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Post by Michael Callahan on Apr 2, 2013 19:23:05 GMT -4
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Post by Jules on Apr 2, 2013 19:25:59 GMT -4
The prima donna title aside, I'll give this a read and give you some feedback. It may take me a couple of days because I've got a RP to finish for Iron King, and I probably need to finish my Rasslemania feedback sooner rather than later, but I will get around to it.
Also, you won't have to give me any return feedback. Just feedback another Meltdown show and that will satisfy me.
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Post by Jules on Apr 4, 2013 10:06:21 GMT -4
Okay, feedback as promised.
I’m not a big fan of long-winded intros, so I liked how succinct yours was and it didn’t really sacrifice any content, it told any new readers some key details about Callahan’s situation, the physical effects of his WHC success, and the enormity of his debut as a defending World Champion.
There is an absence of a clear and defined in the promo, which seems to be the way of 90% of Overdrive. I don’t see this as a hindrance of any sort, since you hit everything I want to see: you sold the match and your opponent excellently throughout the RP; you developed the importance of the match for Callahan and what he feels is at stake here. There is a sense build that every match on Overdrive will be career-defining for Callahan given the size and scale of his ‘mission’.
Dream sequences can be tricky, but you’ve carried it out with some plausibility with the psychoanalyst context, as well as feeding into the theme of Callahan’s neurosis. I liked the metaphor of the court, and it’s really building this idea that Callahan’s OD career could be ‘dead’ before it’s even given life if he cannot overcome Delikado.
I felt the first half of the RP was stronger than the second. What I would call the de-brief with Gray seemed to lack something for me. Maybe it’s a bit of unfamiliarity on my part with these characters, but I didn’t really see the role Gray is playing. He seemed a bit obtuse for an academic and a psychologist, but maybe that was the point (it’s a critique?). Also, when I first read the RP I felt it was doing more work for GI and Gray, than Callahan. But this is no bad thing because you brought the underlying point back to Callahan and the way in which he identifies and categories people in terms of his (Callahan’s) moral compass, which is sound enough since it relates back to the theme of Callahan consolidating his ‘mission’ on Overdrive.
Overall, it’s a good piece, well-written. It wasn’t my favourite RP of yours, but that doesn’t mean to say it was weak. I like that you haven’t simply reverted to the Overdrive formula, and you’ve written a scene, character, and dialogue driven RP can be produce as much match-related content as a straight shoot promo.
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Post by yarmouth1 on Apr 4, 2013 15:56:27 GMT -4
I'm not very good at feedback but will give it a crack anyway so here goes.
I liked the intro something in what I'm trying to implement into my role plays it tells you how hes feeling and what hes going to do, Going to the docs to get checked out before his match it all flowed so easily.
Not too keen on the match bit but you tell it well and mixes in with the next part the prison and then the court this was fun and god help anyone with jury!
Then after all that it was a dream for Callahan's sake phew, you then trash talk Delikado brilliantly with the DR.
All in all it was a very good role play in my eyes and am sure anyone who will give feed back will be me in depth than what I was.
Great job.
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