tommy Knoxville answer my call if you have a fuckin' spine you little shit. Put that Tag Team #1 contendership on da or not because the Natural Born Killaz are better than you and Gooch any day of the week hands down. We ain't afraid of showin' it either!" Jake shoves the camera down and exited the ring.
The APW's Original Gangsta: Jake Titat had a serious look to his face for whatever he's about to say. "Rasslemania IX, da day I dropped da biggest humanly possible ball. dat night I had one t'in' to do, not screw it up. What I do? I dropped da ball. Dat's what I did. Mayne, dat shit's still fresh in my mind. I went from beating that stupid whi'e boy to what? I draw then a loss?"
A loud sigh echoed in the empty area, Jake simply leaned back and stared at RASSLEMANIA IX. His fingers are interlocked around the back of his head. Still, his eyes were fixated on the RASSLEMANIA IX banner. It's almost as if his life is tied to it.
"Mayne, so much shit dat don't sit right wit' me. First that bitch Level One squeezes out of the Meltdown Invitation because he's an A-Lister. Dat's horse shit dat he could do dat. I ain't she shit in dat beaner but den again my eyes ain't no talent scout eyes. Maybe there is something semi-interesting about dat turd but I ain't seen it. He's just a quitta and I don't respect him. I'd make him do a month on Meltdown for being like "Oh it's the C-Show. It's below me, I don't NEED to waste my time wit' it." Fuck him and his GM since he ain't gonna do shit but pat Level One on da back." Then Jake leaned further back in his chair while he lightly tapped his foot in the ring.
"A'ight, I admit I fucked up at Rasslemania. But Leon didn't do any better against Christian Kane and that other guy... what was his name. Jake looked upwards, his eyes closed and obvioulsly thinking. What was the real name of Tuhoa Valo? "Dan Quayle! That was his name. Christian Kane and his tag team partner Dan Quayle who just wore a Sting mask to get into the ring.
One could thing: What is Jake Titan smoking and where can I buy me an ounce? Cearly he's in the right state of mind. But what isn't right is the fact that Jake couldn't remember the real identity of the man who beat the Natural Born Killaz back on February 24, 2013 in Los Angelas, California. Instead he thought of former Vice President Dan "Potatoe" Quayle and assumed it was right.
"Sure I got pinned at Rasslemania and by all people, I was pinned by Johnny Knoxville's gay illegitimate brother Tommy. I wasn't on top of my game because of an unwise choice, a'ight? Bump dat, now Tom is also APW North American Championship? Ain't dat rich. Wouldn't it be coo' if Tommy won the North American Championship and Tag Team Championship? Be da American Dream, a'ight?" Jake then stood up and pointed and pointed to a poorly photoshopped picture of Tommy Knoxville holding both the North American Championship and Tag Team Championships.
He stood there for several minutes looking at that picture. Arms crossed, head slightly tilted sideways, clearly Jake was having difficulty seeing the real thing. "I ain't able to see it. Leon, dawg, I know I fucked up but your bitch ass tapped out to ma' fuckin' Dan Quayle, don't be layin' yo' fuck ups on me, you tight assed Canadian snob. You tapped out, all you had ta do was wait a bit longa and you ended up punkin' out because yous a bitch.
"I but dis isn't da end of the Natural Born Killaz, a'ight? Unlike you, I ain't quittin' cause da t'ing are gettin' harda. If da American's lazy ass is gunna put dis much work up, yo' ass betta be ready fo' mo' Leon. Don't quit cause I fucked up just like you. So hang in there, a'ight?" Now Jake turned to the camera.
"So dat brings me to yo' asses, Redneck Boyz: Buckson Gooch and Tommy Knoxville. So a'ight, get dis, I admit I fucked up at Rasslemania IX and didn't give you guys everything I had 'n' dat don't sit right wit' me. I've already sent it to the higha ups 'n' I ain't sure if it got looked at even. Dat's why I'm throwing out one last challenge to you two, assholes. I don't care if da Tag Team Championship is on da line. 'Cause we know dat even if you do win da titles, it'll only me a matta of time before we met up again and take the titles. So if if you want to delay da... Suddenly, a hand of Jake's reached into his pocket and he pulled out a letter he wrote. Clearly he's been rehearsing and practicing what he wants to say. "In...evit....able... dat inevitable or we can settle this fo' sure to get it outta da way now. Da Natural Born Killaz and yo' punk asses one last time. Delay da inevitable for when we meet up again or put the #1 contendership on da line. I ain't picky so do I leave da ball in yo' court Tommy 'n' Gooch.
Then Jake began to walk away. However he stopped in middle of his stride, turned around and walked back to the camera. "Oh and incase I forgot, I wanna give a one last "fuck you in your tight little ass, go home and get fucked by your mother and have a retarded ass kid dat's smarter than yo' ass" fuck you to Christian Kane, Kaylyn James Evans, and Aubrey James Parker. All of you are buncha spine little testicles. Yeah, I called you da right term because pussies can take a beating, ain't either of you three or Level One able to take a beating. If I had to rate who can, Level One is the only cock sucka who can back up his puppy dog ass wit' a hippopotamus like bite.
"Christian Kane, yo' pansy ass ran off and flaked out. You fuckin' sissy nancy you. Go run away and hide from Jake Titan and Leon Roberts because your just waste of our time and a waste of my valuable air. Aurbey James Parker, I ain't got shit to say to you now. You lost the only thing that made you interesting in this company. Even your less than spectacular body doesn't make a tarnished turd like you shit. Quit while yo' ahead and became a Librarian because you're ugly enough to beat one. Kaylyn James I still remember you helpin' out your needle dicked boyfriend from gettin' his shit ruined by Buckson Gooch. It's cool you're wearing the pants in that relationship. But ain't none of you shit.
"Tommy Knoxville answer my call if you have a fuckin' spine you little shit. Put that Tag Team #1 contendership on da or not because the Natural Born Killaz are better than you and Gooch any day of the week hands down. We ain't afraid of showin' it either!" Jake shoves the camera down and exited the ring.
